Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Title: Can People Change?
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Air Date: September 26, 2025
Theme: Examining whether people can fundamentally change, particularly in the context of long-term marriages with abusive dynamics.

Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from a listener named Jim, who is struggling with the enduring challenges in his 20+ year marriage. Jim seeks insight into whether people can truly change, recounting his history of filing for divorce three times and ongoing marital strife rooted in his wife’s anger and past abuse. Dr. Laura’s no-nonsense approach surfaces, as she presses for details and offers her trademark blunt and ethical perspective on human behavior, responsibility, and the limits of romantic hope.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Caller Background & Relationship History

• Jim (55) and his wife (51) have been married for over 20 years, with two adult children.
• Both are in their first and only marriage.
• The caller has initiated divorce proceedings three times but has not followed through.
• The marriage was fraught with “anger issues” and physical abuse early on, which transitioned into chronic verbal abuse.

The Nature and Course of the Abuse

• Physical abuse: Occurred at the start of the marriage but reportedly stopped after Jim confronted his wife; she sought individual counseling for this (04:47).
• Verbal abuse: Continued for years, with yelling aimed at Jim but not at the children (05:08).
• Dr. Laura questions whether the children, despite not being yelled at directly, witnessed their father being demeaned and considers this damaging to parental respect (05:22–05:44).

Dr. Laura’s Tough Probing

• Dr. Laura pushes back on Jim’s claim that he didn’t see signs of anger during their four years of dating, expressing skepticism that the temper issues emerged only after marriage:

  “You really want me to buy your story that in four years she never showed temper? Really? I'm not going to buy it.” (02:55)

• She differentiates between staying in a marriage and maintaining a relationship with an abusive partner, deeming the latter “neurotic behavior.” (04:17)

Sticking with the Marriage

• Jim says he stayed out of love, but Dr. Laura challenges this, saying,

  “I love her, therefore I'm going to stay and let her be abusive to me. Doesn't sound healthy. Does it sound healthy to you?” (09:25)

• Dr. Laura questions whether repeated divorce filings were used to manipulate change, but Jim insists they were genuine attempts to leave (10:01).

Acknowledgement of Mutual Toxicity

• Jim admits that as the marriage wore on, “we both started doing the bickering. It just became a very toxic relationship.” (11:01)
• Dr. Laura latches on to the word "toxic" as a summary of their interactions (11:12).

Infidelity

• Jim discloses an affair lasting about a year, four years prior, which his wife now knows about (11:20–11:55).

The Central Question—Can People Change?

• Jim finally asks:

  “Can it be? Can somebody change and become the person they were when you were dating?... Or am I just being overly hopeful and wanting things to be like they once were?” (12:07)

• Dr. Laura’s Core Message:

  "People only change when they're desperately in desire to make a difference in how they perceive the world, themselves and other people and how they behave. You haven't indicated that she's desperate to change... People only change when they damn well want to, not because you drag them into therapy or you spend time hoping—that's the truth.” (12:22)

• She adds a pointed reminder about the brevity of life and the dangers of wasting it out of fear (12:42).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Denial and Early Signs:

  “You really want me to buy your story that in four years she never showed temper? Really? I'm not going to buy it.”
  — Dr. Laura (02:55)

• On Abuse and Perceived Love:

  “I love her, therefore I'm going to stay and let her be abusive to me. Doesn't sound healthy. Does it sound healthy to you?”
  — Dr. Laura (09:25)

• On Toxic Patterns:

  “We both started doing the bickering. It just became a very toxic relationship.”
  — Jim (11:01)

• On Change:

  "People only change when they're desperately in desire to make a difference in how they perceive the world, themselves and other people and how they behave... People only change when they damn well want to, not because you drag them into therapy or you spend time hoping—that's the truth.”
  — Dr. Laura (12:22)

• On Preventing Regret:

  “Let me remind you that you're more than halfway through your life. You're going to get older, infirm, and then die. Don't waste time because you're scared.”
  — Dr. Laura (12:42)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:00 – Jim introduces his marital struggles and the history of divorce filings.
• 02:20–02:55 – Dr. Laura challenges Jim’s account of not seeing anger during dating.
• 04:50–05:08 – Discussion of ending physical abuse but ongoing verbal abuse.
• 05:21–05:44 – Dr. Laura probes the family impact of witnessing the mother's anger.
• 09:25 – Dr. Laura challenges Jim's assertion of “love” as justification for staying.
• 11:01 – Jim admits to mutual toxicity and infidelity.
• 12:07–12:42 – The central question of whether people can change and Dr. Laura’s conclusive answer.

Conclusion

This episode highlights Dr. Laura’s incisive, ethical approach—stripping away rationalizations for enduring abuse and offering a blunt reality check about human change: it can only occur with genuine, personal motivation. Through probing questions and pointed observations, she encourages listeners not to waste precious years hoping others will change, but to recognize difficult truths and act with self-respect and clarity.

Useful for listeners seeking:

• Advice on confronting long-standing relationship issues
• Understanding the limits of hope and the importance of accountability
• A candid look at personal responsibility in the context of marital strife