How Do I Repair This?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: How Do I Repair This?
Date: November 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Main Theme:
Addressing family conflict and reconciliation after a crisis involving a grandchild's mental health, focusing on communication, emotional response, and repairing relationships.

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Mary, a long-time listener seeking advice on repairing her relationship with her adult son living overseas. The rift centers on a distressing family incident where Mary’s granddaughter reached out in a moment of crisis, leading to misunderstandings and hurt between Mary and her son. Dr. Laura unpacks the dynamics at play, zeros in on emotional missteps, and offers clear, actionable advice for moving forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background of the Family Conflict

• Mary reconnects: Mary calls Dr. Laura after decades, expressing admiration for her long career. (01:58 – 02:13)
• Nature of conflict: Mary's adult son has lived in Japan for 23 years; he is married with two teenage children. Three months ago, a significant falling out occurred.
• Trigger incident:
  • Mary's 17-year-old granddaughter called in the night, “sobbing hysterically” and expressing she “didn’t want to live anymore, that her parents had abandoned her and she didn't feel loved.” (02:42 – 02:58)
  • The parents were away in Italy working on their marriage, leaving their children with a grandmother with whom Mary can’t communicate due to a language barrier.

2. Immediate Family Response and Fallout

• Communication breakdown:
  • The call from the granddaughter led to frantic and urgent attempts by Mary and her husband to reach their son and daughter-in-law, who were initially unresponsive due to time differences and travel.
  • When finally reached, Mary and her husband “advised them to go home and take care of their family,” believing this was the right thing to do.
• Dr. Laura’s perspective: She questions, “How can you have a falling out at that distance? How do you do that?” (02:38)
• Misalignment and escalation: Instead of uniting over concern for the granddaughter, the conversation devolved due to the tone and emotion conveyed by Mary and her husband, which the son received as critical rather than supportive.

3. Root Cause Analysis and Emotional Dynamics

• Dr. Laura identifies underlying anger:
  • She quickly senses that Mary’s response was loaded with pent-up emotions, noting,

    “You guys should go back home and take care of your family. And you shouldn't be traveling. That will get a different response than, ‘Oh my God, I'm so glad I finally got you. She's suicidal.’” (06:15)

  • Dr. Laura notes underlying resentment:

    “It's all, you're angry at him. I get that. You've been angry at him for a long time. I get that. I understand it. I don't fault you for it. But I think it came out in that moment.” (06:30 – 06:49)

4. Counsel and the Path to Repair

• Advice to Mary:
  • Dr. Laura urges immediate, humble reconciliation:

    “Call and apologize and ask how the kid's doing. Just say you got too excited and you sounded angry and you apologize because you were scared and that's why you sounded angry. And please forgive me. Do that right now.” (06:54)

  • She emphasizes the importance of humility, honesty about one's emotional state, and focusing on healing rather than blame.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura (to Mary):

  “How can you have a falling out at that distance? How do you do that?”
  (02:38)

• On emotional response:

  “You guys should go back home and take care of your family. And you shouldn't be traveling. That will get a different response than, ‘Oh my God, I'm so glad I finally got you. She's suicidal.’”
  (06:15)

• Reconciliation advice:

  “Call and apologize and ask how the kid's doing. Just say you got too excited and you sounded angry and you apologize because you were scared and that's why you sounded angry. And please forgive me.”
  (06:54)

• Mary deflecting:

  “Probably more so from my husband. He was mad at that.”
  (06:49)
  Dr. Laura cautions against shifting blame:
  “No, I'm talking to you. Don't distract. Don't displace. Don't run away from me.”
  (06:54)

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Important Timestamps

• [01:58] – Mary joins the call and introduces her situation
• [02:42] – Mary recounts the call from her granddaughter
• [03:16] – Details about the parent’s absence and the attempt to contact them
• [06:15] – Dr. Laura dissects the tone and emotional missteps in Mary’s response
• [06:49 – 06:54] – Dr. Laura directly addresses Mary’s anger and instructs her on apology and repair steps

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Episode Takeaways

• Emotional honesty and humility are crucial in family conflicts, especially when confronting crisis situations.
• The tone and approach matter as much as the intention—reacting from fear or anger can further rupture relationships instead of fostering unity and support.
• Reconciliation starts with ownership of one's emotional state, a sincere apology, and a clear expression of care for all involved, with emphasis on the person in crisis.
• Dr. Laura’s guidance is practical, direct, and compassionate, urging listeners to prioritize family healing over blame or pride.

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Transcript

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[Caller Mary]

Hi Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. How can I help you?

[Caller Mary]

The last time I talked to you was 45 years ago. I can't believe you've had such a long, wonderful career.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

[Caller Mary]

Happily, I just found you again on the radio in the past few months and been listening regularly. Here's how you can help me. I have an adult son who's lived in Japan for the past 23 years. He's married to a Japanese woman, has two teenage children and we've had a falling out about three months ago and he hasn't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How can you have a falling out at that distance? How do you do that?

[Caller Mary]

Well, his his daughter, our granddaughter, called us in the wee hours of the morning sobbing hysterically and told us she didn't want to live anymore, that her parents had abandoned her and she didn't feel loved anymore.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And how old was she?

[Caller Mary]

17.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

She's 17. She called. Okay. And why have you had a falling out? Sounds like you both should have joined forces to get her some help.

[Caller Mary]

Right? The problem was they had taken a trip to Italy and left the kids with the Japanese grandma who we couldn't communicate with, unfortunately because we don't speak each other's language. So we were desperately trying to find our son and his wife. They weren't answering our calls in Italy, time change, etc. And when we finally reached them about six hours later, we, my husband and I advised them to go home and take care of their family. And, you know, they were supposedly taking this trip to repair their marriage. They'd been struggling, I guess.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, but why would you guys have a fight about the kid expressing suicidal thoughts? Why would there be a fight about that?

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Mary]

Exactly. Blowing our mind.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You guys should go back home and take care of your family. And you shouldn't be traveling. That will get a different response than oh my God, I'm so glad I finally got you. She's suicidal.

[Caller Mary]

Yeah, and it was amazing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Mary, stop, stop, stop. It's all, you're angry at him. I get that. You've been angry at him for a long time. I get that. I understand it. I don't fault you for it. But I think it came out in that moment.

[Caller Mary]

Probably more so from my husband. He was mad at that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, I'm talking to you. Don't distract. Don't displace. Don't run away from me. Call and apologize and ask how the kid's doing. Just say you got too excited and you sounded angry and you apologize because you were scared and that's why you sounded angry. And please forgive me. Do that right now. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com DrLauraProgram.

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