Dr. Laura Call of the Day: "How to Get the Best Out of Kids"

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: October 13, 2025

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In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers practical, no-nonsense parenting advice to a mother struggling to motivate her 11-year-old daughter, who is dyslexic and has trouble with basic responsibilities at home, such as waking up on time and keeping her room tidy. Dr. Laura focuses on fostering accountability and independence in children by shifting parental approaches away from micromanagement and toward creative empowerment, clear boundaries, and natural consequences—always delivered with warmth (and sometimes a sense of humor).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Problem: Motivation and Responsibility at Home

• Caller’s Concern: Her 11-year-old daughter (dyslexic, generally a good kid at school) lacks motivation at home—specifically with mornings and chores.
• Context: Two daughters, fifth and sixth grade; the home is stable and loving.

2. Motivation Must Come from Within Children

• Dr. Laura’s Core Advice:

  "You're doing exactly the opposite of what you're supposed to do. Not supposed to get her motivated. That's got to come from within her." (02:43)

• Instead of trying to motivate kids directly, parents should create environments that encourage kids to act in their own self-interest.
  • For waking up: Give her a choice of alarm clocks—music or buzzer—so she has agency in the solution.
  • Missing the bus? Let her choose between walking or biking to school.
  • Let natural consequences (like being late and missing out on activities) do the teaching.

3. Use Creative Parenting, Not Control

• Dr. Laura shares a humorous story about an "embarrassment tactic"—a mother attending her son’s class in curlers to stop his bad behavior. The point: Be creatively involved to let consequences motivate, not nagging.

  "You have to be more creative. You can't motivate her." (04:12)

4. Parental Power: Stop Arguing, Start Manipulating (with a Smile)

• The difference between control and manipulation:
  • Control = ineffective, creates power struggles.
  • Manipulation (in Dr. Laura’s sense): Use smart strategies that shift real choices and consequences to the child, always with a cheerful attitude.

  "You have to be smarter than an 11-year-old...most parents aren't because they're trying to control instead of manipulate." (08:41)

5. Dealing with Chores and Cleanliness

• On cleaning rooms and laundry:
  • Present options with consequences: “Would you like these clothes donated or trashed?” All with a smile—no threats, no anger.
  • Let the room pile up for bigger impact. Dramatic interventions work better than constant minor battles.
• Always end on love:

  "Whenever you do an intervention like this, it has to end in a hug because that throws them completely through a loop because they're used to you being angry." (11:29)

6. Avoiding Comparisons Between Siblings

• The caller has a younger daughter (10) who keeps her room pristine and is likely “OCD,” which aggravates the situation and creates a comparison dynamic.
• Dr. Laura stresses:

  "One of the things you have to say is, hey, I'm not asking you to be like your 10-year-old sister...I'm just looking for average put away neat. That's the first thing you have to tell her." (13:26)

• Clarify expectations: Reassure the older daughter she isn’t expected to be perfect—just responsible.

7. Letting Go of Anger and Taking Back Parental Power

• The more a parent gets angry, the more defiant the child becomes.

  "The angrier you get, the more f you she gets." (10:26)

• When the parent shifts to calm, happy manipulation, it changes the family dynamic—and takes the emotional power away from the child.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Motivation:

  Dr. Laura: "You can't motivate her. You have to set up an environment which makes her really want to do these certain things because there's a positive payoff that she wants, okay?" (02:43)

• On Parental Power:

  Dr. Laura: "You have to be smarter than an 11 year old. And the reason why most parents aren’t is simply because they’re trying to control instead of manipulate." (08:41)

• On Handling Mess:

  Dr. Laura: "Would you like them donated to Goodwill or trash with a smile. As you're happy, you know you're not angry. The key to this is you using your smarts to manipulate and be happy." (09:33)

• On Ending with Love:

  Dr. Laura: "Whenever you do an intervention like this, it has to end in a hug because that throws them completely through a loop because they're used to you being angry." (11:29)

• On Sibling Comparisons:

  Dr. Laura: "I'm not asking you to be like your 10-year-old sister where she is really concerned about it. I'm just looking for average put away neat." (13:26)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:45] – Caller introduces her family and the issue
• [02:43] – Dr. Laura reframes motivation
• [03:15] – Humorous "embarrassment tactic" anecdote
• [08:41] – On becoming "smarter than your 11-year-old"
• [09:33 – 11:29] – Laundry strategy and the importance of ending with a hug
• [12:29 – 13:26] – Discussion on letting go, sibling differences, and clarifying expectations

Final Takeaways

• Empower kids with real choices about how they meet their responsibilities.
• Let natural consequences do the teaching, rather than parental anger.
• Remove sibling comparison pressures by clarifying individualized expectations.
• Always wrap consequences in warmth and affection—making discipline less about power struggles and more about learning.
• When parents stop feeding the conflict, children lose their leverage for defiance and family peace is restored—with humor and grace.

For follow-up questions or to share your story: Call Dr. Laura at 1-800-375-2872 or visit her social media.