Do We Help Our Shacked-up Son?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Do We Help Our Shacked-up Son?"

Episode Information:

• Title: Do We Help Our Shacked-up Son?
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: July 22, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Scott and Michelle, a couple navigating the complexities of supporting their adult son’s personal and financial decisions. The discussion delves into the boundaries of parental assistance, the importance of fostering independence in adult children, and maintaining a healthy marital relationship amidst external stresses.

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Background of the Call

[00:12] Dr. Laura introduces Scott and Michelle, praising their long and happy marriage spanning 30 years. Scott expresses gratitude for the support they've received from Dr. Laura over the decades, especially highlighting how her guidance influenced their decision to welcome a third child into their family.

Scott: “Thank you so much for helping us navigate through 30 years of a very bright and wonderful marriage.” [00:26]

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Issues Discussed

Supporting Their Adult Son’s Relationship

Scott shares concerns about their 30-year-old son’s relationship with his current girlfriend. He notes that while his son is committed, he’s hesitant to label the relationship as marriage, instead using terms like "wife" and "husband" casually.

Scott: “The problem is that he is quickly coming to the idea of marriage or at least being lifelong part... he won’t say the word marriage yet they call their dogs son and daughter.” [02:00]

Parental Involvement and Financial Assistance

Scott reveals that the couple is contemplating helping their son purchase his first home and investing in his business. Additionally, they mention that their son previously contributed financially to the family during a medical crisis caused by COVID.

Scott: “We are wanting to help him in his first purchase of a home.” [06:22]

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Dr. Laura’s Advice

Encouraging Independence

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of allowing their son to navigate his own life choices without overstepping boundaries. She advocates for minimizing parental involvement to foster the son's autonomy.

Dr. Laura: “Just go on Google and say how many family businesses work out without the son wanting to kill the father at some point, can you just let him be and do his own life, please?” [08:12]

Maintaining a Healthy Marriage

Addressing Scott and Michelle's marital relationship, Dr. Laura suggests that increasing their intimacy could alleviate their preoccupation with their son's affairs.

Dr. Laura: “Have more sex with each other. I think you must not be having enough sex because then you'll be very relaxed and you won't be sitting there trying to come up with more ways to run his life, calling it helping.” [05:18]

Financial Boundaries

When questioned about assisting their son financially, Dr. Laura firmly advises against it, highlighting the potential for future conflicts and the importance of their son experiencing the fulfillment of earning his own home.

Dr. Laura: “Why don't you just sit back and let him work toward that goal? The hell is wrong with you? Come on. Don't take away from him the joy of having earned it.” [06:37]

She also discourages joint financial ventures, such as investing in a business together, predicting it would likely lead to familial discord.

Dr. Laura: “No, don't do that either. That'll become a disaster.” [08:12]

Acknowledging Past Support

Regarding the son's previous financial assistance during the family's medical crisis, Dr. Laura draws a clear line, distinguishing between helping in times of genuine need versus supporting personal life choices.

Dr. Laura: “You can’t equate helping a family that's suffering because of severe illnesses or injury... but yeah, mommy and daddy are going to give me money anyway.” [07:17]

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Insights and Conclusions

Dr. Laura underscores the necessity for parents to support their adult children in ways that promote independence rather than dependency. By setting clear financial and emotional boundaries, parents can encourage their children to take responsibility for their own lives. Additionally, maintaining a strong and intimate marital relationship serves as a foundation for personal well-being, reducing the tendency to over-involve oneself in the lives of grown children.

Key Takeaways:

• Promote Autonomy: Allow adult children to make their own decisions to foster growth and responsibility.
• Set Financial Boundaries: Avoid financial entanglements that can lead to future conflicts.
• Strengthen Marital Bonds: Prioritize the marital relationship to maintain personal stability and happiness.
• Differentiate Assistance: Recognize the difference between helping during genuine crises versus supporting lifestyle choices.

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Notable Quotes

• Scott on Marriage Concerns: “The problem is that he is quickly coming to the idea of marriage or at least being lifelong part...” [02:00]
• Dr. Laura on Financial Help: “Why don't you just sit back and let him work toward that goal? ... Don't take away from him the joy of having earned it.” [06:37]
• Dr. Laura on Marital Intimacy: “Have more sex with each other. I think you must not be having enough sex...” [05:18]

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Conclusion

This episode offers profound insights into balancing parental support with fostering independence in adult children. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach encourages parents to reflect on their motivations for helping and to establish healthy boundaries that benefit both the parents and their children. By focusing on their own relationship and allowing their son to chart his own path, Scott and Michelle can cultivate a more fulfilling family dynamic.

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Connect with Dr. Laura Schlessinger:

• Website: DrLaura.com
• Facebook: facebook.com/drlaura
• Instagram: instagram.com/drlauraprogram
• Phone: [phone]

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Michelle and Scott, welcome to the program.

[Scott]

Thank you for taking our call, Dr. Laura. And thank you so much for helping us navigate through 30 years of a very bright and wonderful marriage. She's been with us all.

[Dr. Laura]

Wow, Scott, she likes you.

[Scott]

Yes, I do. He is still my boyfriend after 30 years.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, you have no problems. I'm hanging up. Just, just kidding. What can I help you with?

[Scott]

Okay, so we have three children. They are all adults ranging from 37 to 20 years old. So we have 37, 30 and 20 years old. Oh, yes. Our 20 year old is a Dr. Laura baby, because you were very instrumental in us making. Making the decision to have our third child.

[Dr. Laura]

Ah. And what did you name him?

[Scott]

Her? Sadie.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, Sadie. Didn't even name her after me. All right, what's happening?

[Scott]

Okay, so we have an issue with actually with our son who is 30 with his current girlfriend.

[Dr. Laura]

That's a disappointment, I. I gather. But what's the problem?

[Scott]

I guess the problem is that he is quickly coming, I think, to the idea of marriage or at least being lifelong part, you know, like he won't say the word marriage yet they the word wife or husband or they call their dogs son and daughter and you know, I'm growing.

[Dr. Laura]

We're very lucky. They won't have any kids. So how can I help you today?

[Scott]

What do we do about our feelings toward this person that.

[Dr. Laura]

Watch a good movie. Watch a good movie.

[Scott]

Meaning ignore it.

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[Scott]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Get busy with other things in your life. Let him. Let him do his stupid stuff and ignore it.

[Scott]

Thing is, we. We stay very involved with our kids.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, don't be. He's 30. Have more sex with each other. Don't be very involved.

[Scott]

I like that. I like that.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. Thank you. Hey, you got a woman who wants more sex with you, sir. Isn't that better than whining about your son? He's going to screw up his life for a while and then he'll straighten out. Maybe just realize and make sure if they get married, you're not paying for anything having to do with the marriage. You're gonna go and eat the chicken dinner, but you're not paying for anything. Helping pay for part of the wedding is traditional. Is traditional. And since they're not traditional, I expect you not to do traditional. Especially with money.

[Scott]

Okay, so I guess. I think I know what you were gonna ask her.

[Dr. Laura]

What? What was he gonna ask me?

[Scott]

We are. You know, we are. We are wanting to help him in his first purchase of a home.

[Dr. Laura]

No. No. Don't be absurd. Oh, my God. How has anybody raised a kid to be proud of his own accomplishments when he's helped to get a house he can't afford? Why don't you just sit back and let him work toward that goal? The hell is wrong with you? Come on. Don't take away from him the joy of having earned it.

[Scott]

Surgery. So I guess What? My husband is bringing up a point in regard to that we had. My husband had a medical injury.

[Dr. Laura]

And.

[Scott]

You know, our son stepped in in his early 20s in a very big way financially to help our family stay on our feet during COVID Pay him back.

[Dr. Laura]

Pay him back. If you believe that, that was a wonderful thing. Once you paid him back, it's over.

[Scott]

Okay, okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't equate helping a family that's suffering because of severe illnesses or injury. You can't compare that to gee, I'd like a house because I'd like it. I'm with some bimbo who lets me treat her like an unpaid whore. But yeah, mommy and daddy are going to give me money anyway.

[Scott]

Okay, that's fair. What about if we are investing in a business together?

[Dr. Laura]

No, don't do that either. That'll become a disaster. Just go on Google and say how many family businesses work out without the son wanting to kill the father at some point, can you just let him be and do his own life, please? Can you just have more sex with each other? I think you must not be having enough sex because then you'll be very relaxed and you won't be sitting there trying to come up with more ways to run his life, calling it helping.

[Scott]

Well, I've been really looking forward to my wife coming home and, and starting this new chapter of we're. We're happy, we're healthy. Like now maybe it's our turn.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you, thank you and thank you. Next time you see a mother bird chasing after the baby birds who fly away to build their nests for them, to pick out a mate for them. Next time you see that in your backyard, would you take a video for me?

[Scott]

I love you.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. I love, love. Thank you very much. Thank you. Now go love each other. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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