Episode Summary: Be More Adorable and Watch the Change

The Dr. Laura Podcast, Dec 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Colleen

Main Theme

This episode centers on the subtle interpersonal dynamics within marriage, particularly how “adorableness”—affection, appreciation, and kindness—can defuse resentment and transform relationships. Dr. Laura responds to a caller’s concern about her husband’s persistent irritation, unpacks unspoken emotional signals, and advocates for proactive warmth in daily interactions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Call Context: A Small Conflict with Big Implications

• Caller Colleen recounts a recent incident: She asked her husband (who was doing dishes at his parents’ house) to move aside so she could wash her hands. He responded curtly:

  “Oh sure, I don't mind dropping everything I'm doing so that you can get in and do what you want to do.”
  (01:56)

• She wonders whether this is an overreaction or signals deeper issues, noting, “it's a pattern and that's why I'm asking.” (02:55)

Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Not Overreaction, But Resentment

• Dr. Laura zeroes in on two possible explanations:
  • If it’s a pattern, it’s not circumstance-based anxiety but ongoing resentment. (02:59–03:15)
  • Her husband feels unappreciated, especially since he’s doing something—washing dishes—not stereotypically considered a “man’s job”:

    “Most men don't think washing the dishes is their purview. And there he was, washing the dishes, and you wanted to inconvenience him rather than say, ‘Sweetie, thank you so much for doing the dishes,’ and you came up behind him and gave him a kiss in the neck and then said, ‘Can I wash my hands?’ It probably would have gone differently. So that sounds like a man who is frustrated and feels unappreciated.” (03:08–03:58)

The “Adorableness” Prescription

• Dr. Laura defines “adorable” behavior as:
  • Expressing gratitude
  • Offering physical affection
  • Framing requests in a warm, appreciative context
• She asserts most men respond far better to this than clinical, transactional requests:

  “Only one out of a thousand men, if you had walked in and said, aw, sweetie, thank you for doing the dishes...come and give him a kiss...and say, do you mind if I just put my hands under the water for a second? He won’t [react negatively].”
  (05:18–05:41)

Recognizing Patterns vs. One-Off Incidents

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between stress-induced reactions (e.g., caring for ill parents) and recurring patterns signaling “resentful personality styles.”
• She challenges Colleen to break the pattern by introducing more warmth and gratitude:

  “His personality style is to feel resentful. Yours is to not be adorable.”
  (04:41–05:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s actionable advice:

  “Be more adorable and watch.” (07:59)

  • She delivers this with an encouraging, confident tone, inviting the caller to observe transformational results through small behavioral shifts.

• Caller’s appreciation:

  “Seriously, thank you for that.” (08:04)

  • Shows the advice resonated and gave her a practical path forward.

• Dr. Laura’s concluding push:

  “It's not difficult to be adorable.” (08:06)

• Caller’s agreement:

  “No, that's sage advice.” (08:11)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:20–02:55] — Colleen describes the incident and reveals it’s a pattern
• [03:08–03:59] — Dr. Laura diagnoses the issue as resentment and lack of feeling appreciated
• [04:13–05:18] — Discussion of marital dynamics, personality styles, and emotional context
• [05:18–05:41] — The power of “adorable” behavior; specific example given
• [07:59–08:06] — Succinct advice from Dr. Laura; caller expresses gratitude

Additional Insights

• Dr. Laura links the situation to broader patterns she sees in relationships, referencing other listeners:

  “This is one letter on this subject, but I've got to tell you, I get many with this sort of thing, which just shows you how wimpy too many women are and tolerate crap.” (08:16)

• She emphasizes agency: women can often shift relationship patterns through warmth and appreciation rather than waiting for the partner to change first.

Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s core message: When partners seem short-tempered or resentful, especially in patterned ways, try responding with increased appreciation, gentle affection, and “adorableness.” Such small changes can yield significant positive shifts in relational dynamics—“be more adorable and watch the change.”

Listeners who want practical, direct marriage advice—especially about breaking subtle cycles of resentment—will find this episode particularly impactful.