Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Summary: Deep Dive – How Infidelity Damages Kids

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 21, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode explores the profound and enduring effects of parental infidelity on children—both immediate and lifelong. Through deeply personal calls from adult children of unfaithful parents, Dr. Laura highlights the emotional fallout, issues of trust, relational difficulties, and repeated patterns that often trace directly back to a parent’s betrayal. The discussion pulls no punches, offering insight into both the pain and the hard-won growth callers have experienced.

Key Discussion Points

1. Introduction to the Topic

• Dr. Laura introduces the episode as a follow-up to a special hour inviting adult children to share how their parents’ infidelity impacted them and their families.
• An email from Stacy, an earlier caller, underscores the generational effects: “My siblings have not fared as well. Some have coped by avoiding meaningful relationships, afraid to trust. Others have repeated the same patterns, becoming cheaters themselves and perpetuating the very cycle of betrayal and instability.” (01:26)

2. Caller Experiences & Dr. Laura’s Reflections

A. Stacy – The Fallout from Swinging and Cheating

[03:04 – 05:17]

• Stacy’s parents were swingers, leading to cheating and eventual divorce.
• Friendships between families imploded: “Friends that I had for my whole life, all of a sudden, I wasn’t allowed to [their] houses. They weren’t allowed to hang out with me or come visit me at college. It was very, very difficult.” (04:16)
• Stacy built a healthy marriage, but siblings struggled: some are unable to trust, others repeated infidelity.

B. Michelle – Restructuring Her Sense of Safety

[05:46 – 09:03]

• Parents separated during father’s mental struggles and mother’s cancer; father began new relationship.
• Michelle describes an emotional role-reversal, feeling like the parent: “I had become the parent to try to tell him right from wrong.” (06:58)
• Rather than making her insecure, the experience helped her shift emotional reliance from her father to her husband: “I need to put all of my trust in my husband.” (08:13)

C. Sarah – Shocking DNA Revelations

[09:18 – 12:03]

• Learned through DNA testing, later in life, that she is the product of her mother’s affair.
• Feels devastated and struggles to process the identity shift and her mother’s refusal to discuss it.
• Dr. Laura presses Sarah to articulate the emotional impact: “Why does it matter where the sperm came from? This man raised you. ... Curiosity can’t be more important than the love and affection for 50 years?” (12:01)

D. Terry – Trauma, Withdrawal, and Marital Distrust

[12:49 – 15:30]

• Step-father’s serial cheating, including with teenage girls, led to his emotional withdrawal from Terry.
• Created a lasting inability to trust men, shadowing her own marriage for decades: “Most of our marriage... I had a really hard time trusting him.” (14:59)
• Gratitude for her steadfast husband: “We’ve actually been married for 41 years. ... He stood by you and he’s proven his worth and you have your protector now.” – Dr. Laura (15:30)

E. Jason – The Child as Messenger

[19:21 – 24:42]

• At age 12, Jason discovers his mother’s affair; he becomes the one to inform his father.
• Became controlling in adult relationships out of fear: “For the first 10 years... I didn’t like if [my wife] put on perfume. ... I was very controlling because I was afraid that she’s going to go out and cheat on me.” (22:52)
• With self-reflection and communication, began to understand and change: “Realizing how I was raised is affecting me today and a lot of people don’t realize that.” (23:43)

F. Wendy – Delayed Realization

[24:59 – 27:35]

• Didn’t realize until years later that her father’s affair had “skewed my trust in not only men but in relationships like forever.” (24:59)
• Years of therapy made the connection clear, but healing remains incomplete.

G. Tom – Repeating the Cycle

[28:09 – 30:14]

• Dad was a habitual cheater; this modeled infidelity as normal, and Tom repeated the behavior in multiple marriages.
• Only understood the pain after being cheated on himself: “Then I kind of seen how the shoe fits. ... Now I don’t see—it’s not attractive at all. If a woman’s going to cheat on her husband, I find that repulsive, not attractive.” (29:05)
• Regret that he couldn’t tell his now-deceased father the damage this caused: “I hurt a lot of people and myself because of you.” (29:36)

H. Peter – Addiction and Avoidant Patterns

[33:59 – 37:30]

• Parents split when Peter was 12–13, mother remarried quickly; he later battled addiction and repeated patterns of letting others take advantage.
• Later, mother admitted her affair in a letter; Peter still struggles with confusion, betrayal, and trust.
• Unsure if knowing the truth as a child would have helped: “My brain’s not even developed. I don’t know if I could have processed all that at that time.” (37:06)

I. Jessica – Insecurity and Assertive Confrontation

[37:46 – 41:01]

• Discovered her father’s affair as a pre-teen, confronted by clues (condoms, absences).
• Emotional fallout: “It was just a deep feeling of insecurity. ... I’m terrified that this person is going to leave me.”
• confrontation led to estrangement: “We don’t have a relationship now. He chose another family.”
• Praises mother’s strength and resilience post-breakup: “She stuck at it and was just a mom. And I’m very grateful for that.” (40:19)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It left me with a distorted view of marriage, friendship, and sex. It took many years to truly believe that a faithful, devoted marriage was possible.” – Stacy (01:26)
• “He tried to justify it that, you know, he’s allowed to have friends, he’s an adult, ... and I’d be like, that’s really not how it works.” – Michelle (06:46)
• “My father stopped being my father.” – Terry (13:55)
• “The one person, your dad ... is your protector and at the end of the day, he’s human and can fail you as well. ... I need to put all of my trust in my husband.” – Michelle (08:13)
• “I didn’t want to be hurt again. ... I always wanted to be a step ahead of you.” – Jason (20:40)
• “It really ruined a lot of time in my life, I think.” – Wendy (25:48)
• “Back in my 20s and 30s ... I would mess around with married women. ... Now ... if a woman’s going to cheat ... I find that repulsive, not attractive.” – Tom (29:13)
• “I went into drugs ... to cope with betrayal, confusion. Feel like I can’t trust anybody close to me.” – Peter (36:17)
• “I was so angry, I poked holes in the condom. Probably not the most tactical ... but as a 12-year-old, I was pretty angry.” – Jessica (38:18)
• “It shines a light on the uncertainty, insecurity, and fear of abandonment ... when parents don’t honor their vows.” – Dr. Laura (41:01)

Important Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------| | 01:26 | Email from Stacy (intro to topic) | | 03:04 | Stacy's call | | 05:46 | Michelle's story | | 09:18 | Sarah's DNA discovery | | 12:49 | Terry on stepfather’s infidelity | | 19:21 | Jason discovers his mother’s affair | | 24:59 | Wendy’s struggle with trust | | 28:09 | Tom on becoming the cheater | | 33:59 | Peter on addiction tied to betrayal | | 37:46 | Jessica on insecurity and confronting dad | | 41:01 | Dr. Laura’s closing reflections |

Overarching Insights

• Patterns repeat: Many callers noted how parent’s infidelity led them or their siblings to perpetuate similar relational dysfunctions.
• Trust is foundational: Betrayal doesn’t just impact the couple; it fundamentally alters children’s ability to trust, often for decades.
• Processing takes time: Several callers only realized as adults—or through therapy—the root of their insecurities or relational struggles.
• Honest acknowledgment helps: While not always reparative, parental acknowledgment or apology can provide important validation to adult children grappling with their pain.
• Role of the “good parent”: Some attempted to rationalize or shield parents (“Mom was still a good mom”)—a point Dr. Laura repeatedly challenged, stressing that “making an environment which makes children feel insecure” cannot simply be excused.

Conclusion

Dr. Laura closes by reminding listeners of the long “ripple effect” caused by neglecting vows and personal responsibility—the emotional collateral of infidelity extends far, often across generations.
“Go do the right thing,” she urges, reinforcing her show’s unwavering emphasis on ethics and accountability. (41:01)

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