← The Dr. Laura Podcast
The Dr. Laura Podcast
Deep Dive: Dr. Laura LIVE at SiriusXM Los Angeles Studios
00:50:21
What’s a piece of advice I’ve given on-air that I’ve applied to my own life? Is it OK to remain friends when you know your “friend” wants something more? What’s a good way to respond when someone asks why you’ve never married or had kids? The questions were good at last week’s Dr. Laura LIVE event, and, in my never-to-be-humble opinion, so were the answers! Enjoy this special Deep Dive podcast of Dr. Laura LIVE from the SiriusXM Los Angeles Studios. Call 1-800-DR-LAURA / 1-800-375-2872 or make an appointment at DrLaura.com
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If you're like me, trying to live your best life while living with diabetes, you can relate to worrying if you're doing a good job managing your diabetes. I use the freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor to get real time glucose readings and see the impact of every meal and activity to make better decisions. The freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor can help me live life with diabetes on my own terms and it gives me more time for the things I love like being a dad and a musician. Now this is progress. Learn more at Freestyle Libre Us.
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For prescription only safety info found at freestyle libre us.
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Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's deep dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast and follow my Deep Dive today.
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This is the city live at Sirius.
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XM Los Angeles Studios, Los Angeles, California.
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Dr. Laura live this is the Dr. Laura program on SiriusXM. Makes him triumph.
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Thank you all for coming. I'm very appreciative that you all made the trip from wherever. You ready? Oh, I don't want to hit my doggy. Doggy, doggy, doggy. Lily bug. What you doing? Lily here. When people say you live alone and you're alone alone. Not if you have a dog. You're never alone. Trust me, you're never alone if you have a dog. Try to go to the bathroom by yourself. Ain't happening. Take a shower. She's right there going, uh huh. I love you but I gotta work now. Have you ever considered quitting? Some days with difficult people and rambling questions, I would not blame you. Absolutely not. None of that. You know, I was asked to do a talk in a synagogue one time. So I show up early and I'm there and this woman comes up to me. She's part of people who work at this particular synagogue. And she comes up to me and she says hi, hi. And she says, I called you three years ago. She wasn't smiling and I said oh. And I'm looking for doors just in case I have to make a quick exit. And she goes after our conversation, I was angry at you for three years. Okay, this is starting out good tonight. And she said, so. It made me stop and think, why am I still angry after three years? And I realized it was because you were right and I didn't want to own it, look at it, deal with it. So you plant seeds, and if you've heard the show, you hear me go, well, they didn't want to hear that. That doesn't mean that they're not going to think about it for umpteen years. I hope it's the less amount of time, because that's suffering that they're going through. Because fighting off things that you really need to face means they're holding on to you like they have tentacles. So if you face the darn thing, it releases. It's sort of like the movie Alien. It releases. All right. So, no, I haven't considered quitting because some calls are difficult. I don't assume that it's a failure, even when somebody is being particularly obnoxious about it. Like, you're an idiot. Yeah. Okay. Why do people like to talk about themselves so much in a conversation? Why do people like to talk about themselves so much in a conversation? They're wanting approval and attention and they don't care about you or anybody else. So don't take it personally. Okay. You want to feel really good about yourself when you're talking to somebody. Listen. Active listening. Active listening means you ask questions. That's interesting. And then what did you do? And then what happened they. That ever happened before? And then, wow. The worst thing to do in a conversation which makes you feel bad is this. Oh, yeah, that happened to me. Oh, yeah. But it happened to me better. I had one person in my life briefly. Every time I would say, and I have 10 toenails, she would say, I have 12. You want to hear the story about my other two toenails? It was like she had to one up the conversation. This wasn't about our relationship. This was who she was. She had to keep building herself up and the way if you really want people to like you, show interest in them. So this doesn't work. This doesn't make people yearning to be with you. How do you handle all the outside noise of negativity? This is a heavy group. You ask deep questions. Okay. How do you handle all the outside noise of negativity? I turn it off, tune it out. I assess what's going on. I see if there's anything relevant that I ought to know about. And when it's just ugly, hateful negativity for the sake of self empowerment. As you know, I'm strong. I can hate. What you see going on out there a lot is, I am strong because I can hate. And that has become a major flow in our country, maybe even the world. It's alarming, it's worrisome, and I try not to add to it. So there's an alternative. You can be angry, you can be forceful, you can be strong. You just. There's no point in hatred. Except for the people whose hatred is their definition of strong. How to get a spark for life back after kids are grown. I must admit I can respond to that as a psychotherapist, but as a human person, I've just always had so many interests, so many things to do, people who focus in on only one thing. Even if it's just the kids, that's not good for the kids. For them to be your total focus in the first place, that's a bad idea. I can't go a year and a half without coming up with a new thing. I have to learn. I'm now into leather bags. Yesterday, when I got off the air, I said to my friend who was driving me about, do you have any plans for this afternoon? And he said, no. And I said, good, we're going to a leather shop. And I don't mean a sex shop, I mean where you have tools so you know how to cut leather and sew leather. And we found it. It's called Tandy. It was in North Hollyw. Even with the traffic, we went over there and the lady was very helpful. I said, I think I need a tool to do this, this, this, this. And I had such a good time. And then she had pieces of leather on sale because they were leftover. So I'm looking through all of them. They weren't cheap because this was good leather. And I opened this one piece, and it's sort of. I'm looking for somebody wearing the color. They're not. It's sort of. I don't see it, but it's sort of a pale. It's not an orange, it's not a peach, but it's just sort of a pale leather color. But it's embossed, all with little skulls. Okay, here we go. So immediately I went, I have to buy that piece. So as long as you are always looking to invest yourself in learning new things. I don't like to travel that much. It's kind of chaotic. I hate going on airplanes and hotels. And now they tell you all the hotels have bedbugs. I mean, it's like Forget about it. So. But I like learning new things. So there's no spark. Unless you're trying to extend yourself into something new. That is the spark. And a lot of things you might extend yourself into. You decide. Yeah, I don't like this. So what, you tried it. Now you know something more. And that usually leads you to something else. So don't wait for the kids to be grown to spark your brain. Don't. Okay. Is it okay to be friends with someone you know absolutely wants to be with you? Well, they're not a friend. You are. They're not. It's an unequal situation. So let's not say is it okay? Let's say, is it fair? Let's see what the rest of it is. But you have no interest in them. And you do things like go on cruises together and several dates, but you know you will never be with them. I don't think you're. I hope this was not written by anybody who showed up today. You wrote this? No, that's not nice. That's using somebody. So you have somebody to travel with. So you have somebody to take you to dinner or go to dinner with. You know, they want something permanent and deeper, so you're taking advantage of their need. So the answer is, that's not nice. It's using somebody that. No nice. I'm 67, never married, no kids. What is the best? I hate when you ask me what is the best. Can't you just ask me one of the many, I don't always know how to come up with the best? What is the best answer when I'm asked why I never married or had kids? The truth. I didn't marry, had kids because I never met anybody I didn't really want to. I don't really like compromising or sharing or doing anything like that. I like having total control of my. Whatever it is, the truth or I'm sorry, it's kind of personal. I'm not willing to discuss that. You don't always have to answer. You're not obligated to share your personal information just because somebody asked you. I have said many times when somebody has asked me something personally that's kind of personal, not something I wish to discuss. Why you're not comfortable with it. Oh, you're messing with the wrong bitch. How do you keep your enthusiasm in a world that's going off the deep end? Because it needs balance. I don't give up. Also, I had a professor when I was. I was teaching full time at usc and I was also training for the psychotherapy program. So I had a professor, and he was pretty high up in the Mormon Church. He also went on the Tonight Show a bunch of times because he was kind of funny in a quirky sort of way. And he said the way he deals with life is he has a sort of a sense of a bubble, which I'll discuss what I think about this, but let me just tell you what he said. Sort of have a bubble. And in that bubble, he permits the friends, relatives, caring people, good doggies, whatever it is. And he keeps that a very positive place. And that's how he deals with the fact that there has been, is, and always will be negative, ugly stuff in the world. I mean, you don't get through too many pages in the Bible when somebody gets axed, okay? So to some extent, I think that's important when I turn on the news just to see if something new has happened. News is supposed to be about something new that's happened. Not everybody's personal opinion. But okay. I take about five, six minutes, get the headlines and turn it off. Because the news these days, no matter where you go look for it, is angry, hateful people mostly. I'm not interested in letting that in. So if you've got friends or relatives who tend to be argumentative and hostile and angry at this group, this person, this person in the family, this person in the state or the country, shut that door down. You don't need it. It's not going to change the world that they have that opinion. Think about that. That they have that opinion will not change the world. When the COVID thing hit, I immediately called up my physician and I said, okay, here's the deal. I race a sailboat. We're out in the wind. And most of the time, sometimes it's just. But we're out in the wind. What do you think I ought to do? And she said, if air is moving and you're outdoors, probably not an issue. However, if you go downstairs and you're doing stuff with the sails and this, that and the other thing, and you're real close. Just have everybody wear a mask. It'll do minimally something, but it'll be something. Nobody on my boat got sick, by the way. Nobody. But I had one person on the boat who took this as a political statement. I just took it as I don't want my people to get sick. I'm responsible. I'm kind of the mother on the boat. They're all guys, and I just wanted everybody to be okay. Not everybody wanted to wear A mask. But I said, if you want to sail on my boat, wear a mask. Because I just trying to be nice to the next person. You know, when you have a cold, you don't sneeze in people's faces. Consider this the same thing. Make believe Covid is just a cold. You don't want that on everybody's face or hands or whatever. So this one guy who we got along so swell, he was a chef in addition, and he had me do a local TV thing where I was just the silly sidekick. He was cooking and I would make snarky comments about the ingredients and what he was doing. It was kind of funny. It was just for fun. But the point is we were very close to each other in that way. He said I clearly was showing early signs of some kind of dementia. And I went, really? Because I just want you to wear a mask so if you cough or sneeze, you don't get the person next to you with your droplets. Come on. And he just went bonkers on me. And I said, you are off my boat. And then a year later, he apologized and asked to come back on the boat. And the answer was, how many of you think the answer was yes? How many think the answer was no? Well, the nos have it. You can call me a dumb, demented bitch, but you can't really apologize for it. There are some things which when said, cannot be erased. Now when I see him, I go, hi. And we hug hello and we get on with our lives. I'm not being. He's basically a nice guy that was. He got caught up in all his political crap and I didn't care about that. I was just caring about my crew. And so. No, you can call me really bad names once. No. Sort of interesting. So many of you thought I would go, yeah, it's okay. No, he was disruptive to the crew. He was vicious to me. No, you do that once you're gone. I don't have a three strike rule. I don't let somebody do it three, four, five times and go, you know, I don't do that. That's part of. I want to keep my life as pleasant and positive as possible. So I make these decisions. For that end.
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The Dr. Laura program live at SiriusXM Los Angeles Studios.
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Yes, I'm living with diabetes, but it doesn't have to define me. Thanks to the freestyle libre 3 plus sensor, I get real time glucose readings throughout the day. The freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor is small and easy to wear, giving me the freedom to focus on my life as a parent and a musician. Now this is progress. You can get a free sensor at Freestyle Libre US.
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Offer available for people who qualify. Visit MyFreestyle US to see all terms and conditions. Certain exclusions apply. Data on file Abid Diabetes Care or prescription only Safety info found @freestyleibre us.
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My dog Max loves chewing on my favorite pair of shoes almost as much as he loves his Blue Buffalo Life Protection Formula Dry dog food. Seriously, he never leaves a crumb. And I love it too because it's made with high quality protein, antioxidant packed fruits and nutrient rich veggies. Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive. Can your dog food say that? Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.
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Dr. Laura the Dr. Laura program live in Cali, baby. And SiriusXM Los Angeles studios. We buzzing in Cali.
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How to build a deeper communication. After being married over 17 years, there's only one way to do that. We got men here in the group. There's not a man in this group or on the face of the earth who, when said, honey, can we talk about our relationship? Will think, oh, goody. There's not a man on the planet who will think that when his woman asks that question. So that's not the way to do it. Let's have a lecture. Let me lecture you about our relationship. Let's talk about how you did this thing with your left eye the other day, and I took it. No, no. You wanted. You want to keep communication. It depends how you're defining communication. We women talk about communication as. Because I always know when I'm by a park, when women are going by on bicycles or when the men are going by on bicycles. When the men are going by on bicycles, you hear grunting. When the women are going by on bicycles, you hear, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. We talk. I do the same thing. That's not how you reach him. You're physical. Give you an example, and I'll turn it around the other way. Guy calls me. He sort of had it with his wife. He's not feeling close anymore. He's just not feeling it. And he has a couple of kids, and they're all at the dinner table, and he's not feeling it. And he's thinking, God, I wish I could get away. You know? So I have him on the air. I said, okay, I want you to do this one thing tonight at dinner. I want you to get up out of your seat under the notion that you're getting something out of the refrigerator, some more butter or something. And when you walk by her, just take your hand and run it on the back of her neck. And he went, really? I said, do it, do it and call me. Most people don't call me back. He did. And he said the second he touched the back of her neck, he just felt like an electric shock. Touch is the best communication. What do you think we do with pets? With newborns, it's all touch. You know, when your puppy leans against you, what's that? I love you. I feel close to you. I feel safe with you. I feel comfortable with you. I love you. That's all said just by this. So sit on the couch, watch a movie and be a puppy. Or if you're the guy part, be the big dog. Hold her close. Touch. Stop thinking you're going to talk your way into feeling cozy. Really. Even saying I love you, and I hear people going, hang up the phone, I love you. Hang up the goodbye, I love you. It has said so flippantly that it just becomes a habit. Well, make a habit out of touching touch. Are people ever disappointed with your advice or answers? Of course. There is no change without resistance. There is no change without resistance. You know that. I know that. We resist it because we tend to go, what's the most familiar? Because it's comfortable. And that's why people, oh, but if I don't be doing this, I don't know what I'll be doing. That's correct. But there is no, what will I be doing if we don't stop doing this? So we have to spend some time in psychological purgatory where we're very uncomfortable. People resist pain way too much. You've got to suffer. You have to suffer. I suffered through every exam, through college and graduate school, I suffered. I was scared. I wanted to do well. Did I remember that? Did I write it right? It's suffering. Just about everything you do requires some suffering if you're moving forward with it. You got to be vulnerable. You have to tell the truth. You have to do something outside of your comfort zone. Suffering is a very healthy part of life. It means you're willing to deal with change. Oh. Yesterday a woman said, I fear. I'm fearful about being alone. Fear. Do you have a big word? Fear is fear. And I said, okay, tell me what you're fearing.
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What?
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It was dead air. When Carson edited it to put it on to the, you know, the next break. He left out the dead air, which was too bad, because that was the point. She didn't. She said, well, I can't actually think of anything. But when we use the word fear, we're resisting. Well, you have to suffer and face your fears. We all do. So, yeah, people are disappointed, frustrated, annoyed. So what? It's part of their process. Part of their process. A lot of you have gone to therapists who just make you feel good. They're listening. In fact, you fall in love with them because you finally found somebody who would just listen and not judge you and not challenge you. And so, wow. And that's why this phenomenon happens where I remember one time didn't happen much with me because I challenged people. But the guy came in, it was after, like, the second or third session with flowers. So he hands me flowers, and I'm sitting there. Now, if you don't know what the hell you're doing as a therapist, you're so touched. That's so sweet. You like me as your therapist. You brought me flowers. No, he's trying to get you to back off so that you don't say anything he has to face. So I sat there, I remember, and I went, and what are these? He said, roses. I said, no, actually, what are these? What do these mean? What are you trying to tell me with the flowers? And then we made some progress. I was trying to tell you to back off. I'm charming this way. If you give flowers to a woman, she just melts and, you know, okay, what advice would you give living alone, not having anybody consistent to speak to when you go through stressful seasons and you're trying to smile for everyone. First of all, what the hell are you doing that for? You know? And nobody wants to consistently hear your stuff. No spouse wants to consistent. Because the word consistent is. Here I'm reading the word. No one wants to consistently hear you complain or whine and go through a stressful season. You mean this person has to listen to you for months on the same thing? Who wants to do that? Raise your hand. Good. No hands went up. This is a very sane group. Oh, a therapist. Yeah, but you're getting paid, baby. I listen to you all day. I'm sorry, our time's over. Where's the check? First of all, I live alone. I have lilybug, believe it or not. Sometimes I talk to her, but it's a very brief thing. Like, boy, that was a crappy thing that happened today. Let's go have a snack. That's it. I do something positive for myself to get through stuff, you know, whatever. But if I really need to talk to somebody, they're called. Okay, this is a complex word. I'm going to say it very slowly and carefully. Ready? Friends. But they don't consistently want to hear your stuff either. But you don't have to be consistent. I have a friend who's a dentist who lives in Boston. If you listen to me, you've heard me mention her. We haven't seen each other in 20 years because she lives in Boston, I live here, and neither one of us is traveling. Okay? But we talk all the time. And one of Us calls the other, and it goes back and forth, and we do all our complaining to each other. We actually have fun doing this. I go, okay, your turn. And she's of the. Oh, no, I don't want to. But yes, you do. That's why you called. So let me hear it. It's beautiful. At the end of it, we're both laughing because we care about each other and we're not abusing each other in the friendship of somebody listening. Don't abuse your friends. Don't abuse your mother. Don't abuse your kid. Don't. Don't abuse anybody. Bless you, my child. Actually, I'm Jewish. Dr. Laura, your advice has guided me for years in making tough choices with courage and integrity. Oh, thank you. Good. What's one piece of advice you've given on air that you found yourself reflecting on or applying in your own life recently, and how has it shaped your perspective? I have a situation that has come up, and I allow an initial reaction to be purely. Whatever it is, whether it's anger and. Or hurt and. Or whatever I allow it to be. And then this particular situation, I went in my bedroom, sat on the floor with Lily Bug, just petted her and looked out the window and just let it all seep in and calm down. And then you turn to the people who really care about you and have the wisdom to help you do the next step. You don't have to do anything alone. You have people in your life if you've nurtured them. And the way you nurture people is you care about them and you show them, you trust them with your vulnerability. And then when push comes to shove, you have someplace to go. There's no reason to face things alone. It's your own choice. And I, you know, I'm human. And if you don't get a second opinion, sometimes you can just dig yourself a hole that you don't want to be in, you know? And I was born in Brooklyn, so you know what my first response is? Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. Oh, forget the whites of their eyes. Just shoot them. How do you stay so calm under pressure? I feel like I'm swimming with sharks at work. Oh, that's my book. Surviving a Shark Attack on Land. That's my book. How do I stay calm under pressure? There's something about being 78, and I've been through so much shit, you know, that I know I can survive it. I know I can survive it because I've been there, done that. I've Come out the other side most often. Not always, but often. It didn't turn out to be as bad as I thought. Sometimes it turned out to be worse nonetheless. I don't do it alone. Don't do life alone. You don't have to be married, have a boyfriend, girlfriend to not do life alone. Don't do it alone. And you probably are swimming with sharks at work. If you flip a shark on its back, it goes into a coma. Think about that. How can you flip a shark at work on its back? Compliments are good. You know, I was thinking about what you said, and there's enough truth to it that I really have been giving it a lot of thought and I'm appreciative of what you said. That person, if they're a shark, is going to be on its back. You took all the teeth out and it's in a coma. Compliments. But you have to sell it well. So what you say is. It was hard to hear. I'm not sure I'm at the point of agreeing with all of it at this time. It makes it sound like you might be, but you're not kissing ass. You're manipulating. Manipulation has gotten a bad rap. I believe in it. I do it for three hours a day on the air for the sake of helping somebody, okay? To get them to see it a different way. So now this person sees you as open to hearing them, even though they know they've been crappy and angry and petty and jealous and arrogant. Whatever it is that they're being, they know that. But power is the most seductive thing in the world. Not sex, power. Although if you play your cards right, sex is very powerful. Nevermind. Okay, how have you trained Lily? We're with each other 24, 7. I got a poodle. That was more than half the battle. They're so smart. I love her to pieces. She knows it. She wants to make me happy. And I just repeat and you know, little tid. I walk her in my neighborhood off leash now. You'd think everybody would be pretty pissy about it. They watch me, she's walking with me. It's a long. It's a mile and a half to go around this street and people are with their dogs, pulling, pulling, pulling. And they're going, stop, stop. And the dog's going, screw you, stop, stop. And meanwhile she's in a sit, wait. And I walk away and the other dog is going crazy. And she's sitting there going, I'm a poodle. You're out of control. And I'm A poodle. And so nobody complains. Now, I also trained her with the word st O P. When a car comes by. So you start out by st O P and I give her a little tidbit and she got it very quickly. If I put my butt on the ground, one of those things goes by, I get a treat. I got this woman so trained, I'm just going to sit down and get my treat if it makes her happy. Oh, listen, she's a very loving dog. So now we walk. And sometimes I don't bring treats because I don't want it all to be about treats. I want it to be about she's trained, she knows what to do, and she's doing it for the reward of good girl. You're such a good girl. I love you. See how she's looking at me? It's so cute. So now she stops so I don't have to worry. And now cars go by and wave at me because she's just sitting there. She's not running into the street, she's not pulling. I always am laughing when I go into town, which case I put her on a leash because there's an ordinance and people are going, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. And the dog is not listening because it means nothing. How is that in your marriage? Well, there must be another way to teach the dog sit. You're not teaching the dog anything except to ignore you. You ever wonder why when you're nagging your wife or your husband, you're not getting the response you want?
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Sit, sit, sit.
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Doesn't work. I'm going to let you think about that a little. We can always come Back to it. Dr. Laura live at Sirius XM Los Angeles Studios.
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Hey, it's Austin James. Yes, I'm living with diabetes, but it doesn't have to define me. Thanks to the freestyle libre 3 plus sensor, I get real time glucose readings throughout the day. The freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor is small and easy to wear, giving me the freedom to focus on my life as a parent and a musician. Now this is progress. You can get a free sensor at Freestyle Libre US offer available for people who qualify.
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Visit MyFreestyle US to see all terms and conditions. Certain exclusions apply. Data on file Abbott Diabetes Care or prescription only Safety info found @freestyleibre us.
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My dog Max loves chewing on my favorite pair of shoes almost as much as he loves his Blue Buffalo Life Protection Formula Dry dog food. Seriously, he never leaves a crumb. And I love it too, because it's made with high quality protein, antioxidant packed fruits and nutrient rich veggies. Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive. Can your dog food say that? Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.
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At Walgreens we know.
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Flu season can feel a little chaotic, so we're going to give you our flu info in a meditation keeping you calm, just like a certified Walgreens pharmacist will do if you're a little needle nervous. So walk in or schedule an appointment and Walgreens will handle the rest.
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That's the human kind of help.
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Walgreens vaccines subject to availability, state, age.
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And health related restrictions may apply.
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Mr.
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Monopoly here Monopoly is back at McDonald's. Register in the McDonald's app so you're ready to get your bag. Two ways to peel for a chance to get your bag physical peels with select items and digital peels with others. To get your bag, play Monopoly at McDonald's.
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No purchase necessary. See rolls@play itmcd.com for full details and amoe.play@mcd.com to play without purchase end September 23rd, but bonus plans November 2nd. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro. Copyright McDonald's.
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The Dr. Laura Program live at SiriusXM Los Angeles Studios.
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Thank you for making such a difference. The way you show compassion while still setting boundaries when needed is truly inspiring. How do you do it so beautifully? Oh, you know how to get to me. Thank you. Thank you. Can you share some tips on that? Oh, I just love that you said all that because I really feel the compassion and I'm committed to helping. So anybody who calls me, think about how scary that is. Anybody in this room ever called me? Oh yeah, a bunch of you. Thank you. It was scary, wasn't it? Right. Even though you could hang up. I think I haven't had eight people in my entire 50 years hang up and there are times I thought, gee, I think I would have hung up. That was pretty rough. I try to balance the fact that it's scary and difficult to call me, knowing you're most likely going to hear something you least likely want to hear but know you should hear it. I'm appreciative of how vulnerable somebody is when they get on the phone. But I am hell bent determined to let them deal with that fear and discomfort and concern and not let that get in the way of what I perceive as what I need to do to help them. So you will hear me go, that is just entire bullshit. You pulled that crap on them. Really. That's the wake up. And then I come back in with the compassion. I do feel that they're trying to learn to be better or they wouldn't have called. Now, some people are more resistant than others and it ends up sounding less pleasant. Nonetheless, I'm committed to helping and I do care. I do care. If I didn't care, I wouldn't do it. I could think of 10 other things I could do with my day. But I really care that I'm helping somebody. Even though when you take out a splinter, you've got to dig, there'll be some blood. Once you pull it out, it can get better. So I'm aware of that. So I'm willing to have people say, that's one mean bitch. She's mean. She just gets off on being mean. No, I don't. No, I don't. Did anybody hear the call from the woman on her deathbed the other day that rocks your world. She had just finished throwing up her breakfast, which was the last time she was going to try food. And they gave her days, maybe a couple of weeks. And she called to talk about it. I was pretty impressed and we had a nice talk. I said, so what do you think is going to happen when you die? See, when I'm talking to people about life and death, I use the words life and death. I don't have euphemisms. I think people in that situation want somebody to talk reality with them because everybody else is going, oh, no, you know, let's try another treatment. Let's, you know, everything, you think positively and all that kind of. They want somebody who's going to deal with what's really happening. And she said, I believe I'll go to heaven. So we had a discussion. In heaven, do you have your body? No, it's more a spiritual sense. Okay, so we're talking about all of that. And I could understand why she was reasonably okay with dying, because for her there was something very wonderful to shift into. You have to admire that. Even if you don't believe in it, you have to admire that. And I guess some people might have thought and I don't care. Just in case you're wondering, I don't care. I don't care about criticism unless it's from somebody I admire and respect. Then when they give me criticism, I figure, there's something in this I better learn. But just, you know, you're hateful, we hate you. I don't listen to any of that. And hopefully you will all get to the point to not listen. Because if you listen to all of that, you won't move forward. You won't have the courage of your convictions. And there's this one thing I'm never giving up is my convictions. Oh, this is good. How can we give others the advice I share me without them thinking we're being judgmental? You can't, because that's their defensiveness. Because you say to somebody, you're judging me and you're not supposed to judge anybody, really. And what do courts do? Hello. The guy or the gal up there has even called the judge. We're making judgments. Yes, all the time. I judge. This is a wonderful, good, healthy, sublime thing to do. I judge that disgusting, horrible, miserable thing to do. We make judgments all the time. You damn well better, or you're just going to walk around the earth like some mindless entity which is just accepting everything. Do not do that. You don't have to accept. Accept means you. Don't fight it anymore. Don't do that. Fight it. And I have, over the years, come up with sort of shortcuts to deal with certain things. Oh, you know, not everybody can afford daycare. That's very true. So what? Find a way to make it happen. I had one lady throw. It was many years ago, 20, 35 years ago. It was a small entity like this, and she went. That's just. You know, you don't understand anything. You know, I was once in a mall. I couldn't buy my kid a second pair of little sneakers when he was this high. So, yeah, I know what it's like to have to go through all your pockets to see if you can find enough money to get a hamburger at a fast food place. I've been there. I've been there. I don't want to hear that crap just because I'm doing well now. Give me a break, all right? And it's an obnoxious thing to say anyway. Just because somebody has earned and is doing well doesn't mean they don't understand not doing well. You don't have to not experience it to appreciate that the whole world is not on the same page all the time. So, yeah, just. I lost my train of thought when I relay my message to friends. I think I'm judging Them. My shortcut when people go into the daycare thing is. Let me back up. I was on the Donahue Show. Does anybody here remember the Donahue Show? It was the first one of these, and it was the most intellectual of all of them. They sort of degraded into nonsense. But he's trying to take a picture. Is that what he's doing? Okay, thank you for interrupting. I love you. That doesn't mean I want him to lick my nose. All right. Like Lily Bug. Didn't you all understand that that was a joke? All right. So I was at the Donahue show, and they were doing my first book, 10 Stupid Things. So he has cards that his producers write. So he's coming down the stairs saying, you said. And he pointed out something about daycare. And I said, it's not even in the book. Yes, it is. It's Paige. And he turned to the page. It's not in the book. And I took over. Anyway, I didn't want him to be embarrassed because I don't know what a host is going to do if they get embarrassed. So, you know, quick thinking. Enough. I said, okay, let me do one thing. You're all going to die in the next minute. You can come back and choose. You can come back and choose to be with a loving mother all day. Nanny, babysitter, or a daycare center. Raise your hands if you would choose the daycare center. Nobody moved. And then I did that years later in a group of 5,000 women, and nobody got up. And I said, so if you're appreciating what it would be like for you to be with a loving mother, as opposed to an institutionalized setting where. Where you're not loved all day like a mother would, then how are you justifying this, really, other than it's convenient and you're a sheep because you see other people doing it and they're telling you you're worth nothing. If you're not working, you're worth nothing. If you're mothering, you're worth nothing. If you're homeschooling, you're worth nothing. If you're taking the house and making it a home, you're worth nothing. Nothing. And I can't tell you how many people bought how many women bought that. And I never understood how any woman could buy that she could be replaced as a mother by a nanny, a babysitter, or a daycare center. And I had one woman when I started my career, and I was on at night, she called me crying. This was like one in the morning. And Wanted to understand what she could do because her kid calls the nanny mom. And I said, the nanny is mom. That's a fact. To this kid, the nurturer is mom, period. What, you don't think that's possible? Try an adoption. Your mom, Come on. Not loved all day. But a woman with breasts and a uterus would buy that she could be replaced. After nine months of looking like a spider. That's what I looked like. Big belly, skinny. Everything else. What are your tips for encountering anxiety? I had many, many years where I had severe panic attacks. And I still worked while I was on air. It was a non issue before the microphone, after the microphone. I never knew when it was going to hit me. And it started when my husband had sudden death the first time. So I went to therapy. That didn't help. And I was reading books on it. And one line in the book changed everything in my dealing with. I'm talking profound anxiety. I used to feel like I'm going to be dead. I remember being places where I thought, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And I'd hold on to something and I'd wait to see if I was going to drop dead. Because you feel like your chest just got emptied out of all this air. And then I would go, guess I'm not going to die. I'm just going to feel like I wish I were. Think I am. And the thing that changed it for me and let me just flow with anxiety after that. So I don't get them often. And if I get them, they're a 1 out of 10. And I just let it flow because I know it'll pass. Because the one line was, nobody has ever died from a panic attack. That was the one line that changed me with respect to dealing with anxiety. I think I'm gonna die. Nobody ever has died. What if I'm the first one? Leave it to me. And now I just flow with it. I go, I'm anxious right now. I'll eat something. Maybe I'm low in blood sugar. I'll use any excuse to eat. What is my favorite movie again? What's the best? The African Queen. Anybody ever see that? You should see that. You should definitely see the African Queen. It is the most amazing movie of faith and love and transformation, change. It is amazing. It's Humphrey Bogart and oh my God, help me, help me. Audrey Hepburn, right? Oh, Katharine Hepburn. Pass this to whoever said Katharine or any kind of Hepburn. I'll take any kind of Hepburn. He's a drunk. She's an old spinster, and It's World War I, and they're in Africa, and he has a crummy boat that goes up and down this river called the African Queen. And the Germans come and they kill everybody, all the people living in this village in Africa. And her brother, who was in charge of the ministry, and he's rescuing her. But she's a feisty thing, and she says, I know that the Germans are going to have that big boat in the lake at the end of this river, and we should go bomb it now. He's a drunken bum, and he did it so well. And she did her prissy thing so well. But you saw the cracks in it, you know, happening as they were gaining respect for each other. And he kept trying to drink, and she's throwing the stuff overboard, and he goes, aw, you know, it's just human nature. And she drops the Bible from her eyeballs and says, we were created to rise above nature. And I thought, whoa, that's a sentence I never want to forget. That is so perfect. Don't say it's human nature. Yes, we're animals, and yes, we have some animal instincts, but the only time you can't control an instinct is when you choose not to control it. Otherwise, of course you can. You ever say F you to a nun? No. So you don't want to say it to your mother or a cop. Okay. So you can control yourself. I know that. So they end up getting to the German ship. But the whole movie, you have to just see this whole movie, this transformation from him being someone who just didn't believe in anything and didn't care about anyone and was just surviving. And her, with her narrow framework on the universe in this village with her brother coming together for a purpose. And they get on the ship and the German guy says, we're going to hang you both. And he says, can you marry us? So they get married with nooses around their necks. And it is the most romantic scene you have ever seen. I love you, too, but it's something you have to see. So that's my favorite movie because it has a little bit of everything and a tremendous amount of soul and love and raw commitment to doing the right thing, blowing up that German ship. So see the movie, and that sort of worked together. You'd think I orchestrated that. I didn't. Thank you all for coming. Thank you all for being so nice to Lilybug. And I thank you for being so supportive. I've been doing this work for 50 years, and I understand. I'm going to live to somewhere between 100 and 101 so stick with me. If you like this podcast be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course I'd love if you gave me five stars and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
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Hey it's Austin James. If you're like me trying to live your best life while living with diabetes, you can relate to worrying if you're doing a good job managing your diabetes. I use the Freestyle Libre 3 sensor to get real time glucose readings and see the impact of every meal and activity to make better decisions. The Freestyle Libre 3 Plus sensor can help me live life with diabetes on my own terms and it gives me more time for the things I love like being a dad and a musician. Now this is progress. Learn more at Freestyle Libre Us for.
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