Honesty is the Best Policy

Summary

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Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "Honesty is the Best Policy"

Date: August 16, 2025

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Annie

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Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura addresses a listener’s dilemma about a strained friendship stemming from a misunderstanding, caused by incomplete communication during a health crisis. Dr. Laura breaks down the importance of honesty, personal responsibility, and direct communication—offering her signature no-nonsense advice while uncovering the real root of the caller's problem.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Caller’s Problem: Friendship Strained by Misunderstanding

• [01:40] Annie describes a long-time friendship with a neighbor that began to unravel after she had a seizure and subsequently became cognitively affected for several months.
• [03:08] Annie reveals she failed to RSVP for her friend’s daughter’s graduation party, mistakenly believing she had done so during her recovery. This led to a falling out and months of little communication.

2. The Seizure Incident and Its Fallout

• [02:36] Dr. Laura questions why Annie’s companion during the seizure didn't call 911, expressing shock and emphasizing the seriousness of the health event.
• [03:08] Annie admits she persuaded the friend not to call 911. Dr. Laura interjects she would have called anyway, prioritizing safety and proper procedure.

3. The Birthday Party Miss and Communication Breakdown

• [04:21] Dr. Laura probes into the frequency of Annie’s communication with the friend pre-incident, discovering it was somewhat infrequent (3-5 times/month).
• [07:59] Dr. Laura asks directly about the aftermath: “So you didn't. No RSVP came through. Now you want to jump ahead and tell me she was mad or what do you want to tell me?”

4. Dr. Laura's Direct Advice: The Power of Telling the Whole Truth

• [08:15] - [10:07] Dr. Laura identifies the core problem: Annie never actually told her friend the full truth about the seizure and resulting cognitive issues.

  “Once you find out that you didn’t fill something out, you say to her, I had a seizure and I was all effed up. I thought I sent it. Sorry. If telling the truth, that simply was not satisfactory, then she’s a total bitch.”
  — Dr. Laura [08:26]

• Annie admits she never told the friend about her health episode, only apologizing with a vague excuse.

• Dr. Laura hammers home that incomplete truthfulness is the culprit:

  “If you’re going to cause a misunderstanding by not communicating the entire truth clearly to another person, then you put them in the position of having a reaction to something else.”
  — Dr. Laura [12:04]

5. Dr. Laura’s Solution: Honest, Direct Amends

• [10:15] Dr. Laura suggests Annie fix the situation by walking over and fully explaining the truth:

  • Admit the seizure.
  • Be open about the cognitive issues.
  • Express regret for not being transparent and causing confusion and hurt.

  “I suggest you walk the two blocks, knock on the door and say, I have no idea why. I was an idiot. Maybe I was embarrassed. I have no idea. But I had a seizure. I didn’t tell you it. My brain was scrambled. I thought I fulfilled that and I didn’t. And instead of telling you the truth, I gave you some meamily thing with which you reasonably reacted negatively to. I am sorry for that. I caused this misunderstanding.”
  — Dr. Laura [10:43]

• She further underlines that apologies only work when there is clarity about what you’re genuinely apologizing for.

6. On Taking Responsibility and Setting People Up for Honest Reactions

• Dr. Laura underscores the ethical lesson:

  “Apologizing doesn’t work unless you have clarity as what you’re apologizing for.”
  — Dr. Laura [12:23]

• Not communicating honestly leads others to interpret actions in the worst way, especially when key information is withheld.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s blunt question on the seizure response:

  “What the hell difference does that make?... Why didn’t he call 911? I’m a little horrified.”
  [03:00]

• On honesty in crisis:

  “In the future, tell people the truth. The whole truth. The whole truth.”
  [10:58]

• On relationship repair:

  “If telling the truth, that simply was not satisfactory, then she's a total bitch. An evil, crappy human being. It’s that simple.”
  [08:29]

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• [01:40] – Annie introduces her friendship and explains the seizure event
• [03:00] – Dr. Laura’s strong reaction to lack of 911 call, focus on health/safety
• [04:21] – Communication pattern in the friendship revealed
• [07:59] – Direct questions about the RSVP fallout
• [08:26-08:46] – Dr. Laura’s stance on honesty and friendship expectations
• [10:07-10:58] – Dr. Laura prescribes the solution: genuine, complete honesty
• [12:04-12:23] – Lesson on apologies and responsibility

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Episode Tone

• Direct, candid, and sometimes forceful
• Emphasizes personal accountability, no-excuse policy
• Encouraging, yet holds the caller to a high standard of responsibility and ethical conduct

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Takeaways

• When conflict arises from misunderstandings, clarity and honesty are key.
• Carefully communicating the “whole truth” can prevent unnecessary fallout.
• Apologies are only meaningful when attached to true understanding of one’s missteps.
• In personal crises, err on the side of transparency—both for health and relationships.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Caller Annie]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. How can I help?

[Caller Annie]

So I actually have. I just had this kind of developed today where I have a friend that we actually live about two blocks from one another. And in the last five years we had grown very close where our families had vacationed together, we would spend some holidays together. And in the last 10 months, this happened last October, I actually had a health situation where I was having a conversation with somebody and I had. I fainted and I had a seizure during the conversation. And that ended up affecting me for a few months, just cognitively, like I would feel okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You're sitting with somebody having a conversation, you have a seizure. They don't call 911.

[Caller Annie]

No. The person that was helping me that day, she happened to have a daughter that was in. I'm sorry, she. She happened to have a daughter that has seizures.

[Dr. Laura]

What the hell difference does that make? Here's. You're an adult, you're having a seizure. Why didn't he call 91 1? I'm a little horrified.

[Caller Annie]

Well, I didn't. I. I didn't want to go through 91 1, but I did go to the doctor. I have been getting tests done. I have. I'm actually in process to get an MRI soon. And so I. I am taking care of the situation, but at the day, that moment, they didn't call 911 at my request.

[Dr. Laura]

I would have ignored you. Go ahead.

[Caller Annie]

So. So that kind of affected a situation with. When. With one of my friends, the friend that I was bringing up at the beginning.

[Dr. Laura]

And how did it impact that?

[Caller Annie]

So I thought that I had RSVP for a graduation party for their daughter. And it was during that time where my mind just wasn't right. I thought I RSVP'd no, but it turned out that I went through the process and then just didn't do it. I got. I don't know if I got distracted, but I didn't realize till after the fact when this friend had.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, stop for a second. Stop, please stop first and please stop for a second. How often before this seizure did you talk to her on the phone, text or in person about how often was there communication?

[Caller Annie]

Probably three to five times a month.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

And so you didn't. No RSVP came through. Now you want to jump ahead and tell me she was mad or what do you want to tell me?

[Caller Annie]

Well, yes. For. For 10 months we haven't had much communication.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, stop, stop. I have no understanding of your predicament because it makes absolutely no sense to me. Once you find out that you didn't fill something out, you say to her, I had a seizure and I was all effed up. I thought I sent it. Sorry. If telling the truth, that simply was not satisfactory, then she's a total bitch. An evil, crappy human being. It's that simple. If you were clear and she's still mad, then she's an evil bitch. And I doubt she's an evil bitch. So I don't know what the hell goes on between women. When there's an invitation to a party for a kid and everybody loses it, so do you. This is a yes, no question. Do you want me to believe that you told her what happened and she was still angry? Just a yes or no question.

[Caller Annie]

It was a yes. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then I don't believe you. I really don't because I don't believe your average person will do anything but. Oh shit, you had a seizure. Why didn't you tell me? I'm so sorry. I think your average human being does that in spite of the fact that it's a party for their rotten kid. So I really don't believe you. I think there's more to the story.

[Caller Annie]

Well, can I. Since you wanted a yes or no question, I wanted to comply. But I did apologize. I did tell her that my husband.

[Dr. Laura]

There was no apology. Yeah, okay. The question was simply, did you inform her of the truth? Yes. Was she still angry? Yes. And that.

[Caller Annie]

I don't believe I informed her of my health. Not necessarily that I had the seizure because I didn't want to worry.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then this whole thing is you. You're the problem. You didn't communicate accurately what the problem, what the situation was. Because if you just had a tummy ache, you could have answered the phone. You could have sent the thing. So this is all your fault. I suggest you walk the two blocks, knock on the door and say, I have no idea why. I was an idiot. Maybe I was embarrassed. I have no idea. But I had a seizure. I didn't tell you it. My brain was scrambled. I thought I fulfilled that and I didn't. And instead of telling you the truth, I gave you some meamily thing with which you reasonably reacted negatively to. I am sorry for that. I caused this misunderstanding.

[Caller Annie]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura]

That is how it ought to be handled. And in the future, tell people the truth. The whole truth. The whole truth. I wasn't feeling well. Looks like you don't give a shit. You caused this misunderstanding. Why you wanted to hide the fact of a seizure, I don't know. Probably for the same reason you didn't want them to call 911, which was stupid. And I think as a civilian, even though he had a kid who had seizures doesn't mean they're the same seizure as you had to take that risk on you saying, no, no, no. I think that was irresponsible on his part. I would have said, sorry, I want to make sure you're taken care of and I don't know what's going on. And called 911 and held you down if I had to so you could be assessed, so you didn't have another one and just die. Okay. Now, I think that was a very, very good call for all of you to hear, including my annoyance because I had to really pull teeth to get to the truth. If you're going to cause a misunderstanding by not communicating the entire truth clearly to another person, then you put them in the position of having a reaction to something else. And if something else sounded in her situation, that something else sounded like, I don't really give a shit about you or your kid. I didn't feel well, so screw it. That's what it sounded like to the friend. I don't know. Should I call? Should I write? Should I apologize? Apologizing doesn't work unless you have clarity as what you're apologizing for. 1-800-375-2872 we're learning so much today. You definitely want to get in on this. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

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