Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: "I Can't Stand My Husband's B.O."
Date: August 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Kerry

Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Kerry, a listener seeking advice about her 71-year-old husband's declining hygiene and ongoing health issues. The conversation explores the dynamics of marriage, boundaries, and self-respect, especially when caregiving and difficult circumstances are involved. Dr. Laura offers her signature direct and no-nonsense guidance, urging Kerry to enforce clear boundaries for her own well-being.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Kerry’s Situation & Husband’s Health

• [01:20] Kerry shares her concerns about her husband's hygiene and worsening health, stating he has had:
  • Triple bypass
  • Stroke
  • Advanced vascular disease
  • History of poor lifestyle (drinking, bad eating, smoking)
• He won't give up alcohol or beer, even though his health continues to decline.
• Notable Insight: Despite health troubles, he is not abusive, but has become increasingly neglectful of himself.

2. Hygiene Neglect and Marital Strain

• [02:35] Since retirement and increased health issues, he neglects basic hygiene—sometimes not showering for three or four weeks.
• Kerry describes moving out of their bedroom due to his snoring and lack of cleanliness, which upset her husband. She returned to the bedroom but remains “at her wit’s end.”
• [03:47] Dr. Laura’s Response:

  “It’s perfectly okay to hurt his feelings. …If he doesn’t take a shower and it’s offensive, it should hurt his feelings to find it out. He doesn’t mind hurting yours.”
  (03:47)

3. Boundaries, Accountability, and Consequences

• Dr. Laura encourages Kerry to insist on minimum hygiene standards, equating her husband’s refusal to take care of himself as disrespectful and, ultimately, a form of abuse.
• Enforceable Rule Suggested: Move out of bedroom until he commits to showering regularly; only move back in if he meets this basic standard.
• Memorable Quote:

  “I’m not going to allow you to hurt me. And not sleeping hurts me. And it’s offensive and creepy, crawly, you know, bacteria, viruses and everything else. So, sweetheart, if you would like me to be in the bedroom, you earn it by a shower every night.”
  — Dr. Laura (04:17 – 04:43)

4. Addressing Enabling and Self-Deception

• Kerry tries to defend her husband as "sweet,” but Dr. Laura pushes back:

  “He’s not sweet. ...You’re easy to please then.”
  (04:54 – 04:59)

• Dr. Laura labels Kerry’s pattern of tolerating this as misguided kindness and points out the difference between words ("I love you," compliments) and actions:

  “And calling you beautiful and saying I love you is small potatoes when he doesn’t follow it up doing the things he knows he ought to do to make your life better. So don’t tell me about this nice, sweet man. This is bullshit.”
  (08:26 – 08:43)

5. Ultimatums and Support

• Dr. Laura suggests the ultimate recourse may be leaving the home if the behavior doesn’t change.
• Kerry explains she has already installed a downstairs shower and chair for his convenience—demonstrating she is supportive.
• Dr. Laura notes he is “of sound mind… just not handling his life with grace.”
  (09:20 – 09:35)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Healthy Boundaries:

  “Because he’s sick and old doesn’t give him the right to become abusive.”
  — Dr. Laura (05:04)

• On Taking Action:

  “He either follows through or that’s it.”
  — Dr. Laura (09:20)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:20] Kerry introduces her husband’s health and lifestyle issues.
• [02:35] Discussion about his hygiene and Kerry moving out of the bedroom.
• [03:47 – 04:43] Dr. Laura’s advice to set boundaries, including leaving the bedroom.
• [04:54 – 05:04] Dr. Laura challenges Kerry’s perception of her husband’s “sweetness.”
• [08:26 – 08:43] Emphasis on actions over words and calling out “bullshit.”
• [09:20 – 09:35] Dr. Laura reinforces consequences and acknowledges Kerry’s efforts.

Tone and Language

• Dr. Laura is direct, assertive, and sometimes blunt, employing strong language to jolt Kerry from passivity.
• She combines tough love with empathy, encouraging self-respect and accountability.

Summary Takeaway

Dr. Laura’s guidance hinges on the premise that mutual respect is essential for marriage, regardless of age or illness. She instructs Kerry to stop enabling her husband’s neglectful behavior, maintain her own boundaries, and require at least basic self-care as proof of love and respect. Words of affection are meaningless without supportive action—a recurring theme in Dr. Laura’s tough but caring advice style.