The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: Having a Heart-to-Heart with a Wayward Dad
Date: December 9, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Callers: Ava (14), Ava's Mom
Main Theme Overview
This episode centers on a candid discussion about the emotional fallout of parental separation and the repercussions of a father’s choices on his teen daughter, Ava. Dr. Laura guides Ava and her mother through the complexities of confronting a parent's actions (specifically infidelity and abandonment), expressing hurt, and understanding the limits of changing another’s behavior. The conversation examines grieving familial trust, honest confrontation, and cultivating mature communication as a path to healing.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
1. Ava’s Family Situation and Emotional Turmoil (01:58–05:25)
- Caller Introduction: Ava, age 14, now living in Cambridge, UK, with her mom and younger sister, shares that her parents are separated. Her father remains in Qatar.
- Discovery & Fallout: Ava recounts confronting her father after realizing he was secretly cohabitating with another woman during the separation, and feels betrayed after he lied and refused to admit wrongdoing.
- Notable Quote – Ava (03:29): “He said a lot of, like… said a lot of bullshit, basically. And his family went along with it. And I felt really bad.”
2. Father’s Evasion and Ava’s Hurt (03:53–04:48)
- Ava feels her father is no longer acting as a parent and is emotionally distant, often making her feel guilty for not showing affection.
- Her father expresses feeling punished but shows no remorse around his actions or concern for his children.
- Notable Quote – Ava (04:03): “He would always tell me, why are you punishing me like this … that I don’t hug him anymore or say I love you. And that really hurts him. But overall, he would not apologize or feel any remorse for living with somebody else.”
3. Clarifying the Timeline and Parental Accountability (07:38–08:48)
- Dr. Laura’s Approach: Refuses to blame one parent over the other, stating both are responsible for the unhealthy environment that led to separation.
- Dr. Laura highlights the self-serving nature of Ava’s father’s behavior, emphasizing that he prioritized his desires over his children's needs.
- Notable Quote – Dr. Laura (07:45): “The two of them tore your life apart. I’m not going to pick on your dad, not going to pick on your mom. … They’re both responsible.”
4. Ava’s Needs and Her Father's Failure as a Role Model (08:24–10:14)
- Ava’s Wish: She wants her father to recognize and admit to the pain he caused by putting himself and a new relationship before his still-young children.
- Discussion on whether parents should wait until children are adults before dating post-divorce.
- Dr. Laura delves into the importance of parental modeling—for trust, stability, and the impact of quick replacement in relationships.
- Notable Quote – Dr. Laura (10:46): “It is a terrible role model for me that you’re shacking up with some girl. … That leaves me not trusting you, and it leaves me not trusting that I can be safe with a man in the future.”
5. Confrontation and the True Purpose of Expressing Feelings (11:09–13:38)
- Dr. Laura encourages Ava to express her feelings directly, not to change her father, but to achieve personal clarity and maturity.
- The exercise isn’t about eliciting an apology or different behavior, but about empowering Ava to articulate her pain and establish her boundaries.
- Notable Quote – Dr. Laura (13:38): “When I tell people what they should say to somebody else, My intent is not to suggest that that will change the other person. … But it gives you as the child the ability to express truth and your strongest feelings and get clarity, which helps you in your maturity and your stability and your ability to cope with the fact that these two people couldn’t keep it together.”
6. The Limits of Confrontation and Shifting Expectations (13:12–13:38)
- Emphasis on the futility of trying to change the parent and the empowerment that comes from mature communication.
- Encourages Ava to shift her intent—from changing her father to finding personal strength and healing.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | 03:29 | Ava | “He said a lot of, like… said a lot of bullshit, basically. And his family went along with it. And I felt really bad.” | | 04:03 | Ava | “He would always tell me, why are you punishing me like this … that I don’t hug him anymore or say I love you. And that really hurts him. But overall, he would not apologize or feel any remorse for living with somebody else.” | | 07:45 | Dr. Laura | “The two of them tore your life apart. I’m not going to pick on your dad, not going to pick on your mom. … They’re both responsible.” | | 10:46 | Dr. Laura | “It is a terrible role model for me that you’re shacking up with some girl. … That leaves me not trusting you, and it leaves me not trusting that I can be safe with a man in the future.” | | 13:38 | Dr. Laura | “When I tell people what they should say to somebody else, My intent is not to suggest that that will change the other person. … But it gives you as the child the ability to express truth and your strongest feelings and get clarity, which helps you in your maturity and your stability and your ability to cope with the fact that these two people couldn’t keep it together.” |
Important Timestamps
- 01:58: Ava and her mother are introduced; Ava describes sending the original email.
- 02:38–05:25: Ava details the separation, discovery of her dad’s new partner, and the subsequent emotional aftermath.
- 07:38–08:48: Dr. Laura discusses shared parental responsibility for the divorce’s impact.
- 10:46–11:36: Dr. Laura gives Ava words to say to her father, illustrating trust and role model issues.
- 13:12–13:38: Dr. Laura reframes confrontation from “changing Dad” to “empowering Ava.”
Episode Tone & Takeaways
Dr. Laura speaks with directness, empathy, and a pragmatic tone, helping Ava face the reality of her family’s situation while affirming the importance of honest, mature communication—primarily for self-healing, rather than to elicit change in an unrepentant parent. The episode is a nuanced exploration of grief, trust, and the limitations of influence within fractured family dynamics.
Main takeaway:
Communicating your pain is a vital step for personal growth and resilience, especially when faced with betrayal or disappointment from those you love. The power lies in honest self-expression and recognizing the boundaries of what you can—and can’t—change in others.