I Feel Alone and Disconnected

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I Feel Alone and Disconnected
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 30, 2025
Guest Caller: Mary

---

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on a heartfelt call from Mary, a 60-year-old woman struggling with chronic loneliness and a sense of disconnection after her divorce. Seeking guidance, Mary describes her attempts to overcome feelings of isolation and her anxiety around forming meaningful relationships. Dr. Laura, with her trademark directness and warmth, offers practical, no-nonsense advice on confronting these challenges, emphasizing personal responsibility and the importance of taking action despite discomfort.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Roots of Loneliness

• Mary shares her struggle:

  • Mary calls in to discuss her ongoing battle with loneliness, "I feel very lonely and [have] been fighting loneliness or trying to overcome being alone, being comfortable with being alone." (01:16)
  • She acknowledges that her own life choices, such as divorce, contributed to her current situation: "The choices I've made have brought me here. Yes. Divorce." (01:42)

• Dr. Laura’s perspective:

  • Dr. Laura challenges the notion of involuntary loneliness: "Being alone is kind of voluntary, don't you think?" (01:36)
  • She emphasizes that even simple interactions, like attending a farmer’s market and talking to strangers, can counter feelings of isolation.

2. Introversion and Self-Reflection

• Mary’s self-assessment:

  • Mary describes herself as an introvert and questions whether that's part of the problem: "I have always, like, leaned on, oh, I'm an introvert." (02:35)
  • She admits her 'listening' skills may not be as genuine as she thought, revealing a deeper self-awareness: "Maybe my head's having its own conversation and thinking about, like, what am I going to say next?...maybe it's almost selfishness in a way." (03:21)

• Dr. Laura reframes introversion:

  • Dr. Laura challenges common misconceptions:

    “Listeners accumulate friends because people love to be listened to. I don’t think introverts listen. They’re quiet. But that’s not the same thing as listening.” (03:06)

3. Age Is Not an Excuse

• Mary’s concern:

  • She feels, at her age, it may be “ridiculous” to work on these issues.

• Dr. Laura counters:

  • “I’m 78. Don’t give me nonsense about 60. Okay, don’t do it. You’re in the wrong place to pull the age card.” (03:47)
  • Dr. Laura stresses that personal growth doesn’t have an age limit.

4. Actionable Advice: Activity-Based Connection

• Encouragement to get moving:

  • Dr. Laura pushes Mary toward concrete actions for community and connection:

    “You need to pick up a sport. Can be walking. Walking. There are walking clubs…Pickleball…bicycle riding…sign up for a hike, an easy one. There are things you’re going to have to sign up for, and that’s the beginning because you’ll be doing something the same as everybody else.” (07:00–07:47)

  • The focus is on shared activities as a natural, pressure-free way to build new relationships and shared experiences.

5. Managing Anxiety About New Experiences

• Mary’s hesitation:

  • She expresses anxiety about joining groups in unfamiliar settings and feeling nervous.

• Dr. Laura normalizes anxiety and reframes it:

  • Dr. Laura relates her own early-career anxiety:

    “First year I was on radio… I threw up once a week before I went on the air. We call that anxiety. Did I go on the next week? Yes.” (08:13)

  • She differentiates between anxiety as “a red light” (which stops you) versus a “yellow flashing light” (which warns, but doesn’t halt you):

    “For you, the anxiety is a red light. For me, the anxiety was a yellow flashing light… if I let it be a red light, I don’t know who you’d be talking to today right now, but it wouldn’t be me.” (08:40)

6. Practical Motivation & Ongoing Support

• Dr. Laura encourages persistence and follow-up:
  • “Call me back. I’d like, as you progress, up, down, sideways, call me back. If you have some trouble with it, call me back. You have success with it, call me back.” (09:34)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-awareness and connection:

  “While I’m listening, maybe my head’s having its own conversation… maybe it’s almost selfishness in a way.” — Mary (03:21)

• On the illusion of introverts as good listeners:

  “Listeners accumulate friends… I don’t think introverts listen. They’re quiet. But that’s not the same thing as listening.” — Dr. Laura (03:06)

• On age and pursuing connection:

  “Don’t give me nonsense about 60… You’re in the wrong place to pull the age card.” — Dr. Laura (03:47)

• On pushing past fear:

  “The difference between you and me is for you, the anxiety is a red light. For me, the anxiety was a yellow flashing light.” — Dr. Laura (08:40)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:13] – Mary describes her loneliness and the root causes
• [02:01] – Discussion on connection vs. just being around people
• [02:35] – Self-reflection: “Leaning on being an introvert”
• [03:06] – Dr. Laura’s myth-busting on introversion and listening
• [03:47] – Dr. Laura’s perspective on age and change
• [07:00–07:47] – Concrete suggestions: walking clubs, hike signups, shared activities
• [08:13] – Dr. Laura’s personal anecdote about overcoming anxiety
• [08:40] – The “red light/yellow light” analogy on courage
• [09:34] – Invitation to follow up for ongoing support

---

Tone & Takeaways

Throughout the conversation, Dr. Laura employs her signature blend of direct advice, empathy, and tough love. She refuses to let Mary settle for self-imposed limitations based on age or identity labels. The focus is on actionable steps (“get your butt up that hill”), reframing anxiety as a normal part of life’s challenges, and committing to small, consistent actions in the face of discomfort.

For listeners: The episode is a reminder that loneliness is not destiny, that excuses (age, introversion, anxiety) can be challenged, and that meaningful connection always requires intentional effort—no matter your stage of life.

---

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

The future of Downton Abbey is now in Mary's hands.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It's the grand finale we've been waiting for. See it on the biggest screen possible.

[Dr. Laura]

It will be a sensation with scandalous.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Twists and shocking revelations.

[Dr. Laura]

Should wives have secrets from their husbands?

[Caller Mary]

Definitely. But not the other way around.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The best is yet to come.

[Dr. Laura]

So off we go for our next adventure.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I like the sound of that. Downton Abbey, the grand finale. Gritty PG. Parental guidance suggested only in theaters September 12th. Get tickets now.

[Alzheimer's Association Announcer]

In the fight against Alzheimer's, now matters more than ever. Because now we have treatments. Treatments that could change everything. But now is no time to stop. Now we've got momentum, so now we use it. Now we seize the moment. Now we turn the tide. Now we make a difference and make some noise. Now is the time to get up, get out and join the movement at the Alzheimer's Association Walk to End Alzheimer's, held in over 600 communities nationwide. And we need you with us because now is the time for hope. Join the [e-mail] walk.

[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Mary. Welcome to the program.

[Caller Mary]

Hi, Dr. Lara.

[Dr. Laura]

Hi.

[Caller Mary]

Taking my call. Hi. So I've just. I'm calling because I realized that I. I feel very lonely and been fighting loneliness or trying to overcome being alone, being comfortable with being alone.

[Dr. Laura]

But why are you alone?

[Caller Mary]

I'm really.

[Dr. Laura]

Being alone is kind of voluntary, don't you think?

[Caller Mary]

Well, the circuit. The choices I've made have brought me here. Yes. Divorce.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't know what you mean. If I go to a. If I go to an outdoor event where they sell vegetables and I talk to people, I'm not feeling alone when I'm doing that.

[Caller Mary]

Yeah. And I agree, like, I find that I'll go places where there's people and that feels comfortable, but I don't feel like I'm connecting and making friends in, like, relationships where I could call someone and. And spend time.

[Dr. Laura]

You're 60 years old. You have not worked on showing people interest in them. What have you been showing interest in for 60 years?

[Caller Mary]

That's a good question. I don't know. I guess I shouldn't say I don't know. I. I think that I have always, like, leaned on, oh, I'm an introvert. And then I. I think that was an introvert.

[Dr. Laura]

What's an introvert? What is that?

[Caller Mary]

Some. Someone who is a good listener but not really great at.

[Dr. Laura]

Listeners accumulate friends because people love to be listened to. I don't think introverts listen. They're quiet. But that's not the same thing as listening.

[Caller Mary]

You're right. You know what? You're right. I think maybe that that's part of it. While I'm listening, maybe my head's having its own conversation and thinking about, like, what am I going to say next? Or. And I don't. I. And I. I think maybe it's almost selfishness in a way. So I'm just. I think I'm realizing all that and I just don't know. At this age, it's ridiculous.

[Dr. Laura]

Take up oh, I'm 78. Don't give me nonsense about 60. Okay, don't do it. You're in the wrong place to pull the age card.

[Commercial Announcer]

It's the Labor Day sale at Birch.

[Dr. Laura]

Lane, happening August 23rd through September 2nd.

[Commercial Announcer]

Save up to 60% off on classic furniture and decor. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop the sale at birchlane.com, a Wayfair.

[Dr. Laura]

Specialty brand Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies and thanks to Walmart Pharmacy. You can count on them for your prescription needs, too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy Delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear Laundry Detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free. Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is all free clear. Don't get burned by your wireless bill. Get three months of unlimited service from Mint Mobile for just $15 a month. While your friends are sweating their data, overages and surprise charges, you can chill with extra money for your barbecues and beach vacations. All plans include high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone. Keep your old number and all your existing contacts. This year, skip breaking a sweat and breaking the bank. Get this new customer offer and your three month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com DrLora that's mintmobile.com DrLora upfront payment of $45 is required, equivalent to $15 a month limited time. New customer offer for the first three months only. Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox is now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney. In 2007, Amanda Knox was halfway around the world studying abroad in Italy. She had no idea her dream would turn into a nightmare. Inspired by the actual events of her wrongful conviction and 15 year fight for freedom. Watch the Hulu original series the Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so you need to pick up a sport.

[Caller Mary]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Can be walking. Walking. There are walking clubs. And every time I see one go by, women are. And you have something to talk about. The sneakers, the clothes you're wearing, how hot it is, who has kids, who's a pain in the neck. You could play pickleball. You could pick it up. You could take bicycle riding. You could go to one of the REI kind of stores where they sell hiking and all that and sign up for a hike, an easy one. I mean, there are things you're going to have to sign up for, and that's the beginning because you'll be doing something the same as everybody else.

[Caller Mary]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

I mean, you've got to get your butt up that hill just like everybody else does. So you're having the same experience. That's very powerful.

[Caller Mary]

Okay. Okay. All right. I mean, that sounds. I'm. Because I've like looked at meetups online and I just get really anxious about going into. But doing something through that sounds a little more like something I could do right now.

[Dr. Laura]

Let me say something for what you just said. First year I was on radio, I was on once a week and I threw up once a week before I went on the air. We call that anxiety. Did I go on the next week? Yes. So the difference between you and me is for you, the anxiety is a red light. For me, the anxiety was a yellow flashing light. And if I let it be a red light, I don't know who you'd be talking to today right now, but it wouldn't be me.

[Caller Mary]

That makes me.

[Dr. Laura]

That's what I'm saying. So what? I threw up. You stay very thin. That was not healthy. I was glad when it stopped. I would eat a nice lunch and then Go to the radio station. Throw up. I'm so scared.

[Caller Mary]

Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

[Dr. Laura]

Yellow flashing light. Come on. Yeah. When you get nervous and you think of not showing up, remember throwing. At least you're not throwing up.

[Caller Mary]

Right.

[Dr. Laura]

Think of it that way.

[Caller Mary]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

She was throwing up. I'm not. I'm gonna go right. Okay.

[Caller Mary]

Yes. Yes, that's helpful. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. Call me back. I'd like, as you progress, up, down, sideways, call me back. If you have some trouble with it, call me back. You have success with it, call me back. Okay.

[Caller Mary]

Okay. Well, thank you. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com, click on sponsors to take advantage of the special Discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

[Commercial Announcer]

We're interrupting this podcast to ask you a very important question. Have you had your Hershey's? When you need to brighten up your day, put a smile on your face with the classic creamy texture and pure milk chocolate flavor of Hershey's milk chocolate. Whether you're eating it on the go, breaking off a few pieces for s' mores night, or just treating yourself to something sweet, Hershey's milk Chocolate checks all the boxes. Shop for Hershey's milk Chocolate now at a store near you found. Wherever candy is sold.