Podcast Summary: "I Do Not Approve!"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I Do Not Approve!
• Release Date: May 5, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "I Do Not Approve!" of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a challenging parental concern regarding a 19-year-old son's behavior in college. The episode delves into the dynamics between parents and their young adult children, especially in the context of personal responsibility and parental control.

Caller Introduction: Joanna's Concerns

[01:19] Joanna:
Joanna initiates the conversation by expressing her worries about her son, a 19-year-old freshman in college. She outlines her son's active involvement in club sports and his generally busy lifestyle during high school. However, since entering college, her son has been dedicating significant time to a romantic relationship, spending almost every night with his girlfriend. Joanna is troubled by this shift and seeks Dr. Laura's advice on how to handle the situation.

Dr. Laura’s Initial Reaction

Immediately addressing Joanna's emotional response, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on factual problems rather than feelings.

[01:57] Dr. Laura:
"I don't need your feelings. I need the problem as a fact. Tell me the facts."

Joanna proceeds to clarify that her son spends nearly every night at his girlfriend's apartment or has her spend the night at his. This revelation surprises Dr. Laura, especially considering the son's age and living arrangements.

[02:13] Dr. Laura:
"I'm sorry, your son at 19 owns a house?"

Joanna clarifies that it's student housing, functioning more like individual apartments with separate leases for roommates.

[02:25] Joanna:
"We pay for it."

Deepening the Concern: Nightly Visits and Parental Restrictions

Joanna explains that both she and her husband have tried to communicate their disapproval of their son's nightly visits but feel ineffective.

[03:03] Joanna:
"And so we don't really feel we're trying. We've told him we don't think it's a good idea for you to be spending every single night."

Dr. Laura expresses incredulity at the parents' attempt to control their son's personal life at this stage.

[03:16] Dr. Laura:
"I cannot believe two of you, especially your husband, say to a 19-year-old boy who's getting nookie every night that he shouldn't be doing it. That's useful. Good luck with that."
[03:42] Dr. Laura:
"What are we gonna do about the fact that he's getting nookie every night."

Joanna acknowledges the challenge in curbing her son's behavior, questioning what actions they can take beyond expressing disapproval.

Focusing on Academic Responsibility

Dr. Laura redirects the conversation towards the son's academic responsibilities, given that his parents are financing his education.

[06:16] Dr. Laura:
"I think you oughta. I think you ought to stop asking him. That's just stupid at this point. It's stupid to keep doing that."

She stresses that the parents' control is limited to financial support contingent on his academic performance.

[06:31] Joanna:
"Engineer. Engineering."

[06:33] Dr. Laura:
"And what does he plan to do with it? What is his long term plan?"

[06:50] Dr. Laura:
"If you're paying for an education, he better damn well be getting it."

Dr. Laura advises that if grades decline, the parents should cease financial support, compelling the son to take responsibility for his own education and living expenses.

Potential Consequences and Clear Expectations

Dr. Laura outlines a stark set of consequences should the son's behavior lead to unintended outcomes, such as an unplanned pregnancy.

[09:45] Dr. Laura:
"If in a moment of passion, neither one of you has appropriate protection and she gets pregnant, these are the two things that are going to happen from our vantage point."

• Financial Support Cuts:
  "We stop all payment to you of any kind, for school or otherwise, because you need to get a job and support your baby."
• Serious Family Repercussions:
  "She disposes of the baby by having it sucked into a sink. In which case, you would be part of a situation where you would kill our first grandchild."

She emphasizes the severity of these potential outcomes, highlighting the importance of responsibility and the irreversible nature of certain actions.

Empowering Parents with Control Over Finances

Dr. Laura reinforces that while parents cannot control their son's personal choices, they have authority over financial matters related to his education.

[10:32] Dr. Laura:
"Come on, act a little more savvy. The important thing is no dead babies or no babies unsupported by a dad. Grades being met for the investment you're making."

She advises setting clear boundaries and consequences tied to his academic performance, thereby leveraging financial support as a means to encourage responsibility.

Conclusion: Limited Parental Control and Emphasis on Responsibility

Dr. Laura concludes the conversation by reiterating that parents must accept their children's autonomy while managing their support in a way that promotes accountability.

[11:19] Dr. Laura:
"He's not your kid anymore. He's a young man."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dr. Laura on Focusing on Facts:

  • "I don't need your feelings. I need the problem as a fact. Tell me the facts." [01:57]

• Dr. Laura on Parental Ineffectiveness:

  • "I cannot believe two of you, especially your husband, say to a 19-year-old boy who's getting nookie every night that he shouldn't be doing it. That's useful. Good luck with that." [03:16]

• Dr. Laura on Financial Responsibility:

  • "If you're paying for an education, he better damn well be getting it." [06:50]

• Dr. Laura on Consequences of Irresponsibility:

  • "She disposes of the baby by having it sucked into a sink. In which case, you would be part of a situation where you would kill our first grandchild." [09:45]

• Dr. Laura on Parental Control:

  • "He's not your kid anymore. He's a young man." [11:19]

Key Takeaways

1. Focus on Accountability: Dr. Laura emphasizes that while parents cannot control every aspect of their adult children's lives, they can set boundaries related to financial support contingent upon responsibilities like academic performance.

2. Clear Consequences: Establishing clear, non-negotiable consequences for specific behaviors can be an effective way to encourage accountability and responsibility in young adults.

3. Acceptance of Autonomy: Parents must recognize the autonomy of their adult children, understanding that their influence has limitations beyond financial and educational support.

4. Importance of Communication: While expressing disapproval may not change behavior, open and honest communication about expectations and consequences is crucial.

This episode provides a candid discussion on the balance between parental control and adult children's autonomy, highlighting practical steps parents can take to foster responsibility and accountability in their young adult sons.