I Don't Get Along with My Parents

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I Don't Get Along with My Parents
Release Date: August 5, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In this episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a heartfelt conversation with a long-time listener named Laura, who reaches out seeking guidance on her strained relationship with her parents. The discussion delves deep into familial dynamics, emotional availability, and personal accountability.

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Caller’s Background and Concerns

Laura begins by expressing her longstanding appreciation for Dr. Laura's practical wisdom, mentioning she's been a listener since her preteen years. Her primary concern revolves around her parents' emotional unavailability, which she feels has significantly impacted her relationship with them.

Key Points:

• Emotional Unavailability: Laura describes her parents as lacking kindness and warmth, stating, "They're not kind, not warm. They don't reach out or help or if you're trying to look for someone to listen or say kind words, that's not. You're not going to get that." ([00:48]).

• Parental Traits: She elaborates on her mother's defensiveness, introversion, and lack of compassion, while her father, though more compassionate, exhibits bullying, stubbornness, and arrogance ([01:44]).

• Siblings’ Dynamics: Laura mentions having a large family with four younger brothers and two younger sisters, all of whom are functional and free from substance abuse, attributed to their parents' workaholic nature ([02:57]).

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Interaction with Parents

The core of Laura's dilemma centers on recent conflicts escalating from stress. She recounts specific instances where minor criticisms from her parents led her to lash out, particularly highlighting a dispute over a community theater play.

Notable Interaction: Laura describes a situation where her mother criticized the volume level of children during a play:

"My mom piped up like well I hope the kids will be louder this time." ([05:08]).
She perceived this comment as mean, leading her to confront her father after he was labeled an "a-hole" by another parent due to his complaints about the performance.

Dr. Laura’s Analysis: Dr. Laura challenges Laura’s perception by clarifying that her parents' feedback was constructive and not intended as personal attacks:

"You knew the kids weren't loud enough, which is why you tried to mic them, and that didn't work either. So it's kind of stunning to me that you're making something evil out of something that you tried to fix." ([10:20]).

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Emotional Management and Accountability

Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of managing emotions and recognizing personal triggers. She points out that Laura's tendency to perceive criticism as personal attacks stems from her own stress and reactions rather than her parents' intentions.

Advice Given:

• Apologizing: Dr. Laura advises Laura to apologize to her father for calling him an "a-hole," stressing that this reaction was disproportionate and unwarranted given the context ([10:10]).

• Perspective Shift: She encourages Laura to view her parents' criticisms as attempts to address legitimate issues rather than personal affronts, highlighting the necessity of separating emotions from constructive feedback.

Impact of Behavior: Dr. Laura underscores that Laura's reactions contribute to the ongoing tension, stating:

"You just want to hate them. I get it. ... So this problem is largely yours." ([10:20]).

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Conclusion and Takeaways

The conversation concludes with Dr. Laura reinforcing the importance of personal responsibility in familial relationships. She acknowledges Laura's frustration but emphasizes that improving the relationship requires introspection and willingness to apologize and communicate effectively.

Final Insights:

• Accountability: Recognizing one's role in conflicts is crucial for healing and fostering better relationships.

• Constructive Communication: Differentiating between personal attacks and constructive criticism can transform interactions with loved ones.

• Emotional Regulation: Managing stress and emotions can prevent unnecessary conflicts and promote healthier relationships.

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Notable Quotes:

• Laura: "My parents are not emotionally available... not kind, not warm." ([00:48])

• Dr. Laura: "You knew the kids weren't loud enough... you're making something evil out of something that you tried to fix." ([10:20])

• Laura: "I'm wondering if I should apologize to him." ([10:10])

• Dr. Laura: "You just want to hate them. I get it. ... So this problem is largely yours." ([10:20])

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Final Thoughts

This episode offers a profound exploration of the challenges faced when navigating relationships with emotionally unavailable parents. Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides compassionate yet straightforward advice, encouraging listeners to take personal responsibility and seek healthier communication strategies to mend and strengthen familial bonds.

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For more insights and advice, visit DrLaura.com and tune into Dr. Laura’s live radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Josie. Welcome to the program.

[Laura]

Hi, Mama. Laura. How are you?

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I'm good. How can I help?

[Laura]

So I've been listening to you since I was a preteen and appreciate your practical wisdom. My parents are not emotionally available and I've already kind of dealt with that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means in everyday life. Emotionally available, what does that mean?

[Laura]

Not kind, not warm. They don't reach out or help or if you're trying to look for someone to listen or say kind words, that's not. You're not going to get that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Neither one of them is nice. Your mother never listened.

[Laura]

Yes, that's. Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

That'S a little hard to imagine. Yeah, the never and always is a little hard to understand. Maybe you could refine it a little bit.

[Laura]

I think my mom is just not very. She's very defensive, very introverted, very quiet, not compassionate. And then with my dad, he's been more compassionate, but also can be a bully and stubborn and arrogant. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And how would they describe you?

[Laura]

Probably stubborn and arrogant, probably critical. I don't really care for them very much.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Is that accurate?

[Laura]

I don't think.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

I mean, you want. Oh, so all their negatives about you are not accurate, but all your negatives about them are accurate. What's the statistical probability of that?

[Laura]

I think it's accurate that I'm critical about them. So.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

But your. Your explanation to that is they deserve it?

[Laura]

Probably, yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You have any siblings?

[Laura]

Yeah, I have a lot of siblings.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How many is a lot?

[Laura]

I have four younger brothers and two younger sisters.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And how are they doing in their lives?

[Laura]

Both of my parents are very, like, workaholic and smart and so everybody's. And nobody's like, addicted to drugs or anything like that. So everybody's pretty functional.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And who gets along? Which of these get along the best with mom and dad?

[Laura]

Probably. Probably my youngest sister, maybe. Mm. I mean, we all go over and hang out, but it's just not like I think the siblings are more warm with each other than my and more tease my parents for how they are. So that and I've been fine with it. But then lately I've been more sideswiping out of them like kind of poking the wasp nest.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And why have you decided to attack them?

[Laura]

I think I'm just under a lot of stress.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Well, as I was just talking about with kids, teaching them, you know, their emotions are whatever they are and if you're stressed you have to learn how to manage those emotions. So can you think of a way other than attacking your parents to deal with your stress?

[Laura]

I don't even think it's been necessarily deliberate. But like, you know, if my mom says something snarky instead of just keeping my mouth shut, I just like lash back out at her.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Give me an example of how your introverted mother would get snarky. That's usually not what introverts do. Curious.

[Laura]

Just.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Just give me an example of snarky without the word just.

[Laura]

Okay, so Sunday I was looking over I do a little community theater with our homeschool group with one of my sister in laws and we were looking over different plays to choose one for the next year and my mom piped up like well I hope the kids will be louder this time. And I just.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

How was that snarky? What she referring to?

[Laura]

I just thought it was mean.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

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[Laura]

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[Laura]

So what, is she just driving every time? Every year? You know, we've got. So this time we had two different plays. So we had one play that was with the 14 on up, and we had one play that was like 11 and 12 year olds.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, but she's referring to not being able to hear them. What does she mean?

[Laura]

During the performance, it's really hard to get the kids to speak loud. And so we did have them mic up, but I agree they were not loud enough, but.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, I don't see that as the slightest bit snarky. It's accurate.

[Laura]

Yeah, but I don't think that's the only thing that either one of them has said about the play. They don't. They didn't say, even to my kids, didn't say, like, oh, you did a good job. They just said, oh, you need to be loud.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Okay, so your question for me is what?

[Laura]

Well, I had told my mom that one of the other moms called my dad an a hole because he was complaining about the kids not being loud. So she told him. And so he texted me and I called him and I said, well, you were being an a hole. If you don't want to be called an a hole, don't. Don't act like one. Actually say nice things to the kids. And he hung up on me. And I don't really care, but I don't like drama. I don't want to stir things up. So I guess it's too late for that.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

You already did that. No, for somebody who doesn't like it? You sure did it in space.

[Laura]

I shouldn't have opened my mouth when she said. And I shouldn't when he texted me back. I shouldn't have called him. I should have just ignored it, and he would have cooled down.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And what is it you'd like from me today?

[Laura]

I'm wondering if I should apologize to him.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Of course you should. That was more than snarky.

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

And you knew the kids weren't loud enough, which is why you tried to mic them, and that didn't work either. So it's kind of stunning to me that you're making something evil out of something that you tried to fix, too. So it's a reality.

[Laura]

Yeah, but I mean, that they didn't compliment the kids about.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Ma', am, did you hear? Did you hear? That's a separate issue. There was a problem with sound. You tried to remedy it.

[Laura]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlesinger]

Both your parents evidently pointed out that it would be better if they could be heard, and you took that as an attack when it was something that you already knew was a problem. So I don't know how much of this interaction in general with your parents is you with a trigger finger. That's unbelievable that anything they say is an attack, and you take it personally. So, yeah, I think you ought to call and apologize. Yeah, that was uncalled for, to call him that and to tell him other people said that, and he earned it. And, you know, who the hell are you to talk to your dad that way when he was simply pointing out what you already knew needed to be fixed? So you just want to hate them. I get it. I mean, it's funny how you say they had no compliments whatsoever for anything about the play. I gave you plenty of opportunity, and you gave no compliments to them at all. But somehow they raised seven kids, none of whom is on drugs, alcohol. They're all functioning. How to be better parenting than you described. There just had to be. So this problem is largely yours. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the DRLaura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura. Listeners like you.

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