Desiree Can Never Take Back the Hurt She Caused

Summary

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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: Desiree Can Never Take Back the Hurt She Caused
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 24, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger counsels Desiree, a 47-year-old mother facing the fallout of her past infidelity and a recent, deeply hurtful exchange with her adult son. The discussion navigates themes of accountability, emotional impulse, irrevocable hurt, and the struggle of mending parent-child relationships after trust has been broken. Dr. Laura delivers her trademark brand of direct, unvarnished advice, guiding Desiree toward real self-reflection and responsibility for her actions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Desiree's Family Situation

• Desiree explains her background ([00:58]):

  • 47 years old, married 23 years, two sons (20 and 17)
  • Admits to a 5-year affair (2015-2020), both sons are aware
  • Tension erupts in a recent argument with her 20-year-old son

• Inciting incident:

  • Confronting her son about a car payment, he lashes out:
    “Don’t tell me what to do, you cheater. Why don’t you go to a hotel room? After all, you’re the one that broke up our family.” ([01:11])

2. Emotional Backlash & Irrevocable Words

• Desiree's reaction: She responds with anger, saying:

  • "I hope you get fired from your job and I prefer your brother over you." ([01:49])

• Dr. Laura’s immediate response: Challenges the motivation behind such a hurtful comeback.

  • “Why did you go for the jugular back?” ([02:10])
  • Emphasizes that this retaliatory strike was deliberate, not reflexive.

• Desiree's admission:

  • “I wanted to hurt him back. If you want my honest truth.” ([02:44])

• Dr. Laura:

  • “Hurt him back? Why? Because he held up a mirror?... Why hurt him? It’s your mirror.” ([02:49–03:03])

3. Reflection on Responsibility and the Impact of Hurtful Words

• Dr. Laura presses Desiree on her lack of accountability:

  • “I’m surprised your husband didn’t walk out on you. If I had been your husband, you would have been gone. Right on that. That’s worse than the affair.” ([03:06–03:20])

• Discussion resumes after a break ([06:29]):

  • Desiree regrets her words, shares that a family meeting is planned
  • Dr. Laura refutes Desiree’s claim of being sorry:
    • “You’re not sorry…You wanted to hurt him and you did. There was intent. You were embarrassed, so you decimated your son. I don’t know that there’s a comeback from this.” ([06:49–07:09])

Notable Quote:

“There are some things that can never be taken back. I believe this is one of them.”
—Dr. Laura Schlessinger ([07:10])

4. The Marital Aftermath & Family Structure

• Desiree reveals the marriage is ending:

  • “We are getting divorced next year. We’re waiting till my youngest is 18. We will be filing in January following your advice for that.” ([07:53])

• Dr. Laura’s blunt assessment:

  • “The reason your husband is still with you is he’s a limp dick. Well, you’re lucky you’re married to a limp dick.” ([07:32])

• Desiree wonders how to approach her son in the upcoming meeting; Dr. Laura doubts the possibility of full repair:

  • “I think you have a lifelong problem. I think you’re not going to see or hear from him a lot once you’re divorced.” ([08:15])

5. Concrete Advice: Owning the Truth

• Dr. Laura offers a script — radical honesty and regret, not excuses ([08:54–10:35]):

“Say…‘Son, when you threw it in my face, I still haven’t really taken responsibility. I think part of me is justified in what I did and I didn’t want crap thrown at me…So I really wanted to hurt you. I really wanted to hurt you bad. And I said what I picked that would do the most damage. That’s who I am right now. I hope I’m going to work on myself…But until then, I am regretful. Don’t use the word sorry...I realize how damaging that’s going to be for the future for all of us and I regret that I did that…I'm not going to ask you to forgive me or not think about it because that’s just stupid and self serving. You'll do what you do. This is a response, I think, that shows him respect.'”
—Dr. Laura Schlessinger ([08:54–10:35])

• Explains why “I’m sorry” isn’t sufficient and the importance of giving space for true feelings.

Notable Quote:

“You’re going to make the most points if you are that…honest, because I think those are all truths.”
—Dr. Laura Schlessinger ([10:35])

6. Acknowledgment and Encouragement

• Dr. Laura expresses respect for Desiree’s courage to call:

  • “You have some balls to call and tell me that…You really are regretful, because I think had you not been, you never would have made this call and risked my judgment…Good for you.” ([10:44])

• Advises Desiree to practice the honest script with conviction, and take true control of the situation:

  • “No, no. Hat in hand. You’ve got to take control of the situation. Otherwise, you’re dust.” ([12:39])

• Invites Desiree to call back after the meeting for support:

  • “Do me a favor. After this is all over, call me back, okay? You’re probably going to need a little reinforcement at that point.” ([13:04])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Why did you go for the jugular back?”
  —Dr. Laura ([02:10])
• “Hurt him back? Why? Because he held up a mirror?... Why hurt him? It’s your mirror.”
  —Dr. Laura ([02:49–03:03])
• “That’s worse than the affair.”
  —Dr. Laura ([03:20])
• “There are some things that can never be taken back. I believe this is one of them.”
  —Dr. Laura ([07:10])
• “I am regretful. I did that. I realize how damaging that’s going to be for the future for all of us and I regret that I did that. So I’m not going to ask you to forgive me or not think about it because that’s just stupid and self serving.”
  —Dr. Laura ([09:45])
• “You have some balls to call and tell me that…Good for you.”
  —Dr. Laura ([10:44])
• “You’ve got to take control of the situation. Otherwise, you’re dust.”
  —Dr. Laura ([12:39])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:58] — Desiree introduces her family and incident
• [01:47] — Confession of past affair and son's confrontation
• [02:44] — Desiree admits her intention to hurt her son back
• [03:06–03:20] — Dr. Laura’s strong criticism: “That’s worse than the affair”
• [06:29] — Resumption post-break, family meeting plans
• [07:09] — Dr. Laura emphasizes the permanence of Desiree’s hurtful words
• [08:54–10:35] — Detailed guidance on how to apologize with honesty and regret
• [10:44] — Dr. Laura acknowledges Desiree’s courage to call
• [12:39] — Final direction on approaching the conversation confidently
• [13:04] — Invitation for follow-up after the meeting

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Summary Flow & Takeaways

• Desiree grapples with the destructive legacy of her affair and an explosive, retaliatory remark to her son.
• Dr. Laura underscores the gravity of harm caused, the need for unvarnished accountability, and the limitations of “I’m sorry.”
• The recommended path: admit both the misdeed and the lack of maturity in taking responsibility, without making excuses, and express genuine regret.
• Dr. Laura recognizes Desiree’s call as an act of courage and urges her to confront the issue head-on—with candor, not excuses.
• Listeners are left with a sobering lesson: some wounds in family life may never fully heal, but honesty, ownership, and emotional courage are the only way forward.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Desiree)]

It will be a sensation with scandalous.

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Twists and shocking revelations.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Should wives have secrets from their husbands?

[Commercial Announcer 2]

Definitely.

[Caller (Desiree)]

But not the other way around.

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The best is yet to come.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So off we go for our next adventure. I like the sound of that.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Desiree)]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you. I'm calling to thank you so much. I'm calling today to see if you could give me some dialogue regarding my son. I am a 47 year old. I've been married 23 years. No prior children, no prior marriages. I have two sons ages 20 and 17. And a week and a half ago, my 20 year old and I had an argument. I was getting on him about making a car payment to us that he owed us for and he responded by saying, don't tell me something, to the lines of don't tell me what to do, you cheater. Why don't you go to a hotel room? After all, you're the one that broke up our family and I was like a punch to my heart. And I respect that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Is that accurate?

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yes, it is accurate. I had an affair from 2015 until 2020 and both children know about it. My response to him, my response to him was, I hope you get fired from your job and I prefer your brother over you. That was my response. And then my husband hey. Hey.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why did you say hey? I'm going to ask you something. He pointed up something horrible. You did. Why did you go for the jugular back?

[Caller (Desiree)]

I know. I was so mad.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, why?

[Caller (Desiree)]

I know, I know. I don't know. I mean.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Oh, come on. You know when our kids say I don't know, it's so narcissistic in a way. And passive aggressive. Both. It can be a mush mosh to not take credit for the stuff we do. That's awful. Come on that was. I don't know how you're ever gonna come back from that.

[Caller (Desiree)]

I wanted to hurt him back. If you want my honest truth.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, stop. Talk. Just stop. Hurt him back? Why? Because he held up a mirror?

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why hurt him? It's your mirror.

[Caller (Desiree)]

No. I know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm surprised your husband didn't walk out on you. If I had been your husband, you would have been gone. Right on that.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's worse than the affair.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

3.

[Caller (Desiree)]

It's bad. I know. And now I'm. We're having a family meeting and I've already told him how sorry I am, but I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're not sorry, but you're not sorry.

[Caller (Desiree)]

I am sorry, but.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, you're not. We have to deal with this because you're not sorry. You wanted to hurt him and you did. There was intent. You were embarrassed, so you decimated your son. I don't know that there's a comeback from this. Yeah. You'll have the meeting and everybody will say, okay, I'm going to let it go. He's never going to let go that his mother said what you said.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

There are some things, and this is important for everybody to hear. There are some things that can never be taken back. I believe this is one of them.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Wow. It's bad. I know. I just. I feel horrible. And my husband chimed in and. Hey, hey, hey. You both need to stop. Both need to apologize.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But both need to stop. Both need to apologize. So the reason your husband is still with you is he's a limp dick. Well, you're lucky you're married to a limp dick.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Well, he did proceed to say we wouldn't. He wouldn't have had. He wouldn't have had that comment had you not done it. This is another consequence of your affair. He did proceed to say that, but he said that's good.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay. Not as lumpy.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah. He said, and we are getting divorced next year. We're waiting till. My youngest is 18. We will be filing in January following your advice for that. So I guess. I guess there's no answer to my question. My question is, what else can I say in this family meeting besides the two words, I'm sorry? I can't say anything else. But he's probably going to hold it against me the rest of his life.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I hate to say this, because I like to fix things. I think you have a lifelong problem. I think you're not going to see or hear from him a lot once you're divorced.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think when he has 42 kids, you're probably not going to be first in line to see the grandkids. I'm just telling you from my 50 years of working with people, there are certain things you say to a child, an adult child especially, that can't be taken back.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I'd like you to say the truth as you said it to me, that you still haven't matured from taking. You still haven't taken responsibility for your actions in the affair. So when he threw it in your face, say son, when you threw it in my face, I still haven't really taken responsibility. I think part of me is justified in what I did and I didn't want crap thrown at me. You're the one who hasn't paid your bill. So I really wanted to hurt you. I really wanted to hurt you bad. And I said what I picked that would do the most damage. That's who I am right now. I hope I'm going to work on myself. I hope there's hope for me to become a better person. But until then, I am regretful. Don't use the word sorry. It doesn't mean shit here. Okay? I am regretful. I did that. I realize how damaging that's going to be for the future for all of us and I regret that I did that. So I'm not going to ask you to forgive me or not think about it because that's just stupid and self serving. You'll do what you do. This is a response. I think that shows him respect. And you're going to make the most points if you are that I'd like to use the word honest because I think those are all truths.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah. Well, thank you. This is very helpful to what I'm going to say and I want to.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Say one other thing to you woman to woman, person to psychotherapist. You have some balls to call and tell me that this tells me you really want to change and you really are regretful because I think had you not been, you never would have made this call and risk my judgment. So I'm very impressed with you that you made this call. Good for you.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. I know you high regard. So thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Approach him the way I outlined and you have a better chance immediately of getting more respect. I wanted to hurt you. I'm still not taking responsibility for what I did to hurt this family with the affair. And I Wanted to hurt you because you held the mirror too close to my face. The truth. Do you understand how powerful that'll be for him? There's nothing for him to argue with. Usually when people go, I'm sorry, but, you know, I was upset. And they, like, try to excuse it, but I was upset. No, you tell the truth. I haven't taken responsibility. Still didn't like the mirror up to my face. I wanted to hurt you for it. Everybody in the room is going to be, whoa. That's honest. We're not used to hearing that.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you think you can do it?

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Seriously?

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Do you want to practice? I think you ought to practice it a few times. And I'm serious.

[Caller (Desiree)]

I will.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And don't do it with a monotone. Do it like I did it with passion. I want her to hurt you.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, no. Hat in hand. You've got to take control of the situation. This puts you in control of the situation. Otherwise, you're dust.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah. And I don't want that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I know. That's why I'm nagging you here and how to do it.

[Caller (Desiree)]

No, you're not nagging at all. You're being very helpful. Okay, thank you so much, Dr. Lo. I really appreciate your time.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Now, do me a favor. After this is all over, call me back, okay? You're probably going to need a little reinforcement at that point.

[Caller (Desiree)]

Yeah, I sure will. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're very welcome. I'm glad you called. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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