The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Haven't Been a Good Mom

Release Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Amy

Episode Overview

This episode centers around Amy, a mother who reflects on her life’s decisions, particularly concerning her parenting and personal choices. Amy opens up about her regrets, especially regarding how her actions—multiple marriages, struggles with alcoholism, and decisions about her children’s upbringing—have affected her relationships with her kids. She seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on how to become a better person and potentially heal familial fractures.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amy’s Story: A Chronology of Regret and Reflection

Early Motherhood and Marriages
- Amy had her first child at 17, married young, and quickly divorced her first husband due to his severe drug addiction ([01:47]).
- She married a second time to provide her son with a strong father figure, not for romantic reasons.
- Amy and her second husband had three children; one daughter is developmentally disabled with cerebral palsy.
Major Life Decisions & Consequences
- Amy describes her decision to leave her second husband as selfish and regrets sending her disabled daughter to a facility ([01:47-07:40]).
- She admits this decision led to a broken family dynamic for her younger children, something she promised herself she would avoid.
- She acknowledges turning to alcohol to cope with guilt, stating:
  
  “I’ve gone the rest of my time becoming an alcoholic because I couldn’t handle the horrible decisions that I made…” – Amy ([01:47])
Subsequent Relationships & Estrangement
- Amy briefly addresses a third whirlwind marriage to another alcoholic, which ended quickly due to violence ([07:40]).
- She notes that her youngest child has not spoken to her in six years, and after divorcing her second husband, her parents also cut off contact with her for seven years.
Self-Reflection & the Search for Redemption
- Amy has attended church and therapy in recent years, doing what she describes as “trying to fix myself” ([09:50]).
- She struggles with guilt, worrying she “was not a good mom,” and desperately wants to make things right with her children.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Directness and Reality

Hard Truths About Repairing Relationships
- Dr. Laura tells Amy that sometimes the damage—especially during formative years—is irreversible:
  
  “You may not be able to heal any of these relationships. It's quite possible they're done deals because at the most formative time in their lives, there was just chaos.”
  — Dr. Laura ([11:45])
- She emphasizes that there’s no magic activity or gesture Amy can perform to prove she's changed.
Prioritizing Personal Growth Over Performative Change
- Dr. Laura urges Amy to work on herself—not to win back her children or their approval, but to become “a better person inside your own skin” ([12:50]).
- Notable advice:
  
  “Don’t do anything for their sake. Do it to be a better person... From this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
  — Dr. Laura ([12:50])
Acceptance and Moving Forward
- Dr. Laura encourages Amy to lead her best life from this point forward, regardless of whether her children ever reinitiate contact.
- She recognizes Amy’s current efforts, reassuring her:
  
  “And you only deserve something if you worked hard for it. And I hear that you're working hard for it now. So now you deserve the happiness.”
  — Dr. Laura ([13:38])

Memorable Quotes & Moments

Caller’s Emotional Confession

“I look back on my life and I thought I was such a good mom...But now that I’m clearheaded, I look back and I think...I was not a good mom. I did not put them first.”
— Amy ([07:40])
Dr. Laura’s Direct Realism

“None of it is fixable. But from this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
— Dr. Laura ([12:50])

Notable Timestamps

01:29 – Amy introduces herself and begins her story
05:07 – Dr. Laura interjects about Amy’s four marriages
07:40 – Amy details her third marriage and deeper regrets
09:03 – Amy discusses estrangement from parents and children
11:18 – Dr. Laura questions Amy’s goals for the call
11:45 – Dr. Laura delivers core advice about family rupture
12:50 – Dr. Laura clarifies why Amy should change and how to move forward
13:38 – Encouragement on deserving happiness

Tone & Style

Dr. Laura remains characteristically direct and unsentimental, offering tough love and practical advice, while Amy is emotional, remorseful, and searching for both understanding and actionable steps.

Summary

This emotionally charged episode highlights the profound long-term impact of a parent’s decisions and the reality that not all bonds can be repaired. Dr. Laura advises focusing on living well and authentically in the present, rather than chasing the validation or forgiveness of estranged loved ones. The message, delivered with empathy but clear-eyed realism, is one of self-responsibility, acceptance, and hope for personal growth regardless of external reconciliation.

Transcript

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Dr. Laura Schlessinger (1:00)

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Caller Amy (1:29)

Thank you. Dr. Laura hi. Sorry, what can I help you with right off the bat? Sorry, I wanted to give just a brief background.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger (1:44)

Okay.

Caller Amy (1:47)

I'm 58 years old. I have been divorced three times. My first child, I have four children. My first child I had at 17. Married his father when I was 18, divorced him when he was when I was 20. He became a very heavy drug addict. And I didn't want to raise my son that way. And so I thought, even though I was young, how mature am I to want a better life for my child? Made a decision to marry number two because it was a really wonderful man who stepped in to be a great father for my son. And I decided it didn't matter what the relationship was for me. I just wanted my son to have a dad. And I thought I was doing such a great, noble, wonderful, mature adult thing. I had a daughter with number two who is developmentally disabled and has cerebral palsy. And it was really difficult being young and taking care of her. But again, I thought I did a really great job. I was really on it I was very fortunate to be able to be a stay at home mom and had two more kids with him. And then one day I decided to be an idiot and I wanted to have a life my own. And so I divorced him and sent my daughter to a facility to be taken care of by other people and in essence did to my two younger children what I promised not to do for my older son. And that was break up a family and not have someone, not have us all together. I've gone the rest of my time becoming an alcoholic because I couldn't handle the horrible decisions that I made and in essence did not give my two younger children the life that I pictured in my head that I deserved. That's what I kept telling myself, that I deserved to be happy. And all my kids are adults now and my two younger kids, my my number three kid went a few years not speaking to me.