I Don't Know How to Be Strong

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Don't Know How to Be Strong"
Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Release Date: August 3, 2025

In this emotionally charged episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, a long-standing listener reaches out to Dr. Laura Schlessinger for guidance on enduring a tumultuous 33-year marriage plagued by infidelity and dishonesty. The conversation delves deep into themes of personal responsibility, guilt, and the pursuit of a fulfilling life amidst marital challenges.

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1. Caller's Marital Struggles and Emotional Turmoil

The caller, a devoted wife and mother of three, begins by detailing her 33-year marriage, highlighting significant stressors they've weathered together, including military deployments and raising their children. Despite the hardships, a recurring issue of her husband's infidelity surfaces, introducing cycles of trust crises and emotional instability.

Key Points:

• Long-term Commitment: Married at 21, 33 years together.
• Challenges Faced: Military deployments, raising three adult children, husband's infidelity.
• Current Dilemma: Continual dishonesty leading to emotional exhaustion and instability.

Notable Quote:

"It's like having waves of great times and waves of crisis mode because of dishonesty."
(00:20)

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2. Addressing the Misuse of "Guilt"

Dr. Laura tackles the caller's expressed feelings of guilt over contemplating leaving her husband. She emphasizes the precise use of the term "guilt," asserting that guilt should stem from wrongdoing, not from experiencing legitimate emotional distress.

Key Points:

• Clarifying "Guilt": Dr. Laura explains that guilt relates to moral or ethical transgressions, not to the natural feelings arising from an unfulfilling relationship.
• Encouraging Accurate Self-Assessment: She urges the caller to recognize that her feelings are valid and not stemming from any wrongdoing.

Notable Quote:

"Guilt means you've done something wrong, immoral, illegal, unethical. So don't throw the word guilt around."
(02:50)

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3. Reframing Emotional Responses

Dr. Laura advises the caller to rephrase her internal dialogue, shifting from guilt to sadness over her lack of love and respect in the marriage. This reframing aims to help the caller understand her emotions without self-blame.

Key Points:

• Emotional Reframing: Replace guilt with sadness regarding the relationship's shortcomings.
• Impact on Family: Reassures that leaving the marriage is unlikely to sever her children's relationships with her.

Notable Quote:

"What you should say is, I feel sad that I've put this much effort into this situation where I'm not loved and I'm not respected and I'm wondering what I should do for the rest of my life."
(03:01)

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4. Navigating Feelings of Weakness and Exploring Alternatives

When the caller expresses feelings of weakness, Dr. Laura offers alternative paths to fulfillment without necessarily leaving the marriage. She suggests enhancing her current life through hobbies, education, and personal growth, framing strength as pursuing personal happiness within existing circumstances.

Key Points:

• Perception of Weakness: Challenges the caller's self-view of weakness, promoting proactive life enrichment.
• Alternative Solutions: Encourages engaging in hobbies, returning to school, and making life more enjoyable while staying in the marriage.
• Empowerment Through Action: Emphasizes taking control of one's happiness irrespective of marital status.

Notable Quote:

"Put your feet up on the couch and say, I'm well financially taken care of. I can start getting involved in more hobbies and maybe go back to school and make my life richer without leaving him because you're too weak to do that. That's fair."
(03:53)

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5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode concludes with Dr. Laura reiterating her support and providing her contact information, emphasizing the importance of taking decisive and right actions for personal well-being. She subtly steers the conversation away from traditional relationship counseling, focusing instead on individual empowerment and self-improvement.

Key Points:

• Supportive Closure: Offers continued support and resources.
• Focus on Personal Agency: Highlights the listener's ability to shape her own life regardless of marital decisions.

Notable Quote:

"Now go do the right thing."
(04:29)

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Overall Insights:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a candid and no-nonsense perspective on enduring marital hardships. By challenging the caller's self-perception and encouraging personal growth, she fosters a sense of empowerment and responsibility. The episode underscores the importance of honest self-reflection and the pursuit of personal happiness, whether within or outside the bounds of a long-term relationship.

Listeners are reminded of the significance of accurate emotional labeling and the power of reframing one's narrative to navigate complex personal challenges effectively.

Transcript

[A]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Laura, welcome to the program.

[B]

Hi, Dr. Laura, longtime listener. Love you.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you. What's up?

[B]

I. I have been in 33 years of marriage. I married when I was 21. He's nine years older than me. And we have been through all kinds of crazy hard things. Residency, he's. He's a medical guy, very incredibly bright, smart guy. We, we were deployed through the military, did all of that. We raised three kids. And during the middle of all of those hard things, he wasn't faithful. And we went through a lot of hard things trying to resolve that and heal and. And then I waited to have my last baby and then he was picking up and flirting with the real estate agent who confided in me. Oh, yeah, that happened. And there's just so many more examples of these things and I just doubled down and stayed in the marriage and it's like having waves of great times and waves of crises mode because of, of dishonesty. I don't know where. He's just not honest with me and it could be about anything actually, but. And dismissive of my feelings. And I just recently have really wondered and we've moved, we keep moving. It seems like we get where our life is pretty stable and then we end up moving. And the rug, because of problems he has at work, getting along with people or. And I did, the rug gets pulled out from under me again. And now I'm just wondering what am I doing? My kids are now older, 30, 27 and 24 years old, so they're their own people. And I'm wondering if I just have too much guilt to leave him.

[A]

I'm sorry. Guilt. All right, stop.

[B]

Woohoo.

[A]

I listened carefully. Guilt means you've done something wrong, immoral, illegal, unethical. So don't throw the word guilt around.

[B]

I have not.

[A]

Well, then don't misuse a very important word. It has to do with conscience and you've been weak. But there's nothing to feel guilt for. What you should say is, I feel sad that, that I've put this much effort into this situation where I'm not loved and I'm not respected and I'm wondering what I should do for the rest of my life. Will the kids be upset? Yes. Will they stop talking to you? Probably not.

[B]

Okay. I don't know how to not be weak. I feel so.

[A]

Well, then put your feet up on the couch and say, I'm well financially taken care of. I can start getting involved in more hobbies and maybe go back to school and make my life richer without leaving him because I'm too weak to do that. That's fair. Just fill it with something else. That's fair.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You're welcome. My number 1-800-375-2872. Not everybody's going to be able to handle school starting a new life, so make the current one more palatable. Now go do the right thing. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.