Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:10)

Why did you say hey? I'm going to ask you something. He pointed up something horrible. You did. Why did you go for the jugular back?

Caller (Desiree) (2:20)

I know. I was so mad.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:23)

No, why?

Caller (Desiree) (2:24)

I know, I know. I don't know. I mean.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:28)

Oh, come on. You know when our kids say I don't know, it's so narcissistic in a way. And passive aggressive. Both. It can be a mush mosh to not take credit for the stuff we do. That's awful. Come on that was. I don't know how you're ever gonna come back from that.

Caller (Desiree) (2:44)

I wanted to hurt him back. If you want my honest truth.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:49)

Okay, stop. Talk. Just stop. Hurt him back? Why? Because he held up a mirror?

Caller (Desiree) (2:57)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:59)

Why hurt him? It's your mirror.

Caller (Desiree) (3:03)

No. I know.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:06)

I'm surprised your husband didn't walk out on you. If I had been your husband, you would have been gone. Right on that.

Caller (Desiree) (3:14)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:15)

That's worse than the affair.

Caller (Desiree) (3:20)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:25)

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger (6:29)

3.

Caller (Desiree) (6:34)

It's bad. I know. And now I'm. We're having a family meeting and I've already told him how sorry I am, but I just.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (6:42)

You're not sorry, but you're not sorry.

Caller (Desiree) (6:48)

I am sorry, but.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (6:49)

No, you're not. We have to deal with this because you're not sorry. You wanted to hurt him and you did. There was intent. You were embarrassed, so you decimated your son. I don't know that there's a comeback from this. Yeah. You'll have the meeting and everybody will say, okay, I'm going to let it go. He's never going to let go that his mother said what you said.

Caller (Desiree) (7:09)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (7:10)

There are some things, and this is important for everybody to hear. There are some things that can never be taken back. I believe this is one of them.

Caller (Desiree) (7:21)

Wow. It's bad. I know. I just. I feel horrible. And my husband chimed in and. Hey, hey, hey. You both need to stop. Both need to apologize.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (7:32)

But both need to stop. Both need to apologize. So the reason your husband is still with you is he's a limp dick. Well, you're lucky you're married to a limp dick.

Caller (Desiree) (7:42)

Well, he did proceed to say we wouldn't. He wouldn't have had. He wouldn't have had that comment had you not done it. This is another consequence of your affair. He did proceed to say that, but he said that's good.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (7:51)

Okay. Not as lumpy.

Caller (Desiree) (7:53)

Yeah. He said, and we are getting divorced next year. We're waiting till. My youngest is 18. We will be filing in January following your advice for that. So I guess. I guess there's no answer to my question. My question is, what else can I say in this family meeting besides the two words, I'm sorry? I can't say anything else. But he's probably going to hold it against me the rest of his life.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:15)

I hate to say this, because I like to fix things. I think you have a lifelong problem. I think you're not going to see or hear from him a lot once you're divorced.

Caller (Desiree) (8:29)

Okay.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:30)

I think when he has 42 kids, you're probably not going to be first in line to see the grandkids. I'm just telling you from my 50 years of working with people, there are certain things you say to a child, an adult child especially, that can't be taken back.

Caller (Desiree) (8:53)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:54)

So I'd like you to say the truth as you said it to me, that you still haven't matured from taking. You still haven't taken responsibility for your actions in the affair. So when he threw it in your face, say son, when you threw it in my face, I still haven't really taken responsibility. I think part of me is justified in what I did and I didn't want crap thrown at me. You're the one who hasn't paid your bill. So I really wanted to hurt you. I really wanted to hurt you bad. And I said what I picked that would do the most damage. That's who I am right now. I hope I'm going to work on myself. I hope there's hope for me to become a better person. But until then, I am regretful. Don't use the word sorry. It doesn't mean shit here. Okay? I am regretful. I did that. I realize how damaging that's going to be for the future for all of us and I regret that I did that. So I'm not going to ask you to forgive me or not think about it because that's just stupid and self serving. You'll do what you do. This is a response. I think that shows him respect. And you're going to make the most points if you are that I'd like to use the word honest because I think those are all truths.

Caller (Desiree) (10:35)

Yeah. Well, thank you. This is very helpful to what I'm going to say and I want to.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:44)

Say one other thing to you woman to woman, person to psychotherapist. You have some balls to call and tell me that this tells me you really want to change and you really are regretful because I think had you not been, you never would have made this call and risk my judgment. So I'm very impressed with you that you made this call. Good for you.

Caller (Desiree) (11:11)

Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. I know you high regard. So thank you.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (11:16)

Approach him the way I outlined and you have a better chance immediately of getting more respect. I wanted to hurt you. I'm still not taking responsibility for what I did to hurt this family with the affair. And I Wanted to hurt you because you held the mirror too close to my face. The truth. Do you understand how powerful that'll be for him? There's nothing for him to argue with. Usually when people go, I'm sorry, but, you know, I was upset. And they, like, try to excuse it, but I was upset. No, you tell the truth. I haven't taken responsibility. Still didn't like the mirror up to my face. I wanted to hurt you for it. Everybody in the room is going to be, whoa. That's honest. We're not used to hearing that.

Caller (Desiree) (12:12)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:14)

Do you think you can do it?

Caller (Desiree) (12:16)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:17)

Seriously?

Caller (Desiree) (12:18)

Yeah.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:19)

Do you want to practice? I think you ought to practice it a few times. And I'm serious.

Caller (Desiree) (12:24)

I will.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:26)

And don't do it with a monotone. Do it like I did it with passion. I want her to hurt you.

Caller (Desiree) (12:32)

Okay.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:39)

No, no. Hat in hand. You've got to take control of the situation. This puts you in control of the situation. Otherwise, you're dust.

Caller (Desiree) (12:49)

Yeah. And I don't want that.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (12:51)

I know. That's why I'm nagging you here and how to do it.

Caller (Desiree) (12:55)

No, you're not nagging at all. You're being very helpful. Okay, thank you so much, Dr. Lo. I really appreciate your time.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (13:04)

Now, do me a favor. After this is all over, call me back, okay? You're probably going to need a little reinforcement at that point.

Caller (Desiree) (13:15)

Yeah, I sure will. Thank you so much.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (13:18)

You're very welcome. I'm glad you called. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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