Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:48)

Too bad.

Caller (Stepmother) (2:50)

We have a pretty good relationship.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (2:52)

Did you make any babies with this guy in the 20 years?

Caller (Stepmother) (2:56)

Oh, no. I was 50 when we got married. He was and he was 51.

Commercial Announcer (3:01)

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:03)

And did you bring any kids into this marriage?

Caller (Stepmother) (3:07)

My daughter's adult, and his other two kids are adults, too, so she was the last one. But that whole family, they struggle with the girls. Struggle with. His sister had three girls. They all struggled with anxiety and some depression. He had three girls. Two out of three of them struggle with anxiety and depression. It's weird. It's like it runs in a family.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (3:30)

No, it's just really typical these days. I wouldn't put too much into it. So how can I help you today?

Caller (Stepmother) (3:37)

Okay. Well, we. We often have wonderful, quality moments together, she and I. We don't live together. We did for, you know, obviously then we did when she was a teenager. But we've had some really quality moments together. But every now and then I'll say something when I'm trying to comfort her and she goes out of her mind. I'll give you it happened twice, like a year and a half apart. And I'm scared to that.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (4:01)

Yeah. Give me an example.

Caller (Stepmother) (4:02)

Wrong again. The first time was we're sitting around in the living room and she just said, you know, everybody thinks I'm doing well. She said, I still struggle. Like, she's talking about the depression and the anxiety. And all I said to her was, gosh, I feel so bad for you. I hope that someday you can feel better. Because she's told me before, I know what it's like to feel normal. And when. Before she. I think this all hit her when she was about 20 years old. But anyway, she said, I know what it's like to feel normal. I was just saying I really hope that someday you can just find a way to, you know that. She's worked on therapy, medication.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (4:43)

Okay, sweetheart, Sweetheart, that was one of the worst things you could have said, and I'll tell you why.

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger (7:12)

You ought to read my book, Bad Childhood, Good Life, because in that I talk about how people accumulate enough thoughts and experiences that they embrace wholeheartedly. Seemingly not, but actually embrace as an identity. And what you said is, I hope one day your identity is gone. Now. There was no way for you to know that. There was no way for you to know that at the time. That's why I'm useful for you right now.

Caller (Stepmother) (7:43)

Oh, you are brilliant. I mean, that is crazy because I was suspecting that and that's why I was calling.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (7:50)

So in general, anything you say which is perceived by her as a denial of the value of her identity will be met with rage. Because that's defensive.

Caller (Stepmother) (8:05)

Oh, my goodness. I am. I'm stunned. You know, I did try going to a therapist a little while ago. You know what she said to me? She said, why do you care if she likes you or not?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:17)

Because she's my stepdaughter bitch.

Caller (Stepmother) (8:21)

Thank you. And I'm like, oh, my God, Dr. Laura, you have just. You've hit. Because I suspect. Because I was doing a lot of reading about this, you know, like, trying to figure it out, and I. And No. You know what? It might have been you on another call maybe alluded to something like this. It wasn't the same situation, but I stripped her identity. I didn't strip it. I was taking it away or not validating it. And she got defensive on that. Oh, wow. And then I did it a second time.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (8:52)

Well, you're not going to do it a third time. When she brings that up again, get up, walk over and hug her and say something like, let me figure this out. Something like, I'm proud of you. How well you do with these struggles. Yeah, I think she'll like that.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:15)

Sharing with me that she's got the struggles.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:18)

No, don't do that.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:19)

You know what I mean?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:20)

No.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:21)

Okay. No, no.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:23)

This has to be all about complimenting her.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:30)

Yes. Hug.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:32)

I'm proud of you for how you handle these struggles. Proud of you.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:39)

And I'm sincere. I am sincere because I don't.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:42)

Don't defend anything with me. I'm just trying to help you. For next time, cut out all the other chatter.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:48)

Yeah, okay. I mean, it's. It's great. I. Wow. So simple and elegant. Ah, thank you.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (9:58)

All right.

Caller (Stepmother) (9:59)

Thank you so much.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (10:00)

You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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