Deep Dive: Forgiving Yourself

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Deep Dive: Forgiving Yourself"

Release Date: April 3, 2025
Hosted by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

---

Introduction to the Topic: Forgiving Yourself

Dr. Laura Schlessinger opens the episode by addressing a fundamental challenge many face: the difficulty of forgiving oneself. She emphasizes the tendency to find it easier to forgive others than oneself, leading to prolonged feelings of shame, disappointment, and self-hatred. Dr. Laura introduces the concept of the Four Rs as a pathway to self-forgiveness:

1. Responsibility: Acknowledge and take responsibility for one's actions.
2. Remorse: Feel genuine remorse for the wrongdoing.
3. Repair: Take steps to repair the damage caused.
4. Repeat Prevention: Commit to not repeating the mistake in the future.

---

Caller Nancy’s Story: Abortion and Self-Forgiveness

Timestamp: [00:53] – [08:22]

Nancy, a woman in her late 40s, shares her long-standing struggle with self-forgiveness following an abortion she had as a teenager. She expresses deep-seated guilt and an inability to move past her decision made at 15 years old.

Key Discussion Points:

• Establishing Criteria for Forgiveness: Dr. Laura asks Nancy to outline her personal criteria for forgiveness, comparing it to forgiving a friend.
• Application of the Four Rs: Nancy inadvertently demonstrates the Four Rs through her actions over the years, leading Dr. Laura to guide her toward self-forgiveness.
• Affirmation of Remorse: Nancy confirms she feels remorse daily and has taken steps to ensure she doesn't repeat her mistake by using protection.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([04:08]): "You have no right to not forgive yourself if you have true remorse."

Outcome: Nancy successfully verbalizes her self-forgiveness, marking a pivotal step in her healing process.

Nancy ([07:41]): "I forgive myself. I forgive for taking the life of another human being."

---

Caller Julie’s Story: Coping with Son’s Suicide

Timestamp: [08:22] – [14:30]

Julie reaches out seeking guidance on achieving self-forgiveness after her son's suicide. She grapples with feelings of inadequacy, believing she could have done more to prevent her son's death.

Key Discussion Points:

• Distinguishing Guilt from Sadness: Dr. Laura differentiates between guilt (which requires intent) and sadness or regret, helping Julie understand that her feelings may stem more from sorrow than actual wrongdoing.
• Reframing the Relationship: Dr. Laura advises Julie to focus on cherishing joyful memories with her son rather than dwelling on his death.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([12:05]): "If somebody's determined to kill themselves, there's not a whole hell of a lot you're going to be able to do about it."

Outcome: Julie adopts a healthier approach by deciding to treasure her memories and communicate positively about her son, alleviating unnecessary self-blame.

---

Caller Madeline’s Story: Abuse and Brother’s Suicide

Timestamp: [17:40] – [23:15]

Madeline shares her traumatic past of growing up in an abusive household where her stepfather beat her and her younger brother. Recently, her brother committed suicide, triggering painful memories and intense guilt for not having protected him.

Key Discussion Points:

• Understanding Guilt: Dr. Laura helps Madeline recognize that her guilt stems from believing she failed to protect her brother, despite circumstances beyond her control.
• Channeling Guilt into Positive Action: She encourages Madeline to use her experiences to stand up against injustice and protect others, thereby transforming her guilt into meaningful action.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([20:14]): "The best way, I think, of honoring the truth, that you should have protected him is to, from this day forward, be very cognizant of standing in between evil and the innocent."

Outcome: Madeline is guided to shift her focus from self-blame to proactive measures in her daily life, fostering healing and purpose.

---

Caller Espy’s Story: Marital Issues and Persistent Guilt

Timestamp: [23:15] – [28:39]

Espy discusses her struggle with sadness and guilt following her divorce seven years ago. She feels responsible for the dissolution of her marriage and fears it affects her current relationship.

Key Discussion Points:

• Evaluating Control Over Outcomes: Dr. Laura questions whether Espy had complete control over her marriage's fate, helping her realize that not all aspects were within her power.
• Managing Sadness vs. Guilt: Emphasizing that Espy's emotions are more aligned with sadness than guilt, Dr. Laura advises embracing the sadness while minimizing its impact on her present life.
• Letting Go and Moving Forward: Espy is encouraged to allow herself time to heal and not impose unrealistic expectations on her current relationship.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([25:07]): "You can't let that be the measure of you."

Outcome: Espy gains clarity on differentiating her feelings and is advised to prioritize her readiness for new relationships without undue self-criticism.

---

Listener’s Email: Mark on Accepting Past Mistakes

Timestamp: [31:13] – [37:50]

Mark shares his journey of overcoming addiction and the lingering guilt from his 18-year marriage that ended due to his substance dependence. Despite achieving sobriety and being active in AA, he continues to struggle with accepting the past and the pain caused.

Key Discussion Points:

• Continuous Process of Acceptance: Dr. Laura underscores that acceptance is an ongoing process. Even after making amends and receiving forgiveness, feelings of guilt may resurface.
• Character and Guilt: She highlights that persistent guilt is a testament to one's character and capacity for remorse, framing it as a sign of a good person.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([36:45]): "Only good people feel guilt. Only good people feel true guilt. Remorse. Only good people."

Outcome: Mark is encouraged to continuously reaffirm his acceptance and use his experiences to foster personal growth and resilience.

---

Dr. Laura’s Final Advice: Overcoming Guilt and Embracing Forgiveness

Throughout the episode, Dr. Laura provides actionable steps and exercises to aid listeners in their journey toward self-forgiveness:

• Decision Over Mood: Forgiveness is presented as a conscious decision rather than an emotional state.
• Practical Exercise: Dr. Laura suggests an exercise where individuals draw a line down a paper, labeling one side "Yesterday" and the other "Forever After." Negative actions are written on the left, with corresponding positive actions to commit to on the right.
• Embracing Positive Memories: Focusing on positive experiences and contributions rather than past mistakes to build a balanced self-perception.

Notable Quote:

Dr. Laura ([31:13]): "Don't forget the times you were helpful and kind and loving when someone needed you."

Listener Engagement: Dr. Laura encourages listeners to reach out for support and to actively participate in their healing process by applying the discussed strategies.

---

Conclusion

Dr. Laura Schlessinger wraps up the episode by reinforcing the importance of self-forgiveness as a means to personal growth and improved relationships. She emphasizes that while one cannot change the past, embracing forgiveness enables individuals to move forward positively, contributing meaningfully to their own lives and the lives of others.

---

For more episodes and personalized advice, visit DrLaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's deep dive deep dive Dr.

[Caller]

Laura's deep dive Podcast I find that.

[Dr. Laura]

Most people have an easier time forgiving others than forgiving themselves for the mistakes or naughty things that they've done. People can carry around shame, disappointment and self hate for a very long time. I always say that you should only forgive someone when they've earned it. I think that's true of yourself as well. And the way you earn forgiveness is by following the four Rs, taking responsibility, showing true remorse, doing whatever it takes to make sure you don't repeat your mistake, and trying to repair the damage you've caused. Before Nancy called me for help, she didn't realize she had already started to do the work necessary to forgive herself for the abortion she had as a teenager. Nancy, welcome to the program.

[Nancy]

Hi Dr. Laura, thank you for taking my call. Like your last two callers, I'm. I'm nervous as well. Thank you. I need some help. I. When I was 15 years old, dumb teenager, I got pregnant with my boyfriend at the time and I had an abortion and I don't. And I'm in my late 40s now and I have not been able to forgive myself.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I ask you what your criteria are. Like, if I were your friend and I did something wrong, what criteria would I have to go through for you to forgive me? So just tell me how you see forgiveness.

[Nancy]

Wow, that's a really deep, tough question.

[Dr. Laura]

That's what you get here.

[Nancy]

Yeah, well, I mean, I. I believe in forgiveness.

[Dr. Laura]

I didn't ask you about your spiritual, religious. I don't care about any of that. I seriously don't care. I want to know your personal criteria for forgiving me because of what I did to you. I'm saying I'm sorry. Now you're just going to forgive me because I went I'm sorry or is there more?

[Nancy]

There's not much more actually. You're sorry and I feel you really mean it and that you've learned from your mistake. Then I would. I'm a very forgiving person to you.

[Dr. Laura]

What if it wasn't a mistake? What if I intentionally did it, but now I have remorse?

[Nancy]

I think I'd have a harder time forgiving, but I. I would eventually forgive. Why in that situation, why.

[Dr. Laura]

Why would you forgive me? I intentionally hurt you, but now I do have remorse. I'm taking responsibility. I'm trying to repair it best way I can. I won't repeat it.

[Nancy]

It's just natural to forgive for me.

[Dr. Laura]

Obviously not, right?

[Nancy]

Obviously not.

[Dr. Laura]

You intentionally killed a child. You were a teenager. You got caught, you got scared. Society said, not a problem. It's not a human being. Just scrape it out, suck it out into a sink in little pieces and it's done with.

[Nancy]

That's right.

[Dr. Laura]

Except they forgot that women are human beings with sensitive feelings. And for most women, not all. There are some women who actually throw abortion parties.

[Nancy]

Right, I know.

[Dr. Laura]

So here's my deal. You have no right to not forgive yourself if you have true remorse. Do you have true remorse?

[Nancy]

Every single day of my life.

[Dr. Laura]

I just need a yes or a no.

[Nancy]

Yes, I have no.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't need no drama. Yes or no? Yes. Okay. Yes. Are you taking full responsibility that you made this decision knowingly?

[Nancy]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Have you ever repeated it?

[Nancy]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

And what did you do to make sure. What did you do to repair it?

[Nancy]

I used protection.

[Dr. Laura]

Right. Remorse, responsibility. No repeating and repairing it. Now, the repair part we can't do. The kid is dead.

[Nancy]

Right. And that's what I think of every day that I.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, we need to stop thinking about that every day. Because that doesn't make you a better person. Does not make you a better person.

[Nancy]

I'd like to maybe help someone in a similar situation make a difference.

[Dr. Laura]

Not in this day and age.

[Nancy]

I know.

[Dr. Laura]

Not with Planned Parenthood getting paid for by the federal government. Not with them selling body parts and staying in business. Little baby body parts of aborted kids. No, you're not going to be able to make much of an impact.

[Nancy]

I'd like. I'd like to try. Maybe this call is part of that. Just if anyone's listening or in a same situation to really. Don't let the fear. Don't be overcome by the fear. And it is not the right thing to do to have an abortion.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, you just completed the four R's. That makes you morally responsible to forgive the person. This call today was very important because you finished the four of the four R's remorse, responsibility, repair, not repeat. Since you performed these, you are under a moral obligation to. To give forgiveness.

[Nancy]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

So I need you right here and now to legitimately tell the person you feel did a wrong to you and to yourself and to this baby. Give the forgiveness now. Say it.

[Nancy]

I forgive myself. I forgive for taking the life of another human being.

[Dr. Laura]

That's it. And that's the most any decent person can ever do. But the going through it every day does not make you a better person. What you just did makes you a better person.

[Nancy]

I will. I will do my best to remember that.

[Dr. Laura]

Good.

[Nancy]

Thank you again.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. Take care. People will often call me and say they feel guilt over something in the past. And guilt is one of the most misused words I hear on the program. If you want to get rid of the guilt trip you give yourself, you have to determine intellectually if you are actually guilty of something. Guilt requires intent. Did you intend to do something wrong? That's what I discussed with Julie when she called about her son's suicide. Julie, welcome to the program.

[Julie]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you.

[Julie]

My question is how do you know or how do you reach self forgiveness?

[Dr. Laura]

It's a decision. It's not a mood. It's a decision. I forgive myself. What do you believe you need to forgive yourself for?

[Julie]

Well, I lost my son a couple years ago to mental illness, suicide. And every day it passes by me that maybe I didn't do enough.

[Dr. Laura]

Is that a maternal emotional or is that based in some fact? And I don't like perhapses, I like decisions. So in the time, and I'm very sorry about your son, but in the time before he killed himself. No, I'm sorry. In the time since he killed himself, have you come upon any information or awareness of something you ought to have done and were not responsible to do it?

[Julie]

No. Although.

[Dr. Laura]

No, you can't be knowing. Although. Okay, see that's the game you play in your head. Because I don't know if you hold on to. Well, let me ask you, what's the benefit of holding on to guilt about him killing himself? Because there is a benefit.

[Julie]

There is a benefit?

[Dr. Laura]

Yep.

[Julie]

All I can think of is that it maybe makes me feel somewhat closer to him in a way.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Talk a little more about that.

[Julie]

He. Spiritually speaking, I feel he does know my struggle with this and I. I truly don't believe that he hold. He would hold anything against me. It's just that I was the last one to be to Talk to him. And I feel like I let him go.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, the truth is, if somebody's determined to kill themselves, there's not a whole hell of a lot you're going to be able to do about it.

[Julie]

I do understand that once the decision's made.

[Dr. Laura]

But let's talk a little bit more about this keeps you close to him. Tell me more about that.

[Julie]

Well, it gives me something to talk to him, to myself all the time. And so I say to him, I'm sorry I couldn't reach you.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, then you need a way to stay close to him without blaming yourself. So let's keep the goal the goal. We want to keep the goal that you feel closer to him. I'm with you on that, but let's find a healthier way to do it. So I think a healthier way to do that is to say, I miss you. Not, I'm sorry I miss you. I miss when you were four and stole all the pretzels and gave yourself a tummy ache. I missed that. How about we do this to stay close to him?

[Julie]

I like that. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

So let's start that process by you saying to yourself right now, I was not responsible for his suicide.

[Julie]

I was not responsible for his suicide.

[Dr. Laura]

Say it louder.

[Julie]

I was not responsible for his suicide.

[Dr. Laura]

But I miss him a lot.

[Julie]

I do miss him a lot.

[Dr. Laura]

And I'm going to talk to him about cool things that I miss. I'm not going to dwell on him being dead and how that came about. I'm only going to dwell on the joyous things I remember. Say that in your own way. Go ahead.

[Julie]

I will. I will talk to him about all these good times and everything I remember of him. And I will treasure those memories forever.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Good.

[Julie]

Thank you, Dr. Lohr.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. And I'm terribly sorry this happened, but I'm happy that you do have some wonderful memories.

[Julie]

I have 28 years of it.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm happy for you that you have that. Yes.

[Julie]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Okay, I have to take a break, and I want you to think of one stupid thing you've done in the past that still embarrasses you. To imagine and see in your mind's eye. Count to five and talk about five wonderful things you've done since. And I'll be right back.

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Deeper Deep Dive podcast.

[Dr. Laura]

The reality is that most of the time, guilt is the wrong word, as I said, and you're really feeling sad, remorseful, or disappointed in yourself. Even if you did screw up and are experiencing justified guilt, you cannot change what already happened. You're not perfect, but you can give yourself the chance to repair the damage, as I explained to Madeline in this call. Madeline, welcome to the program.

[Madeline]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Hi. Hi. I really respect what you do and I really would appreciate your advice. Right now, I'm going through kind of a hard time and I'm specific, having a very specific problem.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, what is it?

[Madeline]

I came from an abusive home.

[Dr. Laura]

Meaning?

[Madeline]

Meaning who beat Whom my stepfather beat both me and my younger brother, who was two years old, younger than I was, my mother.

[Dr. Laura]

And your mother just let it happen?

[Madeline]

Yes, she did, as a matter of fact, Once she married my stepfather, who was a wealthy man. And she seemed to want to hold on to the money more than she wanted to. More than she wanted to be a mother, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

And did either you or your brother tell any authority figure?

[Madeline]

No. We were very shut down. We didn't really talk about it, except sometimes with each other. But the problem. My mother is no longer living and my stepfather is very ill. But that's not my concern. My concern is that my brother committed suicide two weeks ago. And since that time, although I have a very happy life and a very beautiful marriage, I've been having trouble with memories that have been coming back about my own abuse, what it was like. And for the most part, I have been doing well enough that I have not really.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, your brother is two years younger than you. Right?

[Madeline]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm going to take a leap here. If you could listen to me for one moment.

[Madeline]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

I think the reason you're recycling your own experience is that you have guilt that you did nothing to protect your younger brother.

[Madeline]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And now he's dead. And now he's dead.

[Madeline]

Yes. Yes. Yes, Dr. Laura, that's true. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. Telling the truth to your heart, your soul, and me.

[Madeline]

Yes. I always try. I couldn't take care of myself, so, I mean, I couldn't protect myself, so I tried to protect him.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you didn't call the police. You didn't tell the teacher.

[Madeline]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

You didn't. Ultimately, the same way your mother didn't protect you, you didn't protect him.

[Madeline]

That's right.

[Dr. Laura]

And that's why you're rehashing your own. Because you don't want to look at his.

[Madeline]

Well, I'm rehashing his, too. You know, I'm re seeing what he went through, too.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I'm going to reiterate how you started this call, because that's the important part, not your backtracking.

[Madeline]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You started crying over your past, and that was because you were distracting yourself from your guilt. And the guilt is appropriate. You didn't make the choice for him to kill himself. He did that. He could have made better choices in his life, gotten better help, been have a good life like you do. Ultimately, that was his decision. But I think your guilt is appropriate. Most of the time, when a kid is being beaten by a Parent, they usually get into gear when a younger child in the family is being abused. Also, because they get in protective mode. Instead of being scared for themselves, they that comes overrun. That didn't happen in this case. If you want to, I can't give you absolution. I'm not a priest. I don't know if you're Catholic, but it's something you have to live with. And the best way, I think, of honoring the truth, that you should have protected him is to, from this day forward, be very cognizant of standing in between evil and the innocent. If you see somebody at a party being nasty to somebody else, you do something, you interject, you say, that's not very nice, and you take that person and walk them away and give them some club soda. I mean, I'm just making a silly example, but I'm saying you can't fix the past, but you can use this as a lesson for the rest of your life, that it is your place to stand up for somebody else, and that will take the place of the rehashing.

[Madeline]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I appreciate that you called.

[Madeline]

Okay. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. Don't let the energy that you are spending on what happened yesterday suck the air out of today like EPC was doing when we spoke. Espy, welcome to the program.

[Espy]

Hi, Dr. Laura. It's an honor to have you listen to my question.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome.

[Espy]

Okay. How do I overcome this sadness? Maybe guilt for not having kept my family, my marriage, and my family together?

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Did you have the power by yourself to keep the family together? Was that solely within your power? Yes or no?

[Espy]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Then guilt is not relevant. It's sadness.

[Espy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And how can you not be sad? We don't overcome sadness. Over time, we become less sad, less sad. It's always that little kernel. I mean, do you have any scars on your body, on your skin? I've got a ton. I do. Good. The skin's intact. It functions. But a scar always reminds you of what happened. But it doesn't hurt anymore. You don't think about it anymore, but it's there because it's part of our experience. Well, sadness over something that's lost is part of our life experience. So we can't get rid of it. We can just minimize its power over us by doing the best in the future that we can.

[Espy]

Okay, and what if that interferes with my current relationship? If I'm with my current person that I'm dating and I think, what are you doing?

[Dr. Laura]

What are you doing wrong to him? Tell me what you're doing wrong to him.

[Espy]

I'm not enjoying the now with that person.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then leave him alone and wait till you're ready. People are not. People do not exist for your experimentation. All right.

[Espy]

That's true. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

If you're not ready for the here and now, let yourself get ready. Give yourself a break.

[Espy]

Okay. That makes a lot of sense.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Espy]

Okay. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

It's so hard to. Don't be so hard on yourself.

[Espy]

Even though it's been seven years now since my divorce.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, it's because you've been hard on yourself and never let it go. You've been beating yourself up over it. Yeah. You kept it alive for seven years. It's a great story I've told on the air. These monks live high in the mountains somewhere and they have rules. One of the rules is you can't talk. Obviously, I could not join them. You cannot talk and you can't touch a woman. So three of these monks have to walk on this long trip to go get something or other and bring it back to the monastery. And they get to this small river. Not real big stream, more of a big stream. And there's a young woman there, obviously too small, too frail to really be able to get through this because of the current. So one of the monks goes over, picks her up, carries her to the other side, puts her down. The three monks keep walking. They walk for eight hours. Eight hours they walk. No, for you, I'm going to change it to seven. They walked for seven hours. Finally, the other two monks couldn't stand it anymore and they turned on him to reprimand him by speaking ironically. You know, you're not supposed to touch a woman. You carried her through the water, he said, I picked her up, I carried her through the water. I put her down on the other side. You two have been carrying her for seven hours.

[Espy]

Wow.

[Dr. Laura]

I love that one.

[Espy]

Yes. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

He put her down. He was done, right? You have to be done.

[Espy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Espy]

I think I asked my ex husband to forgive me for my part in the marriage, not staying together, and he didn't forgive me. And I think that's.

[Dr. Laura]

That's not. Everybody is the forgiving type, espy.

[Espy]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't let that be the measure of you.

[Espy]

That's true. Okay. Thank you so much for listening to my question and for your answer, your wisdom. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. Take care. Okay. Gonna take a break. Want to make sure you're clear. Guilt is a reasonable emotion if you've really done something wrong. Otherwise, it's Sadness, regret, pain. Stuff like that. I'll be right back.

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[Dr. Laura]

Deeper.

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Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow.

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Wait, what? Really? Yep.

[Caller]

Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks, dad. When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Caller]

Now your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.

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[Dr. Laura]

Deep Beating yourself up doesn't help you build a good life or contribute anything positive to anybody else's life. Changing does. And you can change anytime. Giving a professional profound meaningful apology is a good idea as well. You need to devote your time to doing good and being good. Now, if your head is filled with a list of regrets, I'd like you to try this exercise. Take a piece of paper and a pen and draw a line down the middle of the page from top to bottom. Write the word yesterday on the left side of the line and draw an arrow pointing to the left. On the right side of the line, write forever after with an arrow pointing to the right. Each time you start ruminating on a negative thing you've done, I want you to write that thing down on the left side column. Then on the right, write down what you're going to do forever after. So the left side might say cheated on my spouse. And on the right side you might write, avoid all opportunities to be alone with people of the opposite sex or and or spend more time being sweet and loving with my spouse. You're never going to be totally okay with that thing you feel remorse about, but that's not the only thing you've done in your life. Come on. Don't forget the times you were helpful and kind and loving when someone needed you. My advice is to accept your history and give yourself a lot of points for the good things you've done. Use the things you write on the left side of that paper as a catalyst to becoming the person you admire. You would admire. You would admire Finally, I want to read this email from Mark about accepting your past self. Mark writes, My ex wife divorced me after 18 years of marriage because of my severe alcohol and opioid dependence. I acted horribly toward her during my addiction, stealing medication, lying, cheating. Fortunately, I now have 21 years of continuous sobriety. I'm still active in AA. Fortune had nothing to do with it. That was pure grit and character. I recently heard a call on your program with a father of 35 year old addict son asking if there was anything else he could do about his boy or for his boy or how to cope with it. I resonated with your comments about acceptance, which means you stop fighting something you said. However, simply accepting a situation does not guarantee your emotions will not surface again. That was my aha moment throughout my this is where it gets deep. Throughout my sobriety I've experienced waves of guilt, shame and remorse for how I treated my ex wife. Emotions surfacing again. She forgave me when I made formal amends to her. However, I have struggled to accept the hurt and disappointment I caused and the lost promise of our marriage. Deep. I've assumed this was My burden to carry for the rest of my life and I've punished myself for it. Now I realize it's normal to re feel when this happens. Now I renew my acceptance. Basically what he's saying as I did these horrible things, they had long term impacts on people I was supposed to love and take care of. And I feel awful and I bounce back into feeling awful after thinking I've accepted it. That's normal. Just renew your acceptance. That was then, this is now. You have helped radically change my attitude and helped me release the burden I've been carrying. Keep up the good work and thanks for the aha moment. Well, I appreciate the aha moments. But yeah, you can accept certain things. That doesn't mean from time to time other feelings are going to re percolate and you have to recommit yourself for accepting, making the best of and doing better and not harming people again. But it keeps repercolating. There's one more level I want to add to that. It only re percolates in good people. Only good people feel guilt. Only good people feel true guilt. Remorse. Only good people. Yeah, I know we can't easily rid ourselves of our sadness, but we can try to minimize its influence over our lives. Accept yourself for the whole of you and not for the act you'd rather forget. Give yourself forgiveness and move forward. What pain have you been carrying around in your head and heart? I am here to help guide you through the process of setting it down. So give me a call at 1-800-DURO or go to drlaura.com and make an appointment to speak with me on air. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Okay, we've got Katie's projects, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow.

[Caller]

Uh, sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds. Managing the house while mama's gone is not easy. But did you know that now Walmart pharmacy has prescription delivery straight to your door?

[Dr. Laura]

Wait, what? Really?

[Caller]

Yep. Just upload your prescription to the Walmart app and keep doing your thing. We'll bring your groceries and prescriptions all in one bag and straight to your door.

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks, dad. When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

[Caller]

Now your pharmacy comes to you. Welcome to your Walmart delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.