I Feel Taken Advantage Of

Summary

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The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Feel Taken Advantage Of
Air Date: December 21, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Guest Caller: Irene

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Laura helps a caller named Irene who feels manipulated and taken advantage of by someone she reluctantly calls a friend. The discussion centers on the challenges of setting boundaries, the difficulty of saying no, and the importance of self-respect in friendships and life. Dr. Laura provides actionable advice and scripts to empower Irene, while also addressing listeners who might relate to the fear of confrontation and the tendency to avoid uncomfortable—but necessary—interactions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Background of the Issue (02:27 – 03:35)

• Irene’s Situation: Irene describes feeling used by a woman she reluctantly befriended. This “friend” habitually involves Irene in her disputes with others, especially when purchases or money are involved.
• Irene outlines specific manipulative behaviors, such as asking Irene to mediate financial transactions and repeatedly delaying reimbursement.
  • “She would call me and say, ‘They don't want to deal with me… Can you please call them and ask them how much it is for me? Then I'll give you the money and you pay for it.’” – Irene [03:35]
  • Delays in payment frequently occur, e.g., “Don't cash my check for 30 days.” This cycle repeats, much to Irene’s frustration.

Dr. Laura's Immediate Advice (04:49 – 05:08)

• Dr. Laura quickly identifies the crux: Irene struggles to say no and set healthy boundaries.
  • “It’s a very simple word. It's ‘no.’ Would you do this for me? No. No?” – Dr. Laura [04:49]
• She emphasizes the power of straightforward refusal and encourages directness over elaborate justifications or apologies.

Practical Communication Script (07:21 – 08:30)

1. Dr. Laura walks Irene through a direct, three-part script to communicate her boundaries:
   • "No."
   • "I don’t want to be in the middle."
   • "You often do not pay me back in a timely way."
   • “It's very simple. It's called the truth. No, I don't want to be in the middle and often you don't pay me back in a timely way.” – Dr. Laura [07:21]
   • “Okay, now say all those three by yourself. Go ahead.” – Dr. Laura [08:17]
   • Irene repeats: “No, I don't want to be in the middle, and often you don't pay me in a timely way.” – Irene [08:21]
2. Dr. Laura insists on precise wording, guiding Irene to remove any apology or softening from her message.

On Confronting Fear of Conflict (09:20 – 10:13)

• Dr. Laura addresses a common rationale for avoiding difficult conversations: "I don’t like confrontation."
  • “Who does? You only do the things in life you absolutely adore? I don’t think so. I don’t know anybody who adores homework, cleaning toilets… you do the things we have to do.” – Dr. Laura [09:20]
• She challenges the idea of "trying" not to be a wimp:
  • “We don't try not to be a wimp. We decide not to be a wimp.” – Dr. Laura [09:05]
  • Irene affirms: “I will decide I am not gonna be a wimp.” – Irene [09:10-09:13]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Laura’s Directness:
  “It’s a very simple word. It's ‘no.’” – Dr. Laura [04:49]
• Empowering Irene:
  “We don't try not to be a wimp. We decide not to be a wimp.” – Dr. Laura [09:05]
• Truthful Boundary Setting:
  “It's very simple. It's called the truth. No, I don't want to be in the middle and often you don't pay me back in a timely way.” – Dr. Laura [07:21]
• Humorous Hope:
  “The good benefit of this is maybe she won’t talk to you anymore. Ever.” – Dr. Laura [08:35]
  • Irene laughs and agrees: “That would be the best scenario I could hope for.” [08:43]
• Encouraging Listeners:
  “How can I take away your wimpy behaviors? Just a thought.” – Dr. Laura [09:20]

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Key Timestamps

• 02:27: Irene introduces her problem with a manipulative friend.
• 03:35: Irene provides specific examples of being asked to mediate and loan money.
• 04:49: Dr. Laura asserts the need to say “no.”
• 07:21: Dr. Laura teaches a direct script to set boundaries.
• 08:21: Irene repeats and commits to using the script.
• 09:05: Dr. Laura reframes “trying” versus “deciding” to be assertive.
• 09:20: Broader advice to listeners about confronting conflicts.

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Summary & Takeaways

• Main Lesson: Setting boundaries is crucial for self-respect and healthy relationships. Saying "no" directly, without over-explaining or apologizing, is both powerful and necessary.
• Dr. Laura’s Prescription: Practice direct communication; decide—not just try—to stand up for yourself.
• Listener Challenge: Dr. Laura encourages everyone to confront situations they might avoid and to approach such challenges with decisiveness and honesty.

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This episode is a practical, relatable guide for anyone struggling to say no or needing encouragement to set firm, honest boundaries in their personal relationships.

Transcript

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[Irene]

Hello Dr. Laura hello. I'm a longtime listener, but somehow I still find myself wimping out some issues that I need to deal with.

[Dr. Laura]

And well you did not wimp out today. So let's go.

[Irene]

I'm trying. I'm trying. I have a friend who. I mean, I say friend, but not a close friend. This person pursued me for a long time. My warning bells were ringing, but somehow I let her get it. I let her come into the door. And we've had this exchange of sort of a friendship. And now I feel myself being manipulated and used.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, tell me exactly, not and not. And tell me exactly what she's doing that you consider being used and manipulated. So tell me exactly what she's doing.

[Irene]

An example. An example would be she would get into fights with some people, and this has usually something to do with a purchase. And these are people that I know as well. So she would call me and Tommy would. They don't want to deal with me. And I know exactly why they don't want to deal with her. Can you please call them and ask them how much it is for me? Then I'll give you the money and you pay for it and you buy it. And I fell for this so many times to the point where when she pays me for it, it's always with a caveat of, oh, don't cash my check for another 30 days. 30 days comes, oh, don't cash my check for another 30 days. I'm sorry. I'm laughing because I know that I've allowed this to happen, but I don't have the words to cut it off. I don't know how to say it to her where I don't want to be a wimp and I just don't want to be friends with you anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, Irene, it's a very simple word. It's no. Would you do this for me? No. No?

[Irene]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Why?

[Irene]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

I don't want to be in the middle. And you often end up listen without talking.

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[Dr. Laura]

It's very simple. It's called the truth. No, I don't want to be in the middle and often you don't pay me back in a timely way. Let me repeat those with me first one.

[Irene]

No, no, I don't want it to do this.

[Dr. Laura]

No, I didn't say that. Listen carefully and do exactly as I say. Don't make it up. You had your opportunity to make it up and you never did it. So go with what I'm saying. Okay. Okay, start out. There are three sentences. First one is no.

[Irene]

No, I don't.

[Dr. Laura]

Want to be in the middle.

[Irene]

I don't want to be in the.

[Dr. Laura]

Middle and you often do not pay me back in a timely way.

[Irene]

And often you don't pay me back in a timely way.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, now say all those three by yourself. Go ahead.

[Irene]

No, I don't want to be in the middle and often you don't pay me in a timely way.

[Dr. Laura]

That's it.

[Irene]

Okay, I wrote it down.

[Dr. Laura]

The good benefit of this is maybe she won't talk to you anymore. Ever.

[Irene]

That would be the best scenario I could hope for.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Irene]

Okay. Thank you, Dr. Laura. It was very simple for you, but it was very hard for me. I wrote it down and I will do it. And I promise I will try not to be a wimp anymore.

[Dr. Laura]

We don't try not to be a wimp. We decide not to be a wimp.

[Irene]

I will decide I am not gonna be a wimp.

[Dr. Laura]

There you go. Proud of you. Very good.

[Irene]

Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You're very welcome. Listen, are you wimpy about handling situations like that? Because I love this one. I don't like a confrontation. Who does? Who does? You only do the things in life you absolutely adore. I don't think so. I don't know anybody who adores homework, cleaning toilets. You know, you do the things we have to do. How can I take away your wimpy behaviors? Just a thought. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or or your preferred social media platform.

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