Deep Dive: One Big Mistake Men Should Stop Making

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Deep Dive - One Big Mistake Men Should Stop Making

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: September 23, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into a recurring mistake she sees many men make in relationships: the urge to "rescue" women who are in emotional or practical distress. Through candid advice, real listener calls, and an unwavering tone, Dr. Laura breaks down why this dynamic is destructive for both parties and counsels men to choose partners who are healthy and self-sufficient. She underscores the importance of discernment in dating—insisting men choose women for their strengths, not because they're broken and need saving.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

The Damsel in Distress Fallacy (01:24)

• Dr. Laura opens by addressing men directly, asking them to imagine leaving Rapunzel to save herself as a metaphor for letting women handle their own problems.
• “I know you guys are born with a biological desire to rescue a damsel in distress. That’s natural and normal and even good, in many cases… but it’s not always possible.” (01:29)
• Warns that repeatedly choosing to "fix" or "save" women in distress is a recipe for unhappiness.

Case Study: Caller Zach and His Mother Carrie (02:34–13:08)

• Situation: Fifteen-year-old Zach calls with his mother about tensions between them, mainly over whom Zach is dating—a girl who uses marijuana to cope with her problems.
• Dr. Laura zeroes in on the real issue: Zach’s urge to help or save his troubled girlfriend rather than focusing on choosing a healthy relationship.
  • Dr. Laura: “You will find yourself trapped into a situation where you will feel guilty and responsible because she’s not able to face life without altering her mind.” (05:35)
  • Zach: Admits to feeling compassion and wanting to help, but struggles to accept he can’t “fix” her. (08:43)
• Advice: Dr. Laura emphasizes that compassion is admirable, but not a sufficient reason to enter or continue a relationship with someone who isn’t emotionally stable.
  • “Feeling bad shows you have compassion. I like that. But that compassion should not be the driving force to call anybody a girlfriend.” (10:07)
• She recommends Zach read her book "Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives," focusing on the chapters about rescuing women, and to call back after reading. Zach expresses gratitude for the clarity.

Pattern Recognition: Men as Rescuers and Mr. Fix-It (13:08–16:14)

• Dr. Laura generalizes Zach’s scenario, explaining that many men feel secure when they are needed and try to make themselves indispensable by rescuing women, but this doesn't lead to healthy relationships.
  • “Some of you men think if you rescue a woman even from herself, she will be attached to you and love you forever. That makes you feel secure in the relationship. The needier she is, the more secure you feel. But that is not smart.” (13:47)
• Introduces "Richard," who ignored red flags in his marriage to a woman with trust issues, hoping he could fix her—a pattern that led to an unhappy marriage and eventual divorce.
  • “If a damsel is being chased by a fire-breathing dragon, you have a chance. But if the damsel is being chased by herself, you have no chance.” (16:08)

People Are “As-Is”: The Nate Call (20:22–23:11)

• Dr. Laura articulates that people are not "fixer-uppers," likening relationships to buying something “as is.”
  • “When you pursue a relationship, you need to understand that people are not fixer-uppers. As I told my caller, Nate, you buy as is.” (20:37)
• Caller Nate (21:09): Concerned about his girlfriend constantly seeing her ex-boyfriend.
  • Dr. Laura urges him not to invest further in someone not ready for exclusivity.
  • Dr. Laura: “Would you stand in a store until something becomes what you want it to be? Don’t do it with your life.” (22:55)

Letting Partners Solve Their Own Issues: The Noah Call (23:50–27:37)

• Situation: Noah’s girlfriend is struggling with trust issues and negativity inherited from her mother’s divorce.
• Dr. Laura stresses Noah’s job is not to repair his girlfriend or her family wounds, but to see whether she’s able and willing to address her issues herself.
  • “You can’t fix your girlfriend. You can’t fix her mother. Your job is to wait and make a determination if she will become someone you’d want to marry.” (24:47)
  • Advises clear boundaries: “Tell your girlfriend, ‘I really don’t want to hear about that.’” (27:06)

Email Case: Lou’s Lesson (30:53)

• Lou shares a cautionary tale about dating a woman emerging from an abusive relationship. Out of pity and admiration for her struggles, he ignored red flags, ultimately realizing he deserved a healthy relationship and chose to move on.
  • “I had let my pity for her and my admiration.. be the sole gauge of her character. I was wrong. I decided the best thing to do was to let the relationship go. I miss them, but I deserve better.” (Lou, email, 31:40)
• Dr. Laura commends Lou for following the “trail of breadcrumbs” to self-preservation.

Practical Takeaways & Final Reminders

• Men should look for red and yellow flags early and remember that choosing a partner is about discernment, not altruism or pity.
• The main “mistake” is believing love and effort can fix another’s core issues.
  • “Don’t get hooked into knighthood. Understand that damsels in perpetual distress are the architects of their own prisons and problems.” (32:30)
• Action: Dr. Laura recommends her book as a guide for men to avoid these relationship pitfalls.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura: “You can’t save a damsel from herself. Distressed damsel is all you end up with.” (16:09)
• Dr. Laura: “Would you do that in a store?... Well then, sir, don’t do it with your life.” (22:54)
• Dr. Laura: “Because I don’t want to hurt her feelings... you volunteer for something that’s going to be a misery.” (26:42)
• Caller Zach: “I feel like it’s very hard for me to accept that that’s the reason." (08:43)
• Lou (email): “I miss them, but I deserve better.” (31:55)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:24 – Dr. Laura introduces the biological urge men have to rescue women
• 02:34-13:08 – Zach and Carrie call: setting boundaries and not rescuing a girlfriend with substance issues
• 13:08-16:14 – Dr. Laura explains the “rescuer” mentality and its consequences
• 20:22-23:11 – Nate’s call: Can't fix a partner who isn’t ready for a relationship
• 23:50-27:37 – Noah’s call: Boundaries with partners who have family drama or inherited trauma
• 30:53-32:10 – Listener Lou’s email: Recognizing when compassion has led to overlooking red flags and making the healthy decision to leave
• 32:30 – Dr. Laura’s closing advice: Avoid “knighthood,” choose healthy partners, and read “10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives”

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Tone and Language

Dr. Laura’s tone is direct, firm, occasionally humorous, and always practical. She asserts boundaries, offers tough love, and encourages listeners—especially men—to value themselves and make wise choices in dating. Her language is accessible, clear, and authoritative, often using analogies and concrete examples.

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Conclusion

This episode is a masterclass in setting emotional boundaries, choosing healthy relationships, and understanding the dangers of trying to "fix" or rescue a partner. Dr. Laura repeatedly affirms that discernment—not repair—is the adult job in dating. Her advice is actionable: discern, observe, and don’t be afraid to walk away from relationships that pull you into unhealthy rescuer roles. Men (and anyone) listening will come away with crystal-clear criteria for what not to tolerate—and why.

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For more advice or to call in, visit DrLaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA.

Transcript

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Right in Dr. Laura's Deep Dive Podcast.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Guys, close your eyes. Picture yourself leaving Rapunzel up in her tower to cut off her own hair and use it as a rope to climb down to freedom. Could you do it? I know you guys are born with a biological desire to rescue a damsel in distress. That's natural and normal and even good in many cases. Guys want to fix and rescue, but the truth is, it's not always possible. Another truth is that you don't want to be with a woman who never learns how to take care of herself at all. But based on the calls I take on the Dr. Laura program, men just can't seem to stop themselves when it comes to helping a helpless woman. Dating is a time for discernment, a time to observe whether she's a good match. The kind of woman you pick to be your wife and mother of your, I don't know, 84 children is crucial to your emotional health, well being and happiness. And that means you're better off ditching dating the distressed damsel. As I explained to my young caller, Zach, Carrie and Zach, welcome to the program.

[Callers/Listeners]

Hi Dr. Laura, thanks for taking our call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. Carrie. Hi Zach.

[Callers/Listeners]

Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How old are you? Just a second, Carrie. Just a second, please. Zach, how old are you?

[Callers/Listeners]

I'm 15.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Was it your idea to call or your mom's?

[Callers/Listeners]

My mom suggested it, but, you know, I listened. I tend to listen. I like to listen to you. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Callers/Listeners]

And on board.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. So, Zach, you tell me what you think your mom wants to talk to me about.

[Callers/Listeners]

From what I've heard, because I just got home. I mean, I just got picked up, so I don't know, but I think that my mom would like to try to have a better relationship with me. And I would agree. I would agree that our relationship needs some work because of the.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What do you think would immediately make it better? Immediately. Like in five minutes.

[Callers/Listeners]

I mean, I feel like. I know it's her job to be on my back, but I feel like she's on my back too much. I mean, but I don't know. I'm not a parent, so I don't know what it's like to have a kid. So I can kind of understand.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's very confusing. Yeah, I got. Yeah. I'll tell you that from having been a kid and having. Having had a kid. So give me two things. She's on your back about whether you think it's good or not.

[Callers/Listeners]

Definitely school. Even if I think I'm doing okay, if I'm not doing. I feel like if I'm not doing perfect or close to perfect, it's not good enough. And when it comes to, like, there's a girl I like and my mom.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Does not approve and what does she not improve. What is your girlfriend's first name?

[Callers/Listeners]

Her name is Carly.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, well, everybody recognizes your voice, so you don't have to make up a fake name. Okay, so what does your mom not like about. Okay, good. What does your mom not like about Carly?

[Callers/Listeners]

She. She. Sometimes she. She deals with her problems with. By smoking marijuana.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're dating a pothead.

[Callers/Listeners]

Again.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I wouldn't let you out of the house. Oh, man.

[Callers/Listeners]

I mean. But, like. Yeah, I mean, I don't. It's not like I. Active. I don't smoke. I've smoked with her once, but I told my mom, but that's the only other time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's not the point. She deals with problems with a substance.

[Callers/Listeners]

This is what I'm trying to explain to you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wait a minute. Yeah, I know that. Can I. Can I have my moment in the sun with Zach, please? I'm sure she's cute, and maybe you've had sex with her. You don't have to say anything. Your mother's there. But it's not wise to get involved with anybody who solves problems with substances. Okay, seriously. You will find yourself trapped into a situation where you will feel guilty and responsible because she's not able to face life without altering her mind.

[Callers/Listeners]

And.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And that marijuana, whether you know it or not, decreases motivation. It is addictive, and it's a gateway drug that it's legal all over the place. There's a sad thing that it's used medicinally, from what I understand is a good thing, but she's using it to not face certain feelings. Whether it was that or alcohol, it wouldn't make any difference. You're getting involved with somebody who can't handle life. That's going to drag you down. I promise you it will. So if you're not getting along with your mom because she's trying to warn you about this and you're getting protective and defensive for Carly, that's a problem. And I understand the need of young men to rescue girls. I understand it.

[Callers/Listeners]

Yes, that's what he said. He said he can help her. He's going to fix her.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. I understand the need. Okay. Are you guys in the car?

[Callers/Listeners]

We are.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Go to a bookstore.

[Callers/Listeners]

We're pulled over.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, but go to a bookstore.

[Callers/Listeners]

I bought your book for Hanukkah. It was your. I bought the book for Hanukkah. He has it in his house in his room right now.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Zach, that's the 10 stupid things men do to Mess Up Their lives.

[Callers/Listeners]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. I need you to be brave, be strong, be open minded. If you listen to my program, hopefully you have a little faith in me. Read it tonight. At least the first five chapters. It goes pretty fast. And then I'd like to. Carrie, I'd like you and Zach to call me back tomorrow after you read this. Don't make any moves. Don't make any decisions. Just read it. Oh, my gosh. I'm so happy. Carrie. Mom, Zach, son are welcome back to the program.

[Callers/Listeners]

Hi. Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi. I'm so happy to have you both back. So, Zach, why don't you give a little thumbnail sketch of what you called in what I nagged you about, what you did. And let's see where we go from there.

[Callers/Listeners]

I think the biggest thing that we talked about was the girl I'm very. I'm interested in. I've been interested for a while. She. She smokes pot to deal with a lot of her issues. And you asked me to read are your 10 stupid things that men do to mess up their lives. So I read the first two chapters and I really do like it. It's Interesting.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And did it feel like an autobiography?

[Callers/Listeners]

I was a little bit surprised on how much some of these things under what I do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. And in reading it, did you understand why you're doing it?

[Callers/Listeners]

Yeah, I do, but I feel like it's very hard for me to accept that that's the reason.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, sir, sir, sir, sir. Are we only going to do things that are not difficult?

[Callers/Listeners]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, then let's not use that as a motivation for discounting truth. Truth is generally difficult to embrace. Did you see the movie A Few Good Men? You can't handle the truth. Remember that line.

[Callers/Listeners]

He'S only 15. He didn't see it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I know, but they rerun on television. Okay, well, the point is that the truth is usually known by its difficulty to embrace.

[Callers/Listeners]

Makes sense. I had a question.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Go ahead.

[Callers/Listeners]

Do these. When you're dealing with this kind of stuff, like with. I'm dealing with her being sad a lot. And I. I don't know what I can do. I know I can't do much because I'm not qualified, but I don't know what I can.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

If you.

[Callers/Listeners]

I don't know how I can do anything for her. And I feel bad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, let me answer that. It is humane of you to feel bad. It is smart of you to not be in her life. Feeling bad shows you have compassion. I like that. But that compassion should not be the driving force to call anybody a girlfriend. She's a troubled young woman who's on drugs to deal with her pain. You cannot imagine that she would make a good wife and mother. And your progress from this point on, trying to build your identity in your life will be taken completely off track by her emotional ups and downs. And the more you stay in it, the more you're going to feel obligated when you're not. Perhaps she needs inpatient hospitalization. You can't make her feel better. You. You are not the guy on the white horse.

[Callers/Listeners]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is a mistake. And the reason I wrote the book is because young men in particular who have good hearts tend to make this mistake. And they sometimes totally ruin their lives because they actually do end up marrying. And then the kids are messed up and the whole thing goes to hell. It's a bad pattern. It's nice to care about somebody, her. Well being from a distance. She's not capable of being a girlfriend.

[Callers/Listeners]

There's something that people like her can do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah. They can get hospitalization and deal with it, and maybe they can get better. And maybe talk treatment helps. Maybe medicine plus talk treatment helps. Who knows it's very complicated. I have no idea what her circumstances are, any of that. But I know one thing. You're making a mistake.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I think it's very hard for young men to imagine that they just can't rush in and save the day.

[Callers/Listeners]

I get that. All right. Good advice. Thank you so much. I feel a lot better.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Zach, you can call me back anytime if you want. Go into this a little more, or an update. And what the heck, finish the book.

[Callers/Listeners]

I really do like it. I plan on getting through it at some point this month.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. And then call me back. That's neat. He's 18. He's exploring things beyond a normal 18 year old's age. He's an impressive guy. Guys are protectors and providers. And when they find a bird with a broken wing, they want to fix it. It's only healthy when it's an actual bird. Some of you men think if you rescue a woman even from herself, she will be attached to you and love you forever. That makes you feel secure in the relationship. The needier she is, the more secure you feel. But that is not smart. You should want to be chosen and loved for your good and worthy characteristics instead of just Mr. Fix it and Tolerate anything, even when she exhibits wonderful qualities. You need to remind yourself that you're not a repairman before you end up learning a hard lesson, like my caller, Richard did. Richard, welcome to the program. What can I do for you?

[Callers/Listeners]

Oh, I just had some questions. First of all, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you. I've read your books and listen to your program a lot, so. But anyway, I've been married for about 14 years. My wife decided she wanted to get a divorce, but through the whole thing, I've always been playing defense. You know, I know she kind of went in with trust issues, but I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thought, okay, I know she had trust issues, but I thought. Stop. Didn't you hear my open? Yeah, yeah, we're not going to change trust issues. Okay, so you walked into the valley of the shadow and got what you deserved because you ignored the obvious. She's never going to trust you. Right, so let me guess. She was constantly accusing you of stuff and et cetera, et cetera. So what can I do for you today? How many kids did you make under these horrible conditions?

[Callers/Listeners]

Four.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Great. That was real smart, too. So once you do five dumb things, what can I say? What am I supposed to say to you today? Seriously? You had the opportunity. You knew she had emotional problems, you did it anyway. You brought four kids into the sad situation and now you're asking me what I don't know?

[Callers/Listeners]

I guess it's gotten better. I've held onto this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What are you asking me? She's divorcing you. Now what?

[Callers/Listeners]

Well, she keeps.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, sir, what is your question?

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay, my question is. And I think I already know the answer.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you know two things. I don't know either.

[Callers/Listeners]

One, why does she keep saying she wants to get divorced, but then she.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Like, she goes because she has emotional problems. Okay, you knew that when you married her. Nothing's changed. All right, well, so get an attorney because you want to have as much interaction with your children as possible, right? Because right now that's the only thing that is left.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number. I wrote a book, Ten Stupid Things Men do to Mess Up Their Lives. I think you ought to give it to all your 17, 18 year old sons because the first couple of chapters have to do with rescuing damsels in distress. And as I've said before, if a damsel is being chased by a fire breathing dragon, you have a chance. But if the damsel is being chased by herself, you have no chance. Can't save a damsel from herself. Distressed damsel is all you end up with. And I know some of you men just think if you rescue a woman even from herself, somehow she will be attached to and love you forever. And it makes you feel secure. The needier she is, the more secure you feel. 10 Stupid Things Men do to Mess Up Their Lives. Okay, guys, I have to take a little break here and I'll give you time to sit and think. Is her being cute and giving me sex enough to deal with her perpetual anxiety and problems? Think about it. I'll be right back.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's time for something that's not too spicy.

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Dr. Laura's much deeper Deep Dive podcast.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There's no point in dating a woman who has to perpetually work on herself. Those women are not emotionally available and have nothing long lasting to offer. A lot of men will stupidly stay because they want the sex and they think she's cute. No matter the reason. When you pursue a relationship, you need to understand that people are not fixer uppers. As I told my caller, Nate, you buy as is Nate, welcome to the program.

[Callers/Listeners]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. I love the show.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Callers/Listeners]

I am worried about the relationship I am in with my girlfriend who I've been seeing for about 10 months and I guess.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How old is she? How old are you?

[Callers/Listeners]

I am 30. She is 25.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. And the thing concerned about is we've.

[Callers/Listeners]

Had or I have had like an ongoing problem and I've discussed it with her, but she basically.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And your ongoing problem is? See, I'm not good working in the dark.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay. It's the fact that she still talks to her ex boyfriend and sees her ex boyfriend on like what I think is a regular basis or what I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Think the answer to your question is you date somebody else. That solves the problem, you see, because when. No, don't argue with me at all. Please don't offer any argument. Just listen. When you date, the point of dating is not the presumption of intimacy. The point of dating is to discern whether or not there can be intimacy. And under these conditions, the answer is no. Therefore, you're being silly with your life.

[Callers/Listeners]

So this is not something that I should put more time in to try and fix or give her trust.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She has the right to be screwing, talking, whatever, anybody, she wishes.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you have the responsibility to sit back and go, do I want this? The answer is no, I don't.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is like you go to a store and you look at the objects there and you go, you know what? I would like that if it had green buttons and a purple zipper and it was shorter, damn it. And I'm going to stand here until it changes. I'm going to put in more time until it becomes what I want. Would you do that in a store?

[Callers/Listeners]

No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, then, sir, don't do it with your life.

[Callers/Listeners]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hot potato and drop. You're wasting your time. I don't care how good she is at sex.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, I know. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesser. Therein lies the conundrum. You can't save a woman from her perpetual struggles. Your love can't heal her. That's a journey she has to take. So instead of trying to fix her, run for the hills. Sometimes it takes the shock of a breakup to motivate people to confront their problems. If, like my caller, Noah, a breakup is not the direction you plan to go, at least take the advice I gave him when we spoke. Noah, welcome to the program.

[Callers/Listeners]

Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you doing?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Great. How can I help today?

[Callers/Listeners]

Good. So, a little backstory. I'm having issues with my girlfriend's mother. I've been dating my girlfriend for about three years, and right at the beginning of us dating, her mom and her dad got divorced. And she's been putting a lot of her mother's distrust in men back on my girlfriend. And it's difficult for me to try to help her heal and to try to help her get some faith in men again.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm sorry, no, Noah.

[Callers/Listeners]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I didn't understand who you were referencing. You're trying to fix your girlfriend's mother.

[Callers/Listeners]

I'm. I'm trying to fix my girlfriend's healing process from her parents divorce.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, you can't do that. Your job is to see if she does a good enough job. Your girlfriend, in becoming a quality wife in the future. So she may have to go into therapy, but you can't fix this. You can't fix your girlfriend. You can't fix your mother. Your job is to wait and make a determination as to whether or not she will become in a place that you would like to marry her and that she has a good attitude about life, love, marriage, intimacy, sex, everything. So your job is to discern, not to fix. You're making a horrible mistake if you think your job is to get your girlfriend squared away. That's something she does herself. If she doesn't do that, you should not marry her. Doesn't matter how much you love her, how cute she is, or how good she is in bed. You don't need a nightmare life between your girlfriend and. And her negative mother.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay? Okay. Understood. Her mother.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is how I stop talking about her mother. And stay out of that. Just stay out of that. Tell your girlfriend. I really don't want to hear about that. I'm concerned that you are changing and becoming somebody who is focused in on your mother's negativity and anger as opposed to positivity and future with me. So my challenge for you, my dear girlfriend, is you have to get to a place where you're not affected by this or we can't get married. Because I'm not a stupid young man. I'm not going to volunteer for something, make a bunch of kids, and realize I shouldn't have done this.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because I don't want to hurt her feelings because we've had sex because we've done this for so long that you volunteer for something that's going to be a misery.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Take care of yourself, not her and not her mother. Taking care of herself is her job.

[Callers/Listeners]

If they fight, I'm staying out of it. Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Totally. And tell your girlfriend you don't even want to hear it. You don't want it to be a part of your life. The next 40 years of her carrying on with her mother is not what you all want to volunteer for.

[Callers/Listeners]

Okay? Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I need you to be strong here. I don't need you to call me in 20 years saying, you know, you were right. I shouldn't have done this. I thought it would be okay because I loved her.

[Callers/Listeners]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's a difficult position. You know, they. They fought a lot. And I try to stand with my girlfriend and just me makes me look like a bachelor man, and I'm tired of it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That well, when you have kids, you'll be more tired of it.

[Callers/Listeners]

I bet. I bet. Yeah. Could only imagine. Okay. All right, well, that's what I needed to hear.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good. Okay, guys, I want you to think about your mother and think about the wonderful qualities that made life in your family growing up pleasant, joyful, peaceful. Get a woman like that. I'll be right back.

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[Callers/Listeners]

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Dr. Laura's deep dive Podcast While you're.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Dating, you need to pay attention to red flags, yellow flags and any negative patterns that emerge if you pick somebody who frankly is broken. You should expect to deal with broken person problems, as my listener Lou learned before sending me this email. He wrote I was dating a divorced lady with two daughters. She came from a physically abusive marriage. I admired her for taking the big step to leave with her children. I came to love her and the girls. I was very good to them. I was very good friends for them. Unfortunately, I learned we were not a match. She practiced some very hurtful behaviors like broken promises, unreturned phone calls, making little time for me. I attributed her bad behavior to the history of her awful marriage. As time passed, though, it became evident that she was not the strong and principled person I believed her to be. I had let my pity for her and my admiration for her, making the tough decision to leave that marriage to be the sole gauge of her character. I was wrong. I decided the best thing to do was to let the relationship go. I miss them, but I deserve better. I'm impressed that Lou was able to follow the trail of breadcrumbs and realize it was taking him down an unhappy path. Fellas, don't get hooked into knighthood. Understand that damsels in perpetual distress are the architects of their own prisons and problems. I wrote a book, 10 Stupid Things Men do to Mess Up Their Lives. Buy it for yourself, get it for your son, and give me a call the next time you find yourself drawn to a woman with issues. I'm here to help. You can make an appointment to speak with me on air at 1-800- Dr. Wynn. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media media platform.

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