Deep Dive: How Infidelity Damages Kids

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Summary: Deep Dive – How Infidelity Damages Kids

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 21, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode explores the profound and enduring effects of parental infidelity on children—both immediate and lifelong. Through deeply personal calls from adult children of unfaithful parents, Dr. Laura highlights the emotional fallout, issues of trust, relational difficulties, and repeated patterns that often trace directly back to a parent’s betrayal. The discussion pulls no punches, offering insight into both the pain and the hard-won growth callers have experienced.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Introduction to the Topic

• Dr. Laura introduces the episode as a follow-up to a special hour inviting adult children to share how their parents’ infidelity impacted them and their families.
• An email from Stacy, an earlier caller, underscores the generational effects: “My siblings have not fared as well. Some have coped by avoiding meaningful relationships, afraid to trust. Others have repeated the same patterns, becoming cheaters themselves and perpetuating the very cycle of betrayal and instability.” (01:26)

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2. Caller Experiences & Dr. Laura’s Reflections

A. Stacy – The Fallout from Swinging and Cheating

[03:04 – 05:17]

• Stacy’s parents were swingers, leading to cheating and eventual divorce.
• Friendships between families imploded: “Friends that I had for my whole life, all of a sudden, I wasn’t allowed to [their] houses. They weren’t allowed to hang out with me or come visit me at college. It was very, very difficult.” (04:16)
• Stacy built a healthy marriage, but siblings struggled: some are unable to trust, others repeated infidelity.

B. Michelle – Restructuring Her Sense of Safety

[05:46 – 09:03]

• Parents separated during father’s mental struggles and mother’s cancer; father began new relationship.
• Michelle describes an emotional role-reversal, feeling like the parent: “I had become the parent to try to tell him right from wrong.” (06:58)
• Rather than making her insecure, the experience helped her shift emotional reliance from her father to her husband: “I need to put all of my trust in my husband.” (08:13)

C. Sarah – Shocking DNA Revelations

[09:18 – 12:03]

• Learned through DNA testing, later in life, that she is the product of her mother’s affair.
• Feels devastated and struggles to process the identity shift and her mother’s refusal to discuss it.
• Dr. Laura presses Sarah to articulate the emotional impact: “Why does it matter where the sperm came from? This man raised you. ... Curiosity can’t be more important than the love and affection for 50 years?” (12:01)

D. Terry – Trauma, Withdrawal, and Marital Distrust

[12:49 – 15:30]

• Step-father’s serial cheating, including with teenage girls, led to his emotional withdrawal from Terry.
• Created a lasting inability to trust men, shadowing her own marriage for decades: “Most of our marriage... I had a really hard time trusting him.” (14:59)
• Gratitude for her steadfast husband: “We’ve actually been married for 41 years. ... He stood by you and he’s proven his worth and you have your protector now.” – Dr. Laura (15:30)

E. Jason – The Child as Messenger

[19:21 – 24:42]

• At age 12, Jason discovers his mother’s affair; he becomes the one to inform his father.
• Became controlling in adult relationships out of fear: “For the first 10 years... I didn’t like if [my wife] put on perfume. ... I was very controlling because I was afraid that she’s going to go out and cheat on me.” (22:52)
• With self-reflection and communication, began to understand and change: “Realizing how I was raised is affecting me today and a lot of people don’t realize that.” (23:43)

F. Wendy – Delayed Realization

[24:59 – 27:35]

• Didn’t realize until years later that her father’s affair had “skewed my trust in not only men but in relationships like forever.” (24:59)
• Years of therapy made the connection clear, but healing remains incomplete.

G. Tom – Repeating the Cycle

[28:09 – 30:14]

• Dad was a habitual cheater; this modeled infidelity as normal, and Tom repeated the behavior in multiple marriages.
• Only understood the pain after being cheated on himself: “Then I kind of seen how the shoe fits. ... Now I don’t see—it’s not attractive at all. If a woman’s going to cheat on her husband, I find that repulsive, not attractive.” (29:05)
• Regret that he couldn’t tell his now-deceased father the damage this caused: “I hurt a lot of people and myself because of you.” (29:36)

H. Peter – Addiction and Avoidant Patterns

[33:59 – 37:30]

• Parents split when Peter was 12–13, mother remarried quickly; he later battled addiction and repeated patterns of letting others take advantage.
• Later, mother admitted her affair in a letter; Peter still struggles with confusion, betrayal, and trust.
• Unsure if knowing the truth as a child would have helped: “My brain’s not even developed. I don’t know if I could have processed all that at that time.” (37:06)

I. Jessica – Insecurity and Assertive Confrontation

[37:46 – 41:01]

• Discovered her father’s affair as a pre-teen, confronted by clues (condoms, absences).
• Emotional fallout: “It was just a deep feeling of insecurity. ... I’m terrified that this person is going to leave me.”
• confrontation led to estrangement: “We don’t have a relationship now. He chose another family.”
• Praises mother’s strength and resilience post-breakup: “She stuck at it and was just a mom. And I’m very grateful for that.” (40:19)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It left me with a distorted view of marriage, friendship, and sex. It took many years to truly believe that a faithful, devoted marriage was possible.” – Stacy (01:26)
• “He tried to justify it that, you know, he’s allowed to have friends, he’s an adult, ... and I’d be like, that’s really not how it works.” – Michelle (06:46)
• “My father stopped being my father.” – Terry (13:55)
• “The one person, your dad ... is your protector and at the end of the day, he’s human and can fail you as well. ... I need to put all of my trust in my husband.” – Michelle (08:13)
• “I didn’t want to be hurt again. ... I always wanted to be a step ahead of you.” – Jason (20:40)
• “It really ruined a lot of time in my life, I think.” – Wendy (25:48)
• “Back in my 20s and 30s ... I would mess around with married women. ... Now ... if a woman’s going to cheat ... I find that repulsive, not attractive.” – Tom (29:13)
• “I went into drugs ... to cope with betrayal, confusion. Feel like I can’t trust anybody close to me.” – Peter (36:17)
• “I was so angry, I poked holes in the condom. Probably not the most tactical ... but as a 12-year-old, I was pretty angry.” – Jessica (38:18)
• “It shines a light on the uncertainty, insecurity, and fear of abandonment ... when parents don’t honor their vows.” – Dr. Laura (41:01)

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Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------| | 01:26 | Email from Stacy (intro to topic) | | 03:04 | Stacy's call | | 05:46 | Michelle's story | | 09:18 | Sarah's DNA discovery | | 12:49 | Terry on stepfather’s infidelity | | 19:21 | Jason discovers his mother’s affair | | 24:59 | Wendy’s struggle with trust | | 28:09 | Tom on becoming the cheater | | 33:59 | Peter on addiction tied to betrayal | | 37:46 | Jessica on insecurity and confronting dad | | 41:01 | Dr. Laura’s closing reflections |

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Overarching Insights

• Patterns repeat: Many callers noted how parent’s infidelity led them or their siblings to perpetuate similar relational dysfunctions.
• Trust is foundational: Betrayal doesn’t just impact the couple; it fundamentally alters children’s ability to trust, often for decades.
• Processing takes time: Several callers only realized as adults—or through therapy—the root of their insecurities or relational struggles.
• Honest acknowledgment helps: While not always reparative, parental acknowledgment or apology can provide important validation to adult children grappling with their pain.
• Role of the “good parent”: Some attempted to rationalize or shield parents (“Mom was still a good mom”)—a point Dr. Laura repeatedly challenged, stressing that “making an environment which makes children feel insecure” cannot simply be excused.

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Conclusion

Dr. Laura closes by reminding listeners of the long “ripple effect” caused by neglecting vows and personal responsibility—the emotional collateral of infidelity extends far, often across generations.
“Go do the right thing,” she urges, reinforcing her show’s unwavering emphasis on ethics and accountability. (41:01)

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For further discussion or to join the community, visit DrLaura.com.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Listen to all my episodes of Dr. Laura's Deep Dive in your favorite podcast app. Search for Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast and follow my deep dive today. Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Deep Dive Dr.

[Caller or Guest]

Laura's Deep Dive Podcast Today's Deep Dive.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is inspired by a special hour of the Dr. Laura program when I invited adult children to call in and talk about how their parents infidelity affected their family and their lives. One participant followed up with this email. Stacy wrote, Dear Dr. Laura, thank you so much for taking my call today. During the discussion about the impact of cheating parents on kids, I shared about my parents who were swingers for a period of time which eventually led to cheating and divorce. While I have been fortunate to build a healthy marriage and family of my own, my siblings have not fared as well. Some have coped by avoiding meaningful relationships, afraid to trust. Others have repeated the same patterns, becoming cheaters themselves and perpetuating the very cycle of betrayal and instability that harmed us all. The experience left me with a distorted view of marriage, friendship and sex. It took many years to truly believe that a faithful, devoted marriage was possible. So thank you for having these conversations and for your unwavering commitment to protecting children and promoting strong moral families. Your message is so desperately needed in today's world. So here are the calls we took on the topic of cheating and its effects on kids, starting with Stacy. Stacy, welcome to the program.

[Caller or Guest]

Hi Dr. Laura, how are you?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. How did your parents cheating impact you personally?

[Caller or Guest]

Well, I thought I could add a unique perspective to this call because my parents were swingers with friends of my friends. So when the swinging turned to cheating and the marriage ultimately blew up, it blew up a lot of Friendship in mine and my siblings. Yeah. So these were lifelong friendships. I was about 18, almost 19. My sister was 15, and my brother was 10, and my other brother was 8.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So did the friendships break up forever or something else?

[Caller or Guest]

So for me, I was able to maintain a friendship that. So it has, you know, in my adult life, proven to be a little more complicated, you know, seeing for parents. We both have kids now, kids, birthday parties, shared events, things like that have proven a little difficult. Definitely at the time that it was going on, you know, I was newly into college and friends that I had for my whole life, all of a sudden, I wasn't allowed to houses. They weren't allowed to hang out with me or come visit me at college. It was very, very difficult. And both of my parents then retreated into relationships that they had developed outside of the marriage. It was. It was very difficult.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Are they divorced at this point?

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, yes, very much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. Have your parents married to people they were screwing around with or.

[Caller or Guest]

My mom had a string of relationships, so she recently did commit and got married. My father did end up marrying.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

All right, I appreciate your calling. And you're right, it's a bit of a different perspective. Who are they having the affair with? And if it's very close, quote, close to home, it really messes everybody up. Wow, that was an extra added way of looking at it, wasn't it? Okay, Michelle, tell me what impact. Tell me the story, and then tell me how it impacted you.

[Caller or Guest]

So my parents had been married for almost 30 years, and they took a brief separation. My dad had had some mental struggles, and my mom was going through cancer and treatments and such, and he had had a down roll, downward spiral. Anyway, long story short, they took a short separation, and in that time, he had what he likes to call a friend. And so, I mean, many conversations about that said friend led to their divorce in the end, but he never would admit that it was actually more than a friend, even though I know that it was because I had had conversations with her as well. They were, you know, basically in a relationship. And so, yeah, I mean, definitely it made me look at my dad in a different. Oh, go ahead.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And, yeah, I was wondering about the impact on you in terms of having to deal with your mother, having to deal with your dad, so. And this other woman. So tell me the impact on you personally.

[Caller or Guest]

Personally, I mean, it was definitely a struggle. It made me look at him in a little bit of a different light. He tried to justify it that, you know, he's allowed to have friends, he's an adult, you know, he's 40, you know, 9 years old. And I'd be like, that's really not how it works. You know, and it almost was a reverse role of, like, I had become the parent to try to tell him right from wrong. And it was. It was interesting. And in the long run, I mean, it was a growing experience for myself because I was able to almost kind of stand up. Like, it switched the roles to where I could stand up and say, no, this is right for wrong, where I could almost validate that. I knew that myself, you know, because when you're faced with it, in a sense, like, in. Like, I was married. I mean, I'm married, and I have been, and I was at the time. But then it's also like, you know, you look at your parents and you shouldn't have to say, well, these don't do what your parents did. But then it also is kind of like, listen, I don't want to be like that. You know, I mean.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Michelle. Michelle.

[Caller or Guest]

Yes?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Did it add any. I don't want to put thoughts or words in your mouth, but did it add anything in terms of your insecurity about your husband's commitment?

[Caller or Guest]

Actually, I think it strengthened it more because, like, not as far as, like, in a positive way, because it was like, I was able to lean on him and say, like, you know, the. The one person, your dad and a dad daughter situation. It's like, that's your protector, like, your ultimate protector, and at the end of the day, he's human and can fail you as well. But then it was like, oh, I've been. Because I married. Then it's like, oh, I actually have left that security and put more security in my husband, who's now my protector now. So I think it was able to almost. I mean, at the time, I'd been already married, like, 15 years, so. But it was almost where I could, I guess, cut the court official. Like, I'm no longer in that. Like, I don't need to rely on my dad to protect me. I need to put all of my. My trust in my husband.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's a. That's fabulous. I so appreciate you sharing that. Gosh, this is illuminating. Illuminating. Not tating. Sarah, what happened when your parent cheated, and how did that impact you?

[Caller or Guest]

Well, I'm in my 60s, and I just found out my father is deceased for 10 plus years. My mother's living with me, and I found out through a DNA test that my brother is my half brother.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mm.

[Caller or Guest]

That's how I found out when I finally let it kind of sink in. I mean, it was. It just threw me for a loop. I can't even. I can't even explain. Was just devastating.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I need you to explain it. That's the point of this hour.

[Caller or Guest]

I know. I'm trying. I'm trying.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So tell me how it impacted. Well, did she. So she had a kid before she married your dad or after?

[Caller or Guest]

Nope. I mean, after my brother was born. We were 17 months apart and they were married. I was the second child and I approached her about it, tried to be very calm and non threatening and, you know, accusing or anything. I just showed her the facts and she refused to talk about it. Said, that's impossible. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I don't know about the error quotient, so I can't speak to that. But what's the impact on you?

[Caller or Guest]

I'm struggling. It's been over a year now and I'm still struggling because.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why is it upsetting? No, why is it upsetting? I just want to know why is it upsetting you? All right. Okay.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, all these years.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, what about all these years I.

[Caller or Guest]

Believed it to be one person and I love him. But now I find out it wasn't and I just want to know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, who do you not love anymore?

[Caller or Guest]

Nobody.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you just said. All that time I thought it was one person and I loved him, so. What are you talking about?

[Caller or Guest]

I did. I loved my dad when I was growing up. My non biological dad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry. Which one is the product of an affair, you or your brother?

[Caller or Guest]

I am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You don't look like your parents.

[Caller or Guest]

I look like my mom.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you look like your brother?

[Caller or Guest]

Nope.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And why does it matter the man who father. Well, how I see, I need to understand. Why does it matter where the sperm came from? This man raised you? I don't know. It's something you could think about. That's an interesting take. Curiosity more important than the love and affection for 50 years? I don't get that. I don't. Curiosity can't be more important. Terry, how did whoever cheated in your family impact you?

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, boy. Profoundly. My stepfather was the cheater in our family. My stepfather became my father when I was five years old. My mother was young, 21 at the time when she met him and already had three children. I believe now, knowing after years and years, I know three children and she was married. However, her first husband was an alcoholic and she left him. So I think she saw him as her knight in Shining armor when she met him. Tall, dark, handsome, Italian man. Swept her off her feet. Willing to take care of her three children. However, there's a little bit backstory that maybe she should have looked a little further into, but she didn't do. But now as an adult grown woman, after talking to my mother over the years, she came to realize she made a big mistake. Obviously he had cheated on his first wife and he had a son as well.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Enough of their history. I just want to know how it impacted you.

[Caller or Guest]

Profoundly, Dr. Laura. Profoundly.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Tell me how.

[Caller or Guest]

When I first found out as a young teenage girl, my father withdrew from me. He was having affairs with teenage girls. Okay. And he began to withdraw from me. He and I for the first six, seven, eight, nine years of their marriage were very close. We did a lot together. We spent a lot of time together. He started just completely withdrawing from me. He wouldn't. He would argue with me all the time. He wouldn't want me in the room. When I found out, I think I was about 14 and I overheard a conversation they were having in their bedroom and it was a letter that my mom found some. Okay, so that's their story. My story is my father stopped being my father. He was the only father I knew. And then it carried on. I was also a young bride. I was married at 19. And it carried on into my marriage. So. So, so what car?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What carried on?

[Caller or Guest]

I thought that my husband was my father and that he was going to do the same thing to me that my, my father did to my mother. And my husband is one of the most amazing men. We're actually been married for 41 years. Bless his heart for hanging in there. But most of our marriage up until probably even just the last 10 years, I had a really hard time trusting him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So your original bio dad abandoned you. This guy clearly had a lot of anxiety because he was doing girls your age. So he was keeping away from you so he wouldn't do you. So it was incest anxiety which kept him backing off from you, nutcase that he is. And so that that double barrel shotgun left you not feeling that secure about trusting a man. But you have a good man and he stood by you and he's proven his worth and you have your protector now. That's fabulous, Terry. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, we're going to take a break and we're going to think about how you look at life today and relationships today and love today has a lot to do with what you saw in your parents relationship.

[Caller or Guest]

I'll be right back Dr. Laura's deep dive Podcast.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller or Guest]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Jason, welcome to the program. Tell me how your parent cheating impacted your life.

[Caller or Guest]

Hello, doctor.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hello.

[Caller or Guest]

Yes. So I was the one that had to go to my dad and tell him that my mother was cheating on him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ouch.

[Caller or Guest]

And I. I had found out because it was the Beginning of the Internet. And I would, you know, hack into the computer, whatever, and I end up finding, you know, different things about my mother and everything else. And so it really, it really, really affected me as far as, I mean, everyday life, as far as my ex wife.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, before we get to your ex wife, we took a big leap. How old were you when you looked at the computer and discovered your mom was fooling around? How old were you?

[Caller or Guest]

Probably age 12.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how did it impact you from that day on?

[Caller or Guest]

Really hurt me. And it just made me look at. I made me always want to be in front of everything, like a step ahead of everybody else because I didn't want that to happen to me or I didn't want to lose that picture. You know, I didn't want to because I was so hurt and I never wanted to be hurt again. So I always, growing up, I always wanted to be a step ahead of you and find out, how did your.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Relationship with your mother change? If it did.

[Caller or Guest]

It did. But she was a great mother. Even though she had stepped outside the marriage, that did not make her a bad mom. She raised me good. Great. Just because she had an issue, her own issues, doesn't mean that she was a bad mom at all. It doesn't make you a bad mom because she, she raised us kids just fine. I mean.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That is making an environment which makes children feel insecure, being a good mom.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, that's to a certain degree, yes. You're. You're, you're not going to be perfect.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, come on, let's not use that phrase. That's far from issues of perfection. But you're very protective of your mom right now.

[Caller or Guest]

Well.

No, I mean, yeah, you are. My mom was great.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You went on and on three or four times talking about what a good mom. She took care of her kids. She was a good mom to her kids. She was a good mom to her kids. 12 year old finds out his mother is having sex with some other dude and you're a male. I think there was more that went into that reaction than you're admitting.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, it really affected me when I got into, when I got order, when I got into relationships myself as far as. So when I started getting in a relationship and starting with my ex, we were together for 20 years and for the first 10 years, I, I didn't like if she put on perfume. I didn't like if she dressed a certain way. I was very controlling because I was very controlling because I was afraid that she's going to go out and cheat on Me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And have you gotten over that fear in general?

[Caller or Guest]

It took me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But how did you, how did you do that? How did you get over that fear?

[Caller or Guest]

Communication with. With each other. Learning. Learning who I am as an individual. Realizing. Realizing what I'm doing, what I'm doing wrong. What. Realizing how I was raised. Realizing how I was raised is affecting me today and a lot of people don't realize that. But being honest with myself and looking back in the mirror and say, you know what I'm starting to turn into, to be maybe like my mother, the person that I didn't want to turn, you know what I'm saying? As far as. But yeah, it just. Very controlling. Very controlling. Don't, you know, don't wake me up before you go to, before you go to work, because if I smell, if you smell good or if you look good, then I'm mad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wow, Jason, thank you so much for sharing that. That's a powerful impact, isn't it? Powerful. All right, Wendy, welcome to the program. How did your parents affair impact you?

[Caller or Guest]

I didn't realize that at the time. I was 13 years old. But it basically skewed my, or affected my trust in not only men but in relationships like forever. And I didn't even realize it at the time that it was doing that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

The prior caller said the way he made progress is to realize that it was connected, that the way he was behaving non trusting was connected to his mom having had an affair. Do you see that connection?

[Caller or Guest]

Yes, absolutely see that now. But it took like 20 years for me to actually realize what my behavior was about.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How did you finally understand it? How did you come to understand it?

[Caller or Guest]

I went, I went to therapy for five. It took a few years of therapy for me to talk about it and realize that that's what was happening. And it really ruined a lot of time in my life, I think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And were you able to make a transition, do you think, into more trusting or still work?

[Caller or Guest]

I think I'm still trying doing that. I have not been able to completely heal from it. No. I'm trying. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now who had the affair, your mommy or dad?

[Caller or Guest]

My dad did.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Have you ever told your dad the damage he did to you?

[Caller or Guest]

Yes. And he's one of those people that man of very few words did not go over well at all.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't think it would go over well. But does he understand now that what he did made it hard for you to have good relationships with Trump?

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, I think he did. He does understand that. But I mean, what's done is done. Right. It doesn't. There's nothing he can really do about it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And yeah, I think there's something.

[Caller or Guest]

If he.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If he admits and understands it and shows some compassion about it, that does help.

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You don't feel like you're just a looney tune.

[Caller or Guest]

No, he did. He did. I think way back when, when I was younger, he did apologize and said he felt bad and whatever he said, I don't know, it was so long ago. But there's something amiss still, you know, that. That doesn't really fix everything.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, certainly it. Certainly it does not. But I appreciate your call. See, a lot of times, most times the person having an affair apologizes to the spouse. Maybe. I don't think there's a lot of acknowledgment that this is going to be a forever issue for the children. Okay, Tom, so how did your parents cheating impact your personally?

[Caller or Guest]

Well, my dad cheated the whole time I was younger and I always heard my mom struggling with him over and stuff like that, so. And as it went on throughout my life, it seemed like it was normal and that's just the way it was supposed to be. So this kind of ties into the last segment too, that that's ruined two marriages for me and several relationships over the years. Cheating and doing stuff that I shouldn't have been doing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

At what point.

[Caller or Guest]

Not making excuses.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, you're just explaining it to me. That's fine. So did you turn a corner at some time? You must have, the way you're addressing it to me. So what made you turn that corner? That it's not just what everybody does.

[Caller or Guest]

When I was cheated on myself.

Oh.

Then I. Yeah, Then I kind of seen how it. How the shoe fits. On the other foot. On the other foot.

Wow.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. And now today, can you imagine cheating on a spouse today?

[Caller or Guest]

No. No. I've kind of learned from that. And back in, when I was younger, in my 20s and 30s, the marriages, like other people's marriages, didn't matter to me. I would mess around with married women and stuff like that. But now I don't see. It's not attractive at all. If a woman's going to cheat on her husband, I find that repulsive, not attractive.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And did you ever tell your father how this. No, it's not hypocrisy is if you're doing something wrong right now, but criticizing somebody else. You're not doing anything wrong right now. You're a teacher here. You're a teacher now. You're teaching people from your experience. Ever tell your dad? You know, you messed up my life for quite a while. I hurt a lot of people and myself because of you.

[Caller or Guest]

Nah, he was not that kind of person. You could actually talk to him and say something like that too.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is he dead or alive?

[Caller or Guest]

Yeah, he's deceased now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, too bad, because I was going to send you off to tell him whether he can handle it or not. Thank you, Tom. Okay, we're going to take a break and I want you to think about how a moment of catering to your own desires ripple effect hurts so many people who count on you to be a role model. I'll be right back.

[Caller or Guest]

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[Caller or Guest]

Dr. Laura's deep dive podcast Deep Peter.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Welcome to the program. How did your parents cheating impact you?

[Caller or Guest]

Personally, I hate to play victim, I really do, but I was about 12 or 13 when my parents split up. I have a sister who's five years older than me and she when my folks split up, she went to college and I went and lived with my dad and her and I both kind of knew deep down that something had happened potentially because she got remarried fairly quickly within I want to say I could be wrong. It was quite a while ago, but I want to say it was within a year. And I do have some issues in my past with drug addiction and I've been oddly I've been with a lot of women that for some reason I let take advantage of me and then I've been cheated on and it's probably the worst thing in the world to feel things are on track now. My life and I've just two days ago I I proposed to my girlfriend who I'm at we're actually up here up up north in northern Minnesota right now at my mother and stepdad's place up on the lake. But I hate to say that it I I don't ever feel like any my mom blames herself for a lot of things that happen to me and I hate to say that it was her fault. Maybe some of it deep down was I Don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, if we take. You don't have to be one, Peter, to know yourself. What do you think was so painful that you went into drugs to hide from the pain? What was the painful part of all of that for you? Don't answer quickly. No, no, no, no, no. If you're going to start with the word maybe, then think a little bit more. I don't want to. Maybe.

[Caller or Guest]

I'd say it was a coping mechanism.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What were you coping with?

[Caller or Guest]

Betrayal, confusion. Feel like I can't trust. I can't trust anybody close to me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mm.

[Caller or Guest]

My mother, actually, later on, much later on, years later, wrote me a letter and kind of admitted it and just to kind of get it off of her shoulders, which was a great thing, but it did validate.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you think it's better for, at the time, like, the parents are splitting up or not? That at the time the kids know the truth. So the confusion and the not knowing, does it make them crazy? Do you think they should have come out with it? You know, I screwed around and we're. Or your mother screwed around and we're ending the marriage. Do you think that would have been better than spending all that time just having feelings or.

[Caller or Guest]

No, I don't know. Because when I was 12, when I was that age, 12, 13, my brain's not even developed. I don't know if I could have processed all that at that time.

Well, I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You couldn't process the chaos. You couldn't process the chaos either.

[Caller or Guest]

Well, you tell me. What do you think it would have been better? I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that. That's a good question.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm going to give that more thought. You keep listening to the program, it'll get answered sometime. My number. 1-800-375-2872. Jessica, welcome to the program.

[Caller or Guest]

Thank you, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. And how did your parents cheating impact you personally?

[Caller or Guest]

Well, it was my dad. And I found out kind of slowly. The first hint that I had, I went looking for some aspirin when I was about 12 or 13 years old and went into his toiletry kit to look for aspirin. And I found some condoms. And I knew that my mother had had a hysterectomy, so that didn't make sense. And full disclosure, I was so angry that I poked holes in the condom. Probably not the most tactical, tactically intelligent thing to do, but as a 12 year old, I was pretty angry. And from there, kind of clues, things that had been not quite right were kind of obvious. My dad traveled a lot. You know, he'd Skip things like 8th grade graduation for golf trips, et cetera, et cetera. I think the longest term and the most impact that it has is just a deep feeling of insecurity. Never sure. You know, in my own marriage, I had to really deal with that. Of just deep, sharp insecurity. It wasn't just always like a blanket thing. It was like, I'm terrified that this person is going to leave me. And I have to give credit to my husband. He's. He's so patient and, you know, taking your advice and being somebody that, you know, being stronger and not being a long time to not be so insecure in relationship.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Ever tell your dad off?

[Caller or Guest]

Oh, yes, I definitely told him off. We don't have a relationship now. He chose another family. He started another family. I do have to give credit to both of my parents, however, when they divorced later when I was in high school, two things. Neither one of them ever said anything bad about the other. You know, when we were children, when we were older, a lot of stuff came clear, but they did a very good job of, you know, kind of the tenant of. They could choose their spouse, but we could not choose our parents. They both did a very good job of that. Yeah. And then my mother was amazing. I mean, she's an amazing person anyway, but you know her, she didn't date. She didn't do anything but be a strong mom through all of that and just be present with three very angry children. You know, that had to be very hard on her. But she just. She stuck at it and was just a mom. And I'm very grateful for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wow. Wow. Thank you. Well thought out. I appreciate your call. Wow. That was a remarkable hour of openness and honesty that shines a light on the uncertainty, insecurity, and fear of abandonment that can result when parents don't honor their vows. I'm grateful to those willing to call and share their stories so that others listening might avoid making the same bad mistakes. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

[Walmart Pharmacy Announcer]

Look, if you've got prescriptions, the Walmart app is your place to manage them, Transfer your scripts, refill them, and have them delivered straight to you. Migraines, managed allergies, alleviated dermatology, derma delivered. Ding dong. Is that your pizza? Nope. Walmart pharmacy delivery with a refill. Switch to Walmart and manage your prescriptions in the app. The Walmart you thought you knew is now New delivery. Not available for all prescriptions. Exclusions apply.