Helping My Son Through Grief

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day - "Helping My Son Through Grief"

Episode Details:

• Title: Helping My Son Through Grief
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Release Date: January 24, 2025
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heart-wrenching situation presented by a caller named Todd. The discussion centers around navigating the complex landscape of grief following a tragic loss in the family.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Coping with Sudden Loss

Time Stamp: [00:16] - [01:59]

Todd reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking guidance on managing the profound grief experienced by his son after the sudden and tragic death of his daughter-in-law. Five months prior, Todd's daughter-in-law was killed by a reckless driver while jogging, an event that has left the family reeling.

Key Points:

• Age Details: Daughter-in-law was 31; son is 30 years old.
• Family Impact: The couple has two young children, aged 20 months and four years.
• Extended Family Involvement: The son’s in-laws relocated from two hours away to support the family but are now grappling with bitterness, feeling overwhelmed by consecutive tragedies—the death of the daughter-in-law and her brother's plane crash five years ago.

Notable Quote:

"He was running for his brother. But life is unpredictable." —— Caller, [01:17]

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Dr. Laura’s Initial Guidance: Understanding Grief

Time Stamp: [02:37]

Dr. Laura advises Todd to allow his son to experience his grief naturally, emphasizing that grief is a process that evolves over time. She underscores the importance of patience and acceptance during such a tumultuous period.

Key Points:

• Experiencing Grief: Dr. Laura stresses that grief should be felt and not suppressed or quickly fixed.
• Emotional Variability: Emotions will change and morph, requiring time to heal.
• Supportive Actions: Simple acts like sharing a movie night can provide comfort.

Notable Quote:

"You don't do something with grief. You experience it and it takes time and it morphs into different feelings and attitudes." —— Dr. Laura, [02:37]

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Addressing Substance Abuse: A Shift in Approach

Time Stamp: [06:11] - [10:47]

As the conversation deepens, Todd reveals that his son has turned to drinking to cope with his grief. Dr. Laura shifts her advice towards a more assertive stance, advocating for intervention strategies to prevent further self-destruction.

Key Points:

• Recognition of Shock and Fear: Dr. Laura identifies that the son is primarily in shock and terrified of his new responsibilities as a single parent.
• Moral Support Over Counseling: She expresses skepticism towards counseling, suggesting that involvement in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is a more effective path.
• Active Intervention: Dr. Laura emphasizes the necessity of taking concrete actions to ensure her son does not succumb to alcoholism, urging Todd to take decisive steps such as bringing him to AA meetings.

Notable Quotes:

"He needs moral support. I think sometimes you should take him for a walk, a hike, and just talk and don't try to fix anything." —— Dr. Laura, [06:11]

"Well, you've got to bring him to AA and tell him. This isn't going to work." —— Dr. Laura, [07:16]

"You have to man up right now. No matter how you feel, no matter how scared you are." —— Dr. Laura, [08:55]

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Final Recommendations: Taking Action

Time Stamp: [10:33] - [10:47]

In the closing moments, Dr. Laura reinforces her earlier advice, offering continued support and encouraging Todd to remain proactive in assisting his son through this dark period.

Key Points:

• Continued Availability: Dr. Laura offers her assistance beyond the call, inviting Todd to reach out whenever needed.
• Emphasis on Support: The importance of being present and taking tangible steps to aid her son is reiterated.

Notable Quote:

"I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen. They're here to take care of the kids for you. You have to man up right now." —— Dr. Laura, [08:55]

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Conclusion

This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day delves into the intricate dynamics of familial grief and the challenging journey towards healing after a significant loss. Dr. Laura provides a blend of empathetic understanding and stringent advice, advocating for active intervention to prevent destructive coping mechanisms like substance abuse. Her guidance underscores the critical role of steadfast support systems in aiding individuals to navigate their darkest times.

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Connect with Dr. Laura Schlessinger:

• Website: DrLaura.com
• Live Radio Program: Weekdays from 2 to 5pm ET on SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Call-In Number: 1-800-375-2872

If you found this summary helpful, consider listening to the full episode for more insights and advice.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for downloading my call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time Monday on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Todd, welcome to the program.

[Caller]

How you doing, Dr. Laura?

[Dr. Laura]

Good. How can I help.

[Caller]

My daughter in law? I'll try to get through this. Was tragically killed five months ago when she was out jogging. A reckless driver ran up on the sidewalk and killed her.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh no. How old, how old was she and how old is your son?

[Caller]

31. 30.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh gee. Any kids?

[Caller]

Yes, a 20 month old now and a four year old.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh no.

[Caller]

So he told he took three months off and his in laws who lived two hours away moved in with him. But the bad part was her. She was running for her brother. Her brother tragically was killed in a plane crash in Hawaii five years ago.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, she was running for her brother. What does that mean?

[Caller]

Running for like a remembrance? Because her brother with the athlete and stuff and he was tragically killed in a. And a. 11 people in the play. All 11, all 11 people in the plane died.

[Dr. Laura]

Wow. Okay.

[Caller]

So the in laws are hers. In laws that moved in. But they're, they're dealing with a lot of bitterness because they feel like they were just about to get over the sun and now they feel like God is kicking them now that the daughter's gone. So my daughter moved out there six weeks ago and that was always the plan to have the cousins grow up together. And I was going to retire after about four years. My question to you is what do we do with this grief?

[Dr. Laura]

Sir? Sir, you don't do something with grief. You experience it and it takes time and it morphs into different feelings and attitudes. It takes time. This is new. Curling up on the couch for a movie is one of my favorite ways to end the day. Lily's always right there with me. And we have a new addition to our movie nights. The fluffiest pretty rosewater pink Lola blanket. Lola blankets are unbelievably soft double sided faux fur blankets with a huggable stretch that molds to your body. Lola blankets come in a beautiful array of colors and three different sizes so you can find just the right fit for your family. They even offer weighted blankets for better sleep and relaxation and super cute knotted faux fur pillows. With thousands of five star reviews, Lola blankets are the must have upgrade your home and comfort deserve. So go to lolablankets.com use my code DRLAURA at checkout for 40% off. An incredible discount just for you my listener. What are you waiting for? Go to lolablankets.com today and experience the life changing softness for yourself.

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[Dr. Laura]

Everybody wants to jump in and make something better it doesn't work that way. He's in shock. Your son can't even understand raising two babies by himself. He doesn't even understand the concept of it. He's the guy, he's not the mom. So his brain cells are blown. He doesn't know what he's doing. What he needs is moral support. I think sometimes you should take him for a walk, a hike, and just talk and don't try to fix anything. Just as he says. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I can raise kids by myself. And you'd say that makes total sense. I'd be scared, too. It's good you have all these parents around. I'm sure we'll be annoying, but hopefully we'll also be helpful. That's how you do it. And then you keep walking so it's gentle. There's nothing concrete that's going to make this better.

[Caller]

He's turned to drinking.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, you've got to bring him to AA and tell him. This isn't going to work. You have two kids who are depending upon you. You can't indulge yourself. I'm bringing you to AA and I'm coming every day to bring you to an AA meeting. This is crap. You're a man. This is not what a man does. Your family needs you. So that's what he needs from his D. Yeah, let them watch the two babies. He needs you to help square him away and act like a man right now. No matter how much pain he's in, he can't indulge his pain. That's not what a man does. And you've got to tell him that. Nobody but you can tell him that. You're the only one.

[Caller]

Right? Well, like I say, I'm. He's out East Coast, I'm in the Midwest.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, take a leave of absence. Do something. He needs you. Take a leave of absence. Happens. People do that. And kicking and screaming. Pull his hair. But you're getting him into AA immediately.

[Caller]

He is going to a counselor. By. So if you can't tell your counselor.

[Dr. Laura]

Counselor schmousel. Ask me what I think of his going to a counselor. He needs you and he needs aa.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

He needs his dad saying, no, you're not going to be drinking here. No. I know you're hurting. I know you're hurting. Off the chart. I can't even imagine facing life without her with two kids. Can't even wrap my head around it. But you're not going to do it drinking. I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen. They're here to take care of the kids for you. You have to man up right now. No matter how you feel, no matter how scared you are. He's mostly scared. You know, it's funny, you're talking about grief. I would say he's mostly terrified of how to do this job, be a dad to two kids. How's he supposed to do that? Who takes care of the babies while he's at work? How does this work? He's scared more than anything. And that's all mixed in with the grief of losing her and the shock. I mean, he expected her to come home for dinner and yell at him about messing up the kitchen. That's what he expected. He didn't expect police to end up at his door. So he's in shock and he's scared. That is the largest component of his grief right now. And some counselor is probably just dealing with the grief. That's how cynical I am about counselors. I beg you, take a leave. Go help him.

[Caller]

Okay. I appreciate you. I've listened to you long time. First time caller, though. It just happened.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, call me anytime you go back east. Call me from there. Call me with him. Tell him to call me. Whatever, I'm here. Whatever you need. I'll do what I can. Okay?

[Caller]

Thank you, doctor.

[Dr. Laura]

All right, now, I'm terribly sorry, but remember, he's in shock and he's scared. Think of that more than keep using the word grief. It's more complicated than that.

[Caller]

All right, I'm going to do what you said.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Thank you. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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