Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: Do Parents Have Favorite Children?
Date: January 13, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM, DrLaura.com
Episode Overview
In this candid and engaging episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger tackles the perennial and controversial question: Do parents have favorite children? Supported by research and personal anecdotes, Dr. Laura and her co-host (unnamed) explore the reality, causes, and consequences of parental favoritism. The discussion covers psychological and behavioral factors, family dynamics, the impact of favoritism on children into adulthood, and practical guidance for parents to navigate favoritism with intention and fairness.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The Reality of Parental Favoritism
- Straightforward Acknowledgment:
- “Yes, of course they do. Just like you have favorite friends and favorite relatives.”
– Co-host (01:08) - Dr. Laura and her co-host readily affirm that favoritism exists in nearly all families, normalizing it as “human nature.”
- “Yes, of course they do. Just like you have favorite friends and favorite relatives.”
- Nature vs. Ideal:
- “It happens because we’re human. I mean, it should be no leap.”
– Dr. Laura (01:58)
- “It happens because we’re human. I mean, it should be no leap.”
Forms and Origins of Favoritism
- Special Treatment and Bonding:
- Favoritism manifests as special treatment, closer bonding, or simply spending more positive time with one child (01:20–01:29).
- Personality and Behavior Matter:
- “The kid who’s easier to get along with is going to be favored...one who does the things the parents yearn to have a kid do.”
– Co-host (02:05–02:17) - Favoritism isn't always about achievement but often about compatibility and ease of relationship.
- “The kid who’s easier to get along with is going to be favored...one who does the things the parents yearn to have a kid do.”
- Early Attachment:
- Babies who “cuddle into Mommy” or infants who “lock right on and breastfeed” are more likely to be the favorite initially (02:52–03:57).
- Anecdote:
- Dr. Laura offers a memorable story about picking puppies, noting how natural affinity can determine affection, paralleling it to parenting:
- “One little dog waddled over, looked up at me, crawled onto my thigh... Of course I was immediately drawn. Same thing happens when you have a baby.”
– Dr. Laura (03:36–03:52)
- “One little dog waddled over, looked up at me, crawled onto my thigh... Of course I was immediately drawn. Same thing happens when you have a baby.”
- Dr. Laura offers a memorable story about picking puppies, noting how natural affinity can determine affection, paralleling it to parenting:
Societal and Developmental Impact
- Pervasiveness and Denial:
- Many parents deny favoritism, yet it persists.
- Dr. Laura observes: “They may say, 'I love all my kids.' And that very well may be the case. But they like some of them over the others.” (04:11)
- Consequences for Children:
- “Favored siblings...the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.”
– Dr. Laura (04:30)
- “Favored siblings...the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.”
- Research Reference:
- Dr. Laura points to research showing a strong correlation between perceived favoritism/disfavoritism and adult mental health—greater than many other common life factors.
- “[Belief in being favored/disfavored] was a strong predictor of their mental health, almost more than any other factor, including marital status, employment, [and] age. Only physical health was more closely correlated.”
– Dr. Laura (07:00)
- “[Belief in being favored/disfavored] was a strong predictor of their mental health, almost more than any other factor, including marital status, employment, [and] age. Only physical health was more closely correlated.”
- Dr. Laura points to research showing a strong correlation between perceived favoritism/disfavoritism and adult mental health—greater than many other common life factors.
What Drives Favoritism?
- Personality Over Superficial Factors:
- “There’s no set of qualities that guarantees being the golden child. Parents tend to favor children with agreeable, conscientious personality traits.”
– Dr. Laura (07:56) - Birth order and gender play roles, but personality and “ease of parenting” dominate.
- “There’s no set of qualities that guarantees being the golden child. Parents tend to favor children with agreeable, conscientious personality traits.”
- Adult Favoritism – Similar Values:
- In adulthood, shared religion and politics with parents become the strongest predictors of favoritism.
- “The most important factors, hands down, was whether parents and children had similar values, including religion and politics.”
– Dr. Laura (08:30)
- “The most important factors, hands down, was whether parents and children had similar values, including religion and politics.”
- In adulthood, shared religion and politics with parents become the strongest predictors of favoritism.
Parenting Advice
- Self-Awareness:
- Recognize your own feelings: “If a kid walks in the room, you recognize immediately if you’re happier or not happier. Which kid walked in the room? Okay.”
– Co-host (09:53)
- Recognize your own feelings: “If a kid walks in the room, you recognize immediately if you’re happier or not happier. Which kid walked in the room? Okay.”
- Behavior Over Feelings:
- “I’ve told you zillions of times, I don’t care about your feelings. It’s your behavior that counts.”
– Dr. Laura (10:04)
- “I’ve told you zillions of times, I don’t care about your feelings. It’s your behavior that counts.”
- Handle Differential Treatment Transparently:
- If you must treat children differently (e.g., more help with homework, more clothing), explain the reason so children do not misinterpret it as emotional favoritism.
- “These have nothing to do with the quality of love toward that child. These are just particulars. And if a child understands the reason...fine. Good.”
– Dr. Laura and Co-host (11:10–11:32)
- “These have nothing to do with the quality of love toward that child. These are just particulars. And if a child understands the reason...fine. Good.”
- If you must treat children differently (e.g., more help with homework, more clothing), explain the reason so children do not misinterpret it as emotional favoritism.
- Fairness and the Golden Child:
- Dr. Laura warns the “golden child” often feels guilt and discomfort if the favoritism is obvious.
- Children Value Fairness:
- “Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, so try to keep it fair.”
– Dr. Laura (12:26)
- “Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, so try to keep it fair.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Human Nature:
- “It happens because we’re human.” – Dr. Laura (01:58)
- On Denying Favoritism:
- “You can say shouldn’t all you want.” – Co-host (01:44)
- Anecdote on Puppy Affinity:
- “He looked at me with disdain...It was like, ‘put me down, bitch.’ I’m not interested in you.” (referencing picking a dog and relating it to children) – Co-host (03:14)
- On the Impact of Favoritism:
- “Favored siblings...the less favored siblings are likely to have poorer mental health, worse family relationships, less academic success.” – Dr. Laura (04:30)
- On Changing Favor Status:
- “We’ve gotten so many calls from adult children [who] thought if they have career accomplishments or this or that or the other thing, they could change their status. Yeah. No, it doesn’t.” – Co-host and Dr. Laura (09:25–09:47)
- On Feelings vs. Behavior:
- “It’s just that feelings have no IQ. And they’re different from thought and actions. You’re not required to act out on stupid, negative feelings, you know?” – Co-host and Dr. Laura (10:36–10:43)
Timestamps for Important Segments
| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|--------------| | Main Question Posed & Admission | 01:04–01:44 | | Discussion: Why Favoritism Exists | 01:58–02:46 | | Early Attachment & Puppy Story | 03:00–03:52 | | Consequences for Less-Favored Children | 04:30–04:55 | | Research on Favoritism’s Adult Impact | 07:00–07:56 | | Factors That Drive Favoritism | 07:56–09:20 | | Changing Favor Status as an Adult | 09:25–09:47 | | Advice: Recognize Your Biases | 09:53–10:04 | | Key Advice: Behavior Over Feelings | 10:04–10:43 | | Importance of Explaining Differential Treatment | 11:10–11:32 | | The Downside for the Golden Child | 12:00–12:24 | | Fairness Emphasized | 12:26–12:55 |
In Dr. Laura’s Tone: Practical Takeaway
Don’t kid yourself—favoritism happens, and it’s normal. What matters is not your feelings but your actions. Be self-aware, work to minimize the outward signs, and always explain practical differences in treatment to avoid hurting your children. All kids need love, kindness, and fairness. “Children are very big on equality and fairness in relationships, so try to keep it fair.” (12:26)
For more, tune in daily at DrLaura.com or call 1-800-DR-LAURA for advice.