I Do Not Approve!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Do Not Approve!"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I Do Not Approve!
• Release Date: May 5, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Do Not Approve!" of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a challenging parental concern regarding a 19-year-old son's behavior in college. The episode delves into the dynamics between parents and their young adult children, especially in the context of personal responsibility and parental control.

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Caller Introduction: Joanna's Concerns

[01:19] Joanna:
Joanna initiates the conversation by expressing her worries about her son, a 19-year-old freshman in college. She outlines her son's active involvement in club sports and his generally busy lifestyle during high school. However, since entering college, her son has been dedicating significant time to a romantic relationship, spending almost every night with his girlfriend. Joanna is troubled by this shift and seeks Dr. Laura's advice on how to handle the situation.

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Dr. Laura’s Initial Reaction

Immediately addressing Joanna's emotional response, Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on factual problems rather than feelings.

[01:57] Dr. Laura:
"I don't need your feelings. I need the problem as a fact. Tell me the facts."

Joanna proceeds to clarify that her son spends nearly every night at his girlfriend's apartment or has her spend the night at his. This revelation surprises Dr. Laura, especially considering the son's age and living arrangements.

[02:13] Dr. Laura:
"I'm sorry, your son at 19 owns a house?"

Joanna clarifies that it's student housing, functioning more like individual apartments with separate leases for roommates.

[02:25] Joanna:
"We pay for it."

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Deepening the Concern: Nightly Visits and Parental Restrictions

Joanna explains that both she and her husband have tried to communicate their disapproval of their son's nightly visits but feel ineffective.

[03:03] Joanna:
"And so we don't really feel we're trying. We've told him we don't think it's a good idea for you to be spending every single night."

Dr. Laura expresses incredulity at the parents' attempt to control their son's personal life at this stage.

[03:16] Dr. Laura:
"I cannot believe two of you, especially your husband, say to a 19-year-old boy who's getting nookie every night that he shouldn't be doing it. That's useful. Good luck with that."
[03:42] Dr. Laura:
"What are we gonna do about the fact that he's getting nookie every night."

Joanna acknowledges the challenge in curbing her son's behavior, questioning what actions they can take beyond expressing disapproval.

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Focusing on Academic Responsibility

Dr. Laura redirects the conversation towards the son's academic responsibilities, given that his parents are financing his education.

[06:16] Dr. Laura:
"I think you oughta. I think you ought to stop asking him. That's just stupid at this point. It's stupid to keep doing that."

She stresses that the parents' control is limited to financial support contingent on his academic performance.

[06:31] Joanna:
"Engineer. Engineering."

[06:33] Dr. Laura:
"And what does he plan to do with it? What is his long term plan?"

[06:50] Dr. Laura:
"If you're paying for an education, he better damn well be getting it."

Dr. Laura advises that if grades decline, the parents should cease financial support, compelling the son to take responsibility for his own education and living expenses.

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Potential Consequences and Clear Expectations

Dr. Laura outlines a stark set of consequences should the son's behavior lead to unintended outcomes, such as an unplanned pregnancy.

[09:45] Dr. Laura:
"If in a moment of passion, neither one of you has appropriate protection and she gets pregnant, these are the two things that are going to happen from our vantage point."

• Financial Support Cuts:
  "We stop all payment to you of any kind, for school or otherwise, because you need to get a job and support your baby."
• Serious Family Repercussions:
  "She disposes of the baby by having it sucked into a sink. In which case, you would be part of a situation where you would kill our first grandchild."

She emphasizes the severity of these potential outcomes, highlighting the importance of responsibility and the irreversible nature of certain actions.

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Empowering Parents with Control Over Finances

Dr. Laura reinforces that while parents cannot control their son's personal choices, they have authority over financial matters related to his education.

[10:32] Dr. Laura:
"Come on, act a little more savvy. The important thing is no dead babies or no babies unsupported by a dad. Grades being met for the investment you're making."

She advises setting clear boundaries and consequences tied to his academic performance, thereby leveraging financial support as a means to encourage responsibility.

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Conclusion: Limited Parental Control and Emphasis on Responsibility

Dr. Laura concludes the conversation by reiterating that parents must accept their children's autonomy while managing their support in a way that promotes accountability.

[11:19] Dr. Laura:
"He's not your kid anymore. He's a young man."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dr. Laura on Focusing on Facts:

  • "I don't need your feelings. I need the problem as a fact. Tell me the facts." [01:57]

• Dr. Laura on Parental Ineffectiveness:

  • "I cannot believe two of you, especially your husband, say to a 19-year-old boy who's getting nookie every night that he shouldn't be doing it. That's useful. Good luck with that." [03:16]

• Dr. Laura on Financial Responsibility:

  • "If you're paying for an education, he better damn well be getting it." [06:50]

• Dr. Laura on Consequences of Irresponsibility:

  • "She disposes of the baby by having it sucked into a sink. In which case, you would be part of a situation where you would kill our first grandchild." [09:45]

• Dr. Laura on Parental Control:

  • "He's not your kid anymore. He's a young man." [11:19]

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Key Takeaways

1. Focus on Accountability: Dr. Laura emphasizes that while parents cannot control every aspect of their adult children's lives, they can set boundaries related to financial support contingent upon responsibilities like academic performance.

2. Clear Consequences: Establishing clear, non-negotiable consequences for specific behaviors can be an effective way to encourage accountability and responsibility in young adults.

3. Acceptance of Autonomy: Parents must recognize the autonomy of their adult children, understanding that their influence has limitations beyond financial and educational support.

4. Importance of Communication: While expressing disapproval may not change behavior, open and honest communication about expectations and consequences is crucial.

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This episode provides a candid discussion on the balance between parental control and adult children's autonomy, highlighting practical steps parents can take to foster responsibility and accountability in their young adult sons.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Joanna]

Hi. Thank you for taking my call today. So I'm just gonna get right to the point. My son, he's 19, he's a freshman in college. And he's always been like, you know, very busy in club sports and sports all throughout high school. Kind of nibbles and dating, but nothing really major. He was always really busy. But now that he's in college, he's been dating this girl for about six months. And the problem that I feel.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't need your feelings. I need the problem as a fact. Tell me the facts.

[Joanna]

Okay. So he spends the night. Either he spends the night at his girlfriend's house or she spends the night at his house almost every night.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, your son at 19 owns a house?

[Joanna]

No, his apartment.

[Dr. Laura]

He owns an apartment?

[Joanna]

No, he doesn't own it. We. We pay for it.

[Dr. Laura]

There are no dorms.

[Joanna]

Well, the college he goes to, it's student housing, but they're not like. Like it's called student housing that they don't have to live in a dorm.

[Dr. Laura]

They have student housing. What's the difference between student housing and a dorm?

[Joanna]

It's like an apartment. And the difference is basically because you can have a roommate and they each have their own separate lease.

[Dr. Laura]

I see. Okay.

[Joanna]

And so we don't really feel we're trying. We've told him we don't think it's a good idea for you to be spending every single night.

[Dr. Laura]

I cannot believe two of you, especially your husband, say to a 19 year old boy who's getting nookie every night that he shouldn't be doing it. That's useful. Good luck with that.

[Joanna]

Yeah, so that's kind of where we're at. It's kind of like, well, what are we gonna do about that now? Like, do you have any information or any kind of.

[Dr. Laura]

What are we gonna do about what? The fact that he's getting nookie every night.

[Joanna]

Well, yeah, you can't stop that. Spending the night.

[Dr. Laura]

You can't stop that.

[Joanna]

So he's. We've told him we don't really appreciate like we don't like.

[Dr. Laura]

He doesn't care that you don't appreciate it. He's getting sex every night. Do I have to keep saying that?

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Katie Nolan]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Joanna]

So really that's just. There's nothing to do about that. We just continue to ask him. Hopefully use. Please use protection.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I think you oughta. I think you ought to stop asking him. That's just stupid at this point. It's stupid to keep doing that. Now. If you're paying for him to go to college, tell me what he's majoring in.

[Joanna]

Engineer. Engineering.

[Dr. Laura]

And what does he plan to do with it? What is his long term plan?

[Joanna]

Mechanical engineering.

[Dr. Laura]

And what will he do with that?

[Joanna]

I really don't know. Get a job.

[Dr. Laura]

Where? Doing what? I think this is important for you to ask these things to know because you're paying for the education to get there. So I think it's reasonable for you to know what the hell it means now. If you're paying for his education and his grades drop, you stop paying and he's on his own. He can get a job, live with her, have sex every night, but you won't be paying for it. The only thing you can control is whether or not you're going to give money based upon his producing something academically. If you're going to cut the money off because he's getting some, that's not. That's just not. That's not going to fly. Because he'll lie and continue to get some. Because that's just silly. That's just the reality here, okay? The girls are loose now and he doesn't matter to him that you don't think it's right. Doesn't matter to her either. And the only thing I think you should be concerned about is your financial investment. If you're paying for an education, he better damn well be getting it. So if the grades come in. Not if the grades come in. When the grades come in, you have to be updated every time there are grades. When I got my grade report, I sent it to my parents.

[Joanna]

Mm. Yeah, I mean, it's. I guess it's just so. It's more not about that. It is because we feel like he's gone from. You know, maybe he. We were hoping that he would be able to spend some time on his own. Instead.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm really sorry that the two of you sit there and think about this stuff.

[Joanna]

Why?

[Dr. Laura]

Because he's going to do whatever the hell he wishes to do. You can hope and wish he would do something else. It's not going to happen. I'm just Trying to tell you to stop that part, but be only concerned about the academics. Number two, I think his dad should sit with him and say, let me explain something to you. You're obviously not playing parteezi all night having sex. Let me be clear. If in a moment of passion, neither one of you has appropriate protection and she gets pregnant, these are the two things that are going to happen from our vantage point. One, we stop all payment to you of any kind, for school or otherwise, because you need to get a job and support your baby. Number two, she disposes of the baby by having it sucked into a sink. In which case, you would be part of a situation where you would kill our first grandchild. We don't take kindly to that. And again, even though you don't have a legal grounds to stop her from having it, you caused it by not putting your penis in plastic. So money stops. Your grades go down. Money stops. These are the intelligent things I wish you would do rather than saying, I wish he would spend some time with himself. Come on, act a little more savvy. The important thing is no dead babies or no babies unsupported by a dad. Grades being met for the investment you're making. Infinitely more important than what you're feeling stuff about. Because I think most mothers have a hard time thinking about some girl giving your son oral sex.

[Joanna]

Yep. Okay. All right. That makes sense.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so let's go after the things that over which you have control. What you. Meaning if this happens, you will do this? He needs to know right now if this happens. We will do this. One semester of grade drop. We cut the finances. You'll have to get a job, put yourself through school. You can go on the net. Do you know. I know people who haven't paid a cent for an education because they go on the net and they find these programs where young people are given scholarships and funded. This, that, and the other thing. He can figure that out.

[Joanna]

Yeah. Yep. It's true. All right. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura]

He's not your kid anymore. He's a young man. My number. 1-800-375-2872. Damned if that wasn't an important call for a lot of you parents. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow.

[Katie Nolan]

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[Dr. Laura]

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[Dr. Laura]

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