Can I Divorce My Daughter?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Can I Divorce My Daughter?
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 24, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode centers on a call from Stephanie, a mother grappling with a toxic relationship with her adult daughter following a history of family trauma. Stephanie seeks Dr. Laura's advice on whether she can "divorce" or disengage from her abusive daughter, particularly as her daughter is facing health issues. Dr. Laura offers her trademark direct, no-nonsense guidance, stressing personal boundaries, accountability, and the need to end cycles of emotional abuse within families.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background: Generational Trauma and Toxic Patterns

• Stephanie’s story (01:13–02:18):
  • Married for 20 years to a verbally abusive, bipolar man.
  • Since divorce, she’s worked on herself and asked forgiveness from her grown children for not protecting them.
  • Has a positive relationship with her son, but a strained, toxic one with her daughter, who regularly belittles and berates her—mirroring Stephanie’s ex-husband’s behavior.

2. Dr. Laura’s Core Message: No Excuse for Abuse

• Dr. Laura’s first take (02:18–02:44):
  • "That does not justify her behavior. She’s taken over for your ex-husband, correct?" — Dr. Laura [02:32]
  • Urges Stephanie to stop allowing herself to be a “pansy parent,” regardless of her guilt or past mistakes.
  • Sets clear expectations: leave if disrespected (whether in daughter’s home or her own), hang up on abusive calls or texts, and only engage in civil conversations.

3. Addressing Guilt and Boundaries

• The role of guilt (02:44–03:13):
  • Dr. Laura highlights that guilt from past parental mistakes does not obligate Stephanie to accept mistreatment.
  • "You have to stop coming from the guilt place." — Dr. Laura [02:59]
• Stephanie’s struggle: Accepting that her daughter’s health challenges don’t justify ongoing abuse.
  • "I don't want to be heartless." — Stephanie [05:38]
• Dr. Laura’s response (05:49–06:06):
  • “There’s no reason you should tolerate abuse because she has issues.”
  • Emphasizes self-protection: "You have a right to protect yourself. You should have learned that in your marriage." — Dr. Laura [06:13]

4. The Limits of Parental Responsibility

• Enabling abuse vs. parenting (06:06–06:47):
  • Dr. Laura points out that tolerating the abusive dynamic only encourages worse behavior.
  • "You’re not helping her be a better person by tolerating it." — Dr. Laura [06:41]

5. Can You ‘Divorce’ Your Adult Child?

• Stephanie’s question:
  • “So, like, I divorced my husband, but I can't divorce my daughter?” — Stephanie [07:05]
• Dr. Laura’s answer (07:10–07:19):
  • "Actually, you can disengage until she comes to you with more humility."
  • Encourages maintaining loving detachment until the daughter seeks a respectful relationship.

6. Addressing Health Crises and Boundaries

• Stephanie’s concern over daughter’s health:
  • Asks if severity of illness (e.g., cancer) changes parental obligation [07:41–08:05].
• Dr. Laura, unwavering:
  • “Yes. I’m sorry, but yes.” [07:55]
  • Asserts that humility and respectful behavior are preconditions for support.

7. Clear Communication: Naming and Ending the Abuse

• Dr. Laura’s practical advice (08:15–08:41):
  • “If you want me to be helpful, the abuse has to stop. Use the word 'abuse.' You’ve been abusing me for years. I’m not taking it anymore. I took it from your dad. I ain’t taking it from you or anybody else. So if you want some help, straighten out your mouth. You don’t think that'll shock her into submission? I do.” — Dr. Laura [08:15]
• Stephanie’s doubt:
  • Daughter previously responded, “Get tougher skin,” when called out.
• Dr. Laura reaffirms stance (08:52–09:03):
  • Advises Stephanie to combine direct confrontation with the willingness to disengage from the relationship.

8. The Takeaway: Loving with Boundaries

• Dr. Laura’s closing insight:
  • “It’s just putting on my big girl panties and being the mom that I know I should be or could be.” — Stephanie [09:20]
  • "Well said." — Dr. Laura [09:29]
• Stephanie feels empowered and clear on her next steps, poised to stop enabling toxic behavior and start requiring mutual respect.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "That does not justify her behavior. She's taken over for your ex-husband, correct?"
  — Dr. Laura [02:32]

• "You have to stop coming from the guilt place."
  — Dr. Laura [02:59]

• "There's no reason you should tolerate abuse because she has issues."
  — Dr. Laura [05:49]

• "You're not helping her be a better person by tolerating it."
  — Dr. Laura [06:41]

• "Actually, you can disengage until she comes to you with more humility."
  — Dr. Laura [07:10]

• "If you want me to be helpful, the abuse has to stop. Use the word abuse. You've been abusing me for years. I'm not taking it anymore."
  — Dr. Laura [08:15]

• "It's just putting on my big girl panties and being the mom that I know I should be or could be."
  — Stephanie [09:20]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:13–02:18: Stephanie describes family background, abuse, and current relationship
• 02:18–02:44: Dr. Laura’s initial advice to stop enabling and to set boundaries
• 05:38–06:06: Addressing daughter’s health issues as an excuse for bad behavior
• 07:05–07:19: The concept of ‘divorcing’ one’s child
• 08:15–08:41: Dr. Laura instructs Stephanie to label the conduct as abuse and draw hard lines
• 09:20–09:29: Stephanie summarizes her resolution, Dr. Laura affirms

---

Summary

This episode is a powerful exploration of generational trauma, guilt-driven parenting, and the necessity of firm boundaries—even when facing a loved one’s health struggles. Dr. Laura’s counsel is unwavering: compassion is not enabling, and loving someone sometimes means refusing to interact until mutual respect is restored. She reminds listeners that personal dignity and emotional health are non-negotiable, no matter how deep the mother-child bond runs.

Transcript

[A]

Can lighter structures really be stronger? Yes, they can. ExxonMobil is helping advance American industrial innovation with Proxima systems, enabling a lighter and stronger alternative to traditional rebar while lowering greenhouse gas emissions to help build a more efficient construction industry with sustainability in mind. ExxonMobil let's deliver.

[B]

It'S Pro Savings Days at Lowes. Get up to 35% off select major appliances and save an additional $1,000 when you buy four select LG major appliances. Plus get a free Dewalt 20 volt max 5amp hour battery when you buy a select Dewalt 20 volt max tool. Get the job done for less at Lowe's. We help you Save valid through 926. Selection varies by location while supplies last. See associate or lowe's.com for more details and qualifying items.

[C]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 Stephanie welcome to the program.

[D]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I'll give you a brief background of my situation and then my question Background I was married to a verbally abusive bipolar man for 20 years. By the time we were divorced, went through separation and in the first 12 years of being single after the marriage I did a lot of work on myself. I have two children grown in their 40s. I have my a son and a daughter. My relationship with my son is fine. I've asked both my kids for forgiveness for my part of not protecting them, not taking good care of them, and being a very bad example of what marriage looks like. However, my relationship with my daughter is still stuck in toxic dynamics. Like when she's upset, she'll blow up my phone with angry texts, she'll belittle me in front of others and will hold on to a point until she's beat it to death or I you're being a pansy.

[C]

I used that word in the last hour. You're being a pansy parent. Well, in no way. I don't care how guilty you feel or how stupid or weak or whatever you want to call what happened in that marriage, whatever it is that you look at it as that does not justify her behavior. She's taken over for your ex husband, correct?

[D]

I totally agree.

[C]

And there's no way you should permit that if you're standing in a room and she's misbehaving. If it's her house, get out. If it's your house, tell her this is my home and I will not be insulted and dissed in my own home. If you're on the phone, I'm sorry. If you want to have a conversation with me, I'm willing to do that. If you're just going to yell and scream and do stupid stuff, I'm hanging up. So don't call me until you're willing to be civil. You have to stop coming from the guilt place.

[D]

Okay?

[A]

What if we could reduce carbon emissions and strengthen the economy? At ExxonMobil, we believe both are possible. As a global leader in carbon capture and storage, we're empowering industries to reduce their emissions all through technologies that are creating job opportunities in America. How's that for a win win Exxon Mobil let's deliver At Walgreens we know flu season can feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our.

[E]

Flu info in a meditation, keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment and Walgreens will handle the rest.

[A]

That's the human kind of help.

[E]

Walgreens Vaccines subject to availability, state, age and health related restrictions may apply When a cold has you down, it's the little comforts that lift you up. A warm blanket, a cup of tea, and a tissue that actually feels good on your skin infused with aloe. Kleenex Cooling plus Aloe provides a hint of cooling freshness to help your skin feel restored. So so whether your skin is feeling dry, chafed or irritated, you're only one wipe away from helping it feel relieved. The next time you have a cold, get a hint of instant cooling relief with new Kleenex Cooling plus Aloe for whatever happens next, grab Kleenex.

[B]

Lowes knows how to help make your home holiday ready for less. Get select Style Selections vinyl flooring for just $1.99 per square foot and have it installed before before the festivities begin. Our team can help you every step of the way. See a Lowe's Red Vest associate or visit lowe's.comholidayinstall to get started. Lowe's we help you save basic Install only Date restrictions apply, subject to availability. Install by independent contractors. See Associate for details.

[E]

Contiguous us only At Maurices we're all about great jeans. You know, the ones that fit you just right, the ones that simply make you feel good. Because you don't just wear jeans, you live in them. Find great jeans starting at $29.90cent in stores and at marisa's.com.

[D]

Well then my next part of my Question plays right into that where I need guidance. She's have facing some health issues, and I don't want to be heartless.

[C]

We've not talked, okay, Stephanie, that's her business. That's her business. You can. Your husband had mental issues and everybody's got an issue. But there's no reason you should tolerate abuse because she has issues.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

If she wants your help and support, she's going to have to straighten out her act. Don't tell me about being heartless. You have a right to protect yourself. You should have learned that in your marriage.

[D]

Well, with everybody but her. So I hear you about not moving. Moving past, responding out of guilt. Yeah.

[C]

That stops. It doesn't help her become a better person, does it?

[D]

No. In fact, I see her use those dynamics on other people, and it. They don't tolerate it as long as.

[C]

I have, then you're not helping her be a better person by tolerating it.

[D]

Got it.

[C]

Your job is to help her be a better person. Forget about if she has a health issue. Everybody does have some health issue. She'll have to figure that out. But she's not going to be able to rely on you while she abuses you. No.

[D]

So, like, I divorced my husband, but I can't divorce my daughter?

[C]

Actually, you can disengage until she comes to you with more humility.

[D]

Humility. Okay. This is going to be a new adventure. I'm just. I'm following hard as we're talking.

[C]

Well, if you want to be a good mommy, you have to stop doing what you were doing because it's. It's helping her become less quality a person.

[D]

Yep. Okay. And it doesn't matter how grave the health. I mean, she could have cancer. She's going to go for tests on the 12th of the month.

[C]

Yes. I'm sorry, but yes.

[D]

Oh, I said it doesn't matter how grave the issue. I mean, she's potentially having.

[C]

Yes. It doesn't matter how grave the issue. It's up to her to be. Show more humility and stop abusing you if she wants your help.

[D]

Okay. All right.

[C]

And you can say that right out. Hey, if you want me to be helpful, the abuse has to stop. Use the word abuse. You've been abusing me for years. I'm not taking it anymore. I took it from your dad. I ain't taking it from you or anybody else. So if you want some help, straighten out your mouth. You don't think that'll shock her into submission? I do.

[D]

Well, the only reason I don't is because when I pointed out with the last conflict, you humiliated me. You belittled me. And she told me, get tougher skin. So it just didn't.

[C]

No, but you didn't do what I just said. You're reading her the riot act and pulling away. You didn't do that.

[D]

Got it.

[C]

If you want my help.

[D]

Right.

[C]

Abusing me is not how to get it. I won't be here to help you. I hope you have friends and neighbors, because you can't call on me while you're abusing me. It's over. Okay, so that is not you getting a thicker skin, is it?

[D]

No. It's just putting on my big girl panties and being the mom that I know I should be or could be.

[C]

Well said.

[D]

All right. I have my marching orders, Dr. Laura.

[C]

Yes, you do. You can always come and call me back.

[D]

Alrighty. Thank you so much.

[C]

You're very welcome. She's got to help her kid become a better person. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

[A]

A real Etsy buyer review for handmade home decor by a real Etsy seller. They are truly beautiful to look at and absolutely original. Discover pieces created and loved by real people. Shop the Etsy app.