Family vs. Relatives

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Family vs. Relatives"

Episode Information

• Title: Family vs. Relatives
• Host: Ashley (Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM)
• Release Date: July 13, 2025

Overview In this emotionally charged episode of "Dr. Laura Call of the Day," listener calls are addressed with compassionate yet straightforward advice. The focal point of this episode revolves around distinguishing between supportive family members and toxic relatives, emphasizing the importance of personal well-being over dysfunctional familial ties.

Caller’s Story: A Turbulent Family History The episode features a heartfelt call from a listener who shares her tumultuous upbringing:

• Early Loss and Turmoil: The caller recounts the death of her father from sepsis at the age of 36 and her mother's subsequent mental health struggles, which led to the loss of custody. This period was marked by instability, including living in hotels and cars.

  Caller (01:06): "We were living in hotels, living in cars, out of school. DYI finally came at the hotel we were staying at and took our mom away in handcuffs."

• Custody Transitions: After her mother's breakdown, custody passed to her paternal grandmother. However, her grandmother's untimely death two years later led to her aunt and uncle taking custody. The aunt and uncle were deeply religious missionaries in India who, upon returning, became the primary caretakers until the grandmother's death.

  Caller (02:30): "We ended up coming at their doorstep. So it was me, my sister, my aunt and uncle and my Grammy for about two years."

• Conflict with Relatives: Post her grandmother's passing, the caller describes her aunt and uncle as "extremely born-again Christians" with rigid and judgmental beliefs. Their harsh view of others who don't share their faith created a toxic environment.

  Caller (03:33): "They are extremely born again Christian but to the point where if you do not follow what they follow, you are depraved individual."

Host’s Response: Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Well-being Ashley provides no-nonsense advice, urging the caller to sever unhealthy ties and focus on building a supportive network:

• Cutting Ties with Toxic Relatives: Ashley emphasizes the importance of distancing oneself from relatives who embody negative traits, regardless of past familial bonds.

  Ashley (06:03): "They were not nice people. Your job now is to build a new circle of people who care about you."

• Mental and Emotional Health: She stresses that clinging to harmful relationships can be self-destructive and advocates for emotional detachment as a means of protecting one's mental health.

  Ashley (07:10): "If you're spending any time going over it, trying to work it out, trying to make something feel better, you're wasting your time and you're being self hurting."

• Practical Advice on Family Assets: When the caller inquires about inheriting family artifacts from her grandmother's house, Ashley advises seeking legal counsel to navigate potential disputes over possessions.

  Ashley (09:40): "But if there was anything in her will or what have you and these people are withholding it if you can afford one, get an attorney to pursue to find out if there's anything or if they'll sell it to you, give it to you."

Notable Quotes

• Caller on Family Struggles:

  Caller (02:00): "We experienced her downfall. It was crazy."

• Ashley on Building a Supportive Network:

  Ashley (06:30): "You need to discern where is a healthy place to embrace and what is not."

• Advice on Legal Matters:

  Ashley (09:23): "Feelings don't have a legal basis. So I don't care if you feel that way."

Conclusion: Empowering Personal Responsibility The episode underscores Dr. Laura's hallmark philosophy of personal responsibility and ethical living. By advocating for clear boundaries and self-care, Ashley empowers listeners to prioritize their well-being over maintaining toxic relationships. This approach not only fosters individual growth but also encourages the cultivation of a positive and supportive community.

Key Takeaways

• Identify and Distance from Toxic Relatives: Recognize the detrimental impact of certain family members and take decisive steps to limit or end those relationships.
• Prioritize Mental Health: Focus on healing and building a supportive network to foster emotional stability and personal growth.
• Seek Professional Guidance: When dealing with legal matters related to family disputes, consult with an attorney to ensure fair treatment and protect your rights.

This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the importance of choosing relationships that uplift and support, aligning with Dr. Laura’s enduring message of accountability and personal responsibility.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones.

[Ashley]

I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock.

[Dr. Laura]

We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us. A few drinks, a few nights a week, it can add up. And suddenly we're at greater risk for long term problems like heart disease, cancer and depression. Reason enough to rethink the drink. More more at rethink the drink.comnohe initiative.

[Ashley]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Ashley, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi. Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to speak with you. I'm very excited to see what advice you can give me. So I was pretty much raised by my aunt and uncle. It's my father, my late father's brother.

[Ashley]

And that was because your parents were dead or in jail?

[Caller]

Not in jail, thankfully. So my, my father passed away from sepsis. He was 36. And then my mother, she did not take that well and she had a mental breakdown that she never recovered from. Right after his death, very chaotic. She was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Lost custody for about a year. We experienced her downfall. It was crazy. We were living in hotels, living in cars, out of school. Dysis finally came at the hotel we were staying at and took our mom away in handcuffs. I was about five, turning six and my sister was nine. So my father was kind of the glue that held my mom together, I'm assuming. But after that my, my dad's mom got custody of us. She died two years later from a heart attack. And then my aunt and uncle who were living in the house as well because my grammy had a lot of medical problems. So my aunt and uncle, after, after my dad's father died, who is my uncle's father as well, they were in missionaries in India. They came back, helped my grammy. We ended up coming at their doorstep. So it was me, my sister, my aunt and uncle and my Grammy for about two years. So after my grammy passed away, mind you, she was a really amazing Christian woman. Born again Christian. She had so much love. She really showed me my sister's stability. And I think part of the reason why me and my sister are okay is the fact that we had a mom and dad who really loved us up until certain, you know, formative ages that they instilled. You know, we experienced a cohesive family at Some point I don't remember it but I feel it. I felt it. My grammy was really loving. After that my an uncle. They are extremely born again Christian but to the point where if you do not follow what they follow, you are depraved individual. You might as well be, you know, in the gutter somewhere prostitute.

[Ashley]

Okay.

[Caller]

Like that's how they.

[Ashley]

Okay. Ashley. Ashley.

[Caller]

Yeah, okay.

[Ashley]

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[Caller]

Get more than you expect on your favorite medium drinks like frozen Fanta, blue raspberry iced coffee or lemonade. Now at just 229, price of participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Yeah, so they're very complicated individuals. But when I was 18.

[Ashley]

Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. Who cares what they are anymore? They were in the house not because they loved you and they thought it was the Christian thing to do. They were sort of trapped into that environment of having to do that and they're not nice people. Why do you spend any time thinking about them? They're not nice people. The people who really loved you are. Are dead. Your job now. Don't talk yet. Your job now is to build a new circle of people who care about you. Not to try to tease that situation. Not to care if they don't care about you. You have to learn to discern where is a healthy place to embrace and what is not. Thank God you had your dad and you said your mom until whatever happened to her and your grandmother, these two never should have been in your life. If you're spending any time going over it, trying to work it out, trying to make something feel better, you're wasting your time and you're being self hurting.

[Caller]

Yes, 100%.

[Ashley]

You need to make believe they're dead. You need to make believe they're dead.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Ashley]

They're dead.

[Caller]

Okay. I can.

[Ashley]

And look for people like your grandma. Look for people like your grandma. See, the aunt and uncle are not Christians. They're just psychos who use God in the Bible as a bludgeoning tool. That's not religious people. They're dead. Make believe they're dead.

[Caller]

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

[Ashley]

Get on with your life. Be a grandma behaving person in your life.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Ashley]

But don't waste time with false Christians. That's just silly.

[Caller]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Ashley]

Good. Don't make me come to your house and pinch your head off. Don't make me do that. I would. Well, no. I need you to let go of what is bad and keep holding on to dad and mom when you were young and grandma and let these freaking people go. Just because you knew them and they were in your life and they lived in your house doesn't mean there should be any attachment. You need to discern what's healthy and what's not.

[Caller]

Can I ask you a very quick question? Follow up question?

[Ashley]

Sure. You can ask me a very slow question. Go ahead.

[Caller]

Yes. There is a lot of family artifacts in the house. They are still in. It's my grammy's house and they live there. I haven't seen them for 15 years. I haven't talked to them. There are things in the house that are my granny that I feel like are mine. Should I just consider that a lot?

[Ashley]

You can, sweetheart. You can feel like they're yours. But that has no legal basis. Feelings don't have a legal basis. So I don't care if you feel that way. But if there was anything in her will or what have you and these people are withholding it if you can afford one, get an attorney to pursue to find out if there's anything or if they'll sell it to you, give it to you, but have an attorney do it. Don't go in thinking they're going to be loving toward you. It's not going to happen.

[Caller]

No. And they haven't. And they haven't tried to reach out.

[Ashley]

So get an attorney to take care of that.

[Caller]

Okay, I will do that.

[Ashley]

Excellent.

[Caller]

Thank you so much. That's it. Thank you.

[Ashley]

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[Dr. Laura]

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