Do Parents Have Favorite Children?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: Do Parents Have Favorite Children?
Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM, DrLaura.com

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Episode Overview

In this candid and engaging episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the perennial and controversial question: Do parents have favorite children? Supported by research and personal anecdotes, Dr. Laura and her co-host (unnamed) explore the reality, causes, and consequences of parental favoritism. The discussion covers psychological and behavioral factors, family dynamics, the impact of favoritism on children into adulthood, and practical guidance for parents to navigate favoritism with intention and fairness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Reality of Parental Favoritism

• Straightforward Acknowledgment:
  • “Yes, of course they do. Just like you have favorite friends and favorite relatives.”
    – Co-host (01:08)
  • Dr. Laura and her co-host readily affirm that favoritism exists in nearly all families, normalizing it as “human nature.”
• Nature vs. Ideal:
  • “It happens because we’re human. I mean, it should be no leap.”
    – Dr. Laura (01:58)

Forms and Origins of Favoritism

• Special Treatment and Bonding:
  • Favoritism manifests as special treatment, closer bonding, or simply spending more positive time with one child (01:20–01:29).
• Personality and Behavior Matter:
  • “The kid who’s easier to get along with is going to be favored...one who does the things the parents yearn to have a kid do.”
    – Co-host (02:05–02:17)
  • Favoritism isn't always about achievement but often about compatibility and ease of relationship.
• Early Attachment:
  • Babies who “cuddle into Mommy” or infants who “lock right on and breastfeed” are more likely to be the favorite initially (02:52–03:57).
• Anecdote:
  • Dr. Laura offers a memorable story about picking puppies, noting how natural affinity can determine affection, paralleling it to parenting:
    • “One little dog waddled over, looked up at me, crawled onto my thigh... Of course I was immediately drawn. Same thing happens when you have a baby.”
      – Dr. Laura (03:36–03:52)

Societal and Developmental Impact

• Pervasiveness and Denial:
  • Many parents deny favoritism, yet it persists.
  • Dr. Laura observes: “They may say, 'I love all my kids.' And that very well may be the case. But they like some of them over the others.” (04:11)
• Consequences for Children:
  • “Favored siblings...the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.”
    – Dr. Laura (04:30)
• Research Reference:
  • Dr. Laura points to research showing a strong correlation between perceived favoritism/disfavoritism and adult mental health—greater than many other common life factors.
    • “[Belief in being favored/disfavored] was a strong predictor of their mental health, almost more than any other factor, including marital status, employment, [and] age. Only physical health was more closely correlated.”
      – Dr. Laura (07:00)

What Drives Favoritism?

• Personality Over Superficial Factors:
  • “There’s no set of qualities that guarantees being the golden child. Parents tend to favor children with agreeable, conscientious personality traits.”
    – Dr. Laura (07:56)
  • Birth order and gender play roles, but personality and “ease of parenting” dominate.
• Adult Favoritism – Similar Values:
  • In adulthood, shared religion and politics with parents become the strongest predictors of favoritism.
    • “The most important factors, hands down, was whether parents and children had similar values, including religion and politics.”
      – Dr. Laura (08:30)

Parenting Advice

• Self-Awareness:
  • Recognize your own feelings: “If a kid walks in the room, you recognize immediately if you’re happier or not happier. Which kid walked in the room? Okay.”
    – Co-host (09:53)
• Behavior Over Feelings:
  • “I’ve told you zillions of times, I don’t care about your feelings. It’s your behavior that counts.”
    – Dr. Laura (10:04)
• Handle Differential Treatment Transparently:
  • If you must treat children differently (e.g., more help with homework, more clothing), explain the reason so children do not misinterpret it as emotional favoritism.
    • “These have nothing to do with the quality of love toward that child. These are just particulars. And if a child understands the reason...fine. Good.”
      – Dr. Laura and Co-host (11:10–11:32)
• Fairness and the Golden Child:
  • Dr. Laura warns the “golden child” often feels guilt and discomfort if the favoritism is obvious.
• Children Value Fairness:
  • “Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, so try to keep it fair.”
    – Dr. Laura (12:26)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Human Nature:
  • “It happens because we’re human.” – Dr. Laura (01:58)
• On Denying Favoritism:
  • “You can say shouldn’t all you want.” – Co-host (01:44)
• Anecdote on Puppy Affinity:
  • “He looked at me with disdain...It was like, ‘put me down, bitch.’ I’m not interested in you.” (referencing picking a dog and relating it to children) – Co-host (03:14)
• On the Impact of Favoritism:
  • “Favored siblings...the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.” – Dr. Laura (04:30)
• On Changing Favor Status:
  • “We’ve gotten so many calls from adult children [who] thought if they have career accomplishments or this or that or the other thing, they could change their status. Yeah. No, it doesn’t.” – Co-host and Dr. Laura (09:25–09:47)
• On Feelings vs. Behavior:
  • “It’s just that feelings have no IQ. And they’re different from thought and actions. You’re not required to act out on stupid, negative feelings, you know?” – Co-host and Dr. Laura (10:36–10:43)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|--------------| | Main Question Posed & Admission | 01:04–01:44 | | Discussion: Why Favoritism Exists | 01:58–02:46 | | Early Attachment & Puppy Story | 03:00–03:52 | | Consequences for Less-Favored Children | 04:30–04:55 | | Research on Favoritism’s Adult Impact | 07:00–07:56 | | Factors That Drive Favoritism | 07:56–09:20 | | Changing Favor Status as an Adult | 09:25–09:47 | | Advice: Recognize Your Biases | 09:53–10:04 | | Key Advice: Behavior Over Feelings | 10:04–10:43 | | Importance of Explaining Differential Treatment | 11:10–11:32 | | The Downside for the Golden Child | 12:00–12:24 | | Fairness Emphasized | 12:26–12:55 |

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In Dr. Laura’s Tone: Practical Takeaway

Don’t kid yourself—favoritism happens, and it’s normal. What matters is not your feelings but your actions. Be self-aware, work to minimize the outward signs, and always explain practical differences in treatment to avoid hurting your children. All kids need love, kindness, and fairness. “Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, so try to keep it fair.” (12:26)

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For more, tune in daily at DrLaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA for advice.

Transcript

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[Dr. Lora]

Do parents have favorite children?

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Yes, of course they do. Just like you have favorite friends and favorite relatives. Yes, yes.

[Dr. Lora]

Special treatment.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Closer bonding. Spending more time being nicer.

[Dr. Lora]

Wow. And even goes to the next generation, the less favorite kids, kids get less attention.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

And you can say it shouldn't be. Parents shouldn't feel. Like they like one kid over another. Well, you can say shouldn't all you want.

[Dr. Lora]

It happens because we're human. I mean, it should be no leap.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

For you to understand that the kid who's easier to get along with is going to be favored. The kid who's easier to get along.

[Dr. Lora]

With who does the things the parents.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Yearn to have a kid do. Works hard in school, is nice around the house, helps with chores, doesn't back talk a whole hell of a lot. I mean, I'm making it sound perfect, but you get the drift. I mean, when you first plop a baby in a mother's arms and the baby is pushing, you know, because whatever neurological stuff they have going on, they just want more space and distance. That's not going to be the favorite.

[Dr. Lora]

Kid.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

The one who cuddles into Mommy.

[Dr. Lora]

Absolutely.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

It's throughout the animal kingdom.

[Dr. Lora]

Don't act surprised.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I mean, I told you how I got Lily Bug. I went to pick out a dog. Five or six girls, one boy. I thought this time. I've never gotten a boy dog. I'll get a boy dog. Picked up the boy dog. He looked at me with disdain. I put him down.

[Dr. Lora]

I mean, disdain.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I had never seen a dog look at somebody in disdain. It was like, put me down, bitch. I'm not interested in you. And then, you know, the little girl puppies were just wandering about and I thought, I can't pick a dog.

[Dr. Lora]

And then one little dog waddled over, looked up at me, crawled onto my thigh because I was sitting on the floor and curled up.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Of course I was immediately drawn. Same thing happens when you have a.

[Dr. Lora]

Baby.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Ones who lock right on and breastfeed.

[Dr. Lora]

But you know, it's human nature.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Now, people may try to hide it. They may like their kids in different ways for different things. They may say, I love all my kids. And that very well may be the case.

[Dr. Lora]

But they like some of them over the others.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Now, the ratty kid who's on drugs and gets in trouble and has to go in and out, they don't like that kid. They feel a desperate need to fix.

[Dr. Lora]

So they stay overly invested.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

That's not liking.

[Dr. Lora]

We're not talking about that now. Favored siblings Ah, the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.

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[Dr. Lora]

There's a lot of research that indicates when adult children believed they were favored or disfavored, it was a strong predictor of their mental health almost more than any other factor, including marital status, employment, age. Only physical health was more closely correlated. We get stuck on that now. We all frown upon the unequal treatment of kids based on favoritism. We all frown on that. And a parent is not easily going to admit that. But you can tell when you ask a parent which kid do you spend more resources on? Which one do you feel emotionally closer to? Which one are you more disappointed with?

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Yeah.

[Dr. Lora]

Favoritism is pervasive. In one particular study of 500 mothers, 2/3 of the parents had a preferred child. There's no set of qualities that guarantees being the golden child. Favorites tended to be in this 500 daughters, younger siblings. It's not just superficial factors. Birth order, gender. Parents tend to favor children with agreeable, conscientious personality traits. They're easier to parent. In adulthood, though. The most important factors, hands down, was whether parents and children had similar values, including religion and politics.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

So when they get older, cute and conscientious is not as important as sharing the religion.

[Dr. Lora]

And politics.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

That gets a yipes.

[Dr. Lora]

And you know, we've gotten so many calls from adult children, thought if they have career accomplishments or this or that.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Or the other thing, they could change their status. Yeah. No, it doesn't. So trying to get them to change?

[Dr. Lora]

No. Now one of the things you folks.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Need to do when you recognize, you just feel warmer. If a kid walks in the room, you recognize immediately if you're happier or not happier. Which kid walked in the room? Okay.

[Dr. Lora]

You're supposed to make an effort not to let any of this show. I've told you zillions of times, I don't care about your feelings.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I don't care.

[Dr. Lora]

It's your behavior that counts. That's why I don't spend a lot of time on feelings on this program. Thoughts may be definitely behaviors you can throw in feelings now and then.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I don't hate feelings. Some people I know you hate feelings.

[Dr. Lora]

That's just a silly statement.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

It's just that feelings have no IQ.

[Dr. Lora]

And they're different from thought and actions.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

You're not required to act out on.

[Dr. Lora]

Stupid, negative feelings, you know?

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

And if you're a parent who's treating.

[Dr. Lora]

Your kids differently, you have to explain yourself. Maybe that means explaining that a brother needs more help with homework or a sister needs new jammies because her others are just frayed.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

So for these kinds of things which.

[Dr. Lora]

Indicate a difference in treatment, explain yourself. These have nothing to do with the quality of. Of love toward that child. These are just particulars. And if a child understands the reason. Oh, you help him more because he's flunking math.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

I get it now.

[Dr. Lora]

Fine. Good.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Now, that's a very important thing that.

[Dr. Lora]

I just brought to your attention. If it's this sort of stuff, explain to your kids why there's a difference so they can understand and not take it personally. Again, I don't care about your feelings. This one's a favorite. You're supposed to still be loving and kind and attentive to all. Now, let's talk about the favorite. Whoa. The golden child often has Guilt feels undeserving when the differences in behavior toward them are so obvious.

[Co-host or Guest Expert]

Whoa.

[Dr. Lora]

Well, I got a commercial in my head now. Let's not have a commercial going on in my head. Thank you. Okay. Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, So try to keep it fair. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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