Be More Adorable and Watch the Change

Summary

Episode Summary: Be More Adorable and Watch the Change

The Dr. Laura Podcast, Dec 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Colleen

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Main Theme

This episode centers on the subtle interpersonal dynamics within marriage, particularly how “adorableness”—affection, appreciation, and kindness—can defuse resentment and transform relationships. Dr. Laura responds to a caller’s concern about her husband’s persistent irritation, unpacks unspoken emotional signals, and advocates for proactive warmth in daily interactions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Call Context: A Small Conflict with Big Implications

• Caller Colleen recounts a recent incident: She asked her husband (who was doing dishes at his parents’ house) to move aside so she could wash her hands. He responded curtly:

  “Oh sure, I don't mind dropping everything I'm doing so that you can get in and do what you want to do.”
  (01:56)

• She wonders whether this is an overreaction or signals deeper issues, noting, “it's a pattern and that's why I'm asking.” (02:55)

Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Not Overreaction, But Resentment

• Dr. Laura zeroes in on two possible explanations:
  • If it’s a pattern, it’s not circumstance-based anxiety but ongoing resentment. (02:59–03:15)
  • Her husband feels unappreciated, especially since he’s doing something—washing dishes—not stereotypically considered a “man’s job”:

    “Most men don't think washing the dishes is their purview. And there he was, washing the dishes, and you wanted to inconvenience him rather than say, ‘Sweetie, thank you so much for doing the dishes,’ and you came up behind him and gave him a kiss in the neck and then said, ‘Can I wash my hands?’ It probably would have gone differently. So that sounds like a man who is frustrated and feels unappreciated.” (03:08–03:58)

The “Adorableness” Prescription

• Dr. Laura defines “adorable” behavior as:
  • Expressing gratitude
  • Offering physical affection
  • Framing requests in a warm, appreciative context
• She asserts most men respond far better to this than clinical, transactional requests:

  “Only one out of a thousand men, if you had walked in and said, aw, sweetie, thank you for doing the dishes...come and give him a kiss...and say, do you mind if I just put my hands under the water for a second? He won’t [react negatively].”
  (05:18–05:41)

Recognizing Patterns vs. One-Off Incidents

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between stress-induced reactions (e.g., caring for ill parents) and recurring patterns signaling “resentful personality styles.”
• She challenges Colleen to break the pattern by introducing more warmth and gratitude:

  “His personality style is to feel resentful. Yours is to not be adorable.”
  (04:41–05:15)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s actionable advice:

  “Be more adorable and watch.” (07:59)

  • She delivers this with an encouraging, confident tone, inviting the caller to observe transformational results through small behavioral shifts.

• Caller’s appreciation:

  “Seriously, thank you for that.” (08:04)

  • Shows the advice resonated and gave her a practical path forward.

• Dr. Laura’s concluding push:

  “It's not difficult to be adorable.” (08:06)

• Caller’s agreement:

  “No, that's sage advice.” (08:11)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:20–02:55] — Colleen describes the incident and reveals it’s a pattern
• [03:08–03:59] — Dr. Laura diagnoses the issue as resentment and lack of feeling appreciated
• [04:13–05:18] — Discussion of marital dynamics, personality styles, and emotional context
• [05:18–05:41] — The power of “adorable” behavior; specific example given
• [07:59–08:06] — Succinct advice from Dr. Laura; caller expresses gratitude

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Additional Insights

• Dr. Laura links the situation to broader patterns she sees in relationships, referencing other listeners:

  “This is one letter on this subject, but I've got to tell you, I get many with this sort of thing, which just shows you how wimpy too many women are and tolerate crap.” (08:16)

• She emphasizes agency: women can often shift relationship patterns through warmth and appreciation rather than waiting for the partner to change first.

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Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s core message: When partners seem short-tempered or resentful, especially in patterned ways, try responding with increased appreciation, gentle affection, and “adorableness.” Such small changes can yield significant positive shifts in relational dynamics—“be more adorable and watch the change.”

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Listeners who want practical, direct marriage advice—especially about breaking subtle cycles of resentment—will find this episode particularly impactful.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, brought to you by Vibriance Super C Serum, the skincare product I use twice a day. Visit vibrance.comdrlaura to to save 37% and get free shipping. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] my number 1-800-375-2872. Colleen welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura, thanks for taking my call. It's nice to get on the air following such happy music. I have a question about the reaction that my husband gave to me following what should have seemed, I think, like a fairly trivial thing. And it's irking me and I'm questioning the reaction if it's not something more.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller]

Okay. Short and sweet. I had been grocery shopping. I came in, my husband was doing some dishes and I said to him, and it is a two vessel sink. I said, hon, would you mind moving over just a smidge so I could wash my hands? And he said, oh sure, I don't mind dropping everything I'm doing so that you can get in and do what you want to do. I was a little surprised and taken back by that reaction. And in retrospect I could have and I probably should have gone into the bathroom to wash my hands so I didn't disturb him. But I was taken back by his response. And so I guess my question to you is, do you see that as an overreaction on his part?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Only if it's a pattern.

[Caller]

It's a pattern and that's why I'm asking.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well then it's a resentment that he's expressing.

[Caller]

Yes. Interesting.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The obvious, simple things out of my head is most men don't think washing the dishes is their purview. And there he was washing the dishes and you wanted to inconvenience him rather than say, sweetie, thank you so much for doing the dishes. And you came up behind him and gave him a kiss in the neck and then said, can I wash my hands? It probably would have gone differently. So that sounds like a man who is frustrated and feels unappreciated. And there he was doing this thing and you wanted to move him. So it's not an overreaction, like he's got anxiety. It's that, it's, it's a language.

[Caller]

Interesting. We happen to be up at his parents house because his mother is ailing and he was doing their dishes for him while I was going out and doing their grocery shopping for him for them.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sure you're trying to make a point that it wasn't in the house, it wasn't about me, but you said this is a pattern. He always behaves like this or typically or frequently. Once somebody tells me it's a pattern, then I have to look at what it means. So if it was just circumstance, than it would have been. He's upset about his parents. He's there trying to help. You did your thing of going shopping, but he's sitting there cleaning and dealing with the fact that it's his parents who are not doing well. And we could make a whole case for, you know, this was a reaction to his anxiety. But you say it's a pattern. So if he always behaves this way, then that didn't. Then this explanation I just gave doesn't hold. His personality style is to feel resentful. Yours is to not be adorable.

[Caller]

Fair enough.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because only one out of a thousand men, if you had walked in and said, aw, sweetie, thank you for doing the dishes. I don't care whose they were, thank you. I got the groceries and everything and come and give him a kiss. Idle up against him and say, do you mind if I just put my hands under the water for a second? He won't.

[Caller]

No, you're right.

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[Caller]

Okay, thank you for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So be more adorable and watch.

[Caller]

Seriously, thank you for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's not difficult. It's not difficult to be adorable?

[Caller]

No, that's sage advice.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, thank you.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Take care. Alrighty. This is one letter on this subject, but I've got to tell you, I get many with this sort of thing, which just shows you how wimpy too many women are and tolerate crap. All right, my number 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to DrLaura listeners like you.

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