How Far Will Jane Take Her Charade?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "How Far Will Jane Take Her Charade?"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: How Far Will Jane Take Her Charade?
• Release Date: February 23, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "How Far Will Jane Take Her Charade?", Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages with a caller named Jane, who grapples with unresolved traumatic memories involving her late father. The conversation delves deep into themes of memory, healing, personal responsibility, and the challenges of overcoming past trauma.

Jane's Struggle with Past Trauma

Jane initiates the conversation by expressing her inability to let go of painful memories related to her father’s actions during her childhood. She reveals that she assumed her father's passing would enable her to move forward, but instead, the memories persistently haunt her.

Jane (B) [00:22]: "How come I can't get it out of my mind or my memory or my thought about what my father did to me when I was quite young and now that in the reason I thought once he passes, that I could move on."

Dr. Laura's Direct Approach to Memory Management

Dr. Laura responds with a no-nonsense perspective on memory retention, emphasizing that memories cannot simply be erased. She uses vivid analogies to illustrate her point, comparing unwanted memories to a bird that can land on your head but requires your permission to build a nest.

Dr. Laura (A) [01:03]: "You can't get rid of memories without somebody hitting you hard on the head with a rock and destroying some of your memory centers."

She underscores the necessity of confronting and embracing these memories rather than allowing them to linger unchecked.

Dr. Laura (A) [01:38]: "Embracing it will do it...you can have a memory right now of anybody saying or doing something and in any way you want say, yeah, I remember that. Screw it."

Encouraging Active Processing Over Avoidance

Dr. Laura advises Jane to actively process her memories instead of suppressing them. She suggests talking about the memories with friends, journaling, or repeatedly confronting them to diminish their emotional hold.

Dr. Laura (A) [02:38]: "You can enjoin yourself to not embrace it, sit with it, think it over again and again, talk about it, call up your friends and talk about it. Journal it 50 times."

However, Jane admits her reluctance to verbalize her pain, prompting Dr. Laura to push her towards taking actionable steps.

Jane (B) [02:38]: "I can't. I don't talk. Okay, good. I guess I should talk about it."

Confronting Emotional Avoidance and Facilitating Change

Dr. Laura doesn't shy away from challenging Jane’s coping mechanisms. She criticizes Jane’s concealment of her pain and urges her to stop reinforcing negative emotions by refusing to address them.

Dr. Laura (A) [04:14]: "Of course you're going to. Of course. But I don't talk about them. I don't call somebody up and go, I had the memory again. I don't be doing that."

She introduces a provocative suggestion to redirect Jane's emotional responses, using humor to underline the importance of not letting painful memories dominate her interactions.

Dr. Laura (A) [04:41]: "Every time the memory pops into your head, tell them you need an orgasm. ... Honey, get your pants off."

Addressing Jane's Fear of Confrontation

Jane expresses fear and guilt over potentially disappointing others by distancing herself from family events that celebrate her father, whom she has painful memories of.

Jane (B) [06:17]: "Because my father died and we're having memories of him. I have to laugh, you know, when I think of that."

Dr. Laura fervently encourages Jane to prioritize her well-being over adhering to familial expectations, labeling her negotiation as a "charade."

Dr. Laura (A) [07:12]: "You don't have the balls, dear."

Empowering Jane to Make Healthier Choices

As the conversation progresses, Dr. Laura intensifies her support for Jane to take decisive action in her favor. She urges Jane to cancel her attendance at the family event, emphasizing the importance of authentic emotional expression over maintaining facades.

Dr. Laura (A) [07:27]: "Tell them you're not able to go because your memories are not all good, and you're not going to give them the information now, but you're not going to be there."

Jane begins to internalize Dr. Laura’s advice, recognizing the need to confront her fears and prioritize her mental health.

Jane (B) [10:28]: "You shifted my perspective of how I've been. Yeah. Thank you. Now I have to cancel them selling my ticket."

Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity Over Pretenses

By the end of the call, Jane shows a marked shift in perspective, acknowledging the necessity of standing up for herself and ceasing to engage in emotional charades that undermine her well-being.

Dr. Laura (A) [10:17]: "I believe this is a step you need to take for you to finally stand up for yourself."

Dr. Laura wraps up the session by reinforcing the importance of self-respect and authenticity, encouraging listeners to process their emotions rather than hide them.

Dr. Laura (A) [11:34]: "She's making a mistake. Because what you're saying is your needs...are unimportant."

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Key Takeaways

1. Confronting Painful Memories: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of facing and processing traumatic memories instead of avoiding them.

2. Active Engagement: Engaging in activities like journaling, talking with friends, or actively disputing negative thoughts can help diminish the power of painful memories.

3. Authenticity Over Facades: Maintaining authenticity and prioritizing personal well-being is crucial, even if it means disappointing others or stepping away from familial expectations.

4. Personal Responsibility: Taking responsibility for one's emotional health is paramount, aligning with Dr. Laura’s overarching theme of ethics and personal accountability.

Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura (A) [01:03]: "You can't get rid of memories without somebody hitting you hard on the head with a rock and destroying some of your memory centers."

• Dr. Laura (A) [02:38]: "You can enjoin yourself to not embrace it, sit with it, think it over again and again, talk about it, call up your friends and talk about it. Journal it 50 times."

• Jane (B) [10:28]: "You shifted my perspective of how I've been. Yeah. Thank you. Now I have to cancel them selling my ticket."

• Dr. Laura (A) [10:17]: "I believe this is a step you need to take for you to finally stand up for yourself."

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Final Thoughts

In "How Far Will Jane Take Her Charade?", Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a candid and challenging dialogue that pushes listeners to confront uncomfortable truths about their past and current coping mechanisms. Through Jane's journey, the episode reinforces the significance of personal responsibility and the courage required to break free from emotional constraints, ultimately advocating for a life lived with integrity and self-respect.

Transcript

[A]

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jane, welcome to the program.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[A]

You're welcome. You're welcome. What's up?

[B]

Well, I guess I'll ask you in a nutshell, the question, and my question is how come I can't get it out of my mind or my memory or my thought about what my father did to me when I was quite young and now that in the reason I thought once he passes, that I could move on.

[A]

My turn. Yes. Only memory. You can't get rid of memories without somebody. Without somebody hitting you hard on the head with a rock and destroying some of your memory centers. That's the only way I know we can get rid of memories now. Somebody dies. That's not a rock. That destroyed your brain tissue. They just died. So. That won't do it. Embracing it will do it. There's a cute thing about a bird can fly on your head and sit there for a moment, but you're the one who will allow it to build a nest. And that means we go over it. You can have a memory right now of anybody saying or doing something and in any way you want say, yeah, I remember that. Screw it. Okay? I'm going to eat my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now. In other words, you move on from it. You don't embrace it. You don't massage it. You say, screw it, crappy memory. But he's dead. Ha ha. He can't do it to me or anybody else. He, he, and you move on. But you can't expect to not have a memory. You can enjoin yourself to not embrace it, sit with it, think it over again and again, talk about it, call up your friends and talk about it. Journal it 50 times.

[B]

I can't. I don't talk. Okay, good. I guess I should talk about it.

[A]

No. No. What for? It happened. It was crappy, it hurt you, and now you're 67. How much longer are we going to sit in that nest?

[B]

Well, that's. You're. You're. You're correct. I thought it would be out, but it's my memory, and nobody can get rid of my memories.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Or I can't.

[A]

That's right. But nobody else could either. Okay?

[B]

So I just. I mean, nobody knows because he told me to keep it as a secret, so I kept it as a secret. Fine.

[A]

He's dead. You've moved on?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm not even asking you what it is because I'm not wanting to massage it for you. You know what it was. It's not going to go away as a memory. So what the hell are you going to do with the rest of your day? Just keep thinking about it. What the point is that you think I should have earlier. Yes. 20 years ago. But here's the deal. I have bad memories. They pop into my head. I don't like it, and I tell them to screw off and I go do something.

[B]

That's what I'm going to do.

[A]

Of course they're going to. Of course. But I don't talk about them. I don't call somebody up and go, I had the memory again. I don't be doing that. No. I tell it to screw off. Screw off, memory. You're not gonna control me. You're not gonna put me in a mood. You're not gonna make me cry or be hostile. You just screw. You piss off.

[B]

Or take it out on my husband.

[A]

Right. Or how's a better one? Every time the memory pops into your head, tell them you need an orgasm. Man, I would be thinking all day, every day, honey, I would be set. I would say, you're going to have to take vitamins, guy. How about a good consequence? Thank you for I had the memory again. Honey, get your pants off. What?

[B]

Oh, my gosh. All those years.

[A]

Well, I've been here for 50. What the hell?

[B]

I know. I thought I could do it on my own.

[A]

I would say you probably did pretty good on your own. You just needed a little more of a tweak.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

[A]

It's true. I don't bullshit. I annoy people, but I don't bullshit. I irritate people, but I don't bullshit. I'm clear on what I do. I'm having such a good day.

[B]

I had tickets for your show. I want you to know.

[A]

Well, what part of the theater are.

[B]

You unable to make it?

[A]

What, I'm gonna have an empty seat there to feel depressed about?

[B]

Oh, no. Someone. Someone will take it. Someone will take it. It's one of the best seats and they'll take it.

[A]

Why are you not going to be there? Why?

[B]

Because my father died and we're having memories of him. I have to laugh, you know, when I think of that. Jane, we're having a lot of things.

[A]

Don't go to that. Don't go to that. That's a false thing for you to do. No, you don't no. My sister would let them. They don't know.

[B]

No, I just got nervous.

[A]

They don't know, and this is not the time to tell them.

[B]

No, we're all going. It's a family celebration of memories. Life. Life.

[A]

I just helped you deal with horrendous memories from him, and then you're going to go celebrate memories you haven't learned much in this call you still don't have.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You don't have the balls, dear.

[B]

I just. I don't. I never did.

[A]

I'm very disappointed now. Very disappointed.

[B]

I am, too. I am, too.

[A]

This. The following would make you proud of yourself. You tell them you're not able to go because your memories are not all good, and you're not going to give them the information now, but you're not going to be there.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, okay.

[A]

Why be phony?

[B]

Be selling my tickets? Because I've been that way the whole time, and I was a coward.

[A]

Well, you're being a coward now. You're still being a coward. Shame, shame, shame. You're going to be there the whole night with the bullshit of what a wonderful man he was, and you're going to be hearing me in your ear saying, I can't believe you're being this cowardly. And you're not taking care of yourself. You're not going to have a good time, dear. I guarantee it. I have anything to do with it, I'll make sure you're miserable.

[B]

No, I. No, I understand what you're saying. I didn't.

[A]

Oh. But everybody will be upset with me. Everybody will be, you know, beside themselves with me. Everybody will say bad things about me. Okay, well, it's your life, babe. It's your choice.

[B]

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

[A]

Let's see. Sing my dad's praises or be with Dr. Laura. For the only time in my life I probably will ever be in a room with Dr. Laura. No, I'm gonna stand there and lie about my dad. Okay, I get it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Don't take it personally. Trust me. I just feel bad for you because this is not gonna go well for you that night. And I'm not saying that to be sarcastic, but seriously, after this discussion, this is going to be very hard. And you don't owe it to them. It is.

[B]

It already makes me feel like I'm not taking care of me.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah. Wow.

[A]

This is more important. I can grab somebody off the street, kidnap them, stick them in your seat. That's not the point. I'll get Arrested. But, you know, what the hell? I don't want to see an empty seat. Nonetheless, this is for you. All joking aside, you're making a mistake.

[B]

Thank you for this.

[A]

Because what you're saying is your needs, your experience, your pain is unimportant compared to. To the charade they're all providing. You still are unimportant. Not to me, but to you.

[B]

I hear it. I hear it.

[A]

I believe this is a step you need to take for you to finally stand up for yourself.

[B]

You shifted my perspective of how I've been. Yeah. Thank you. Now I have to cancel them selling my ticket.

[A]

Is your name Jane? Really? In real life?

[B]

Am I on the radio?

[A]

Yes, of course you are. I just want to know, because I was going to say I want you to stand up at some point, just at the intermission, and go, I'm Jane. Why don't you do that? Because then I'll know it's you, even if your name is Marianne. Okay, I'm Jane, by the way. I'm here. I'm respecting myself by being here and not at the charade. Anyway, if you're not there, I'll know because nobody will stand up and say Jane. Or half the audience that's listening right now. They're all going to stand up and go, I'm Jane. Even the guys.

[B]

No, don't. Don't you dare. Audience. I want to be the one.

[A]

All right, sweetheart.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

You're very welcome.

[B]

And, yeah, your perspective is just so true. Oh, gosh. Okay. Thank you.

[A]

You're very welcome. Seriously, she has to matter now, not the charade. Okay, I'm gonna let you all ruminate on that call. Process it. It's my new phrase for overthinking or hiding your true feelings and thoughts. Go process my number. 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.