Ask Not What He Can Do For You

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day: "Ask Not What He Can Do For You"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: Ask Not What He Can Do For You
• Release Date: January 7, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with a caller named Jean, who seeks guidance following a recent divorce after a brief four-year marriage. As the most listened-to podcast in the Kids & Family and Parenting categories, Dr. Laura continues her tradition of offering no-nonsense advice grounded in ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility.

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First Interaction with Jean

At 00:31, Dr. Laura welcomes listeners and introduces Jean to the program.

Jean: "Hello Dr. Laura."
Dr. Laura: "Hi."

Jean begins by sharing her recent divorce, reflecting on her motivations for marriage and the subsequent dissolution of her four-year union.

Jean: "I didn't even want to get married. My real question is what do I need to learn or what do I need to do to..."
Dr. Laura: "Why did you marry him? Looking back."

Jean reveals that her marriage was primarily motivated by material security, emphasizing her desire for stability and someone to take care of her.

Jean: "Material security. Kind of very smart. Good job. Yeah. Emotion. Just security. And that kind of became what I've always been in my life."
Dr. Laura: "You want a husband to be maternal. I guess that can always be a disappointment right there."

Jean admits to preferring a maternal figure who would care for her, rather than taking responsibility herself.

Jean: "I'd rather have a maternal person taking care of me instead of me doing the job."
Dr. Laura: "Why did you leave?"
Jean: "I was so miserable... I felt trapped."

Jean explains that despite the absence of children, she felt confined in her marriage, particularly due to her husband's mental health struggles and an unsafe home environment.

Jean: "It really wasn't out of love. It was about the money and being taken care of... I don't want any more things."
Dr. Laura: "You didn't marry for the right reason."

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Dr. Laura’s Initial Advice

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and understanding the true reasons behind Jean's marriage and subsequent departure.

Dr. Laura: "All you have to do is sit down and do again what you just did with me and be honest about the choice you made... So you have a lot of thinking to do."

She underscores that Jean married out of convenience and material desire rather than love and personal connection.

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Mid-Episode Advertisements

The episode includes promotional segments for T-Mobile, MasterCard, Lola Blankets, and Life360. These sections are skipped in this summary as per the guidelines.

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Follow-Up Call: Three Weeks Later

At 07:37, Jean reconnects with Dr. Laura after three weeks of reflection.

Jean: "It's been three weeks... I've done a lot of thinking."
Dr. Laura: "Would you be so kind as to say what you had called about, what I talk to you about and then what you did and then we can update for today."

Jean provides an in-depth update on her introspection and realizations.

Jean: "I just really wasn't a good wife. I just was looking to be taken care of. And that's not cool. That's not right."

She acknowledges her dependency and lack of self-sufficiency, recognizing the need to take responsibility for her own well-being.

Dr. Laura: "No, no, no, no, no. That's pop psych mentality. I have to take care of myself. I have to love myself. No, not it. You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself."

Dr. Laura criticizes the "pop psych" approach of self-love without actionable steps, advocating instead for a philosophy inspired by John F. Kennedy's famous quote.

Dr. Laura: "Ask not what your husband can do for you. Ask what you can do for your husband."

She advises Jean to shift her focus from seeking what others can provide to what she can contribute, emphasizing qualities like compassion, gratitude, generosity, kindness, and tenderness.

Dr. Laura: "That's the direction to go in. Not loving yourself on all that nonsense."

Jean grapples with Dr. Laura's advice, initially feeling conflicted about taking care of herself independently.

Jean: "I am taking care of myself. What I'm doing is looking for men to... I guess going back in the womb part is what I didn't get."

Dr. Laura reinforces the idea that true care begins with oneself, dismissing Jean's notion of seeking maternal care from a partner.

Dr. Laura: "Right. Taken care of. That's the only time in our lives we are totally taken care of."
Jean: "That's not realistic now."

She concludes by encouraging Jean to continue her journey of self-improvement and to focus on what she can offer in future relationships.

Dr. Laura: "When you get close to every day, even a date, call me back after a date and tell me how you behaved. Like a good date."

Jean expresses gratitude for the guidance and acknowledges the positive impact of Dr. Laura's advice over her 30-year listening habit.

Jean: "Dr. Laura, you are amazing. I've learned a lot in three weeks."
Dr. Laura: "Thank you. I really appreciate you."

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura wraps up the episode by thanking Jean for her courage in sharing her story and reinforcing the importance of personal responsibility and self-improvement in fostering healthy relationships.

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Key Takeaways

1. Self-Reflection: Understanding the true motivations behind personal decisions is crucial for personal growth.
2. Personal Responsibility: Shifting focus from what others can provide to what one can contribute fosters healthier relationships.
3. Self-Sufficiency: Taking active steps to care for oneself is essential, rather than relying on others for emotional and material support.
4. Relationship Dynamics: Recognizing unhealthy dependency patterns can lead to more fulfilling and balanced partnerships.

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura (00:57): "You want a husband to be maternal. I guess that can always be a disappointment right there."
• Dr. Laura (03:27): "You didn't marry the man because you loved. You wanted to go back into the womb."
• Dr. Laura (09:20): "Ask not what your husband can do for you. Ask what you can do for your husband."
• Dr. Laura (10:54): "Sometimes the most painful part of getting sick is the getting better part."

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This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day serves as a profound exploration of personal responsibility in the context of relationships. Through Jean's journey, listeners are reminded of the importance of introspection, self-care, and the proactive role one must take in fostering meaningful and balanced connections.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jean welcome to the program.

[Jean]

Hello Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi.

[Jean]

Thank you for taking my call.

[Caller]

I recently divorced after just a very short time. Four year marriage. When I got married when I was 49, which I didn't even want to get married.

[Jean]

My real question.

[Caller]

My real. My real question is what do I need to learn or what do I need to do to.

[Dr. Laura]

I have no idea because I don't know anything about you and your background. You're asking me a question that would require intensive knowledge of you. But looking back, why did you marry him? Looking back.

[Caller]

Material security. Kind of very smart. Good job. Yeah. Emotion. Just security. And that kind of became what I've always been in my life. Even though on the outside I look like I really take care of myself. Well. But when it comes to like kind of I need someone, I'd rather have a maternal, maternal person taking care of me instead of me doing the job. I'd rather not do work to take care of myself.

[Dr. Laura]

You want a husband to be maternal. I guess that can always be a disappointment right there.

[Caller]

Yes. And I left. Yeah. And now I've got.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you.

[Caller]

On my own.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did you leave?

[Caller]

I was so miserable.

[Dr. Laura]

Why?

[Caller]

I felt trapped. We didn't have kids.

[Dr. Laura]

Trapped by what? No kids. That gave you more freedom. Why it did, I don't understand. You're going to have to explain to me. Feeling trapped.

[Caller]

Well, mental illness. The one thing on his side came later in life. And I'm. I'm a nurse. And I came home. Our house wasn't a very safe place. It's a. It's. It's kind of convoluted. And I can only tell you that I shouldn't have said yes at the beginning because it really wasn't out of love. It was about the money and being taken care of and I. Cars and fancy things. And after a while we had so much stuff. I said, I don't want any more things. Can we just.

[Jean]

He made.

[Caller]

I didn't really stand up for myself. I just became quiet. I don't know. So.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that's your list.

[Caller]

Maybe that help you. That's me.

[Dr. Laura]

That. No, it's gonna help you. That's your list.

[Caller]

Oh.

[Dr. Laura]

You didn't marry for the right reason.

[Caller]

Not to do. Yeah, pretty much what not to do.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And maybe not getting married at all. Now I'm 58. Why?

[Dr. Laura]

I'm not going to debate or argue that point with you. You wanted to know. And all you have to do is sit down and do again what you just did with me and be honest about the choice you made, how you treated him and whether it was wise to leave. So you have a lot of thinking to do. Just do thinking. Call me back in about a week or two after you've done thinking. Because you started doing a really good job here. You didn't marry the man because you loved. You wanted to go back into the womb. Guys are not good at being wombs. They have no experience. Oh, except they were in one once. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to lolablankets.com, use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you, my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself.

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[Jean]

Oh gosh. Dr. Laura, hello again.

[Dr. Laura]

Hello again.

[Jean]

It's been three weeks. A little over three weeks, but it was the first I could get back to. I've done a lot of thinking.

[Dr. Laura]

You okay? Well, for the people who didn't hear our first conversation, would you be so kind as to say what you had called about, what I talk to you about and then what you did and then we can update for today. Is that all right?

[Jean]

Yeah, that's good. So I called about I had not recently divorced. I left my husband three years ago, but I just now I'm kind of looking back at my part and how I really don't think I loved him and I married him maybe more for the most. The material security. Then when, basically when he wasn't meeting my needs, which you kind of said. It looks like you were looking to go back into the womb. And men don't have wounds. They came out of one. But like, I. I need. I guess I was looking for a mother and I don't want to do that anymore. I read it, I wrote a lot about it, and I think. And I looked at material things and security and didn't really care about who I had. I mean, I look back, I need to. I will be making an amend someday, but I just really wasn't a good wife. I just was looking to be taken care of. And that's not cool. That's not right. So anyway, what I thought about is I need to know how to take care of myself. I need to mother myself. And I'm 58 and my mother.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no, no, no, no. That's pop psych mentality. I have to take care of myself. I have to love myself. No, not it. You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. To me, to my mind, the correct thing is John F. Kennedy. Ask not what your husband can do for you. Ask what you can do for your husband. Focus on that. That's the direction to go in. Not loving yourself on all that nonsense. Yeah. No, you have to focus in on compassion and gratitude and generosity and kindness and tenderness. That's where the focus should be. In my never to be humble opinion.

[Jean]

It's definitely not humble. So, okay, then what I'm doing is backwards. What I need to be doing is okay. I can't take care of myself. Saying I don't is kind of crazy. So I am taking care of myself. What I'm doing is looking for men to. I guess going back in the womb part is what I didn't get. I'm going. Trying to find a womb to go back into.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. Taken care of. That's the only time in our lives we are totally taken care of. Totally.

[Jean]

Oh, okay. That's not realistic now. Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

No, not. There's not. Unless there's a sci fi movie that I don't know about.

[Jean]

Dr. Laura, you are amazing. I've learned a lot in three weeks. I. Believe me, I think I have it. I think I got it.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. So when you get close to every day, even a date, call me back after a date and tell me how you behaved. Like a good date. Anything focused on. Ask not what the date can do for you, ask what you can do for the date.

[Jean]

I will do that because I listen every day to you. I've learned so much for 30 years. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. I really appreciate you.

[Jean]

You make me laugh. You make me laugh.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. I like that, too. I think it's good therapy. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Platform.

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