I Don't Want to Get My Heart Broken

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: "I Don't Want to Get My Heart Broken"
Date: August 31, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Victoria
Main Theme: Overcoming the fear of getting hurt in relationships, especially after divorce, and advice on healthy relationship boundaries and decision making.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger responds to a caller named Victoria, who is struggling with fear of getting her heart broken as she considers re-entering the dating world after a divorce. The discussion explores the inevitability of emotional pain in relationships, the importance of learning from past experiences, and how to approach new romantic possibilities with wisdom and clear boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Facing the Fear of Being Hurt ([01:22]–[03:40])

• Victoria’s Question: How to overcome her fear of being hurt and allow herself to enter another relationship.
• Dr. Laura’s Analogy: Compares refusing to risk getting hurt to never learning to swim to avoid drowning.
  • Quote: “How do I get over drowning if I never go in the water?” – Dr. Laura [01:30]
  • Victoria agrees, acknowledging that you can't learn without experience.
• Learning & Coping:
  • Dr. Laura emphasizes that it’s through practice, communication, and developing coping skills that one can handle the emotional challenges in a relationship.
  • Pain is a “normal, natural part of human interactions.”
  • Quote: “You minimize [getting hurt] with your wisdom in choosing people and how you behave in a relationship. You can minimize, but you can’t eradicate being hurt.” – Dr. Laura [02:36]
• On Growth:
  • Getting hurt is universal and part of life; isolation is not a solution.
  • Quote: “If you’re going to use what everybody deals with as a way of never being close, you’re going to die never being close. So what’s the benefit? You have to be willing to be hurt.” – Dr. Laura [02:59]

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2. Remarriage Concerns & Cultural Conditioning ([03:43]–[05:05])

• Victoria’s Dilemma: She was taught that after a divorce, she shouldn’t remarry, but therapy has helped her consider new possibilities.
• Dr. Laura’s Perspective: Challenges the notion that divorce must be a permanent barrier to new relationships.
  • Reframes the advice: “How about…if you divorce, you can get married again but you have to be smarter and better at relationships than you were the first time?” – Dr. Laura [04:24]
• Caution for Second Marriages:
  • Highlights that the divorce rate is higher for second marriages due to people not learning from their mistakes and the additional complexities of older age and extended families.
  • Urges Victoria to approach any future relationships with extra wisdom and preparation.
  • Quote: “It’s tough getting married older because there are so many more factors that aren’t there when you’re 20.” – Dr. Laura [04:54]

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3. The Marriage Proposal and Red Flags ([07:45]–[09:09])

• Victoria’s Situation: A man she’s known for six months proposed marriage; she was unsure if he was serious.
• Dr. Laura’s Warning:
  • Critically advises against rushing into marriage with someone who doesn’t truly know her.
  • Quote: “Any man who doesn’t know you and wants to get married is to be avoided at all costs. He’s not in love with you. He doesn’t know you. He wants the control and the feeling. Don’t take that as a compliment. That’s psycho.” – Dr. Laura [08:07]
• Firm Advice:
  • Dr. Laura tells Victoria not to see the man again to avoid both emotional and potential physical harm.
  • Quote: “Don’t see him again.” – Dr. Laura [08:36]
  • Elaborates the danger: “Hurt could be your feelings are hurt, or you’re in the hospital hurt. It’s really foolish to think that romantic claptrap is real.” – Dr. Laura [08:47]

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4. Core Takeaways

• Risk is Inherent: Emotional risk is a non-negotiable aspect of relationships.
• Wisdom Over Repetition: Entering new relationships post-divorce should be done with greater wisdom, not just hope.
• Beware Quick Commitments: Fast marriage proposals from acquaintances should be viewed with suspicion, not flattery.
• Self-Protection Includes Boundaries: Protecting oneself is not about avoidance, but about making better choices and not mistaking intensity for intimacy.

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Notable Quotes

• "How do I get over drowning if I never go in the water?"
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger [01:30]

• "You minimize [getting hurt] with your wisdom in choosing people and how you behave in a relationship. You can minimize, but you can’t eradicate being hurt."
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger [02:36]

• "If you’re going to use what everybody deals with as a way of never being close, you’re going to die never being close. So what’s the benefit? You have to be willing to be hurt."
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger [02:59]

• “How about the people who said if you divorce, you can get married again, but you have to be smarter and better at relationships than you were the first time?”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger [04:24]

• “Any man who doesn’t know you and wants to get married is to be avoided at all costs. He’s not in love with you. He doesn’t know you. He wants the control and the feeling. Don’t take that as a compliment. That’s psycho.”
  — Dr. Laura Schlessinger [08:07]

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Highlighted Memorable Moment

• Dr. Laura strongly urging Victoria to trust her instincts and not see the man who proposed quickly:
  • "Don’t see him again." [08:36]
  • Repeats urgently: “I hope you will run. I hope you will run. I hope you will run.” [09:09]

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Important Timestamps

• Facing relationship fears: [01:22]–[03:40]
• Discussing remarriage after divorce: [03:43]–[05:05]
• Marriage proposal & red flags: [07:45]–[09:09]

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Tone

Dr. Laura’s approach is no-nonsense, direct, and caring, emphasizing responsibility, honesty, and the importance of making wise choices in personal relationships.

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This summary captures the key points, advice, and moments from the episode, offering a clear and comprehensive understanding for those who did not listen firsthand.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Learn [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday, Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Victoria, welcome to the program.

[Caller Victoria]

Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Hi.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thank you. What can I do for you, Victoria?

[Caller Victoria]

My question is how do I get over afraid of being hurt and get into another relationship and you can't?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How do I get over not drowning? How do I get over drowning if I never go in the water?

[Caller Victoria]

You can't.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Correct. So you can't get over this unless you have practice and learn how to cope better with feelings, learn how to communicate better, and that's how you do it. The corker is everybody on the planet doesn't want to be hurt and yet it'll happen anyway in spite of our best. I mean, I know how to swim and I almost drowned. Somebody saved me at the last moment because I had this snorkel and all this and I panicked. So you learn to go on your back and float and you won't drown. That was a biggie. In other words, you learn skills to survive. You're going to get hurt. You minimize it with your wisdom in choosing people and how you behave in a relationship. You can minimize, but you can't eradicate being hurt. It's a normal, natural part of human interactions. There are misunderstandings and then mismatches. So if you're going to use what everybody deals with as a way of never being close and you're going to die never being Close. So what's the benefit? You have to be willing to be hurt.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Because it happens. Because it happens. Misunderstood happens with your girlfriends. They're misunderstandings. You thought they meant something bad. You find out they didn't at all. But until then, you were hurt. We survived it because we communicated and we made it better. You will get hurt. I have been hurt. Everyone has been hurt more than one time. You got to keep jumping in the water and learning how to float on your back.

[Caller Victoria]

Could I ask you another question?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Of course.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay. It's the hurt part comes from getting remarried.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I've been taught getting remarried is not. I don't understand that question. I don't understand it.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay. My reason why I'm. I'm having problems to explain is because with. With my divorce and I was taught that if I get a divorce, I couldn't get remarried again. But I went through a therapy divorce and now I'm kind of feeling the sparks of one another relationship.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't understand. Somebody told you when you divorce you can't get married again. So you're all upset that somebody told you that.

[Caller Victoria]

I'm not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How about the people who said if you divorce, you can get married again, but you have to be smarter and better at relationships than you were the first time?

[Caller Victoria]

Nobody never told me that.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I'm telling you that because the divorce rate for second marriages is greater than for first because people don't necessarily learn a damn thing. And when you're older, there are extended families and children and other issues. It's tough getting married older because there's so many more factors that aren't there when you're 20.

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what's your situation?

[Caller Victoria]

My situation is I. I got a approach yesterday about, you know, let's get married and I thought he was teasing me, but he's peed.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, how long have you known this guy? Who said that?

[Caller Victoria]

Okay, I've known this guy for like six months.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, listen. Listen carefully. I'll save you a lot of time. Any man who doesn't know you and wants to get married is to be avoided at all costs. He's not in love with you. He doesn't know you. He wants the control and the feeling. Don't take that as a compliment. That's psycho.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don'T see him again.

[Caller Victoria]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You don't know him either. You have no idea what you'd be getting into. And hurt. Could be your feelings are hurt or you're in the hospital hurt. It's really foolish to think that romantic claptrap is real.

[Caller Victoria]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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