I Don't Like Sleepovers

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Don't Like Sleepovers" – Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Podcast Information:

• Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Episode: I Don't Like Sleepovers
• Release Date: March 23, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Don't Like Sleepovers," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses the emotional and psychological challenges faced by a young caller, Margaret, a 13-year-old navigating the complexities of her parents' divorce. This episode delves deep into the impact of familial changes on a teenager's well-being, particularly focusing on Margaret's discomfort with sleepovers at her father's house and her friend's residences.

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Caller Introduction

Margaret introduces herself as a 13-year-old in the 8th grade who enjoys social studies but struggles with math. She articulately expresses her feelings, setting the stage for a heartfelt conversation about her personal struggles.

• Margaret: "I really like my teacher and I like doing the projects and like that type of stuff." [00:27]
• Dr. Laura: "So you tend to be more artistic." [01:37]

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Main Issues Discussed

1. Difficulty Sleeping Away from Home

   Margaret confides in Dr. Laura about her challenges with sleeping at her father's house and her friends' houses. She experiences anxiety and has recurring bad dreams, often fearing for her mother's safety.

   • Margaret: "My parents are divorced and I'm having trouble sleeping at my dad's house and friend's houses." [01:59]
   • Margaret: "Sometimes I'm like, worrying about stuff that might happen to my mom while I'm not there and also just having bad dreams." [02:13]

2. Impact of Parental Divorce

   The divorce occurred when Margaret was three years old, and she now has a half-sibling. Adjusting to her father's new family dynamics has been challenging, leading to feelings of displacement and jealousy over the attention given to the younger children.

   • Margaret: "I feel like that was kind of like a hard switch, so they require so much." [04:38]
   • Dr. Laura: "I always tell people if you're going to divorce when you have small children, don't have boyfriends and girlfriends living with you... it hurts the kids you already have." [12:10]

3. Sleepover Experiences and School Trip Concerns

   Margaret shares her limited sleepover experiences, highlighting her discomfort with staying up late and feeling overwhelmed by friends' expectations during such events. Additionally, she expresses apprehension about an upcoming overnight school trip, fearing it won't be as enjoyable as previous experiences.

   • Margaret: "It's very fun, but it's just, like, so invigorating that then it's hard to go to sleep... it's just, like, annoying." [10:03]
   • Margaret: "I don't really want to go. But in sixth grade, I went to outdoor school and I had... it was one of my favorite things I ever done, but I just don't want to go to this one." [15:38]

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Dr. Laura's Advice

1. Coping with Family Changes

   Dr. Laura acknowledges Margaret's feelings, emphasizing that it's natural to feel upset about the changes in her family structure. She advises Margaret to find comfort in personal objects, like a favorite teddy bear, to maintain a connection with her mother while at her father's house.

   • Dr. Laura: "I wish I had a little bit of magic... but all I can tell you is bring your teddy bear. Don't leave it there. Bring it back and forth." [12:10]
   • Dr. Laura: "You sound mature and sweet and smart, and it just hurts my heart... so you can call me back anytime if you just want to get some stuff off your chest." [14:00]

2. Encouraging Resilience and Facing New Experiences

   Addressing Margaret's hesitation about the school trip, Dr. Laura encourages her to embrace the discomfort as an opportunity for growth. She highlights the importance of not letting fear prevent her from engaging in potentially rewarding activities.

   • Dr. Laura: "New things are scary and uncomfortable. But if we keep avoiding new things, we miss out on hiking and planting and learning new stuff and meeting some people who could be nice." [16:04]
   • Dr. Laura: "I urge you to do the trip... because when we start getting into a habit of avoiding things because they're uncomfortable, we end up not having much of an exciting life." [16:29]

3. Communication with Parents

   Dr. Laura touches on the difficulty of discussing disciplinary roles with a parent post-divorce, understanding Margaret's fear of upsetting her father. She subtly suggests that as Margaret grows older, she might have more agency in expressing her preferences regarding living arrangements.

   • Dr. Laura: "It's kind of hard to have that conversation with a dad. You worry that he's going to be mad, you know. I understand that." [08:58]
   • Dr. Laura: "At some point when you get older... you might talk to your dad and say, you know what? I don't want to come as often." [12:30]

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Conclusion

The episode "I Don't Like Sleepovers" offers a compassionate exploration of a teenager's struggle with parental divorce and the ensuing challenges of adapting to new family dynamics. Dr. Laura provides Margaret with empathetic guidance, reinforcing the importance of resilience, communication, and personal coping mechanisms. By addressing both immediate concerns and long-term strategies, the episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners navigating similar familial transitions.

Notable Quotes:

• Margaret: "Sometimes I'm like, worrying about stuff that might happen to my mom while I'm not there and also just having bad dreams." [02:13]
• Dr. Laura: "New things are scary and uncomfortable. But if we keep avoiding new things, we miss out..." [16:04]
• Dr. Laura: "You sound mature and sweet and smart, and it just hurts my heart..." [14:00]

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Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Validation: Acknowledging and validating Margaret's feelings is crucial in helping her navigate the emotional turmoil caused by her parents' divorce.
• Coping Mechanisms: Personal objects and connections can provide comfort during unsettling times.
• Facing Discomfort: Embracing new and uncomfortable experiences can lead to personal growth and resilience.
• Open Communication: Encouraging open dialogue with parents can help in addressing and alleviating internal conflicts.

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For more insights and advice, listeners are encouraged to tune into Dr. Laura Schlessinger's daily radio program on SiriusXM Triumph 111 and visit DrLaura.com to become a Family member.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Ctmobile.com thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jennifer, mom and Margaret, welcome to the program.

[Margaret]

Hi.

[Margaret's Mom]

Thank you, Doctor.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi, Margaret. How old are you?

[Margaret's Mom]

Hi. I'm 13.

[Dr. Laura]

And what grade does that put you in?

[Margaret's Mom]

8Th grade.

[Dr. Laura]

8Th grade. What course do you like the best? What course do you like the least?

[Margaret's Mom]

Social studies. Right now.

[Dr. Laura]

You like that a lot?

[Margaret's Mom]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

And what course do you not like?

[Margaret's Mom]

Math.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, tell me what's good about social studies? I had a hard time with that.

[Margaret's Mom]

I really like my teacher and I like doing the projects and like that type of stuff.

[Dr. Laura]

So you tend to be more artistic.

[Margaret's Mom]

In some cases. I don't like drawing people, but I can draw other things.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, but I meant doing the projects. That requires some artistry.

[Margaret's Mom]

Yes, it does.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Okay. What can I help you with today?

[Margaret's Mom]

Well, I. My parents are divorced and I'm having trouble sleeping at my dad's house and friend's houses.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. The friends houses we can put aside. Tell me about what is scary. What's in your mind when you're trying to sleep at your dad's house that keeps you awake? What are the thoughts?

[Margaret's Mom]

Well, sometimes I'm like, worrying about stuff that might happen to my mom while I'm not there and also just having bad dreams.

[Dr. Laura]

And tell me when you have a bad dream. What's the subject matter of the bad dream?

[Margaret's Mom]

It can vary, but it's usually like someone's like. I don't really know. Like, it can be like someone, like, chasing me or something. And like me and my. My brother is usually in all of my dreams.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh. How old is your brother?

[Margaret's Mom]

He's 4. He's 15.

[Dr. Laura]

15. Is he protective of You?

[Margaret's Mom]

I would say so.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. That's good. And how long have your parents been divorced?

[Margaret's Mom]

Since I was 3. So 10 years.

[Dr. Laura]

Oh, so this is nothing new?

[Margaret's Mom]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

So at what age did you start sleeping over dad's house?

[Margaret's Mom]

I think I was about five, I'm guessing.

[Dr. Laura]

So you've been sleeping at dad's house a lot? How many times a week do you sleep there?

[Margaret's Mom]

Three times a week. Every other week.

[Dr. Laura]

Three times a week? Every other week. Got. That's interesting.

[Margaret's Mom]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Is your dad. Did he. Does he have a girlfriend living there? Did he get married again?

[Margaret's Mom]

Yeah, he has a wife and they had another two kids together.

[Dr. Laura]

And how old are those kids?

[Margaret's Mom]

There are two girls which are three and four.

[Dr. Laura]

Wow. Very little. Yeah. What was it like when they. What was it like for you when they were born?

[Margaret's Mom]

Well, it was kind of hard to start because a lot of the attention was on them and I feel like that was kind of like a hard switch, so. They require so much.

[Dr. Laura]

That's true. And the woman your dad married, what is she like?

[Margaret's Mom]

Well, she's very nice and I like her, but sometimes, like. No, but she's very nice.

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[Margaret's Mom]

Well sometimes it can be like a little directing, I feel like. And I would rather just have my dad tell me what to do.

[Dr. Laura]

I see. So sometimes she acts like she's your mom and would try to discipline you, Is that correct?

[Margaret's Mom]

Yes. Sometimes.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. And have you talked to your dad about who's to discipline you? Have you ever had that conversation?

[Margaret's Mom]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Yeah. That's kind of. It's kind of hard to have that conversation with a dad. You worry that he's going to be mad, you know. I understand that.

[Margaret's Mom]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Did your mom, does she have a boyfriend living in your house or did she get married?

[Margaret's Mom]

No, but she has a boyfriend that he travels a lot.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Margaret's Mom]

What's he like, well, he is very nice, too, but sometimes I feel like he also tries to be my dad when I just have my mom.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, absolutely. Got it. Okay. Have you slept at a friend's house? You know, these pajama party things. Have you ever done that with a friend?

[Margaret's Mom]

I've done it, I think only twice. And, yeah, I think it was just.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Tell me what happened the two times you had the pajama party thing.

[Margaret's Mom]

Well, we just, like, watched movies, and then I'm not a fan of staying up late, so. But we stayed up, like, pretty late, and that wasn't my favorite thing. And then it's hard for me to get to sleep there. And, I mean, it was very fun, but it's just, like, so invigorating that then it's hard to go to sleep, and people are, like, pushing me and trying to, like, be funny, but it's just, like, annoying.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, it's annoying. I get it. Well, I don't think that's a problem. It's not something you really want to do because it's not an experience you enjoy. So you might just tell people, you know, I'll come over until it's bedtime, and then I'm going to be going home. But until then, I'll be there for the pizza and the movies and all of that. That's kind of a compromise. And then your mom can pick you up.

[Margaret's Mom]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, that's good. With respect to your dad's situation, your parents got a divorce. He married, made more kids, and it's not your home, and you know it. And that's hard. That's very hard on you. Your mom didn't do any of that. So it's more attention that's specific to you. And are you and your mom living in the same place that mom lived when you were, you know. So this is your home, and it always has been your home for sure. Okay. All right. So I'm going to say something now that may not be that useful because you and I don't have power over history. I'm very sorry they divorced. I'm sorry your dad went and made a whole new family. I always tell people if you're going to divorce when you have small children, don't have boyfriends and girlfriends living with you, and don't get married and make kids again because it hurts the kids you already have. But most people just go along and do whatever they want to do because it makes them feel good. Okay. I think that even though this has been a long time, I think it still hurts you. Because when you go over there, there's a maybe she's trying to be a mom and the kids are nice, but they're little kids and they get the attention. It's understandable that it's not your favorite place. It's not your home. It's a place you are forced by the law to visit. You don't have power to say no, and neither does your mom. So you're stuck with what these two adults did. It makes total sense that you don't want to sleep there. Makes total sense, but you have to. Now, what state are you in? Don't tell me the city. Just tell me what state.

[Margaret's Mom]

Oregon.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, let me check. Oregon's very liberal, so I don't know. Let me check. At what age can child assign where she lives in Oregon? I put two E's in Oregon. Okay, Precious. No, you have no power in the state of Oregon. You have to weather this out. So if you have a favorite teddy bear, take it with you. You have no power here, sweetheart. Margaret, you have no power. But I want to say in talking to you, you sound mature and sweet and smart, and it just hurts my heart, just the same way it hurts your mother's heart that you're stuck in this position. So I'm asking you to realize we can't change this. You have to go with the flow. Now, at some point when you get older, like 15 or 16, you might talk to your dad and say, you know what? I don't want to come as often, if indeed that's what you're thinking at the time. Because even though by law you don't have that power in Oregon, in the family, you have somewhat power. So I wish I had a little bit of magic, but all I can tell you is bring your teddy bear. Don't leave it there. Bring it back and forth. I don't have it. I have it. I have a. Yeah, it looks like the bears that you have in Alaska. Big, tall, white bear. That's what I have. I still have. Yeah. Anyway, bring your bear with you and have that be a connection to your mother. Maybe you can get a new bear or get a new something that connects you to your mom. And you go there. Your mom is going to be okay. She's just going to miss you and feel bad, which is sad. But we're stuck with the law, okay? So make the best of it. And you can call me back anytime. Call me back anytime if you just want to get some stuff off your chest. Okay?

[Margaret's Mom]

Thank you. And I have One question.

[Dr. Laura]

Go for it.

[Margaret's Mom]

There's this school trip that my school is taking, and it's an overnight for four or five nights. And I don't know. I don't really want to go. But in sixth grade, I went to outdoor school and I had. I like. It was one of my favorite things I ever done, but I just don't want to go to this one.

[Dr. Laura]

And where is it? It's a sleepover. Where. Where do you go?

[Margaret's Mom]

It's in, like, Fort Washington, which is almost five hours away from my home.

[Dr. Laura]

And what do you do there during the day?

[Margaret's Mom]

I'm pretty sure we're going to be, like, hiking and probably planting a lot of different plants.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. One of the things that's important in life to understand is new things are scary and uncomfortable. But if we keep avoiding new things, we miss out on hiking and planting and learning new stuff and meeting some people who could be nice. So even though it's uncomfortable, I would urge you to do the trip. And, yeah, for the first couple of days, it may be uncomfortable, but you'll be hiking and planting and whatever, and I don't want you to miss that. So I know you don't want to go. And ultimately you decide, not me. You decide. But I urge you to do it, because when we start getting into a habit of avoiding things because they're uncomfortable, we end up not having much of an exciting life because it gets to be a habit.

[Margaret's Mom]

That makes a lot of sense.

[Dr. Laura]

So do me a favor, sweetheart. Just think about it some more.

[Margaret's Mom]

I will.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, honey. Lots of hugs. Consider yourself hugged. Hugged. Hugged by me. Okay.

[Margaret's Mom]

Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're welcome. And Jennifer. Mom?

[Margaret's Mom]

Yes?

[Dr. Laura]

Anytime you don't want her, I'll take her. I promise to feed her.

[Margaret's Mom]

To have you in our family.

[Dr. Laura]

She's amazing. Margaret is amazing. I'm so impressed how articulate she is at 13. She's amazing. You've done a good mommy job. All right, hugs to both of you.

[Margaret's Mom]

That means so much. Hugs, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura]

Excellent. Bye, sweeties. If you do go on this trip, make sure you send me a picture. I want to have a picture. All right. I'm going to take a break. My, that is one cool kid. How articulate. At 13. And even remembered she had a second question. I mean, she was amazing how she could speak about each thing so beautifully. Very impressed. Yeah. In Oregon, a child cannot decide where they live until they're 18 or if they're emancipated. Too bad. However, a child's preference may be considered by the court when making custody decisions. Yeah, okay. Some states have 15 years old, the kid can make a decision. Oregon doesn't have that. My number one, 800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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