I Can't Stand Losing!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Can't Stand Losing!"

Release Date: March 18, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Can't Stand Losing!", Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a heartfelt and insightful conversation with a young listener, Devin, who is struggling with frustration and anger when things don't go as planned in his hockey games. The discussion delves into the broader themes of coping with setbacks, maintaining focus, and cultivating resilience both on the ice and in life.

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Guest Introduction and Initial Concerns

The episode opens with Dr. Laura welcoming Devin and his mother to the program.

• [00:00] Dr. Laura: "Mom and Devin, welcome to the program."
• [00:24] Devin: "Like, when things aren't going, like, right in the game."

Devin, a 12-year-old seventh-grader, expresses his frustration with losing in hockey, seeking advice on how to handle these emotions constructively.

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Understanding Setbacks as a Normal Part of Life

Dr. Laura reassures Devin that setbacks are a natural part of both sports and life. She emphasizes that not everything will go smoothly, and it's essential to develop strategies to cope with disappointments.

• [01:03] Dr. Laura: "Isn't that kind of normal in life? In games? Does everything... go right?"
• [01:17] Devin: "No."
• [01:27] Dr. Laura: "Kevin, welcome to life. It's not always going to go right."

She encourages Devin to let negative experiences roll off his back and stay focused on the game, highlighting the importance of maintaining concentration amidst challenges.

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Personal Anecdote: Sailing Lessons in Resilience

To illustrate her point, Dr. Laura shares a personal story about her experience with sailboat racing, drawing parallels between the sport and life's unpredictability.

• [04:25] Dr. Laura: "I race a sailboat, and it's important to get a good start, because if you get a bad start, then it's hard to catch up."
• [04:38] Devin: "Yeah."

She recounts an incident where another boat illegally pushed hers over the start line, forcing her to restart the race. Initially upset, Dr. Laura learned to persevere and focus on minimizing mistakes, which ultimately led to victory.

• [05:07] Dr. Laura: "If I had stayed in the... Ah, damn. No point now. Why bother trying? This didn't go well."
• [05:24] Dr. Laura: "Our job was to make fewer mistakes than anybody else."

This experience taught her the value of staying positive and concentrated, regardless of initial setbacks.

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Strategies for Handling Frustration

Dr. Laura outlines practical strategies for Devin to manage his frustration during games:

1. Deep Breathing: Taking a moment to breathe deeply can help calm immediate emotions.

   • [01:25] Dr. Laura: "Work on breathing at a time, you know, taking a deep breath."

2. Focus on the Next Moment: Instead of dwelling on what's gone wrong, shift attention to the next play or opportunity.

   • [07:51] Devin: "Look for the next moment and grief."
   • [07:54] Dr. Laura: "Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be so proud of yourself and you'll feel so much better."

3. Maintain a Positive Attitude: Emphasizing the importance of enjoying the game and valuing teamwork over winning.

   • [03:01] Dr. Laura: "Life isn't here to go right for you, Devin. Life doesn't really care about your feelings."
   • [06:27] Dr. Laura: "Enjoy yourself. That's what it's for. The camaraderie, your team, your family, cheering."

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The Importance of Letting Go and Moving Forward

Dr. Laura discusses the detrimental effects of holding onto negative emotions, using examples from both her personal racing experiences and general life scenarios.

• [06:05] Dr. Laura: "Things just don't go right all the time for anybody. Ask everybody. You know, do things go right for you all the time? They'll say no."
• [06:30] Dr. Laura: "If you stay the way you are, getting upset and irritated by things not going right, you're just going to be unhappy all the time."

She emphasizes that letting go of frustrations allows individuals to stay engaged and perform better, whether in sports or everyday activities.

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Cultivating Resilience Through Humor and Camaraderie

Dr. Laura highlights the role of humor and positive interactions in overcoming challenges, sharing her race-day rituals that foster team spirit and resilience.

• [06:50] Dr. Laura: "We finish each race the same way with camaraderie. Have to learn how to let go of the things that just didn't work right for you."
• [06:55] Dr. Laura: "We use the guy's name, ... we go, that's a blankie puff. I wish we would get one."

By maintaining a lighthearted approach, her team remains united and motivated, regardless of the race's outcome.

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Teaching Kids to Embrace Setbacks

Dr. Laura underscores the importance of teaching children to handle setbacks constructively, much like learning to ride a bicycle.

• [07:20] Dr. Laura: "Just like you teach them to ride a bicycle, you teach your kids to breathe and look for the next moment."
• [07:25] Dr. Laura: "That's what you teach your kids. Yeah, that's crappy. Now breathe and let's focus on the next moment."

This philosophy not only helps children navigate sports but also equips them with life skills for overcoming future challenges.

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Wrapping up the conversation, Dr. Laura reinforces the episode's central message: resilience and a positive attitude are key to overcoming setbacks. She shares her own evolution in handling frustrations, noting how embracing each moment has enriched her life and relationships.

• [07:55] Dr. Laura: "Even when something doesn't work right, got to move forward, got to take the next call. You have the next moment."

Dr. Laura concludes by encouraging listeners to apply these principles in their own lives, fostering a mindset geared towards growth and happiness.

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura ([01:27]): "Kevin, welcome to life. It's not always going to go right."
• Dr. Laura ([04:25]): "I race a sailboat, and it's important to get a good start."
• Devin ([07:51]): "Look for the next moment and grief."
• Dr. Laura ([07:25]): "That's what you teach your kids. Yeah, that's crappy. Now breathe and let's focus on the next moment."

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Key Takeaways

1. Embrace Setbacks: Understand that not everything will go as planned, whether in sports or life, and that's entirely normal.
2. Stay Focused: Concentrate on the present moment and the next opportunity instead of dwelling on past mistakes.
3. Maintain Positivity: Cultivating a positive attitude and enjoying the process can lead to better performance and greater happiness.
4. Build Resilience: Developing strategies like deep breathing and seeking humor can help navigate frustrations effectively.
5. Teach These Values: Instilling these principles in children equips them with essential life skills to handle challenges gracefully.

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Final Thoughts

Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "I Can't Stand Losing!" episode offers valuable insights into managing frustration and building resilience. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, she provides listeners, especially young athletes like Devin, with the tools to navigate setbacks and maintain a positive outlook both on and off the field.

For more episodes and advice, tune into Dr. Laura Schlessinger's daily radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111 or visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member.

Transcript

[A]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mom and Devin, welcome to the program.

[B]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[A]

Hi. Hi, Devin.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

Twelve.

[A]

And what grade does that put you in?

[B]

Seventh.

[A]

Seventh. Okay. How can I help you? What are you dealing with, like, getting.

[B]

Upset in, like, hockey.

[A]

Getting upset in hockey. What are you upset about? What is upsetting you when, like, stuff.

[B]

Isn'T going, like, good or right?

[A]

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding you.

[B]

Like, when things aren't going, like, right in the game.

[A]

Things don't go right in the game?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Isn't that kind of normal in life? In games? Does everything. I mean, have you been in a place where everything always went right? Where's that?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. And if it goes right for you, then it's not right for the other team, is it?

[B]

No.

[A]

And if it's. Yeah. Kevin, welcome to life. It's not always going to go right. And your job is to let it roll off your back and stay focused on the game. There are going to be stupid calls, creepy players, dumb stuff all the time, everywhere in life. That's just normal. So I would urge you to work on breathing at a time, you know, taking a deep breath and saying, well, got to keep playing so you stay focused. If you're going to let everything that doesn't go right bother you, you're never going to succeed at anything and you'll never win a game. That's just life. What do you think about what I've said?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. You can't get whiny and annoyed because that takes you away from working hard and playing the game, whatever game it is, card game, hockey game. Things just don't go right all the time for anybody. Hey, mom, you ever have a situation where things always went right for you? Absolutely. When was that? That everything went right for you?

[B]

I apologize.

[A]

I meant there's been a lot of times where things don't go right. Isn't that normal?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

See, life isn't here to go right for you, Devin. Life doesn't really care about your feelings. It really doesn't. Life gives you opportunities, and it's how you work with the opportunities that'll make you a good life with more happiness than not. If you stay the way you are, getting upset and irritated by things not going right, you're just going to be unhappy all the time because things don't go right all the time. All the Time for anybody. Ask everybody. You know, do things go right for you all the time? They'll say no. Well, how do you deal with that? I breathe. It's how I deal with it. I've had many things in my life not go right. I breathe and keep walking forward, and soon I forget those things because I'm walking forward. I don't know if you know anything about me, Devin, but I race a sailboat. Were you aware of that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. I race a sailboat, and it's important to get a good start, because if you get a bad start, then it's hard to catch up. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, when I first started racing sailboats, I'd have. I'm not the person who decides it. I drive the boat. But there's a tactician who. Who says, up, down, 2 degrees, stay, stay, stay, up. So it's all this boop, boop, boop, boop that I have to deal with. And one time, another boat sort of legally pushed me over the start line early. When that happens, you have to keep out of everybody's way, get back to the start line, and start all over again. Now, the first time that happened, things were not going right for me, were they? So I got very upset, really, because I thought, well, what's the point in doing the rest of the race? I can't win. Now, that was one of the first times, like, 25 years ago. So what I learned, I said something to the tactician like, oh, geez. And he went, it's not over until it's over. And we all hunkered down and tried to make fewer mistakes than anybody else, because everybody makes mistakes. You got wind, you got water, you got other boats. It's not easy, and you make mistakes. But our job was to make less mistakes. Do you know? That didn't go well for me, and we won. Now, if I had stayed in the. Ah, damn. No point now. Why bother trying? This didn't go well. Had a crappy start. I'm really pissed off. We wouldn't have won because we all would have been negative. Instead of looking for the next moment to excel in the next moment, because each moment we stay focused. Each moment you stay focused on the game gives an opportunity to do wonderful things. So now, when things don't go right for me, I just shrug it off and focus on the next moment. So now, when we finish the race, the first thing we say to each other was that fun? Did you have fun? That came before. Did we win? And did we have fun? Came before that didn't work for us in our favor. So the only way to have fun is to breathe, shrug it off and focus on the next moment. Any questions you have about that? What do you think about that?

[B]

I don't have any questions about it.

[A]

Was that useful to you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, good. So what are you going to do next time you're irritated in the game because it just didn't go right? What are you going to do?

[B]

Look for the next moment and grief.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be so proud of yourself and you'll feel so much better, I promise. Even if you don't win. Because, you know, I've had races where I won, but we had such a miserable time because the new tactician was yelling too much and everybody got negative. We actually won and I got off the boat and walked away. I didn't even go to get a trophy. It was so miserable. So enjoy yourself. That's what it's for. The camaraderie, your team, your family, cheering. Just keep moving forward. And I appreciate your call. I love talking to kids. Yeah. Because it makes me look at my life and see my evolution. And yeah, I can say very honestly that way back when, when I was much younger, I would have the same. Get very upset about a setback. And that just messes with your head because you're not one enjoying the moment which you're supposed to be doing. Even when I do this radio program, I'm thinking about enjoying myself. Not just only my task for you, but I have a good time interacting with you and feeling useful to you. So I have a good time with that. Even when something doesn't work right, got to move forward, got to take the next call. You have the next moment. It's like people playing tennis. They miss, hit a ball, and then they get so upset that they can't continue, really, the game. They're just so mad at themselves and get angry and throw rackets around and stuff like that. It doesn't help you become better at anything. Doesn't help you enjoy your life. And frankly, when you're sailboat racing, things go wrong all the time. I remember one time I was shooting downwind to the finish, I had a big smile on my face and I went, wow, we did it. All of a sudden, from behind us, a big gust comes, and then the people who are way behind are suddenly right there. And on the handicap system, they beat you. That's not fair. I hate that that happens. And it's not. What are you going to complain to the wind gods Stuff happens. Got to be able to enjoy the moment. So we finish each race with the same behavior as we put the boat away. Everybody's having a beer except for me. I have a little tiny thing of wine and chips and cookies. All the bad stuff for you. And we're talking about what happened and we're being silly. So every race ends the same way with camaraderie. Have to learn how to let go of the things that just didn't work right for you. Had one boat in particular which would close in like that with a puff at the last minute. And we use the guy's name, which I won't say, on air, we go, that's a blankie puff. I wish we would get one. So you have to have humor about it, but you have to teach your kids, please, please, that that's just life. It ain't personal. Just like you teach them to ride a bicycle, you teach your kids to breathe and look for the next moment. That's what you teach your kids. Yeah, that's crappy. Now breathe and let's focus on the next moment. What are you going to do on the next moment? My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.