Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: How to Do Holidays After the Death of a Spouse

Date: November 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Linda

Episode Overview

This episode of The Dr. Laura Podcast is centered on coping with holidays after the death of a spouse. Dr. Laura takes a heartfelt call from Linda, a widow navigating her first holiday season without her husband, and discusses the emotional complexities and social expectations surrounding grief during the festive season. Dr. Laura provides practical, unfiltered advice for grieving individuals on setting boundaries and prioritizing their own needs during the recovery process.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Linda’s Situation and Grief (01:56 – 02:50)

• Linda lost her husband 16 months ago and is struggling with how to respond to family pressures and expectations regarding holiday participation.
• She feels uncertain about her own wishes and overwhelmed by what others want from her.

2. Dr. Laura’s Blunt Guidance on Self-Priority (02:33 – 03:36)

• Dr. Laura stresses the importance of focusing on one's own needs during grief rather than trying to appease others:
  • "I don't give a damn about what everybody wants from you or for you. I want you to take a breath, calm down and relax and tell me what you want right now for the holidays." (02:33)
• She encourages Linda to only commit as she feels ready, telling her to inform friends and family:
  • "If I do, it'll be last minute. I don't want to make a commitment right now. That's all. It's the truth." (03:13)

3. Permission to Set Boundaries and Express Feelings (03:36 – 05:00)

• Dr. Laura is direct about others’ expectations:
  • "If they take it personally, screw them...Nobody who is a friend or cares about you would get their nose out of joint. Are you serious? No." (03:42)
• She reassures Linda that it's normal to process emotions, including crying, and urges her not to suppress genuine feelings:
  • "Cry? Why would you try not to cry?" (04:34)
  • "I'll wait." (04:47)

4. Finding Yourself After Loss (05:00 – 05:55)

• Dr. Laura recognizes the profound identity shift that accompanies losing a spouse:
  • "You're trying to figure out where you are in the universe now that you're without him...It's who am I? What am I doing?" (05:00)
• She names the sense of disorientation and loss that can persist beyond the act of grieving.

5. Surrounding Yourself with Supportive People (08:32 – 09:39)

• Dr. Laura suggests only spending holidays with the most laid-back, understanding individuals:
  • "If you were to make a commitment now, I'd suggest you make it to the people who are the most laid back...because then they don't have expectations of how you're supposed to behave at dinner, how you're supposed to feel, what they can say." (08:32)
• She’s emphatic about avoiding those who offer negative feedback or criticize someone's emotional state:
  • "Those are the people to avoid. Seriously, I don't care who they are. They're the people to avoid. Right now, only the people who are laid back…those are the ones who really care." (09:08)

6. Navigating Family and Parenting Guilt (09:54 – 12:30)

• Linda is also unsure how to communicate her needs to her adult sons (ages 21 and 25) and feels guilt about possibly pushing them away.
• Dr. Laura says honesty and openness are best:
  • "Tell your boys I'm not ready. If you'd like to go, I suggest you go if you feel comfortable. I'm just not ready. Don't feel you have to stay with me. It's nice, but it's not necessary." (10:05)
• Dr. Laura notes the difference in grief:
  • "They lost a parent. That's different than a husband...They're getting on with life in a different way because it's a different situation." (11:33)
• She suggests planning a relaxed gathering a few days after the holidays, shifting expectations to alleviate pressure and guilt for everyone.

7. Permission for Self-Care and Moving Forward (12:30 – 13:39)

• Dr. Laura urges Linda and listeners to stop feeling pressed to “be okay” for others:
  • "I'd like you just to take care of yourself now and not be imagining you have to be all okay because people are kind of pushing you to be." (13:06)
• She reiterates that self-care and honest communication are vital in times of grief.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura: "You're not here to please anybody anymore, if that's been your style of life. You're trying to figure out where you are in the universe now that you're without him." (05:00)
• Linda: "I'd like to think I could wake up on and be ready, but I'm just not." (10:53)
• Dr. Laura: "Those are the people to avoid. Seriously, I don't care who they are. They're the people to avoid. Right now, only the people who are laid back…those are the ones who really care." (09:08)
• Dr. Laura: "It's not pushing them away. It's saying, you know, I'm looking forward to next year, getting more into the season, but this time I think I'm going to lay low. So how about after Christmas, all four of you come and we'll go to brunch together somewhere and just be in a relaxed thing." (11:26)

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:56] – Linda introduces her problem: Holidays and grief after losing her husband
• [02:33] – Dr. Laura’s direct advice to focus on Linda's own needs, not other people’s expectations
• [03:36] – Discussion about permission to take space and ignore pushy or critical people
• [05:00] – Dr. Laura describes the shift in identity after spousal loss
• [08:32] – Who to spend the holidays with: The importance of laid-back, supportive company
• [10:05] – How to communicate openly and honestly to adult children about holiday plans
• [11:26] – Suggestion for an alternate family gathering after the holiday to relieve pressure
• [13:06] – Closing advice on self-care and resisting pressure to “be okay”

Tone & Language

Dr. Laura maintains her trademark blend of bluntness and warmth: she is direct, honest, and sometimes tough, but her advice is rooted in genuine care and empathy for her caller’s unique pain and confusion. Throughout the episode, she uses humor and firm language to cut through guilt and obligation, empowering Linda and listeners to set boundaries and prioritize their own healing journey.

Summary Prepared for Listeners Seeking Guidance on Coping with Grief During the Holidays.