I Didn't Do the Right Thing

Summary

Dr. Laura Call of the Day: Episode Summary - "I Didn't Do the Right Thing"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111
• Release Date: March 19, 2025
• Episode Title: I Didn't Do the Right Thing

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Introduction to the Situation

In the March 19, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from a listener grappling with a complex relationship dilemma. The caller seeks guidance on whether to continue a long-term relationship that has become strained, especially considering the involvement of children from both partners.

Caller’s Scenario:

• Duration of Relationship: Six to seven years
• Living Situation: The caller and his partner lived together, and both had children under the age of 13.
• Current Issue: The relationship has deteriorated, and they are uncertain whether to continue dating or break up.
• Recent Realization: After listening to Dr. Laura's advice over the past week, the caller believes that moving on might be in the best interest of the children.

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Dr. Laura’s Assessment and Guidance

Dr. Laura delves deep into the caller's predicament, emphasizing the profound impact that adult decisions have on children’s well-being. She underscores the importance of ethics, accountability, and personal responsibility—core tenets of her counseling philosophy.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Impact on Children’s Stability ([01:36] - [03:47]):

   • Dr. Laura highlights how the dissolution of the relationship affects the children, who have already experienced the loss of their original family structure.
   • She points out the inconsiderate actions of adults who fail to account for the emotional toll on children:

     "These kinds of things are so thoughtless that adults do and don't consider." ([02:15])

2. Consequences of Trying to Form a Makeshift Family ([03:47] - [04:07]):

   • Emphasizes that attempting to create a blended family without proper commitment often leads to further emotional harm for the children.
   • Notes that statistically, 70% of such situations do not work out, leading to repeated losses for the children involved.

3. Acknowledgment and Responsibility ([04:11] - [06:19]):

   • Dr. Laura commends the caller for recognizing the negative impact of his choices:

     "I admire you tremendously to say you've been listening to the program and realize you've hurt your kids and you've helped hurt her Kids." ([02:55])

   • She urges the caller to take concrete steps to address the harm done:
     • Apologize to his children: Admit mistakes openly and honestly.
     • Focus on their well-being: Prioritize their needs above personal desires.
     • Educate the children: Help them unlearn the misconception that commitment is unimportant.
     • Commit to responsible parenting: Dedicate full attention to nurturing and stabilizing the children's environment.

Notable Quotes:

• On Responsibility:

  "This history of your choices, what impact has it had on your kids? Tell me." ([04:11])

• On Teaching Values:

  "Tell him the truth you screwed up and tell him the ways you screwed up. Hurting your original marriage, making a decision to divorce, playing games with this woman and her kids." ([05:11])

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Actionable Steps Suggested

Dr. Laura provides a clear roadmap for the caller to rectify the situation and rebuild trust with his children:

1. Honest Admission of Fault ([05:03] - [05:17]):

   • Encourage the caller to sit down with his children and sincerely apologize for the turmoil caused by the relationship breakdown.
   • Example Dialogue:

     "Tell him the truth you screwed up and tell him the ways you screwed up." ([05:11])

2. Focus on Sole Parenting ([05:17] - [06:14]):

   • Dr. Laura advises the caller to concentrate his efforts on raising his own children independently:

     "Raise your kids. Come on, you tell me, what does? This was all wrong." ([05:11])

3. Long-Term Commitment to Integrity ([06:14] - [06:38]):

   • By taking full responsibility and being transparent, the caller can foster respect and understanding from his children:

     "This will be another level. It's what you need to do in order to help him come to another point of understanding that decisions matter to kids." ([06:28])

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Conclusion and Final Advice

Dr. Laura concludes the conversation by reinforcing the importance of accountability and the positive long-term effects of being vulnerable and honest with one’s children. She underscores that while the corrective measures may be challenging initially, they will ultimately lead to stronger familial bonds and personal integrity.

Final Thoughts:

• Emphasizes the transformative power of admitting mistakes:

  "You're going to feel very good that you could be this upfront and this vulnerable and this open and take that much responsibility." ([06:19])

• Highlights the lasting respect and trust that honesty can cultivate:

  "He will respect you more for the rest of his life." ([06:34])

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Episode Takeaways

• Prioritize Children’s Well-Being: Decisions in relationships should always consider the emotional and psychological impact on children.
• Accountability is Crucial: Admitting faults and taking responsibility is essential for personal growth and repairing damaged relationships.
• Long-Term Stability Over Short-Term Satisfaction: Ensuring a stable and supportive environment for children is paramount, even if it requires difficult choices in personal relationships.
• Effective Communication: Open and honest dialogue with children can help mitigate the negative effects of familial disruptions.

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Listener Engagement: Dr. Laura encourages listeners to engage with her content by rating the podcast and sharing it on social media, furthering the reach of her advice and support.

Contact Information: For more personalized advice, listeners can reach out via her dedicated hotline:

• Phone: 1-800-DR-LAURA (1-800-375-2872)

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Note: Advertisements during the episode, including those from T-Mobile and a beverage company, were omitted from this summary to focus solely on the content-driven discussion between Dr. Laura and her caller.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Ray welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. What's up?

[Caller]

Hey. Well, yeah, have a situation where I dated some somebody for some time, about six or seven years. She lived with me with her kids. I have a child all under the age of 13. Things unfortunately didn't work out and we are kind of still in a situation where we want to see each other but we don't whether or not we should just continue or just move on. And after listening to you for quite some time the last week or so, kind of thinking with minor children it's probably best just to leave it as is and move on. But I just, I want your opinion.

[Dr. Laura]

Of course that's in their best interest. They lost their original family. Now we had a yes, we have one. No, we don't have another makeshift one with dad paying attention to some other woman's children when we need his full attention because we lost our home as a mom and dad and all of that. And getting familiar with her, getting familiar with the kids, that's ripped away again, these kinds of things are so thoughtless that adults do and don't consider. We had a call in the last hour with a woman. It was a divorce and a remarriage and new kids and she pointed out that she's still hurt. Hurt from what seems like a lack of concern about the impact of choices on children. So your choice to shack up and bring people together where there was no commitment, destroying first family, trying to make a last minute let's try this. And it didn't work. And then we want what we want. But I admire you tremendously to say you've been listening to the program and realize you've hurt your kids and you've helped hurt her Kids. You've hurt a lot of kids because you two adults wanted what you wanted. You wanted a feeling of family, so you pretended one. And things didn't work, as they usually don't when they were minor kids. 70% of the time, these situations don't work with minor kids and so kids end up losing yet again. So I don't want to hear from one of your kids in the future that they're hurt because apparently you didn't consider the impact of your choices on them, but now you are considering it. So bless you for that.

[Caller]

So to further the point, should we continue dating and just let. No children.

[Dr. Laura]

No, get on. Raise your kids. You already destroyed their original family. Raise your kids. Come on. Don't be dealing with her. Don't be dealing with her kids. That's not fair to your kids.

[Caller]

All right. I appreciate your help.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, what do you think this all taught your kids? The divorce, the shacking up? What do you think? Be honest. Now. It teaches my kids that commitments don't matter. Come on, you tell me, what does? This history of your choices, what impact has it had on your kids? Tell me.

[Caller]

You're absolutely correct that we put our needs and desires in front of theirs. So I agree with you 100%.

[Dr. Laura]

Thank you. But you didn't tell me what it taught the kids. Tell me that.

[Caller]

It taught them that commitment's not important and you can walk away when you want to walk away or relationships aren't important.

[Dr. Laura]

How do you think you might unteach them? That.

[Caller]

That I don't know. I have no clue.

[Dr. Laura]

How old are your kids again?

[Caller]

Mine is 11. Hers are 9 and 13.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I don't care about hers. I care about yours. So one is you have an 11 year old, you have to sit down and say you've screwed up and you've hurt him and you know, it's. That's how you begin. Tell him the truth you screwed up and tell him the ways you screwed up. Hurting your original marriage, making a decision to divorce, playing games with this woman and her kids. This was all wrong. You need to teach him this is wrong. That's how you unravel it.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And apologize and say, I'm going to focus in on you and us from now on because that's what it always should have been. That's how you teach him.

[Caller]

Okay. Sounds like a good plan.

[Dr. Laura]

And it sounds.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Difficult at first, but once you get into it, you're going to feel very good that you could be this upfront and this vulnerable and this open and take that much responsibility, he will respect you more for the rest of his life.

[Caller]

We have conversations like that, so I don't think it'll be difficult. It'll just be difficult.

[Dr. Laura]

No, but this is you admitting you screwed up and apologizing and being clear on how you screwed up. Screwed up the marriage, made this decision to shack up. Still playing footsies with her. This is not going to be easy. This will be another level. It's what you need to do in order to help him come to another point of understanding that decisions matter to kids. It isn't all about you and your happiness. My number 1-800-375-2872 if you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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