Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do
Date: September 5, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Natalie

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Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers her signature tough-love advice to Natalie, a 27-year-old woman who just left a seven-year relationship marked by verbal abuse and unreciprocated care. The call focuses on Natalie’s feelings of guilt and failure over her decision to break up and seek a fresh start, and Dr. Laura unpacks these emotions, reinforcing the importance of self-respect and personal accountability.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Natalie's Situation and Emotional State

• Natalie shares her story (01:01–01:50):

  • She left her boyfriend after seven years, feeling uncertain and guilty about the breakup.
  • Admits to having done “wifely duties” (like laundry) for him despite not being married.
  • Reveals the relationship included verbal abuse.
  • She’s now relocating to Daytona with her mother for a new start.

• Natalie’s feelings of guilt and failure (01:50–02:43):

  • Struggles with the sense that leaving was “failing.”
  • Feels bad for not ending things sooner and not blocking her ex immediately.

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2. Dr. Laura’s Analysis: What is Guilt?

• Defining guilt (02:12–03:14):

  • Dr. Laura challenges Natalie to identify what she’s done that is wrong, immoral, or unethical.

  • She emphasizes that guilt is reserved for when one has done something “immoral, illegal, unethical, or fattening.”

  • Memorable quote:

    “Is it immoral to leave somebody who’s not treating you well? Yes or no?”
    — Dr. Laura (03:14)

• Shifting the focus to true feelings (03:36–04:15):

  • Dr. Laura clarifies that what Natalie is feeling isn’t guilt but sadness, anger, and possibly regret over lost time.

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3. Moving Forward: Accountability and Support

• Affirmation of Natalie’s decision (04:16–04:57):

  • Dr. Laura congratulates Natalie for leaving and highlights that her age (27) means she has time to rebuild.

  • She compares Natalie’s situation to women who wait decades before making a change.

  • Notable moment:

    “You’re finally leaving. Staying was stupid.”
    — Dr. Laura (04:16)

• Encouragement and pride (08:04–08:48):

  • Dr. Laura reassures Natalie she has made the hard, right choice and should feel proud, not ashamed.

  • Direct affirmation:

    “I’m proud of you, Natalie. I’m proud of you that you made the difficult decision."
    — Dr. Laura (08:37)

• Advice for the future (08:49–09:35):

  • Dr. Laura instructs Natalie to focus on starting fresh, not to seek external validation, or dwell on the past.

  • Actionable advice:

    “Do not call any girlfriends to try to justify your decision. Don’t do that. That’s going backwards. And you don’t need their opinion. You had your own on Monday, and I’m so proud of that.”
    — Dr. Laura (09:21)

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4. Reframing Failure

• Addressing perceived failure (09:45–10:26):

  • Dr. Laura reframes Natalie’s breakup: leaving a relationship that was never viable isn’t failure.

  • Memorable metaphor:

    “You can’t talk about failure when something was impossible in the first place and he was not possible. So you can’t talk about failure if something was not possible in the first place.”
    — Dr. Laura (09:45)

  • Dr. Laura gives a humorous analogy to hammer home the point (The Ironman at age 78), emphasizing that attempting the impossible and not succeeding is not failure—it’s misguided effort.

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura:

  “Well, then guilt means you’ve done something immoral, illegal, unethical or fattening. So which one? Is it immoral to leave somebody who’s not treating you well?”
  (03:14)

• Dr. Laura:

  “You’re finally leaving. Staying was stupid.”
  (04:16)

• Dr. Laura:

  “I’m proud of you, Natalie. I’m proud of you that you made the difficult decision."
  (08:37)

• Dr. Laura:

  “You can’t talk about failure when something was impossible in the first place and he was not possible.”
  (09:45)

• Natalie:

  “So I needed to call you and have you hear you say it to me. You know. I know. I know.”
  (04:41)

• Dr. Laura:

  "The only thing you’re going to focus in on now is starting again with what you’ve learned, from him and from me and your mommy."
  (09:07)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:01] Natalie describes her relationship and feelings
• [02:12] Dr. Laura challenges the notion of guilt
• [03:14] Immorality of leaving an abusive relationship discussed
• [04:16] Dr. Laura affirms Natalie’s decision
• [08:37] Dr. Laura expresses her pride in Natalie
• [09:21] Practical advice about not seeking validation from friends
• [09:45] Discussion on why this isn’t failure
• [10:26] Dr. Laura uses personal analogy about Ironman race

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura’s signature mix of blunt directness and heartfelt encouragement is on full display this episode. She uses humor, tough-love, and concrete examples to push Natalie—and by extension, the audience—to drop destructive guilt, recognize their worth, and commit to positive action.

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Conclusion

This episode is a valuable listen for anyone grappling with breaking out of a toxic relationship. Dr. Laura’s advice cuts through self-doubt and unproductive guilt, replacing them with self-compassion, responsibility, and forward momentum. Her approach leaves Natalie, and listeners, empowered to let go of the past and focus on new beginnings.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Natalie, welcome to the program.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you? Good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How can I help you?

[Natalie (Caller)]

Natalie, I'm so nervous right now. I've been listening to you for a while. My mom, actually, she would always listen to you when I would listen in the background in the car, but thank you. So I boyfriend for about 7 years and I made the mistake of doing wifely duties for boyfriend. And he's been kind of, I guess, verbally abusive, stuff like that. And I decided to leave on Monday. I just packed my stuff and left. And I'm actually, I'm following my mom right now to Daytona just to start over. And I guess my question is I. I still kind of feel a little guilty, I guess, feeling like kind of a failure for leaving.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, explain. Explain what guilty means here. I don't know what guilty means. Not nice to you and you feel guilty for what? I missed that part.

[Natalie (Caller)]

So I. It's kind of stupid, but I would do laundry for him and. And stuff like that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't care about that. I'm asking you. He was not nice to you, didn't appreciate you, wasn't kind to you. I got that part. What do you feel guilty about? What did you do that was wrong or bad that you should feel guilty for? Just answer that. Nothing else.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Leaving.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. So anybody getting away from an abusive situation should feel they're doing something wrong.

[Natalie (Caller)]

I didn't block him right away.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Kind of told me, listen to me and go step by step with me. From what you said, you would tell any woman who's not being treated well to stay because leaving, she'd be doing something wrong.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Right?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is that correct?

[Natalie (Caller)]

Right. No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, well, make up Your mind. Is it correct to tell a woman that.

[Natalie (Caller)]

That leaving is wrong? No, that's not correct.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then guilt means you've done something immoral, illegal, unethical or fattening. So which one? Is it immoral to leave somebody who's not treating you well? Yes or no?

[Natalie (Caller)]

No. No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is it unreasonable to leave somebody who's not treating you well?

[Natalie (Caller)]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, so I'll tell you. Stop using the word guilty. That's ridiculous. I'll tell you what you really are feeling. You feel stupid, which you mentioned already. You feel bad. You feel that, oh, my God, I spent seven years of my life hoping this would get better, and it didn't. And I feel sad. I'm angry, I'm upset. I'm filled with a million feelings.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now take a breath. Let me hear a breath. You know what the intelligent part of this whole story is?

[Natalie (Caller)]

What?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're finally leaving. Staying was stupid. And don't tell me you've been listening to my show since you were teeny tiny and you stayed seven years with a guy who didn't treat you well. Because it makes me feel bad.

[Natalie (Caller)]

I know. My gosh.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What the hell, woman? I'm sitting here trying to save women, young women like you, and you're ignoring me? Holy hell.

[Natalie (Caller)]

So I needed to call you and have you hear you say it to me. You know. I know. I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The good news is you're 27.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're not 47. 57.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Natalie (Caller)]

You.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You pulled your act together, honey. I'm proud of you. Of course you feel bad. You're going to miss having, quote, a boyfriend. You're going to miss if the sex was any good. You're going to miss the times.

[Natalie (Caller)]

We haven't had sex in like a year, so.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, well, then we can. We can. We can check that one off, right?

[Natalie (Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If he's not giving you jollies, then let's drop. Kick him out of here. Absolutely.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Exactly. Yes. Yes. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm proud of you, Natalie. I'm proud of you that you made the difficult decision. I'm proud of you.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And we're not going to go backwards and talk about day before Monday. We're not going to talk about that. You're not going to talk about it. You're not going to think about it. The only thing you're Going to focus in on now is starting again.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Okay. Got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

With what you've learned, with everything you've learned from him and from me and your mommy.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Yeah. Okay. Got it, got it, got it, got it. Locked in.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do not call any girlfriends to try to justify your decision. Don't do that. That's going backwards. And you don't need their opinion. You had your own on Monday, and I'm so proud of that.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And one more thing I'd like to add. You can't talk about failure when something was impossible in the first place and he was not possible. So you can't talk about failure if something was not possible in the first place.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Wow. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Does that make sense to you? Think about it.

[Natalie (Caller)]

It does. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I mean, if I signed up for The Ironman at 78, at 5 foot 2 and 115 pounds, and I couldn't make it past the first five minutes, that's not a failure. That was a stupid thing to think about.

[Natalie (Caller)]

I hear it. That was. That was. That was powerful for sure.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. You understand now. You're doing great. Go see your mom.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I appreciate you. I'm gonna. I'm gonna listen and do now not just listen.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay? Yeah. Don't make me feel useless anymore.

[Natalie (Caller)]

Okay? You got it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. All right. My number. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction. Yeah.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So are you just going to watch me eat?

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