Grief Has Zapped My Motivation

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "Grief Has Zapped My Motivation"

Episode Information:

• Title: Grief Has Zapped My Motivation
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Guest: Lance
• Release Date: July 26, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this poignant episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a heartfelt conversation with Lance, a guest grappling with profound grief following the loss of his long-term partner. Through empathetic dialogue, Dr. Laura offers no-nonsense advice aimed at helping Lance navigate his emotional turmoil and regain his motivation amidst sorrow.

Lance’s Story of Loss

Lance begins by sharing his experience of losing his partner a year and a half ago on Easter Sunday, May 30th. He describes the ongoing struggle with grief, particularly around anniversaries and significant dates that trigger intense emotions.

• Lance [00:27]: “I became a widower about a year and a half ago, actually on Easter Sunday, which was May 30 of last year... when Easter came, I don't know what it was. It just hit me with a ton of bricks.”

He expresses the difficulty in maintaining motivation to perform daily tasks, feeling a complete disconnect despite recognizing his obligations.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance on Grief and Motivation

Dr. Laura acknowledges the normalcy of experiencing heightened emotions around anniversaries of loss.

• Dr. Laura [00:59]: “And ever since was the year anniversary. That's kind of normal.”

She emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to grieve and redesign life without rushing into new relationships or distractions as a means to cope.

• Dr. Laura [01:48]: “Can you allow yourself to be human? It takes time to redesign a new life. I mean, you didn't plan that at your young age you'd be alone.”

Overcoming the Disconnect: Commitment Over Motivation

A significant portion of the discussion shifts to the concept of motivation versus commitment. Lance admits struggling with motivation, leading Dr. Laura to offer a transformative perspective.

• Lance [02:21]: “My biggest issue right now is I have this complete disconnect... I'm having such a hard time getting motivated to do that.”

Dr. Laura challenges the conventional notion of motivation, advocating instead for honor and commitment as the driving forces behind fulfilling obligations.

• Dr. Laura [02:36]: “I have talked about motivation on the air, and there's no such thing. There's honor and commitment. If you're committed to having to do things, you damn well do them no matter how you feel. So forget about motivation.”

She underscores that actions should stem from a sense of honor rather than fluctuating motivational states.

• Dr. Laura [05:24]: “I don't do everything I'm supposed to do because I'm motivated to do it. Except I am motivated by a desire to be honorable and to follow through on my promises.”

Practical Steps Towards Recovery

Dr. Laura advises Lance to focus on obligations out of a sense of honor and to allow himself the space to engage in activities he enjoys when not bound by responsibilities.

• Dr. Laura [07:40]: “Suffering the loss of somebody who is with you for almost half your life takes quite a while to reconstruct a life. So you just have to stop sitting there counting the minutes, expecting to feel all better. And with respect to things that you're obligated to do, do them because you're an honorable man. If you're not obligated to do them, go do some stuff you'd rather do. Go to the beach.”

This balanced approach encourages honoring commitments while also permitting oneself to find joy and solace in personal activities.

Conclusion

As the conversation wraps up, Lance expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura's insightful advice, highlighting the immediate impact of her guidance on his emotional state.

• Lance [08:08]: “Well, I very much appreciate that. That's kind of what I needed to hear.”

Dr. Laura acknowledges the challenges of grief without offering quick fixes, reinforcing the importance of time and personal integrity in the healing process.

• Dr. Laura [08:34]: “Oh, I wish I had that power. That's somewhere upstairs with my magic wand.”

Key Takeaways

• Honor Over Motivation: Actions should be driven by a sense of honor and commitment rather than transient feelings of motivation.

• Allowing Grief: It’s essential to permit oneself to grieve and take the necessary time to redesign one's life post-loss.

• Balanced Approach: Fulfill obligations out of honor while also engaging in activities that bring personal joy and healing.

• Patience in Healing: Grieving is a process that cannot be rushed; patience and self-compassion are crucial.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura [02:36]: “There’s honor and commitment. If you're committed to having to do things, you damn well do them no matter how you feel.”

• Dr. Laura [05:24]: “I am motivated by a desire to be honorable and to follow through on my promises.”

• Dr. Laura [07:40]: “Do things because you're an honorable man. If you're not obligated to do them, go do some stuff you'd rather do.”

Final Thoughts

This episode serves as a compassionate guide for individuals dealing with grief and the resultant loss of motivation. Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s emphasis on honor and commitment offers a robust framework for listeners to navigate their emotions and responsibilities during challenging times.

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Transcript

[Lance]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Lance]

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lance, welcome to the program.

[Lance]

Thank you. So I became a widower about a year and a half ago, actually on Easter Sunday, which was May 30 of last year and this year, you know, slowly and surely getting better. And I've made it through March 30, but when Easter came, I don't know what it was. It was two weeks later, I. It just like hit me with a, like a ton of bricks.

[Dr. Laura]

And ever since was the year anniversary. That's kind of normal.

[Lance]

Yeah. Yeah. I just, I didn't think of it as having two anniversaries, I guess, but.

[Dr. Laura]

Ever kind of normal. You said it was last year to. This year is one year, right?

[Lance]

For Easter. So.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes, that's one year.

[Lance]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Are we talking about a he or she who passed?

[Lance]

My partner.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, you were, you know, just come right out and say it. I guessed it from how you didn't say it. Well, that's why you called to talk about it. How long were you together?

[Lance]

25 years.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, that's a long time to be.

[Lance]

Alone now, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

You know, can you allow yourself to be human? Please. Takes time to re design a new life. I mean, you didn't plan that at your young age you'd be alone.

[Lance]

Exactly.

[Dr. Laura]

So don't go around and just pick up dudes. Just don't do that.

[Lance]

No, I don't do that. I didn't do it before and I'm not going to do it now.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. So a lot of times that's how people try to make themselves feel better and they don't.

[Lance]

Right. My biggest, my biggest issue right now is I have this complete disconnect with. I know that there's things that I have to do and I'm having such a hard time getting motivated to do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Lance, I have talked about motivation on the air, I have talked about motivation on the air, and there's no such thing. There's honor and commitment. If you're committed to having to do things, you damn well do them no matter how you feel. So forget about motivation. You can feel. You could have intestinal cramps for three straight hours. I don't care if you have something that you are obligated to do. You become an honorable man. And you do it not because you're motivated, but because you're an honorable man.

[Lance]

Right?

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[Dr. Laura]

And yes, no, not and I really need you to sit with that, sir, because that's one of the most difficult concepts for people to absorb. We've been brainwashed for decades over join this, take this, do this, and you'll be motivated. I don't care if you're motivated or not, if you're an honorable person. I don't do everything I'm supposed to do because I'm motivated to do it. Except I am motivated by a desire to be honorable and to follow through on my promises People's expectations for me, etc. Honorable, not motivated.

[Lance]

Right. Right.

[Dr. Laura]

It is. Right?

[Lance]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And the people you admire the most are people who dive in when they don't want to.

[Lance]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

But they're supposed to.

[Lance]

Yeah, that's. That's my issue. I don't have any problem doing things for other people. It's doing things for my.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I didn't say doing favors. I didn't say doing favors. If I don't come here and do my show, a lot of people are out of work.

[Lance]

Mm.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't have to be motivated in the morning. Gee, I really feel like it. I really don't want to just go to the beach. I really don't want to go to the beach today. But I'm an honorable person. I do. What I promise to do has nothing to do with helping people. I didn't ask you to go do charity.

[Lance]

Right. That's. That's a good way of thinking about it.

[Dr. Laura]

Yes. You think everybody around you who is doing stuff is doing it because they're motivated. That's not so.

[Lance]

Correct. I can understand.

[Dr. Laura]

It's just not so.

[Lance]

It doesn't appear that way sometimes, but it's true. Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Suffering the loss of somebody who is with you for almost half your life takes quite a while to reconstruct a life. So you just have to stop sitting there counting the minutes, expecting to feel all better. And with respect to things that you're obligated to do, do them because you're an honorable man. If you're not obligated to do them, go do some stuff you'd rather do. Go to the beach.

[Lance]

Right. Well, I very much appreciate that. That's kind of what I needed to hear. Okay, so I was hoping, though, that you were gonna. That you were just gonna say something that would make everything better.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, I wish I had that power. That's somewhere upstairs with my magic wand.

[Lance]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

I left that upstairs. I'm sorry.

[Lance]

Okay, well, I can hold while you go get it.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, I blew that one. All right, sir Lance, call me anytime. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

[Hershey's]

Hershey's milk chocolate with whole almonds makes for a wholly amazing, wholly delicious experience that's, well, holy. Hershey's everyone to get to experience the satisfying surprise of a whole almond tucked inside creamy Hershey's Chocolate. So don't wait your whole life to try Hershey's Milk Chocolate with Whole Almonds. And if you've already had it, then chances are you're already a lifelong fan of this confectionery delight. Find Hersey's Milk Chocolate with Whole Almonds wherever candy is sold.