Change Takes Courage

Summary

Summary of "Change Takes Courage" Episode from Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Episode: Change Takes Courage
• Release Date: May 24, 2025
• Description: Dr. Laura Schlessinger, renowned for her direct and ethical advice, addresses personal and family issues, emphasizing accountability and responsibility.

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Change Takes Courage," Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a profound conversation with a caller named Corey. Corey seeks guidance on managing his long-term friendship with a close friend battling alcohol and eating disorders. The discussion delves into themes of personal responsibility, boundary setting, and the courage required to initiate meaningful change.

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Corey's Background and Issue

Corey begins by sharing his deep-rooted friendship of 35 years with a friend who recently revealed serious struggles with alcoholism and an eating disorder. He expresses his surprise and confusion over not recognizing these issues earlier despite their longstanding relationship.

Corey [00:36]: "Well, I don't know where to start, but I guess I'll give you a little bit of background."

Corey further elaborates that his friend has been a pillar of support for him, especially during tumultuous times, including his marriage to an extreme alcoholic. However, over the past decade, he has observed a gradual decline in her well-being, culminating in serious incidents that prompted him to seek advice.

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Dr. Laura's Initial Reaction

Dr. Laura responds with a mix of skepticism and candid feedback, challenging Corey’s self-awareness and ability to recognize the signs of his friend's deteriorating condition.

Dr. Laura [01:14]: "In over three decades, she either didn't have any of these problems or you decided not to see them. How does this work?"

She presses Corey to reflect on his lack of recognition, especially considering his history with traumatic relationships, suggesting that his previous experiences may have blinded him to his friend's issues.

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Deeper Exploration of the Relationship Dynamics

Corey admits to a pattern of overlooking significant issues in people’s personalities, indicating a possible enabler role in his friend’s struggles.

Corey [03:04]: "When she blacked out. She didn't know who I was."

Dr. Laura emphasizes the seriousness of the situation, advising immediate medical attention during such critical incidents.

Dr. Laura [03:04]: "Take her to the emergency room when she blacked out."

The conversation shifts to Corey's difficulty in setting boundaries and managing his friend's obsession with food and weight, which dominates their interactions.

Corey [06:52]: "How about this is where. That's where I always have problems with boundaries. Do I do more? Do I do less?"

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Dr. Laura's Advice on Setting Boundaries

Dr. Laura advocates for clear and direct communication without judgment or criticism. She encourages Corey to steer conversations away from triggering topics, such as food, to foster healthier interactions.

Dr. Laura [07:26]: "Well, then listen to her talk around food. I mean, what advice are you looking for? You're not going to change her."

Dr. Laura [07:48]: "Well, just say, can we talk about something besides food right now?"

She also reinforces that Corey is not enabling his friend’s behavior, highlighting that her issues would persist regardless of his involvement.

Dr. Laura [08:07]: "And you haven't been enabling her. With or without you. If you were dead yesterday, she'd still be doing her things."

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Personal Responsibility and the Need for Change

The conversation takes a pivotal turn as Dr. Laura scrutinizes Corey’s personal growth and commitment to change. She questions the effectiveness of his past therapy and challenges him to take genuine steps towards self-improvement.

Dr. Laura [09:36]: "You need therapy."

Corey acknowledges his stagnation despite previous efforts, realizing the necessity for continued personal development to avoid repeating detrimental patterns in his relationships.

Corey [10:30]: "That is, actually. And that's who I'm fighting against. So that's why I called you to make sure I didn't continue on this road."

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Conclusion: Embracing Courage for Change

Dr. Laura concludes by affirming that true change necessitates courage and an openness to transformation. She underscores the importance of seeking ongoing support and being willing to alter one's approach to foster healthier relationships.

Dr. Laura [10:47]: "And this time be more open to change. Change takes courage."

Corey leaves the conversation with a renewed commitment to seek further therapy and adopt a more proactive stance in managing his relationships, recognizing the intricate balance between support and enabling.

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Key Takeaways

• Awareness and Recognition: It's crucial to acknowledge and address issues in close relationships rather than remaining oblivious.

• Setting Boundaries: Clear and respectful boundaries help maintain healthy interactions and prevent enabling harmful behaviors.

• Personal Growth: Continuous self-improvement and willingness to change are essential to breaking negative patterns and fostering positive relationships.

• Courage to Change: Embracing change requires bravery and a proactive approach to personal and relational challenges.

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This episode serves as a compelling exploration of the complexities involved in supporting loved ones facing addiction and mental health issues while maintaining one's own well-being and personal growth.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Corey, welcome to the program.

[Corey]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. What's up?

[Corey]

Well, I don't know where to start, but I guess I'll give you a little bit of background.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Corey]

My best. Thank you. My best friend of 35 years, we've been very, very close and I've told her like, absolutely everything. She's always been there for me through everything. And I thought we were really close, but just in the last year, I realized she has a really bad drinking problem and eating disorder.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Corey, you want me to tell you in over three decades, she either didn't have any of these problems or you decided not to see them. How does this work?

[Corey]

I know, right? I have a history of not seeing things that are really there on people's personalities and things. So apparently I just didn't want to see it. But now, looking back, all the evidence is there.

[Dr. Laura]

Have you been married? Is your husband wondering how you couldn't see? She was a drunk and an anorexic. She's kind of skinny. I mean, help me understand how you could be this oblivious. I don't get it.

[Corey]

Right. Okay, well, that's kind of the problem, I think. Not to have an excuse, but this is probably what I can figure is that I was married. I was married to an extreme alcoholic. I had nothing but trauma and chaos in my life. And she was always there, like I said, to help me. She. I told her everything. She's always been there. She's the. She's my friend who's a strong, intelligent one. When I have even a math question, she's the one I would go to. She's the one I thought had it all together. She's been married almost 30 years. She's got a wonderful life, but not in the last decade. I've slowly seen it decay that even I cannot be blind to. And so I did reach out to her husband last year when it was so obvious that she had a drinking problem and she stayed with me out of town. She Stayed at my brother's and we had a, an episode where she blacked out. And it felt like I was dealing with my, my Alzheimer's mother again. She didn't know who I was.

[Dr. Laura]

Take her to the emergency room when she blacked out.

[Corey]

I did not. I didn't know how to deal with it.

[Dr. Laura]

Call 91 1.

[Corey]

I don't know how.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't understand how you walk around the earth. It's oblivious. That's hilarious.

[Corey]

Yeah, you're good. I'm not really proud of my.

[Dr. Laura]

If you want to keep her as a friend, keep being oblivious.

[Corey]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Corey]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

If I want to change, she's not interested in. Shush. She's not interested in change. Her husband isn't interested in her changing. She's not going to change because you suddenly notice things. So if she passes out again, please do call 911. She might need help at that point. Might stop her heart, God knows. So my advice to you is if, if she passes out, call 911.

[Corey]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

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[Corey]

How about this is where. That's where I always have problems with boundaries. Do I do more? Do I do less?

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know what a boundary is unless cattle are involved.

[Corey]

That's true. I do like catch. My problem is when I do talk to her. Our whole relationship has changed with her eating disorder. When I do talk to her, it's always around food. I mean, I can bring up something else, but she always is constantly thinking about food and I think it's brain serving.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then listen to her talk around food. I mean, what advice are you looking for? You're not going to change her.

[Corey]

Well, do it. Yeah, I guess I just didn't know if I should entertain her constant food obsession and her weight association.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, just say, can we talk about something besides food right now? Please ask. Maybe she'll shift.

[Corey]

Just kind of point it out. Hey, I don't feel.

[Dr. Laura]

No, not point anything out. Just say, could we talk about something else, please?

[Corey]

Okay, okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not pointing anything out.

[Corey]

True that. Very true. I just. Yeah, I just felt like I was enabling her, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

And you haven't been enabling her. With or without you. If you were dead yesterday, she'd still be doing her things.

[Corey]

Very true.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't give me. Don't give yourself more credit than you have for power.

[Corey]

Yeah, I had a history of that already. So I'm glad that I called because. Yeah, it is weighing heavy on my mind that I should be can, you know, have control of the situation and help her and like she helped me. But I. Yeah, I'll just be your friend and be there.

[Dr. Laura]

I. Dear, you wanted help. She doesn't. Yeah, there's a difference. Are you in therapy? If not That's a good idea.

[Corey]

Probably. So. I know I did. I did go through years of therapy. They even helped me realize some of these red flags that I'm seeing now. So. But yeah, it's.

[Dr. Laura]

How long. Ma' am? Quiet. How long ago was the therapy?

[Corey]

A couple years ago. Now that I've been out and I've been.

[Dr. Laura]

How many years? Give me a number.

[Corey]

Personal life, Ma' am.

[Dr. Laura]

Give me a number.

[Corey]

Since 2016.

[Dr. Laura]

So 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21.

[Corey]

29 years.

[Dr. Laura]

23, 24, 25. Nine fingers. Oh, now it's 19.

[Corey]

Nine. Nine. I said nine.

[Dr. Laura]

Nine.

[Corey]

Well, nine years.

[Dr. Laura]

I guess you didn't listen to yourself. You went to therapy. You knew what you'd been doing wrong. And you continued with her as though you knew nothing. You need therapy.

[Corey]

Right? Continue on. You're right.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Corey, you never changed. You got the help and you didn't change. You went from a husband to a friend doing the exact same thing.

[Corey]

I see it. I do see it.

[Dr. Laura]

If she died tomorrow, guaranteed you'd find some man who was a drunk and continue. Because that's your image in your mind as to who you are.

[Corey]

That is, actually. And that's who I'm fighting against. So that's why I called you to make sure I didn't continue on this road. Because I thought that happening now that I know what's going on. So, yes, you're right. I will go.

[Dr. Laura]

And this time be more open to change. Takes courage. I know my number. 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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