Do I Have Mommy Issues?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Title: Do I Have Mommy Issues?
Release Date: March 16, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a caller grappling with recurring relationship issues, potentially rooted in his relationship with his mother. Titled "Do I Have Mommy Issues?," the episode delves deep into the interplay between personal upbringing and adult relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and accountability.

Caller's Relationship Background

Caller’s Situation:
The caller has been in a relationship for approximately a year and a half with a woman who was entangled in a protracted divorce process lasting seven years. Their relationship began about a year and a half ago, with the caller highlighting that his partner was previously a stay-at-home mom and involved in a complicated separation.

Key Points Discussed:

• Lengthy Divorce: The caller mentions that his partner was separated for seven years but remained living with her estranged husband due to legal complications, including issues of abandonment.

  Dr. Laura [01:28]: "Why were they living together for seven years?"

  Caller [01:32]: "From what I understand, her attorney was like, you can't move out yet. And this is not, it's abandonment and all this back and forth..."

• Children: The couple has two children, aged 17 and 21, who live with their father post-divorce.

Recurring Relationship Challenges

Pattern of Needy Relationships:
The caller reveals a pattern of being involved with "needy" women, leading to repeated breakups and emotional turmoil.

Caller [04:15]: "Because they were... I'll use the word. Needy. They were a little bit needy."

Dr. Laura [05:00]: "So you think a woman who's lived with her husband, she was divorcing seven years, and her new boyfriend finds her a place. She's. She's not a needy person."

Impact on Personal Well-being:
The caller expresses frustration and a sense of being driven by circumstances rather than personal choice, leading to arguments and a lack of harmony in relationships.

Caller [08:56]: "They have a great way of making me feel like she's all in and trying to do the right thing. And I start to feel bad. But she also brings out this craziness in me that I get so frustrated..."

Exploration of Underlying Issues

Influence of Parental Relationships:
Dr. Laura probes into the caller's relationship with his parents, uncovering potential deep-seated issues stemming from his upbringing.

Dr. Laura [10:01]: "How is a mom protective of a boy? How is a mom protective of a male child?"

Caller [10:08]: "She was very, very careful where I went, knew every move I was making..."

Emotional Closeness to Mother:
The caller admits to a very close and possibly overprotective relationship with his mother, lacking a balanced paternal influence.

Dr. Laura [10:50]: "So you think that's a healthy way to raise a male? ... That's what's sad. It's not a healthy sounding closeness to me."

Dr. Laura’s Analysis and Advice

Identifying the Root Cause:
Dr. Laura suggests that the caller's difficulties in forming healthy adult relationships are likely rooted in his close relationship with his mother, which may have hindered his ability to relate to women as equals.

Dr. Laura [11:08]: "You've been handicapped by your relationship with at least your mom..."

Recommendation for Counseling:
To address these deep-seated issues, Dr. Laura strongly recommends that the caller seek professional counseling to gain self-awareness and control over his relationship patterns.

Dr. Laura [12:34]: "I think you've been handicapped... I would recommend you go into counseling."

Encouraging Personal Responsibility:
Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of taking personal responsibility and making proactive changes rather than continuing dysfunctional relationship cycles.

Dr. Laura [15:24]: "Just get somebody who can really help you. Dig?"

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura on Relationships and Choices:

  "Marriages don't happen. We make choices. Marriages don't happen. It never happened."
  [03:23]

• Dr. Laura on Emotional Closeness:

  "So your question for me is what?"
  [11:50]

• Caller Reflecting on Mother's Influence:

  "She was very, very careful where I went, knew every move I was making..."
  [10:08]

Conclusions and Takeaways

This episode highlights the profound impact that parental relationships, particularly with one's mother, can have on adult romantic relationships. Dr. Laura underscores the necessity of self-examination and professional guidance to break unhealthy patterns. The caller's journey serves as a testament to the importance of understanding one's emotional baggage and taking actionable steps towards healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Key Takeaways:

1. Self-Awareness: Recognizing patterns in one's relationships is the first step toward change.
2. Parental Influence: Overprotective or overly close relationships with parents can impede adult relationship dynamics.
3. Seeking Help: Professional counseling can provide the tools needed to overcome deep-seated emotional challenges.
4. Personal Responsibility: Making conscious choices is essential in shaping the quality of one's relationships.

For listeners facing similar challenges, this episode offers valuable insights into the interconnectedness of past experiences and present relationship behaviors, encouraging proactive efforts towards personal growth and healthier relationships.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Chris, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi Dr. Laura, how are you?

[Dr. Laura]

Excellent, thank you. What can I help? How can I help?

[Caller]

Okay, so I listen to a show every morning and out here in the east coast and I figured you would be the best person to talk to. So I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half now since last May of 24. And I met this woman through a friend of mine and we hit it off, you know, so you never know what you're getting into until you figure it all out. She was going through a divorce. She was separated for seven years, but they weren't fully divorced. They were still living together. She did lay out all the parameters and I, you know, I kind of accepted my.

[Dr. Laura]

Why were they living together for seven years?

[Caller]

I, from what I understand, her attorney was like, you can't move out yet. And this is not, it's abandonment and all this back and forth and she was a stay at home abandonment. She didn't work.

[Dr. Laura]

If she, I'm sorry, you know, if you're getting involved with somebody and you don't understand their history, walk away. You don't just ignore it. I don't know, something like her attorney. You ever hear of an attorney saying you have to live in the house for seven years after you file for divorce or you're abandoning?

[Caller]

You're right, you're right. But I guess, I guess it took, there were two separate, like they filed and they went back and then they were separated and then it took a long time for them to finalize the divorce. I guess between money and he was a professional, he was a doctor and, and she was a stay at home mom. So there's all kinds of stuff involved.

[Dr. Laura]

How many kids and how old are they? Now, how many kids and how old are they now?

[Caller]

Two children. One is 17, the other one is 21. Not bad, kids. I met them doing their own thing, but they wound up living with the father after the divorce was final and she moved out. So, ironically, I got her. I found her.

[Dr. Laura]

Why do you think. And you found her a place? Oh, my God. She found herself a new hero.

[Caller]

Yeah, you sound like, oh, my.

[Dr. Laura]

She's such an independent, responsible woman that her new boyfriend had to find her a place. I love it. I love it. You're walking into this. Do you have any kids?

[Caller]

I do not. And unfortunately, and not by choice, I was never married. I just. Just never happened. I never found the right one.

[Dr. Laura]

Marriages don't happen. We make choices. Marriages don't happen. It never happened.

[Caller]

Right, right, right.

[Dr. Laura]

So tell me about all the women that you dumped.

[Caller]

Well, I was dumped a few times. You know, everyone was good in their own way and better than another. I mean, it just didn't work out. I'm pretty. I guess I'm. Set my ways a little bit. I'm not a bad guy. I'm very good to the. To the girls I date. It's just. I mean, I guess I'm a unique personality to kind of understand. I don't. I don't know. They're all great girls. Two of them were definitely fault over the years, and I do regret that. And a few of them were. Were not my fault. And like everybody else, I have my heart broken pretty good.

[Dr. Laura]

So tell me about the ones that you think were your fault. In what way could they have been your fault?

[Caller]

Because they were. I'll use the word. Needy. They were a little bit needy. I don't know if that's the right word. I don't want to say the wrong thing. And it was.

[Dr. Laura]

I love it.

[Caller]

And then, you know, me being independent and trying to take care of them and do the best I can, I just, you know, they were good people, but we were. Maybe it was the wrong timing. You know, one girl, I really.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know what wrong timing means. What the hell does that mean?

[Caller]

I don't know where they were in their life and where I was. You know, I'm really. I'm really not making.

[Dr. Laura]

So you think a woman who's lived with her husband, she was divorcing seven years, and her new boyfriend finds her a place. She's. She's not a needy person.

[Caller]

Yes, but it's. This is many years later. So what's happening with me is I'm trying to say, okay, maybe I need to loosen up and be more compassionate and do, you know, pay more attention.

[Dr. Laura]

More compassionate? You're tolerating this nonsense and taking care of her. You're doing the same thing you've always done.

[Caller]

Yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's true.

[Dr. Laura]

I found another needy broad. Fabulous.

[Caller]

You sound like my mom. Oh my God.

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[Caller]

Yeah, and she did a few things over time that my friends don't want anything to do with her. So that's very difficult. You know, I'll put the cards on a table.

[Dr. Laura]

So do you think, Sir? So do you think all your friends are stupid?

[Caller]

No. No, I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then why are you not internal, Sir? Sir, why are you not in? Why are you not choosing to internalize the things that have turned them off? Why are you discounting them? Because they're not stupid with me.

[Caller]

No. No, because they're. They're all on point, my friends. Because over time, when we're not around them, she has a great way of making me feel like she's all in and trying to do the right thing. And I start to feel bad. But she also brings out this craziness to me that, that I get so frustrated and, you know, arguments happen and I hate it. It's not who I am, and it's driving me.

[Dr. Laura]

So how many more of these relationships do you think you're going to have before you're infirm or dead?

[Caller]

Hopefully none, because I can't do anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, sure you can. You're doing it again. You're doing it now. Oh, boy.

[Caller]

So I guess what I'm. I'm torn between.

[Dr. Laura]

You're not trying to be really go to the same place at the same time. Now tell me about you and your mom.

[Caller]

My mom and I are very close. You know, when she was very protective of me growing up because we were, you know.

[Dr. Laura]

How is a mom protective of a boy? How is a mom protective of a male child? How does a mom do that?

[Caller]

She, you know, she was very, very careful where I went, knew every move I was making, and really just, you know, she was. She was protective. She was, you know, she was very nervous. She didn't want anything to happen to me. She always made sure I was in the right situation and not getting into trouble. And honestly, Dr. Olara, I got to give her that credit. I really didn't get in any trouble. I didn't have my first drink until I was 18 because her. My father put the. The love of scare God in myself, but.

[Dr. Laura]

And you don't. So can you stop giggling for a moment? Just a moment. You can go. You can go back to it. So you think that's a healthy way to raise a male?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

And you're still close like that there's no room in your life there. That's what's sad. It's not a healthy sounding closeness to me.

[Caller]

What do you. What do you mean?

[Dr. Laura]

That never occurred to you, that this is not a healthy closeness? You just said this is not the way to raise a boy. All right, and then you have never been able to settle down with a woman outside of your mother.

[Caller]

I never looked at it that way.

[Dr. Laura]

Never. And you're 50 freaking, too.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And you got yourself another needy one. Well, you don't need a woman to take care of you. You have your mommy.

[Caller]

Well, yeah, well, not anymore. I mean, I pretty much do my. My own thing, but she was still very close, you know, in a way, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

So your question for me is what?

[Caller]

How do I give myself enough strength and the right attitude based on everything I'm hearing you say now to say either get out or stay in. Because the series of events that have happened, we just, you know, will be good for an hour, maybe a day, and then we'll start all over again, arguing and things aren't right, and the past gets in the back of my head and I start worrying about everyone else's opinion, you know, because I. My friends and my family are important to me, so I want harmony with the person I.

[Dr. Laura]

They've given you their opinion. You're not listening to it.

[Caller]

That's true. That's true.

[Dr. Laura]

I think you've been handicapped by your relationship with at least your mom. I don't know much about you and your dad. Usually a healthier male comes out of a situation where he's got a supportive, strong father, and it seems like your mother did that. And so I think you're handicapped in knowing what the hell to do in an actual relationship with a woman from whom you did not appear. I would recommend you go into counseling. You have a lot of work to do to understand yourself and to gain control. And I guarantee you, in the way you have been, you will not be as close to your mother anymore. So you may want to not go into counseling and just go through women until you die.

[Caller]

Well, I don't want to do that. So do you think that I'm looking in the wrong places, or.

[Dr. Laura]

I think you're not able. I think it's way too scary for you. You always get needy women. Not women who are controlling like your mother. You get needy women. So you turned it around so you could be safe and not hurt your mother. This is very complex. This is not a sinful situation. And that's why I Believe you need to ask around for people who are professionals you trust. Do you know a good therapist who can help me with this?

[Caller]

I do. I definitely do. My friend's wife. I can, but I was kind of afraid to talk to her, you know, because of the. The nature of our relationship. But I guess it's not a bad thing.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want you to talk to her. I just want you to say, I have a hard time relating to a woman to be in an equal relationship. And I would like a good therapist to help me with that. You don't have to give any more detail than that.

[Caller]

Right. Wow. So you think it's deep rooted down to my mom.

[Dr. Laura]

Dash, dad, or lack.

[Caller]

Thereof, and dad, I got you my parents. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Wow. So obviously I'm gathering that your opinion is to, you know, not stay in this relationship.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm not going to tell you to do one thing or another with respect to that. Just get into counseling. And I think if. If you really work at it and open your heart and mind to it because it's going to be scary and upsetting, that you'll easily make a decision about her.

[Caller]

Understood. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

So right now I'm not asking you to change anything about that. Just get somebody who can really help you. Dig?

[Caller]

Gotcha. Okay, that makes sense.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, sir. Good. And I appreciate that you called my number. 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find [e-mail] drlaura and Instagram.

[Caller]

Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

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[Caller]

Wait, what? Really? Yep.

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[Caller]

Thanks, dad.

[Dr. Laura]

When does mom come back? In 38 hours and 47 minutes.

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