Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Do We Help Our Shacked-up Son?"
Episode Information:
- Title: Do We Help Our Shacked-up Son?
- Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Release Date: July 22, 2025
- Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
Introduction
In this compelling episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with Scott and Michelle, a couple navigating the complexities of supporting their adult son’s personal and financial decisions. The discussion delves into the boundaries of parental assistance, the importance of fostering independence in adult children, and maintaining a healthy marital relationship amidst external stresses.
Background of the Call
[00:12] Dr. Laura introduces Scott and Michelle, praising their long and happy marriage spanning 30 years. Scott expresses gratitude for the support they've received from Dr. Laura over the decades, especially highlighting how her guidance influenced their decision to welcome a third child into their family.
Scott: “Thank you so much for helping us navigate through 30 years of a very bright and wonderful marriage.” [00:26]
Issues Discussed
Supporting Their Adult Son’s Relationship
Scott shares concerns about their 30-year-old son’s relationship with his current girlfriend. He notes that while his son is committed, he’s hesitant to label the relationship as marriage, instead using terms like "wife" and "husband" casually.
Scott: “The problem is that he is quickly coming to the idea of marriage or at least being lifelong part... he won’t say the word marriage yet they call their dogs son and daughter.” [02:00]
Parental Involvement and Financial Assistance
Scott reveals that the couple is contemplating helping their son purchase his first home and investing in his business. Additionally, they mention that their son previously contributed financially to the family during a medical crisis caused by COVID.
Scott: “We are wanting to help him in his first purchase of a home.” [06:22]
Dr. Laura’s Advice
Encouraging Independence
Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of allowing their son to navigate his own life choices without overstepping boundaries. She advocates for minimizing parental involvement to foster the son's autonomy.
Dr. Laura: “Just go on Google and say how many family businesses work out without the son wanting to kill the father at some point, can you just let him be and do his own life, please?” [08:12]
Maintaining a Healthy Marriage
Addressing Scott and Michelle's marital relationship, Dr. Laura suggests that increasing their intimacy could alleviate their preoccupation with their son's affairs.
Dr. Laura: “Have more sex with each other. I think you must not be having enough sex because then you'll be very relaxed and you won't be sitting there trying to come up with more ways to run his life, calling it helping.” [05:18]
Financial Boundaries
When questioned about assisting their son financially, Dr. Laura firmly advises against it, highlighting the potential for future conflicts and the importance of their son experiencing the fulfillment of earning his own home.
Dr. Laura: “Why don't you just sit back and let him work toward that goal? The hell is wrong with you? Come on. Don't take away from him the joy of having earned it.” [06:37]
She also discourages joint financial ventures, such as investing in a business together, predicting it would likely lead to familial discord.
Dr. Laura: “No, don't do that either. That'll become a disaster.” [08:12]
Acknowledging Past Support
Regarding the son's previous financial assistance during the family's medical crisis, Dr. Laura draws a clear line, distinguishing between helping in times of genuine need versus supporting personal life choices.
Dr. Laura: “You can’t equate helping a family that's suffering because of severe illnesses or injury... but yeah, mommy and daddy are going to give me money anyway.” [07:17]
Insights and Conclusions
Dr. Laura underscores the necessity for parents to support their adult children in ways that promote independence rather than dependency. By setting clear financial and emotional boundaries, parents can encourage their children to take responsibility for their own lives. Additionally, maintaining a strong and intimate marital relationship serves as a foundation for personal well-being, reducing the tendency to over-involve oneself in the lives of grown children.
Key Takeaways:
- Promote Autonomy: Allow adult children to make their own decisions to foster growth and responsibility.
- Set Financial Boundaries: Avoid financial entanglements that can lead to future conflicts.
- Strengthen Marital Bonds: Prioritize the marital relationship to maintain personal stability and happiness.
- Differentiate Assistance: Recognize the difference between helping during genuine crises versus supporting lifestyle choices.
Notable Quotes
- Scott on Marriage Concerns: “The problem is that he is quickly coming to the idea of marriage or at least being lifelong part...” [02:00]
- Dr. Laura on Financial Help: “Why don't you just sit back and let him work toward that goal? ... Don't take away from him the joy of having earned it.” [06:37]
- Dr. Laura on Marital Intimacy: “Have more sex with each other. I think you must not be having enough sex...” [05:18]
Conclusion
This episode offers profound insights into balancing parental support with fostering independence in adult children. Dr. Laura's no-nonsense approach encourages parents to reflect on their motivations for helping and to establish healthy boundaries that benefit both the parents and their children. By focusing on their own relationship and allowing their son to chart his own path, Scott and Michelle can cultivate a more fulfilling family dynamic.
Connect with Dr. Laura Schlessinger:
- Website: DrLaura.com
- Facebook: facebook.com/drlaura
- Instagram: instagram.com/drlauraprogram
- Phone: 1-800-375-2872