Being an Imperfect Parent

Summary

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Podcast Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: “Being an Imperfect Parent”

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: January 29, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on the challenges and realities of being an “imperfect parent.” Dr. Laura Schlessinger emphasizes that no parent is perfect—parenting is an evolving relationship full of mistakes, learning, and repair. She reassures listeners that striving for perfection only leads to stress, misplaced guilt, and unrealistic expectations of both parents and children. Dr. Laura provides advice on accepting imperfection, managing self-criticism, repairing relationship missteps, and modeling accountability through genuine apologies.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Embracing Parental Imperfection

• Definition of parenting:
  “That’s the definition of a parent. An imperfect person taking care and raising another individual. Let’s be honest, nobody does it perfectly right.” — Dr. Laura (01:28)
• Parenting is inherently an imperfect process since both parent and child are growing and evolving simultaneously.
• Every child is a new relationship with unique needs and challenges (“every kid is different bag of nervous system issues”).

2. The Myth of Parental Perfection

• The expectation to be perfect makes parents hyper-sensitive to mistakes—both their own and their child’s.
• Perfectionist parents often panic or blame themselves when children struggle with normal developmental issues or behaviors:
  • “When a kid doesn't meet a developmental milestone on a precise timeline, when the toddler becomes a picky eater, or gives the teacher heck at school... this relentless pursuit of you to be perfect, unrealistic expectations, constant self-criticism and probably driving your kid crazy...” (03:00)
• The reality: Children’s problems are neither solely caused nor cured by “perfect parenting.”
• Making mistakes as a parent is inevitable; sometimes you may not even realize it at the time.

3. Learning, Repairing, and Growing Together

• Growth in the parent-child relationship depends on repairing the inevitable “boo boos.”
• Adopting flexibility, humility, and willingness to apologize is essential:
  • “You need to grow with each kid and repair each time there’s a boo boo.” (04:11)
• Learning to sit with discomfort and not becoming “a crazy person, very defensive” when things don’t go as planned is a crucial parenting skill.

4. Apologizing: The Right and Wrong Way

• What NOT to do: Apologies that shift blame are not genuine.
  • “I’m sorry I yelled, but you made me so angry. That’s not an apology because it places responsibility for the adult’s behavior onto the child. I’m sorry I yelled, but you made me so angry. No kid makes you yell. No spouse makes you yell. You make you yell.” — Dr. Laura (08:11)
• What to do instead:
  • Take responsibility for your own actions:
    “A more appropriate apology would sound something like: I yelled because I felt frustrated, and I’m sorry. I’m going to really try to handle my frustration in a better way. That’s the difference. Ownership without excuses. No false promises.” (09:00)
  • Open up a respectful, dialogue-based apology:
    “You can discuss this with your kids. I made a mistake when I [blank]. I appreciate that caused you confusion. Maybe even a little fear and definitely unhappiness... Why don’t you tell me which of those words applies…” (09:32)
• Doing this creates an environment of respect and models growth and maturity.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It can’t be perfect. So when a kid doesn’t meet a developmental milestone on a precise timeline…this relentless pursuit of you to be perfect, unrealistic expectations, constant self-criticism and probably driving your kid crazy…because it makes you feel like a failure.” (02:45)
• “Imperfection is natural and growth requires learning how to tolerate discomfort without shutting down or becoming a crazy person very defensive.” (04:29)
• “No kid makes you yell. No spouse makes you yell. You make you yell.” (08:19)
• “You want respect? You gotta earn it.” (09:55)

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Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|------------------------------------------------| | 01:28 | Defining parental imperfection | | 02:30 | The trap of perfectionism in parenting | | 04:03 | Growth and learning from mistakes | | 08:11 | The anatomy of an apology—what not to do | | 09:00 | Making a genuine, responsible apology | | 09:32 | Discussing your mistake openly with your child | | 09:55 | Earning respect as a parent |

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura speaks directly and candidly, combining empathy with tough love. Her tone is honest and validating, emphasizing real-life imperfection, personal responsibility, and the importance of fostering mutual respect within families.

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Summary for New Listeners

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger reassures parents everywhere that perfection is not possible or expected in raising children. She challenges the myth that perfect parenting leads to perfect children, highlights the normalcy of mistakes, and advocates for genuine repair and growth after missteps. Through practical advice and a strong philosophy of accountability, she offers parents permission to be human—and in doing so, models a path to healthier, more resilient family relationships.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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I want to talk to you about being an imperfect parent. That's the definition of a parent. An imperfect person taking care and raising another individual. Let's be honest, nobody does it perfectly right. You know what the main reason is? Because it's a relationship that unfolds in real time and every kid is a new relationship. So how can you be perfect at it? The kid's evolving, you're evolving. Those two things don't always mesh perfectly. And then every kid is different bag of nervous system issues. So there's stress and kids grow and change and there are missteps and you have to repair things. Now when you parents spend all your time going, oh, I have to be perfect, then you use any imperfection of your kid to get very upset. Because if you were a perfect parent, if you had done it perfectly right, if you had been a perfect, adequate, perfectly parent, then they wouldn't have any problems, physical or psychological. They wouldn't have any issues at school with friends, nothing. So the reality is it can't be perfect. So when a kid doesn't meet a developmental milestone on a precise timeline, when the toddler becomes a picky eater or gives the teacher heck at school. This relentless pursuit of you to be perfect, unrealistic expectations, constant self criticism and probably driving your kid crazy because you can't stand they're just going through normal stuff because it makes you feel like a failure. We're all going to make mistakes. Sometimes we don't even know we've made one because we don't see. Like if somebody says paint that red and I paint it purple, okay, I can clearly see the mistake.

Sometimes little things we say or do.

In any moment or week we don't appreciate the impact. Takes a while. So you need to grow with each kid and repair each time there's a boo boo. Imperfection is natural and growth requires learning how to tolerate discomfort without shutting down or becoming a crazy person. Very defensive. And when you mess up with your kids and realize listening to the program, reading something teacher told you, your spouse told you, your mom told you, and you need to make an apology.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Long apology Wrong is I'm sorry I yelled, but you made me so angry. That's not an apology because it places responsibility for the adult's behavior onto the child. I'm sorry I yelled, but you made me so angry. No kid makes you yell. No spouse makes you yell. You make you yell. Because the responsibility for.

How you respond.

To the feelings you have frustration leading to anger. That's on you. So a more appropriate apology would sound something like I yelled because I felt frustrated and I'm sorry. I'm going to really try to handle my frustration in a better way. That's the difference. Ownership without excuses. No false promises. And you can discuss this with your kids. I made a mistake when I said I made a mistake when I blank. I appreciate that caused you confusion. Maybe even a little fear and definitely unhappiness. Maybe even confusion. Why don't you tell me which of those words applies you know and you're having a discussion, you will get respect because you show growth, maturity and you function in a non defensive, non hysterical way. You want respect? You gotta earn it. My number 1-800-375-2872 if you like this.

Podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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