Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day
Episode: I Have a Fear of Commitment
Date: September 22, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Steve
Episode Overview
In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a caller named Steve, who reaches out expressing a "fear of commitment." The conversation explores the nature of commitment, the true source of Steve’s anxieties, and Dr. Laura’s signature, direct approach to accountability and self-awareness. Throughout, Dr. Laura challenges Steve's assumptions and language, urging him to reconsider his avoidance of relationships and long-term commitments, framing the issue as one of agency and effort rather than genuine fear.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Defining "Fear of Commitment"
- Steve’s Introduction (01:19): Steve calls in claiming he has a fear of commitment and wonders if that accurately describes his feelings.
- Dr. Laura Demands Clarity (01:30 – 02:21): Dr. Laura prompts Steve to define "fear of commitment," pressing him to move beyond vague explanations like “fear of foreverness.”
- Quote: “What exactly is a fear of commitment? Tell me what that is.” — Dr. Laura (01:30)
- Steve Attempts to Explain: He describes it as feeling trapped in something "forever," whether a relationship or a job.
- Dr. Laura Challenges the Term ‘Fear’ (02:40 – 03:51): She argues that most people view long-term commitments as security, not as something to fear, and suggests that fear usually comes from anticipated harm.
2. Real Source of Anxiety
- Steve’s Worries (03:51): He expresses apprehension about things going wrong, such as job loss, failed relationships, or being stuck in a bad situation.
- Dr. Laura Empowers Choice (04:11 – 05:13): Dr. Laura refutes the fatalistic view, emphasizing personal power in relationship outcomes.
- Quote: “You have power in your choice. If you choose well, if you treat the woman right…the statistical probability that it’s going to go south is quite diminished.” — Dr. Laura (04:11)
- Losses from Avoidance: Dr. Laura points out that by not committing, Steve has already experienced many losses due to transience and indecision.
3. Personal Responsibility in Relationships
- Dr. Laura’s Central Point (05:06 – 05:13): She reiterates that Steve has control over his choices and outcomes, challenging any sense of helplessness.
- Steve’s Past Relationship (07:57 – 08:15): Steve claims he attempted a committed relationship, but his partner had borderline personality disorder.
- Dr. Laura’s Doctrine of Accountability (08:19 – 09:31): She bluntly tells Steve he failed to “choose wisely,” arguing that even if the label wasn’t known, the woman’s instability was likely apparent.
- Quote: “If you choose somebody with some profound psychiatric problems, yeah, it’s probably not going to go well. That gets a big duh.” — Dr. Laura (08:37)
- Quote: “If somebody’s behaving in a difficult way, you don’t marry them.” — Dr. Laura (09:16)
4. Root Cause: Laziness, Not Fear
- Dr. Laura’s Confrontation (09:35 – 10:13): She suggests the real issue is laziness—a reluctance to do the hard work necessary for successful relationships, rather than genuine fear.
- Quote: “You’re lazy. You don’t want to work hard for something.” — Dr. Laura (09:35)
- Steve defends himself, claiming he works hard in his job.
- Dr. Laura doubles down: “I think you’re lazy about relationships.” (10:04)
5. Lessons & Final Thoughts
- Steve Reflects (10:35 – 10:45): He says he’s learned not to engage in unhealthy relationships.
- Dr. Laura Calls This ‘Lazy’ Too (10:49 – 11:59): She pushes back, arguing that simply avoiding relationships after hurt isn’t growth—it’s avoidance and self-pity.
- Quote: “That’s you being lazy. ‘Oh, poor me. I made a bad choice...so I’m not going to make a good choice and have a better life, I’m just going to feel bad for myself.’” — Dr. Laura (10:49)
- She warns Steve that such a path leads to dying “with nobody caring.”
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- Dr. Laura (Directness):
- “I don’t tolerate the word fear. Somehow you got past your fear at work—90 hours. I don’t even think you should be doing that.” (11:33)
- Dr. Laura (Summing Up):
- “What I’ve learned about life is that life will hurt me. So I don’t do life—craziness. Don’t do that.” (11:57)
Key Timestamps
- 01:11: Steve introduces his “fear of commitment”
- 01:30 – 03:51: Dr. Laura rigorously pushes Steve to define the true nature of his ‘fear’
- 04:11 – 05:13: Dr. Laura explains personal power in relationships and consequences of poor choices
- 07:57 – 09:31: Discussion about Steve’s experience with a partner with borderline personality disorder
- 09:35 – 11:59: Dr. Laura pins the issue on laziness and avoidance, not fear
Final Tone & Advice
Dr. Laura maintains her classic, no-excuses tone, blending tough love with a fundamental belief in personal responsibility. She refuses to let Steve use "fear" to mask what she sees as laziness or emotional avoidance, emphasizing that meaningful relationships require discernment and work—not withdrawal after one bad experience.
For listeners: The takeaway is to self-reflect honestly about what holds you back from commitment. Is it truly fear, or a reluctance to do the hard—and rewarding—work that long-term relationships require? Dr. Laura’s advice: Take charge, choose wisely, and don’t let past pain justify a future of isolation.
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