I Don't Want to Raise Kids in This Neighborhood

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast
Episode: “I Don’t Want to Raise Kids in This Neighborhood”
Date: December 8, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger responds to a listener, Sarah, who is struggling with the decision of whether she and her husband should remain in their current home, which feels financially secure but exists in a neighborhood that causes her safety concerns. Sarah’s central dilemma is whether to prioritize financial stability or a more secure setting as they consider starting a family. Dr. Laura offers practical and direct advice, emphasizing research and concrete communication to resolve marital tension.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Caller Background and Core Concern

• Sarah and her husband’s story
  • Both 33, married for 10 years, no children (two miscarriages).
  • Previous agreement: Sarah would become a stay-at-home mom when they had children.
  • Current challenge: Whether to stay in their financially stable home, despite Sarah’s concerns about neighborhood safety.
• Personal experience heightening concern
  • Incident with a suspicious box truck and warning from a former military mailman made Sarah feel unsafe in her community ([04:16]).

2. Is the Neighborhood Truly Unsafe?

• Dr. Laura’s perspective ([04:33]):
  • “That particular scenario can happen anywhere at any time...On a daily basis, is this a high crime area?”
  • Sarah clarifies: Not sure if it’s high crime, but there was a gang-related murder nearby. Neighborhood is a busy city suburb ([08:27]).
  • Dr. Laura’s point: Safety incidents can occur anywhere, but the feeling of security in one’s neighborhood is important.

3. Process for Deciding Where to Live

• Actionable guidance from Dr. Laura ([09:01]):
  • “I’ll tell you what, get on your bicycle and go find a bunch of those areas. Do your research…Don’t bother your husband with it yet.”
  • Advice highlights:
    • Research other neighborhoods by visiting them, learning house prices and maintenance costs, and talking to several real estate agents.
    • Only present concrete, realistic options to her husband once she’s done this groundwork.
    • “Men do better with concrete information.” ([09:41])
• Tip for marital communication
  • “When we have discussions with men about this is what I want…take a few months, do the research...then present it to them. It’ll be a whole different interaction.” ([09:46])

4. Marital Strain and Resentment

• Sarah expresses frustration ([10:30]):
  • Worries that her husband doesn’t want her to feel safe or doesn’t want to work with her on this.
• Dr. Laura counsels on empathy ([10:44]):
  • “Men often tend to think we get overly emotional...don’t assume bad things about him. He’s a guy, you give him nothing concrete.”
  • Emphasizes not to bring up the issue constantly; instead, be a supportive partner while quietly gathering information.

5. Timing on Starting a Family Amidst Uncertainty

• Sarah’s question: Should they wait to have kids until they move? ([11:13])
• Dr. Laura’s response:
  • Emphasizes: Nowhere is perfectly safe—incidents can occur in any neighborhood.
  • “I lived in a safe area and my house was robbed…” ([11:20])
  • “The perfect area, gated community, better. You can’t afford that, then that’s not an option.” ([12:06])
  • Advises practical steps for safety, like alarm systems and knowing how to use a handgun.

6. Resolving the Stalemate and Next Steps

• Take personal responsibility for research ([12:23]):
  • “Don’t blame him. There’s nothing he can magically make happen. You need to go do the research.”
  • “Then you say to him, ‘Sweetie, you were right and I was just arguing with you. So I did this research. This looks great. This looks semi good. This looks eh. So I thought maybe you’d like to look at these.’ He’s going to be much more interested in that than just [hearing you’re] emotional.”
• Encouraging a proactive approach while maintaining marital harmony.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [04:33] Dr. Laura: "That particular scenario can happen anywhere at any time. It happened to me once in New York City."
• [09:46] Dr. Laura: “Men do better with concrete information.”
• [10:44] Dr. Laura: “Men often tend to think we get overly emotional. So don't assume bad things about him.”
• [11:34] Dr. Laura: “The world is no longer in a safe place…When I grew up, this was not an issue. We didn't even lock doors.”
• [12:06] Dr. Laura: “The perfect area, gated community, better. You can't afford that, then that's not an option.”
• [12:23] Dr. Laura: “Don’t blame him. There’s nothing he can magically make happen. You need to go do the research.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:25 – Sarah introduces her situation; financial stability vs. neighborhood safety
• 04:16 – Sarah’s personal safety scare
• 04:33 – Dr. Laura: Danger is everywhere; asks for crime context
• 08:27 – Sarah’s description of her neighborhood circumstances
• 09:01 – Dr. Laura: Action plan (“get on your bicycle”)
• 09:41/09:46 – Why men respond better to specifics and practical advice
• 10:30 – Sarah: Expressing resentment, desire for validation
• 10:44 – Dr. Laura: Don’t attribute bad motives; communicate concretely
• 11:13 – Timing children vs. moving
• 11:34 – Dr. Laura: Reality of neighborhood safety, proactive security
• 12:23 – Marital communication; presenting research, not emotion

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Summary

Dr. Laura’s pragmatic counsel in this episode is clear: address fears about neighborhood safety through actionable research, not emotional demands. She stresses the importance of understanding male communication preferences—concrete, practical proposals—and discourages blame or resentment in the marriage. Dr. Laura reminds listeners that no area is completely safe, advocating for realistic solutions like home security. The overall message is one of empowerment through preparation and respectful partnership.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Sarah]

Thank you Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for having me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You are very welcome. What's up?

[Sarah]

Yes, I am calling in to get some advice on a decision that my husband and I have to make that has been holding us back for years because we both have different sides. I am okay.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How old are you Both. How long have you been married?

[Sarah]

Yes, we are both 33 years old and we've been married for 10 years. No.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Wow, that's a long time. Any kid? Let's.

[Sarah]

Unfortunately two miscarriages, but no, no kids yet.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Sorry about that.

[Sarah]

Thank you.

But yes, I before we got married, we both agreed. I expressed my desire to be a stay at home mom and we both agreed. And now we're kind of getting to that point where we want to ensure that we'll be able to do that. And when we bought our first home, we bought it on one one income.

And it was good at that time because we were young and now that we're a little bit older.

Our decision that we need to make is are we going to stay in the home that we know we financially where we feel financially stable and that we both feel comfortable with the finances on one income that we're both working that I would eventually stop working for the time being right. To raise kids.

However, the home location is not ideal for me personally. It's not like in the nicest part of town. I do have concerns with crime and have just had my own personal experience. While walking the dog, there was like a box truck that drove by to the point that the mailman who was walking around, he was former military, came up to me and was like, hey, I don't like the situation, you know, you should go home. And so that kind of just always put it in me. That area, it didn't feel safe.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And I feel that particular scenario can happen anywhere at any time. It happened to me once in New York City. Of course, in New York City, near the hospital in which I was going to school. So that can happen anywhere because those are mobile things. But on a daily basis. Is this a high crime area?

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[Sarah]

It's hard for me to answer that because I feel there are ways where it's not, but there also technically is crime. There was crime on the corner, like there was like a gang related murder on the corner. However, I do feel like that was kind of like a one off situation. We live in like a very city like suburb, so there's just more people and it's very, just busy.

But I would like to move to an area essentially within the same city. But just.

That would feel a little bit safer.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I'll tell you what, get on your bicycle and go find a bunch of those areas. Do your research. Don't bother your husband with it yet. Do your research for what the houses cost, what the maintenance is, what the neighborhood is like. Do your research. And when you find one or two that solve the problem of stability with finances and lower in crime, safer areas then presented to them. When we have discussions with men about this is what I want.

Men do better with concrete information.

So take a few months, do the research, drive around, talk to some real estate agents, more than one. Find out where the best areas are for the finances you guys will be able to afford on one income. Do the work, then present it to them. It'll be a whole different interaction.

[Sarah]

I wish I would have called you many years ago because you would, because this issue is, believe it or not, almost wearing us.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that'll teach you not to call me.

[Sarah]

Because it's just added a lot of stress of how do we move forward.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, don't bring it up anymore. Be adorable, be his girlfriend and behind the scenes, do the research.

[Sarah]

Okay. And I guess my follow up to my mental question for my own mentality is sometimes I get a little resentful. Like wouldn't he want me to feel safe? Wouldn't he want to work with me on this?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Or men, men often tend to think we get overly emotional.

So don't assume bad things about him. He's a guy, you give him nothing concrete.

[Sarah]

Okay? And then until then, I mean, I.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Want to live somewhere that's perfect. What the hell is he supposed to do with that.

[Sarah]

Right?

Do we wait to have kids until we move or.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, I don't know how unsafe your area is. I lived in a safe area and my house was robbed many, many, many years ago. Shit happens. There are now gangs coming from all over South America and Central America.

Orchestrated gangs that are here for a certain thing in certain areas, in certain rich areas, they go for jewelry and this, that and the other thing. So the world is no longer in a safe place. That's why you need to make sure you have alarm systems and as far as I'm concerned, know how to use a handgun. The world's different now. When I grew up, this was not an issue. We didn't even lock doors.

So the perfect area, gated community, better. You can't afford that. Then that's not an option.

[Sarah]

Yeah.

I mean, I definitely. Yeah, I could see.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Don't blame him. There's nothing he can magically make happen. You need to go do the research. And then you say to him, sweetie, you were right and I was just arguing with you. So I did this research. This looks great. This looks semi good. This looks eh. So I thought maybe you'd like to look at these. He's going to be much more interested in that than just emotional. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I mean, I've got Simplisafe working here for my office studio and a great product. It's a good sponsor of this program. Just go on my website and look up sponsor page and check out SimpliSafe. We don't have gun companies, but you can look up SimpleLife.

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