Deep Dive: Being There For a Dying Loved One

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Deep Dive: Being There For a Dying Loved One"

Release Date: July 10, 2025

Overview

In this poignant episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves deep into the emotionally charged topic of supporting dying loved ones. Through heartfelt conversations with callers Stephanie, Rachel, and Rick, Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice infused with ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility. This summary captures the essence of their discussions, key insights, and Dr. Laura’s compassionate guidance on navigating the complexities of life-threatening illnesses within the family.

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Introduction: The Importance of Being Present

Dr. Laura opens the episode by emphasizing the profound emotional challenges that arise when a loved one is terminally ill. She underscores the necessity of overcoming personal fears and discomfort to provide unwavering support.

Key Points:

• Emotional Challenge: The anguish, anxiety, and fear experienced when facing a loved one's impending death.
• Avoidance Tendencies: Common excuses people make to avoid visiting dying loved ones, such as not wanting to be reminded of the person's mortality or disliking hospitals.
• Call to Action: Dr. Laura urges listeners to put aside their discomfort and be present, highlighting that being there is a profound act of love and compassion.

Notable Quote:

"This is a profound act of love and compassion that the people who have meant something to you deserve." – Dr. Laura (00:40)

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Caller 1: Stephanie – Supporting a Terminally Ill Father

Stephanie’s Dilemma

Stephanie reaches out seeking advice on how to communicate with her father, who has terminal brain and lung cancer, with only a month left to live. She fears that discussing the future or sharing personal updates might exacerbate his depression.

Key Points:

• Fear of Hurting Her Father: Worries that sharing pictures of her son or discussing the future may deepen her father’s depression.
• Uncertainty on Communication: Unsure what to say to make the remaining time enjoyable without causing emotional harm.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance:

• Drop Unrealistic Expectations: Accept that the situation is inherently challenging and embrace the discomfort.
• Engage in Everyday Conversations: Encourage talking about daily activities, news, or mundane topics to maintain normalcy.
• Provide Physical Comfort: Offer hugs and physical presence as a primary form of support.
• Focus on the Present: Dr. Laura stresses that conversations don’t need to be enjoyable but should focus on being present and supportive.

Notable Quotes:

"The man's gonna die in a month. It's hard to be cheerful all the time." – Dr. Laura (03:04)
"You are not making it worse. You are making it better." – Dr. Laura (03:19)
"Enjoy the time you have with him by being with him." – Dr. Laura (05:44)

Conclusion: Dr. Laura advises Stephanie to maintain regular communication, focus on the present, and provide unwavering emotional support despite the discomfort.

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Caller 2: Rachel – Coping with a Dying Daughter

Rachel’s Struggles

Rachel calls in from her classroom, grappling with the impending loss of her 23-year-old daughter, who suffers from Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, POTS, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. She wrestles with whether to begin grieving now or maintain a positive front and finds it difficult to manage emotional conversations with her daughter in the ICU.

Key Points:

• Emotional Turmoil: Torn between beginning to grieve and maintaining a positive attitude.
• Communication Challenges: Struggles with responding to her daughter's upsetting statements without withdrawing.
• Support for Self: Uncertainty on how to support herself while being there for her daughter.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance:

• Embrace the Reality: Acknowledge that her daughter is still alive and needs her comfort now.
• Physical Presence: Emphasizes the importance of holding hands, hugs, and physical contact.
• Manage Visits: Encourages Rachel to visit more frequently despite the distance, suggesting alternatives like trains or buses to reduce travel stress.
• Emotional Honesty: Advises responding to her daughter’s distress with compassion rather than avoiding or minimizing her own feelings.

Notable Quotes:

"I'm going to miss that, too." – Dr. Laura reflecting on a past experience (04:01)
"You don't even want to be there. That's just normal." – Dr. Laura (04:38)
"You can't go into more stuff about it. Just comfort. Just hug, just hold." – Dr. Laura (17:05)
"Comfort. That's what she needs from a mommy." – Dr. Laura (17:15)

Conclusion: Dr. Laura advises Rachel to prioritize her daughter’s need for comfort over her own discomfort, suggesting practical ways to maintain presence and emotional support despite logistical challenges.

---

Caller 3: Rick – Coping with a Spouse's ALS Diagnosis

Rick’s Struggles

Rick, a 66-year-old man married for 44 years, calls to seek coping strategies after his wife was diagnosed with ALS. He finds it difficult to manage the emotional burden of watching his spouse deteriorate and balancing his roles as a caregiver and husband.

Key Points:

• Emotional Overwhelm: Struggles with the "totality" of his wife's condition and the gradual loss of her physical abilities.
• Caregiver Guilt: Feels guilty about taking time for himself, such as biking and exercising, fearing it detracts from his caregiving duties.
• Desire for Coping Mechanisms: Seeks practical advice to manage his stress and emotional health.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance:

• Join Support Groups: Recommends engaging with support groups to share experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations.
• Prioritize Self-Care: Emphasizes the necessity of self-care to remain an effective caregiver, asserting, "You are the tool. To do your caretaking and husbanding, you have to be in good condition."
• Pace Self-Care Activities: Encourages Rick to find a balance, suggesting methods to incorporate self-care without feeling guilty, such as scheduling activities that rejuvenate him.
• Create Memories: Advises making meaningful memories with his spouse during her remaining time, highlighting activities that both enjoy.

Notable Quotes:

"You are the tool. To do your caretaking and husbanding, you have to be in good condition." – Dr. Laura (24:10)
"Make memories." – Dr. Laura (27:52)
"There is no happy way to go through this." – Dr. Laura (27:14)

Conclusion: Dr. Laura underscores the importance of self-care for caregivers like Rick, advising him to engage in supportive communities, prioritize his well-being, and focus on creating lasting memories with his wife.

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Final Thoughts: Embracing Compassion and Presence

In the concluding segment, Dr. Laura reiterates the significance of being present for dying loved ones. She highlights the necessity of teaching children compassion and the importance of allowing loved ones to leave peacefully without fear.

Key Insights:

• Teaching Compassion: Encourages parents to involve children in saying goodbye, tailored to the child's maturity and sensitivity.
• Peaceful Departure: Emphasizes that dying individuals need to leave in peace, which can be facilitated through storytelling, shared meals, and emotional support.
• Final Message: A heartfelt reminder not to let fear or uncertainty prevent showing love and appreciation during such critical times.

Notable Quotes:

"A loved one with a life-threatening illness is one of the most horrible experiences we humans endure." – Dr. Laura (32:00)
"Don't let not knowing what to say or a fear of facing your own mortality stop you from showing love and appreciation." – Dr. Laura (32:25)

Conclusion: Dr. Laura calls listeners to action, urging them to overcome personal fears and be compassionate, present supporters for their dying loved ones. Her advice is a blend of practical strategies and emotional encouragement, aimed at fostering meaningful connections during life's most challenging moments.

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Final Remarks

This episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day" serves as a compassionate guide for individuals navigating the heart-wrenching journey of supporting terminally ill loved ones. Through engaging dialogues and Dr. Laura's expert advice, listeners gain valuable insights into effective communication, emotional resilience, and the profound impact of simply being present.

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Additional Resources: For more episodes and support, visit DrLaura.com to become a family member and access a wealth of resources on parenting, family dynamics, and personal responsibility.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

It's incredibly sad and emotionally challenging when someone you care about is terminally ill. They're dying and you're not, not at the same pace and the same time, at least. Their illness causes you tremendous anguish, anxiety and fear. In an effort to avoid the pain associated with death, some people excuse themselves from visiting their dying loved one, saying things like they'd like to remember the person the way they were, or that they hate hospitals. If there was ever a moment in time to get out of your own head and put your feelings aside, this is it. Don't leave your loved one feeling devastated, waiting for your visit that never comes because it's too upsetting to you. It's normal to want to avoid unhappy situations, as I explained to Stephanie when she called, but being there to support your family or friend as they die is a profound act of love and compassion that the people who have meant something to you deserve. Stephanie, welcome to the program.

[Stephanie]

Hi, thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Stephanie]

I'm calling because my father has terminal cancer, brain and lung, and he has months left. He's doing relatively well now.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, did you just say he has a month left?

[Stephanie]

Month? Yes, ma'.

[Rachel]

Am.

[Dr. Laura]

Month. Okay, go ahead.

[Stephanie]

Yes, and he's doing well. He's on steroids now, so he's doing okay for now. But at any rate, I just need some advice as to when I talk to him on the phone or when I go and see him. What's the best. I don't know what to say. I feel that. I know I'm not supposed to, I feel. But I think if I say, you know, I talk about the future, show some pictures of my son, he may. It may make him feel even worse because he, you know, put him in his depression because he is going to miss that. And then I, I think, Sorry, have you.

[Dr. Laura]

Have you already seen him go into a deep depression because you talked about the future?

[Stephanie]

Not a deep depression. No, no, but I. But he does get down sometimes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Stephanie, the man's gonna die in a month. It's hard to be cheerful all the time.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So can you drop that expectation?

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not making him depressed by showing him pictures of his grandchild. He's depressed, if at all. He's sad he's gonna die.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Stephanie]

And he's giving it.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not making it worse.

[Stephanie]

How can it make it better?

[Dr. Laura]

You are. You can't make it. Find some way to cure the cancer.

[Stephanie]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't make it better.

[Stephanie]

So what do I say? What would you do if it was. If you were with someone? How do you make it an enjoyable experience? Enjoyable?

[Dr. Laura]

It doesn't have to be enjoyable. I have been with a best friend who was dying a week before she was dead. I was there. We talked about all kinds of things, including things we would never be able to do together. And she's the one who brought that up.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And I said, yeah, I'm going to miss that, too. But I remember the time you took me wall climbing, which was ridiculous because I was scared to death. And you climbed all the way to the top and left me at the bottom looking like an idiot. And we did get a laugh out of that. So there are moments you get laughs, but the rest of it, when she would choke on a sip of water, it was hard to make her feel better.

[Stephanie]

I guess I also feel. And I know I feel terrible for saying this, but I feel it's uncomfortable. I just feel so bad. I don't know what to do.

[Dr. Laura]

Of course. That's just normal. You don't even want to be there. That's just normal. That is normal feeling. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad daughter. That is normal. It is scary. It is uncomfortable. There's nothing cheery about it. But you've got to steal yourself up and do it anyway. So you talk about things you did during the week.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Some article you read. Discuss it with him. Some stupid thing you saw in the news. You get his opinion.

[Stephanie]

And if he starts getting down, what. What are some things?

[Dr. Laura]

You hug him.

[Stephanie]

Just give him a hug. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Stephanie]

And just kind of.

[Dr. Laura]

Honey, if you knew you were going to die. September, October 2nd. Could I make you laugh a lot? Yeah.

[Stephanie]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, then. Would you take that off the plate, please?

[Stephanie]

Yes. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Just go enjoy the time you have with him by being with him. All the memories are memories that are made already. Think there's something you have to create now. Except your love, your being there. A hug while you're talking. But the most important thing in my never to be humble opinion is something from the news, whether it's about politics or science or whatever, social life. And say, can you believe this? What do you think? Because one of the things that people often do around people who are dying is it's like they're dead already. So they don't have opinions we have to ask about anymore. If you're having trouble with one of your kids. So what did you do with me when I did that? Because I'm having trouble with Johnny doing this.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

While he's alive, he's your dad and he's not dead. And he has ideas.

[Stephanie]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So tap into it if you want to make him feel better. One of the biggest ways any one of us feels better is to still feel useful. And giving your daughter advice makes you feel useful.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Stephanie]

Well, I'm gonna go give him a call now and talk about the news.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Something relatively stupid.

[Stephanie]

I will.

[Dr. Laura]

Which is most of politics today. So have to take a break. You're not gonna have to stretch. And I'd like you to close your eyes for a second unless you're driving. And think about what you would like someone to say to you as you're making the exit from this earth. And I'll be right back.

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[Dr. Laura]

One of the only things we can do when someone we care about is dying is to offer comfort. There's really not anything you can or should say other than I'm here. Let's face this together. No advice, just hand holding, hugs, listening. A few years ago, a nurse who happened to be a Dr. Laura listener, posted a comment to my Facebook page that beautifully explains what the dying need from us. She writes, I'm a registered nurse. I have seen death under all sorts of circumstances. I have held the hand of a dying patient who had no one else. I've counseled teenagers on what to expect as Grandma passes away. I have started the drips and watched the patient's breathing patterns change. I have seen families come together during this time, and I've seen families torn apart. The most important thing is this. The patient needs to leave this world in peace. Peace is defined by lots of things, so those who know the person best need to speak up. Different ethnic groups treat death differently. One patient on my floor had a room full of native drummers. It was pretty powerful. Hispanic people never let their loved ones die alone. They have potlucks and everyone is there. It's both happy and sad for them. Other people see death as a harsh and scary event, and sometimes it is. Those who have some sort of faith to rely on handle it better. My point is the person needs to leave this world in peace in whatever way that is. Hold hands, talk about the good times, tell stories, talk to the patient. Even if they do not respond, they hear you. Enjoy meals together. If possible, it's usually okay to bring a crock pot into the patient's hospital room, tell the patient stories and talk about the good times you shared with them. Read to them, watch TV with them. Don't be afraid. Your loved one needs to leave without fear. Losing a loved one is miserable, but when it's your child who's dying, that's beyond hell. When I spoke to Rachel, her daughter was in intensive care and had expressed her desire to die rather than endure treatments that could only briefly extend her life. Rachel was in an unbearable situation, but she was still a mommy, and her daughter needed to be comforted by her. Rachel, welcome to the program.

[Rachel]

Thank you, Dr. Laura. I feel very blessed to have this opportunity. Thank you so much. I've been listening to you for a long time.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Rachel]

I'm standing outside my classroom, so you may hear kids in the background. But the reason why I'm calling is because my daughter is losing her life. I am five hours away from her and I'm struggling with. Do I start grieving now because that's how it feels? Do I hold off on that and keep a positive attitude? And also, when I'm with my daughter, she's in icu. If she says something to me that is obviously upsetting in the conversation, I can't simply walk out and take a deep breath or go for a walk. So I'm struggling with my communication with my daughter to be supportive. And I'm trying to figure out how I can support myself through this.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I think those were six questions.

[Rachel]

I'm sorry, would you like me to.

[Dr. Laura]

Take them in order or just sort of flop about?

[Rachel]

I'm sorry, would you like me to.

[Dr. Laura]

Take them in order or shall I just flop about and pick them?

[Rachel]

Go for it anyway. That's fine.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Thank you. Okay, number one, she's dying. What are we looking at in terms of time?

[Rachel]

It could be months or it could be a year.

[Dr. Laura]

And what is she dying of? How do we know that she's dying? What's the problem?

[Rachel]

She has condition called Mast Cell Activation Syndrome. POTS and EHLers Danlos syndrome.

[Dr. Laura]

And basically I'm not familiar with those. What does that mean?

[Rachel]

It means her autoimmune system is suppressed and she does not have the ability to to stop her allergic reactions where her throat closes. She's been in the hospital since early June.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. And how old is she?

[Rachel]

She's 23.

[Dr. Laura]

Ouch. Is she married with kids?

[Rachel]

No, she's not.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, at least she's not going to be leaving kids because that would make her. That would be harder for her.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh. The answer to all your questions is this sucks. And there is no how to should do this Right. And you don't walk out of the room if you're upset. You share it with her. She's not dead. One of the things that we should not do to people dying is treat them like they're already dead. If she's interacting with You. And tells you something upsetting. Talk about it with her. She's not dead. She's still alive and still wants to interact.

[Rachel]

I think what I was trying to say. And maybe you get it, but what I'm worried about is us having a conversation. Me getting very upset.

[Dr. Laura]

So you get upset. So you get upset. She's dying. You're not killing her. She's dying. There's a difference.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Can you give me an example? I have a twitchy feeling in my head about this. Right. Give me an example of what she might say or has said that upsets you so dramatically. Just one quick example.

[Rachel]

If she has to have a tracheotomy, she just won't like because.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, what does she say that upsets you?

[Rachel]

She says that if she has to have a tracheotomy because her throat closes up repeatedly, she doesn't want to continue living.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Would you want to continue living when you knew you were dying? I'm just asking you. But it isn't temporary. It's again and again and again and again and again. And she's suffering and she's going to die anyway. Let's be frank with each other here. Why was your daughter. I'd be saying the same thing to you. So you want to know what your response to that is?

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

You hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek and say, whatever you decide, I'm going to stay right here.

[Rachel]

I understand. That's helpful.

[Dr. Laura]

That's. That's how you do. That's how you respond to it. You can't change her mind. I know it's your child. And you would rather you were dying than. She is dying. That's how we are as parents. We'd rather take it. We'd rather take the hit for our kids because that's the order of things. And she's so damn young.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

She has a right to that decision.

[Rachel]

Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Your job is to be comforting, not to try to deny reality.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

So just hold. Grab her hand, hold her, Give her a kiss, hug her, put your head on her chest.

[Rachel]

Do.

[Dr. Laura]

Physical contact is the most important thing.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Because all she's thinking about at that moment is, I'm going to be dead anyway. I don't want to keep going through this.

[Rachel]

Right. I understand.

[Dr. Laura]

And frankly, I'd be doing the same thing she's doing.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

What did I tell you? Don't go into more stuff about it. I think I gave you the main thing. This is hell. This is hell. Hell for you. This is hell. And I Have no way to make it better. The one thing I want you to keep in your mind is to comfort her. That's all. That's a lot when you say that's all, it minimizes it a little bit. Just comfort. Just hug, just hold. Tell her you love her, you're sorry she's in pain, you're sorry this is scary and upsetting. And you hold her. Comfort. That's what she needs from a mommy. Comfort.

[Rachel]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Your feelings are totally reasonable, but they're not useful right now.

[Rachel]

I understand.

[Dr. Laura]

So until she is dead, she needs your comfort.

[Rachel]

Okay. I live five hours away from her, and I'm trying to see her every few weeks, and I'm worried about if I should be driving down for five hours and seeing her more frequently.

[Dr. Laura]

I would recommend it.

[Rachel]

I'm at work.

[Dr. Laura]

I would recommend it.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Maybe you can take a train or a bus so that you're not driving so you're not tired. You could take a train or a bus. You know, you could figure out how to do it in a way where you could be sleeping while you're on the road. That would take some of the stress out. But she needs you between now and dead. She needs your comfort. She's leaving this world that's terrifying. She needs your comfort.

[Rachel]

Yeah. I understand, and I'm so sorry.

[Dr. Laura]

One mom to another Mom. I don't know how to tell you to feel okay, because you won't. Because this is what it's like, and there's no fix for this. But just know you're still needed.

[Rachel]

Death. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Call me back anytime, okay?

[Rachel]

You put it into a manageable. A manageable process, and I really need to hear that. I. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

Call me anytime.

[Rachel]

Thank you very much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Watching your spouse die slowly right before your eyes is traumatic. I've been there. When I spoke to Rick, he was looking for some basic coping skills. Here's what I offered him. Rick, welcome to the program.

[Rick]

Thank you for taking my call. I am. I'm looking for some coping skills. I'm 66 years old. Been married to my wife for 44 years.

[Dr. Laura]

Wow.

[Rick]

And in March of 23, she was diagnosed with ALS.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, for God's sake. No, no.

[Rick]

Yeah, well, she would gladly trade it for cancer any day. It's progressing slowly, but I'm really having a hard time just coping with the totality of it. And I'm there.

[Dr. Laura]

What do you mean, the totality? What do you mean by that?

[Rachel]

The.

[Rick]

The whole picture. Watching her wither away.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Rick]

From the inside. Out and just lose losing functions in front of my eyes and trying to be there to support her and be a caregiver as well as a husband. And it's. It's just really a lot. And I know you can't wave a magic wand and do anything about it, but I'm hoping for just some. Some basic coping skills.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, there are a couple of things that come to mind immediately. One is that in neighborhoods, in communities as well as on the net, there are support groups for spouses in your predicament, both men and women. And I would recommend you spend some time each week communicating with people because you'll be asking some of these same questions. When you see a big drop in their ability to do something. How do you feel? What do you do? And then people who have experienced that will give you feedback. So to get feedback from people who have been there, done that is going to be important. Number two.

[Rick]

And we've been, We've been doing that.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I don't mean we. I don't mean we.

[Rick]

I. I've gone on support groups that are just caregivers by myself. And I mean, to tell you the truth, sometimes those groups are overwhelming and they're a little bit too much information.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you pace yourself. You pace yourself with the frequency in a week, and you pace yourself while you're on there. Let me just go through some more stuff. I'm sure you're doing most of this. Two, there's a lot of guilt in a caretaker for taking care of themselves, but frankly, that's essential. You're not supposed to lose your health and die over this.

[Rick]

I can't even do it.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you're asking me for tips. If you're going to not do them, then you're not going to benefit from them. So don't ask about them anymore.

[Rick]

Okay? I'm an active guy. I was an active guy. I go out and ride my bike. I go to exercise. And I have this guilt feeling about it because she can't do it with me.

[Dr. Laura]

Right? Understanding the guilt, you're going to have to put it aside. You have to stay, okay? She has the disease, not you. You are the support, and you can't do your job if you're so stressed out you can't even spit. You will be less husbandly, less caretaking if you don't take care of yourself. What you wish to do for her, you'll be less good at because you'll be stressed and it'll start getting impatient, and then you're going to start not Wanting to be around at all because it's just too upsetting. So the more you take care of yourself, go bike riding, whatever it is you like to do, get up extra early and do that. In the middle of the day, go do something else and, you know, have a caretaker there, if that's necessary. You're going to have to do that or you will start being companion. But you'll be a lousy person, though. You'll be a lousy companion if you don't take care of yourself.

[Rick]

All right, I will take that.

[Dr. Laura]

You will end up hurting her.

[Rick]

I only want to support her. That's all I want to do.

[Dr. Laura]

And you can only do that if you're okay. Do you think I would be as adorable as I am right now if I was completely exhausted, stressed out, strained, hadn't eaten, hadn't done anything, exercise, take a walk? Do you think I'd be as cute and adorable as I am right now? You're supposed to say, no, I don't think so.

[Rick]

I haven't seen you recently, but I'll take your point.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm just saying I can do what I do because I take care of myself, so I can do this.

[Rick]

I understand. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

People want to know if preparation is me reading something. No, it's keeping my tool sharp. And I am the tool. You are the tool. To do your caretaking and husbanding, you have to be in good condition, so you must do these things. So when you're out riding your bike, instead of, oh, I feel guilty because she can't do it, you need to say to yourself, you know what? When I get back, I'm going to be more uplifting and read to her, watch a movie with her. I'll be more. I'll just be more. Aside from which, they have bicycles with sidecars.

[Rick]

I hear you. We've. We've gotten her electric bike, and she was. She was riding. Riding with me. She. We still go on county rides together, and she can still get out. And I'm, you know, I'm very thankful for that. And if it came to it, well.

[Dr. Laura]

That'S going to change. So you might want to also add a sidecar so she can still be there. And you do all the pedaling you can get with a motor in it.

[Rick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So that's the most important stuff. That's the most important stuff.

[Rick]

All right. Thank you. I'll take that to heart.

[Dr. Laura]

There is no happy way to go through this.

[Rick]

No, no. I've tried the ostrich effect for the first year and just pretended like it wasn't even happening. Yeah, but it is happening and there's. There's no way around it. Yeah, it's just, it's. Everything's hard. Music doesn't sound the same, I don't sleep the same, food doesn't taste the same. Everything's changed.

[Dr. Laura]

Yep. But what you need to do. And here's my number three for you and for her this time, between now and her passing. Make memories.

[Rick]

We're in the camper van right now. We're headed to the Alaskan highway.

[Dr. Laura]

Woo. I'm jealous.

[Rick]

Yeah. Something. In the last year we've done so many bucket list things that good, we're not about to run out, but we're still just checking them off.

[Dr. Laura]

Rick, you're doing everything that can be done. You don't need to ask anybody questions. This is as good as handling it gets.

[Rick]

I called and I knew in my heart that there was nothing you could say to make anything better or different. But you have just listening and getting a different perspective, which I do from different groups and whatnot. It all helps.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. I'm glad. Lots of love, lots of hugs.

[Rick]

Thank you.

[Rachel]

Bye.

[Dr. Laura]

Bye. I'm going to take a break and I want you to think about how the next time you are sort of chickening out of visiting someone who's very ill or likely to pass and how you can move forward anyway to be more caring than fearful. H I'll be right back.

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[Rachel]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

There.

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[Rick]

But up.

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[Dr. Laura]

Deep Dive While a lot of parents worry about bringing their kids around dying loved ones, kids need to understand death as a part of life. None of us will avoid it. I think it's important to teach them to show compassion and care for people who are dying. And of course, you do need to consider the situation. How young are the kids? How sensitive are they? How grim are the circumstances? But if possible, it's really good for them to say goodbye and it gives the dying person a bit of joy and a bit of peace. A loved one with a life threatening illness is one of the most horrible experiences we humans endure. Don't let not knowing what to say or a fear of facing your own mortality stop you from showing love and appreciation when someone has really meant something to hearing that they will be missed is the best of all gifts. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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