Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: Deep Dive - One Big Mistake Men Should Stop Making
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 23, 2025
Overview
In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into a recurring mistake she sees many men make in relationships: the urge to "rescue" women who are in emotional or practical distress. Through candid advice, real listener calls, and an unwavering tone, Dr. Laura breaks down why this dynamic is destructive for both parties and counsels men to choose partners who are healthy and self-sufficient. She underscores the importance of discernment in dating—insisting men choose women for their strengths, not because they're broken and need saving.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
The Damsel in Distress Fallacy (01:24)
- Dr. Laura opens by addressing men directly, asking them to imagine leaving Rapunzel to save herself as a metaphor for letting women handle their own problems.
- “I know you guys are born with a biological desire to rescue a damsel in distress. That’s natural and normal and even good, in many cases… but it’s not always possible.” (01:29)
- Warns that repeatedly choosing to "fix" or "save" women in distress is a recipe for unhappiness.
Case Study: Caller Zach and His Mother Carrie (02:34–13:08)
- Situation: Fifteen-year-old Zach calls with his mother about tensions between them, mainly over whom Zach is dating—a girl who uses marijuana to cope with her problems.
- Dr. Laura zeroes in on the real issue: Zach’s urge to help or save his troubled girlfriend rather than focusing on choosing a healthy relationship.
- Dr. Laura: “You will find yourself trapped into a situation where you will feel guilty and responsible because she’s not able to face life without altering her mind.” (05:35)
- Zach: Admits to feeling compassion and wanting to help, but struggles to accept he can’t “fix” her. (08:43)
- Advice: Dr. Laura emphasizes that compassion is admirable, but not a sufficient reason to enter or continue a relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally stable.
- “Feeling bad shows you have compassion. I like that. But that compassion should not be the driving force to call anybody a girlfriend.” (10:07)
- She recommends Zach read her book "Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives," focusing on the chapters about rescuing women, and to call back after reading. Zach expresses gratitude for the clarity.
Pattern Recognition: Men as Rescuers and Mr. Fix-It (13:08–16:14)
- Dr. Laura generalizes Zach’s scenario, explaining that many men feel secure when they are needed and try to make themselves indispensable by rescuing women, but this doesn't lead to healthy relationships.
- “Some of you men think if you rescue a woman even from herself, she will be attached to you and love you forever. That makes you feel secure in the relationship. The needier she is, the more secure you feel. But that is not smart.” (13:47)
- Introduces "Richard," who ignored red flags in his marriage to a woman with trust issues, hoping he could fix her—a pattern that led to an unhappy marriage and eventual divorce.
- “If a damsel is being chased by a fire-breathing dragon, you have a chance. But if the damsel is being chased by herself, you have no chance.” (16:08)
People Are “As-Is”: The Nate Call (20:22–23:11)
- Dr. Laura articulates that people are not "fixer-uppers," likening relationships to buying something “as is.”
- “When you pursue a relationship, you need to understand that people are not fixer-uppers. As I told my caller, Nate, you buy as is.” (20:37)
- Caller Nate (21:09): Concerned about his girlfriend constantly seeing her ex-boyfriend.
- Dr. Laura urges him not to invest further in someone not ready for exclusivity.
- Dr. Laura: “Would you stand in a store until something becomes what you want it to be? Don’t do it with your life.” (22:55)
Letting Partners Solve Their Own Issues: The Noah Call (23:50–27:37)
- Situation: Noah’s girlfriend is struggling with trust issues and negativity inherited from her mother’s divorce.
- Dr. Laura stresses Noah’s job is not to repair his girlfriend or her family wounds, but to see whether she’s able and willing to address her issues herself.
- “You can’t fix your girlfriend. You can’t fix her mother. Your job is to wait and make a determination if she will become someone you’d want to marry.” (24:47)
- Advises clear boundaries: “Tell your girlfriend, ‘I really don’t want to hear about that.’” (27:06)
Email Case: Lou’s Lesson (30:53)
- Lou shares a cautionary tale about dating a woman emerging from an abusive relationship. Out of pity and admiration for her struggles, he ignored red flags, ultimately realizing he deserved a healthy relationship and chose to move on.
- “I had let my pity for her and my admiration.. be the sole gauge of her character. I was wrong. I decided the best thing to do was to let the relationship go. I miss them, but I deserve better.” (Lou, email, 31:40)
- Dr. Laura commends Lou for following the “trail of breadcrumbs” to self-preservation.
Practical Takeaways & Final Reminders
- Men should look for red and yellow flags early and remember that choosing a partner is about discernment, not altruism or pity.
- The main “mistake” is believing love and effort can fix another’s core issues.
- “Don’t get hooked into knighthood. Understand that damsels in perpetual distress are the architects of their own prisons and problems.” (32:30)
- Action: Dr. Laura recommends her book as a guide for men to avoid these relationship pitfalls.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Dr. Laura: “You can’t save a damsel from herself. Distressed damsel is all you end up with.” (16:09)
- Dr. Laura: “Would you do that in a store?... Well then, sir, don’t do it with your life.” (22:54)
- Dr. Laura: “Because I don’t want to hurt her feelings... you volunteer for something that’s going to be a misery.” (26:42)
- Caller Zach: “I feel like it’s very hard for me to accept that that’s the reason." (08:43)
- Lou (email): “I miss them, but I deserve better.” (31:55)
Key Timestamps
- 01:24 – Dr. Laura introduces the biological urge men have to rescue women
- 02:34-13:08 – Zach and Carrie call: setting boundaries and not rescuing a girlfriend with substance issues
- 13:08-16:14 – Dr. Laura explains the “rescuer” mentality and its consequences
- 20:22-23:11 – Nate’s call: Can't fix a partner who isn’t ready for a relationship
- 23:50-27:37 – Noah’s call: Boundaries with partners who have family drama or inherited trauma
- 30:53-32:10 – Listener Lou’s email: Recognizing when compassion has led to overlooking red flags and making the healthy decision to leave
- 32:30 – Dr. Laura’s closing advice: Avoid “knighthood,” choose healthy partners, and read “10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives”
Tone and Language
Dr. Laura’s tone is direct, firm, occasionally humorous, and always practical. She asserts boundaries, offers tough love, and encourages listeners—especially men—to value themselves and make wise choices in dating. Her language is accessible, clear, and authoritative, often using analogies and concrete examples.
Conclusion
This episode is a masterclass in setting emotional boundaries, choosing healthy relationships, and understanding the dangers of trying to "fix" or rescue a partner. Dr. Laura repeatedly affirms that discernment—not repair—is the adult job in dating. Her advice is actionable: discern, observe, and don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that pull you into unhealthy rescuer roles. Men (and anyone) listening will come away with crystal-clear criteria for what not to tolerate—and why.
For more advice or to call in, visit DrLaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA.