Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: "Do We Stop Visiting Our Daughter?"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Callers: Ann & Bob
Date: December 19, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Ann and Bob, a couple grappling with how to handle visiting their adult daughter after she invited her alcoholic boyfriend to live with her. The discussion centers on family values, boundaries, and how parents can navigate relationships with adult children who make choices contrary to their upbringing.

Key Discussion Points

1. Caller Context & Main Concern (01:26)

• Ann and Bob express distress over their 55-year-old divorced daughter allowing her alcoholic boyfriend to move in.

• The couple feels uncomfortable being around him and believes this lifestyle goes against their religious values and the daughter's upbringing.

  • Ann: “Our daughter has made the decision that this is going to be her lifestyle, which is against our religious principles, it's against the way she was raised...” (02:20)

2. Evaluating Parental Options (02:42)

• The couple wonders if they have any options to address their concerns or to change their daughter’s behavior.

• Dr. Laura’s quick response: “No, no, no, no.” (02:47)

  • She emphasizes that the situation is out of their control and they need to accept it.

• Ann: “Do we go out and visit and pretend like, hey, you're happily married, all that kind of stuff?” (03:00)

• Dr. Laura queries Bob directly about whether this is truly an option, to which Bob admits it’s not.

3. Upholding Values vs. Family Relationships (06:02)

• Dr. Laura challenges the notion of sacrificing one’s values for family harmony:

  • “I mean, let's pretend that's how matriarchs and patriarchs behave. They cave in their values.” (06:02)

• Ann and Bob are reassured by Dr. Laura not to do anything they’re uncomfortable with:

  • “Well, then I urge you not to do what you don't want to do. I urge you.” (06:15)

• The parents worry about legitimizing their daughter and her boyfriend’s relationship by visiting or having dinner together.

• Dr. Laura clarifies:

  • “You're not acknowledging them as a married couple. You're accepting your daughter's behavior.” (06:34)

4. “Sit-Down” Conversations & Realistic Outcomes (06:45)

• Ann asks if having a direct sit-down conversation with both their daughter and her boyfriend would be helpful.

• Dr. Laura responds with her trademark humor:

  • “You want me to laugh very hard or just a little hard?” (06:53)

• She explains that such talks are rarely productive when the adult child has already made up her mind, and advises focusing on their own boundaries and happiness.

5. Acceptance, Maintaining Contact & Grandchildren (07:13)

• Bob shares that, despite the situation, they still talk to their grandkids, invite their daughter and the grandkids to dinner (without the boyfriend), and avoid discussion about him.
• Dr. Laura calls this a positive outcome:
  • “Well then stop whining and complaining. That's pretty damn good.” (07:54)

6. Emotional Dynamics: Gendered Reactions (08:06)

• Dr. Laura notes a pattern of women agonizing over family dilemmas while men are typically more decisive:
  • “Why is it, Ann, that women tend to overwork this stuff while Bob's sitting there going, hell, I don't want to do that? … Why can't you be more like Bob?” (08:06)

7. Final Encouragement & Resolution (08:30)

• Dr. Laura reiterates that maintaining the ability to see their daughter and grandkids separately is a “perfect fix”—not always possible in such cases.
  • “That's wonderful that she will come out by herself without the drunk and have dinner with you. And I think you ought to consider that a perfect fix. 100% perfect fix. Can't do better than that.” (08:30)
• The episode closes with Dr. Laura affirming their approach and urging them to feel satisfied with the compromise they’ve reached.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura (to the call’s main point):
  • “No, no, no, no.” (02:47)
  • “Get on with life.” (02:52)
  • “I mean, let's pretend that's how matriarchs and patriarchs behave. They cave in their values.” (06:02)
  • “You're not acknowledging them as a married couple. You're accepting your daughter's behavior.” (06:34)
  • “You want me to laugh very hard or just a little hard?” (06:53)
  • “Stop whining and complaining. That's pretty damn good.” (07:54)
  • “Why can't you be more like Bob?” (08:06)
  • “That's wonderful... perfect fix. 100% perfect fix.” (08:30)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:26 — Call begins; issue introduced
• 02:47 — Dr. Laura asserts the parents have no options but to accept
• 06:02 — Stance on upholding values
• 06:34 — Clarifying difference between acceptance and approval
• 06:53 — Direct communication with daughter/boyfriend dismissed as fruitless
• 07:54 — Dr. Laura calls their current boundaries “pretty damn good”
• 08:06 — Commentary on gendered responses to family conflict
• 08:30 — Final reassurances and closure

Takeaways

• Parents of adult children are reminded that after a certain point, they cannot control their children’s choices, only their own boundaries.
• Maintaining other family relationships (like with grandkids) while drawing the line on what they won’t tolerate is both valid and sometimes the best possible scenario.
• It's not necessary—or even helpful—to repeatedly process, justify, or agonize over setting boundaries when one's values and comfort are clear.
• Sometimes, as Dr. Laura succinctly put it, “Get on with life.”