How to Parent Intelligently

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: How to Parent Intelligently

Date: September 16, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on practical, “no-nonsense” parenting advice for correcting common child behavior—without anger, nagging, or traditional punishment. Dr. Laura coaches a parent of two young children (ages 8 and 9) on how to enforce consequences that make kids genuinely want to follow rules. The episode’s key theme is using natural, creative consequences, delivered with calmness and humor, to foster responsibility and autonomy in kids.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Parent’s Dilemma: Repeating Requests Without Change

• Caller’s Issue: Tired of repeating reminders (to put away shoes, books, socks, toys) with little effect.
• Caller, 01:50:
  “I just get tired of repeating the same things over and over again... whatever consequence I’m giving them... doesn’t seem to be changing [their behavior].”

2. Principle #1: Humorous, Light-Hearted Discipline

• Dr. Laura, 03:11:
  “You do with humor and a pleasant face and you’re happy and relaxed. You must not do it angry or frustrated. Takes the fun out of it for you and takes the power out of it against them.”
• Approach discipline playfully, not as a power struggle or lecture.

3. Natural and Logical Consequences: Practical Strategies

A. Socks Left on the Floor

• Consequences: If socks aren’t put in the wash, they are collected, washed, and quietly donated to charity.
• Result: When kids run out of socks, they use their allowance to buy a single replacement pair—creating scarcity to drive ownership.
• Dr. Laura, 03:48:
  “So the next time the socks are on the floor, they get thrown away or washed and given to charity… When they come down to no socks… you take them to the store… and use their allowance to buy a pair.”
• Caller’s Response, 04:47:
  “This is making me smile listening to this.”

B. Books Left Out

• Consequences: Books found outside their proper place are removed and put in a "secret box" (except for library books, which are returned).
• Kids must ask for their book or face potential late fines for library books (which are paid from allowance).
• Dr. Laura, 05:55:
  “Books disappear. But don’t give them away. Put them in a secret box in the garage… I don’t know where the book is. Check your room… on the shelf. That’s where it’s supposed to be.”
• Caller, 06:27:
  “So unique. This is not in any parenting book. Amazing.”
• Dr. Laura, 06:34:
  “Mostly these stupid parenting books are stupid. They have to do with having logical discussions with adolescent brains, which is absurd… Find a way for them to want what you want them to do.”

C. Return Home Late

• Consequences: For every minute after the agreed time, kids must put a quarter into a jar.
• Adds an immediate, tangible cost to lateness—preparing them for higher-stakes consequences later.
• Dr. Laura, 11:44:
  “Every minute after 6:15, they have to put a quarter in the jar.”

D. Allowance as a Tool

• Dr. Laura recommends not withholding allowance as punishment, but using it to pay for replacement items or late fees.
• Dr. Laura, 10:18:
  “No, because we’re using the allowance… to replace what they don’t have.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Parenting Philosophy
  “This is parenting intelligently and frankly, with fun.” — Dr. Laura (12:34)
• On Changing Behavior
  “You make kids want to do the thing you want them to do. Right now, they don’t want to do it, which is why they don’t. And punishments don’t work.” — Dr. Laura (12:42)
• Humor and Relief
  “This is not in any parenting book. Amazing.” — Caller (06:27) “Maybe I’ll have a lot for them [in the jar].” — Caller referencing collected quarters (12:28)
• On Parental Frustration
  “And I become grumbly mom, which then makes me feel, you know, terrible.” — Caller (12:54)
  “Yeah, that’s no fun.” — Dr. Laura (12:58)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:46 — Caller introduces parenting challenge
• 03:11 — Dr. Laura’s principle: humor, not anger
• 03:48 — Sock strategy introduced
• 05:55 — Book strategy explained
• 06:34 — Dr. Laura critiques typical parenting books
• 10:13 — Caller asks about allowance as a consequence
• 11:44 — Quarter jar for lateness detailed
• 12:34 — “Parenting intelligently and frankly, with fun”
• 12:54 — On "grumbly mom" and emotional impact

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Tone & Style

Throughout, Dr. Laura’s style is direct, witty, and practical. She leans heavily on humor and natural consequences, discouraging both punitive and overly intellectual approaches. The caller repeatedly expresses relief and gratitude for the creative, actionable ideas that feel missing from standard parenting resources.

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Summary

Dr. Laura’s advice in this episode focuses on solutions that are practical, humorous, and effective—always delivered with calm and good cheer. She encourages parents to stop nagging and instead let natural consequences (like missing socks or overdue library fines paid from allowance) do the teaching. The core message: Help children want to be responsible, rather than forcing compliance through lectures or punishments.

This episode is packed with memorable moments and actionable tips—making it highly valuable even for parents who’ve been “grumbly” or stuck repeating themselves. Dr. Laura’s blend of wisdom, humor, and “old-school” accountability shines throughout the call.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller (Parent)]

Hi there.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi there. What can I do for you?

[Caller (Parent)]

I was calling in today as a follow up a bit to your call a little bit ago about the 18 year old and having a consequence for not abiding by his parents. I have younger children and I was calling about my my son and daughter. They're 8 and 9 and about what you believe is a good consequence for children of that age for doing what? For I'll just throw a few out. Like they get home from school and they are not putting their shoes where their shoes go or of course this isn't very deep. But not putting their book that's on the kitchen counter in their room or on their bookshelf or not picking up their nurse gun bullets that are all around the house after they're done shooting them. They're good kids. I think as a parent I just get tired of repeating the same things over and over again and whatever consequence I'm giving them for these small items doesn't seem to be changing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Why don't we pick one at a time? Let's Pick one at a time. Give me one thing.

[Caller (Parent)]

When they take their socks off after school, that they go in the wash and not on the floor.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, I like that. That's a very good start. Okay, first of all, everything I'm going to tell you to do, everything I'm going to instruct you to do, okay, you do with humor and a pleasant face and you're happy and relaxed. You must not do it angry or frustrated. Takes the fun out of it for you and takes the power out of it against them. Okay, so let's talk about the socks. I love that either. Do they get allowances?

[Caller (Parent)]

They do.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, this is good. So the next time the socks are on the floor, they get thrown away or washed and given to charity. Okay. They disappear. Don't throw them in the trash. Wash them and give them to charity. There are some kids somewhere who will appreciate it. And then when they come down to no socks, you say you have no socks. Oh, my. Well, how are you going to do sports? How are you going to go to school? So for one day they're not going to have. And you're going to take them to the store, cheapest store around, and use their allowance to buy a pair of socks. One. Not a package of six. One pair of socks. When they only have one pair of socks, I guarantee you they will screw up a few times, but then they'll take care of their one pair of socks. And the reason they will take care of their one pair of socks is because. I'm sorry, I didn't hear the joke.

[Caller (Parent)]

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you paused. I just said this is making me smile listening to this.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Good, good. The reason they will take care of one pair of socks is that they want to. Right now you want them to put their socks someplace. They don't. And now they will. So we took care of the socks and you just. And don't warn them. There's no warning. And you stop reminding them that's all gone. They come in, the socks are on the floor, you put them in a bag, wash them sometime when they're not home and give them to charity. I'm serious.

[Caller (Parent)]

I can do that. That's amazing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Next thing.

[Caller (Parent)]

Next thing. I can't remember what I said was the next thing. I think it was taking, know a book, for instance. They're reading a book, they left it on the night, the couch or on the kitchen counter instead of taking it and putting it on their bookshelf or in their room. And I remind them of these things constantly.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Books disappear. But don't give them away. Put them in a secret box in the garage. The books disappear. And when they go, where's my book? I don't know. Check your room. And on the shelf. That's where it's supposed to be. Isn't that fun?

[Caller (Parent)]

And if it's like a library book, it is fun. I love this. And then the natural consequence then happens in the library book.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Then you behind their back. Give it back to the library. I don't want to screw over a library.

[Caller (Parent)]

Okay. Or like school library. Because they have to turn them back. Okay, Okay. I like it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

That's it.

[Caller (Parent)]

So unique. This doesn't belong in. This is not in any parenting book. Amazing.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, it isn't. Mostly these stupid parenting books are stupid. And they have to do with having logical discussions with adolescent brains, which is absurd. What you're doing is finding a way for them to want what you want them to do. I don't know where the book is. Check your shelf. Check your room.

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[Caller (Parent)]

A fan consequence of taking away allowance at all? Or do you. Do you prefer.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, because we we're using the allowance. Going to have to pay for things to replace what they don't have.

[Caller (Parent)]

Got it. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Another thing you can do when it's a library book is keep it for a week or two until money is owed on it and then say oh I found this underneath whatever the couch and it's overdue. So get your allowance so when you go to school you can pay. They will know where the books are from now on. See what I mean? They're going to want to. So when it's a library book, stiff them.

[Caller (Parent)]

Aha. And then. Yeah, that makes sense because then if they are not missing the books that I'm taking away, that's also another sign to me that they might. Those could probably be donated at some point if they're not asking for them. If it's not a library book.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Right. I guess it doesn't matter to them if they're not going to put it away. Okay, third thing. Let's do a third thing.

[Caller (Parent)]

Okay, a third thing. The third thing I mentioned was the Nerf bullets everywhere, but I feel like that kind of goes hand in Hand. The other one that popped in my head is they play at friend hall. They disappear down the street, and I will tell them, be home at 6:15. They have a watch. They do not have any electronic devices other than a watch. They will come late. And my husband and I say all the time, you know, we told him, 6:15. It's 6:20. Are we being sticklers or.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think without a 15 minute grace period, you're nuts.

[Caller (Parent)]

Okay. Okay. Wow. Very helpful. You're so concise, and I love it.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Another thing you can do if you people tend to be that constipated with time, every. Every minute after 6:15, they have to put a quarter in the jar.

[Caller (Parent)]

Aha. Okay. Kind of setting up for teenager years. Okay. I like that a lot.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

When they say, one day, can we have the money? Say yes. When you're 18.

[Caller (Parent)]

Beautiful. Maybe I'll have a lot for them. Mm. Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

This is parenting intelligently and frankly, with fun.

[Caller (Parent)]

You're right. You're right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You make kids. You make kids to want to do the thing you want them to do. Right now, they don't want to do it, which is why they don't. And punishments don't work.

[Caller (Parent)]

There you go. And I become grumbly mom, which then makes me feel, you know, terrible.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, that's no fun.

[Caller (Parent)]

No, no. Okay. That is so wonderful. Well, thank you so much for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I really hope they end up with one pair of socks.

[Caller (Parent)]

I do too. One of them's gonna have to just prove the point to the other two, and it'll be. It'll be grand.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, sweetheart. Thank you for your call. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media. On Facebook and Instagram, I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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