I Don’t Want to Abandon My Mom

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Don’t Want to Abandon My Mom
Date: March 13, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Jeanne

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Laura takes a call from Jeanne, a retired nurse grappling with the best way to care for her elderly mother, who is battling Alzheimer’s and struggling emotionally after her father's recent passing. The central theme revolves around caregiver guilt, family disagreements on care options, and how to balance love with practical decisions in end-of-life care. Dr. Laura shares personal reflections and offers both professional and empathetic advice, making this an instructive episode for anyone facing similar challenges in caring for aging parents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jeanne’s Situation: Family Dynamics and Caregiver Strain

• Background: Jeanne, having retired after 36 years of nursing, recently lost her father and is now helping care for her 90-year-old mother, who suffers from Alzheimer’s and “broken heart syndrome.”
• Rapid Decline: Jeanne describes a swift deterioration in her mother's health following a urinary tract infection and fall, resulting in rehab placement and continued cognitive decline.
• Family Discord: Jeanne wishes to continue caring for her mother at home with some help, but her sisters prefer a professional memory unit, given disturbing experiences when her father was in one.
• Emotional Conflict: Jeanne is struggling with feelings of potential abandonment and guilt about not doing enough for her mother.

2. Seeking Professional Guidance

• Who to Consult: Dr. Laura stresses the need for professional evaluation regarding care options.
  • Quote: “I’m really not in a position to answer that. Somebody who works in the field is.” (Dr. Laura, 02:17)
  • Recommendation: Consult occupational therapists, as they are well-placed to assess capability and safety for home versus memory-unit care, rather than only physicians or neurologists. (02:38)

3. Dealing with Guilt and the Reality of Limitations

• Guilt Management: Jeanne expresses a deep emotional struggle over possibly abandoning her mother, wondering if her feelings are more about her own guilt than her mother's perception.

  • Quote: “Maybe it's for me feeling like I am abandoning. I don’t know.” (Jeanne, 02:58)

• Dr. Laura’s Personal Story: She shares her own experience when her husband was in the hospital, recalling advice from a doctor to prioritize self-care when further presence cannot change the situation.

  • Quote: “Go home, take care of yourself. Take a shower, eat something good, watch a movie, go to bed. You can’t do anything here. There’s nothing you do that’s going to advance this situation. You must take care of yourself now or you’re going to get sick.” (Dr. Laura, 03:15)

• Permitting Practicality: Dr. Laura normalizes feelings of guilt among caring people but reframes the situation as one of practicality and self-preservation.

  • Quote: “Of course you’re a decent person, as am I, and of course we’re going to feel that... But it’s not abandonment. It’s practicality… and the limitations of what difference you actually make at a certain point.” (Dr. Laura, 06:23)

4. Affirmation and Connection

• Caller Appreciation: Jeanne expresses gratitude and affection for Dr. Laura, saying, “Texas loves you.”
  • Dr. Laura’s Reply: “Hey, I love Texas. If it weren’t so hot, I’d move.” (07:07)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Seeking Expertise:

  • Dr. Laura: “Somebody who works in the field is [in a position to answer]. So you might want to talk to some of the physicians, occupational therapists especially, and have them review your mother’s information and they’d be in a position to give you the best answer. Not me.” (02:17)

• On Guilt versus Practicality:

  • Dr. Laura: “Of course you’re a decent person… and of course we’re going to feel that. But it’s not abandonment. It’s practicality. It’s understanding the dimensions of what’s going on and the limitations of what difference you actually make at a certain point.” (06:23)

• Personal Reflection:

  • “I was sort of stunned, and then it was a relief to get permission, because it wasn’t doing anything. But I didn’t want to feel or to appear either one, like I was abandoning.” (06:23)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:14] – Jeanne introduces her dilemma and family context.
• [02:17] – Dr. Laura advises speaking with occupational therapists for care assessment.
• [02:58] – Jeanne brings up feelings of abandonment and guilt.
• [03:15] – Dr. Laura recounts her personal experience with caregiving and receiving advice to take care of herself.
• [06:23] – Dr. Laura explains the distinction between abandonment and practicality, validating caregiver feelings.
• [07:07] – Exchange of appreciation between Jeanne and Dr. Laura; “Texas loves you.”

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Tone & Language

Dr. Laura maintains her signature blend of directness, warmth, and practicality throughout the episode, combining professional boundaries with empathetic storytelling. The conversation is genuine, compassionate, and loaded with actionable advice—all delivered in her familiar, authoritative tone.

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Summary in a Nutshell

This episode is a thoughtful examination of the emotional and practical realities of end-of-life caregiving. Dr. Laura, both as a professional and fellow human being, walks Jeanne through the necessity of seeking professional input, confronting caregiver guilt, and accepting the personal limits of what family support can achieve. Listeners are left with a powerful sense of understanding and permission to prioritize both their loved ones’ and their own well-being.

Transcript

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[Caller Jeanne]

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[Caller Jeanne]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide, based on the February 2025 Nielsen report. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day. Sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joints, skin, bones and guts. Go to getnativepath.com drlaura for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. R.E.M. you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph. And connect with me [e-mail] Jeanne, welcome to the program.

[Caller Jeanne]

Hi, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hi, Jeanne.

How can I help?

[Caller Jeanne]

Okay. I've been a nurse for 36 years. I retired last year though. My dad passed away in October. My mom is 90. She's suffering from Alzheimer's, but Broken Hearted syndrome too. As you know, it's very real. She has four daughters. It's been a reality check. Just like six weeks ago, she and I were shopping in Nordstrom. She got a horrible uti, had a fall, declined greatly. We've got her in a rehab unit. She is, as you know, with Alzheimer's still declining. I would like to continue to take care of her with help. I'm not Superwoman. I'm going to need some help. Some of my sisters would prefer a memory unit. We all love her. We want what's best for her. My dad was in a memory unit, fell 14 times. And I want better for my mom. What is your advice on the best of care option and how?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'm really not in a position to answer that.

Somebody who works in the field is. So you might want to talk to some of the physicians, occupational therapists especially, and have them review your mother's information and they'd be in a position to give you the best answer. Not me.

[Caller Jeanne]

Okay. Like her neurologist, maybe?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

No, he just takes care of her nerves. Occupational therapist would be the best option for you to find out what would be the best for her.

[Caller Jeanne]

Oh, I like that she's doing physical, occupational and speech therapy.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

They're the people to tell you.

[Caller Jeanne]

Okay, what is your advice, Dr. Laura? If. If that is chosen in the end because that's best for our mother, what is your advice to keep her from feeling abandoned? I don't know, Dr. Laura. Maybe it's for me feeling like I am abandoning. I don't know.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I think that's you. And you know, we can only do what we do. I remember when at the end my husband was in the hospital and the doctor came over and threw me out of the room. He said, go home, take care of yourself. Take a shower, eat something good, watch a movie, go to bed. You can't do anything here. There's nothing you do that's going to advance this situation. You must take care of yourself now or you're going to get sick.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I was sort of stunned, and then it was a relief to get permission because it wasn't doing anything. But I didn't want to feel or to appear either one, like I was abandoning. Of course you're a decent person, as am I, and of course we're going to feel that. But it's not abandonment. It's practicality. It's understanding the dimensions of what's going on and the limitations of what difference you actually make at a certain point. And I was not making a difference at that point.

[Caller Jeanne]

Okay. Okay. Thank you so, so very much. And we want you to know that Texas loves you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Hey, I love Texas. If it weren't so hot, I'd move.

[Caller Jeanne]

Okay. We welcome you here. Thank you, Dr. Laura.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you.

Not enough air conditioning for me.

I would.

I would move if it were cooler. For more like Southern California. No places like Southern California.

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