I Haven't Been a Good Mom

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Haven't Been a Good Mom

Release Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Amy

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around Amy, a mother who reflects on her life’s decisions, particularly concerning her parenting and personal choices. Amy opens up about her regrets, especially regarding how her actions—multiple marriages, struggles with alcoholism, and decisions about her children’s upbringing—have affected her relationships with her kids. She seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on how to become a better person and potentially heal familial fractures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amy’s Story: A Chronology of Regret and Reflection

• Early Motherhood and Marriages

  • Amy had her first child at 17, married young, and quickly divorced her first husband due to his severe drug addiction ([01:47]).
  • She married a second time to provide her son with a strong father figure, not for romantic reasons.
  • Amy and her second husband had three children; one daughter is developmentally disabled with cerebral palsy.

• Major Life Decisions & Consequences

  • Amy describes her decision to leave her second husband as selfish and regrets sending her disabled daughter to a facility ([01:47-07:40]).
  • She admits this decision led to a broken family dynamic for her younger children, something she promised herself she would avoid.
  • She acknowledges turning to alcohol to cope with guilt, stating:

    “I’ve gone the rest of my time becoming an alcoholic because I couldn’t handle the horrible decisions that I made…” – Amy ([01:47])

• Subsequent Relationships & Estrangement

  • Amy briefly addresses a third whirlwind marriage to another alcoholic, which ended quickly due to violence ([07:40]).
  • She notes that her youngest child has not spoken to her in six years, and after divorcing her second husband, her parents also cut off contact with her for seven years.

• Self-Reflection & the Search for Redemption

  • Amy has attended church and therapy in recent years, doing what she describes as “trying to fix myself” ([09:50]).
  • She struggles with guilt, worrying she “was not a good mom,” and desperately wants to make things right with her children.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Directness and Reality

• Hard Truths About Repairing Relationships

  • Dr. Laura tells Amy that sometimes the damage—especially during formative years—is irreversible:

    “You may not be able to heal any of these relationships. It's quite possible they're done deals because at the most formative time in their lives, there was just chaos.”
    — Dr. Laura ([11:45])

  • She emphasizes that there’s no magic activity or gesture Amy can perform to prove she's changed.

• Prioritizing Personal Growth Over Performative Change

  • Dr. Laura urges Amy to work on herself—not to win back her children or their approval, but to become “a better person inside your own skin” ([12:50]).
  • Notable advice:

    “Don’t do anything for their sake. Do it to be a better person... From this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
    — Dr. Laura ([12:50])

• Acceptance and Moving Forward

  • Dr. Laura encourages Amy to lead her best life from this point forward, regardless of whether her children ever reinitiate contact.
  • She recognizes Amy’s current efforts, reassuring her:

    “And you only deserve something if you worked hard for it. And I hear that you're working hard for it now. So now you deserve the happiness.”
    — Dr. Laura ([13:38])

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Caller’s Emotional Confession

  “I look back on my life and I thought I was such a good mom...But now that I’m clearheaded, I look back and I think...I was not a good mom. I did not put them first.”
  — Amy ([07:40])

• Dr. Laura’s Direct Realism

  “None of it is fixable. But from this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
  — Dr. Laura ([12:50])

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Notable Timestamps

• 01:29 – Amy introduces herself and begins her story
• 05:07 – Dr. Laura interjects about Amy’s four marriages
• 07:40 – Amy details her third marriage and deeper regrets
• 09:03 – Amy discusses estrangement from parents and children
• 11:18 – Dr. Laura questions Amy’s goals for the call
• 11:45 – Dr. Laura delivers core advice about family rupture
• 12:50 – Dr. Laura clarifies why Amy should change and how to move forward
• 13:38 – Encouragement on deserving happiness

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Tone & Style

Dr. Laura remains characteristically direct and unsentimental, offering tough love and practical advice, while Amy is emotional, remorseful, and searching for both understanding and actionable steps.

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Summary

This emotionally charged episode highlights the profound long-term impact of a parent’s decisions and the reality that not all bonds can be repaired. Dr. Laura advises focusing on living well and authentically in the present, rather than chasing the validation or forgiveness of estranged loved ones. The message, delivered with empathy but clear-eyed realism, is one of self-responsibility, acceptance, and hope for personal growth regardless of external reconciliation.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

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[Caller Amy]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joints, skin, bones and guts. Go to getnativepath.com drlaura for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on Sirius XM Triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Amy welcome to the program.

[Caller Amy]

Thank you. Dr. Laura hi. Sorry, what can I help you with right off the bat? Sorry, I wanted to give just a brief background.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Amy]

I'm 58 years old. I have been divorced three times. My first child, I have four children. My first child I had at 17. Married his father when I was 18, divorced him when he was when I was 20. He became a very heavy drug addict. And I didn't want to raise my son that way. And so I thought, even though I was young, how mature am I to want a better life for my child? Made a decision to marry number two because it was a really wonderful man who stepped in to be a great father for my son. And I decided it didn't matter what the relationship was for me. I just wanted my son to have a dad. And I thought I was doing such a great, noble, wonderful, mature adult thing. I had a daughter with number two who is developmentally disabled and has cerebral palsy. And it was really difficult being young and taking care of her. But again, I thought I did a really great job. I was really on it I was very fortunate to be able to be a stay at home mom and had two more kids with him. And then one day I decided to be an idiot and I wanted to have a life my own. And so I divorced him and sent my daughter to a facility to be taken care of by other people and in essence did to my two younger children what I promised not to do for my older son. And that was break up a family and not have someone, not have us all together. I've gone the rest of my time becoming an alcoholic because I couldn't handle the horrible decisions that I made and in essence did not give my two younger children the life that I pictured in my head that I deserved. That's what I kept telling myself, that I deserved to be happy. And all my kids are adults now and my two younger kids, my my number three kid went a few years not speaking to me.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

We didn't cover all the marriages, did we? You said there were four.

[Caller Amy]

Oh yeah. I had one more in there that was.

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[Caller Amy]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Huh?

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[Caller Amy]

I was single for about 15 years after number two and I figured I know people well enough that I can tell pretty quickly whether this is going to be something I'm is a good or you know. Because I had such a great insight into my life being drunk all the time. So I knew him for six weeks. We got married two weeks after. I'm sorry. Two months after we were married he was in a rehab for alcohol addiction. Unable to hold a job, very violent. So that one ended very quickly. I just am so disappointed in myself. I have such. I. I look back on my life and I thought I was such a good mom. I love my kids so much. But now that I'm clear headed and I can really be objectionable, I look back and I think it was not a good mom. I did not put them first. And my youngest.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Where were your, where were your parents in all of this?

[Caller Amy]

After my divorce from number two. The divorce from number one they were ecstatic about because he was a drug addict. Number two, they did not speak to me for about seven years after my divorce because they felt that that was the wrong decision. My youngest has not spoken to me for the last six years. I have.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So are any of your kids talking to you at this point?

[Caller Amy]

My. My oldest, My oldest one does.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay.

[Caller Amy]

I just. I've gone to church. I, I was raised a certain religion and that's not my religion that I follow today. But I have gone to church the last couple of years and I done some therapy and tried to fix myself. My question to you, actually.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You've been trying to fix yourself.

[Caller Amy]

You said I've been trying to fix myself.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

What does that mean? You mean you still make stupid decisions?

[Caller Amy]

I don't think so anymore. I think.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, well then, then, then I don't know what we're talking about unless you're trying to fix the past.

[Caller Amy]

I'm trying to figure out how to make it better and.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you've already made it better. You're not making stupid decisions and you're owning up to your nonsense. Isn't that better? I mean, what do people do to be better if not take you talking, not listening.

[Caller Amy]

Yes, I, I, I want.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're not listening.

[Caller Amy]

I, I feel like you're not listening. What am I not listening to anything I'm saying?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're just talking over me.

[Caller Amy]

I'm sorry.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So what did you hope I could help you with today?

[Caller Amy]

Two things I would like to know what actual evidence or activities or something concrete that I can try to work on to show my kids that things are different.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Nothing. Nothing. Don't do anything to show anybody something's different. And you may not be able to heal any of these relationships. It's quite possible they're done deals because at the most formative time in their lives, there was just chaos.

[Caller Amy]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And therefore bonds didn't form.

[Caller Amy]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So you're going to have to change because you want to lead a better life for all sorts of reasons. One, because it's better to lead a good life.

[Caller Amy]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

With your activities, friends, work and to be in a better place should any of them contact you. But there's nothing. If anybody tells you do this, present it to them and everything's going to be okay. That's a ball of crap.

[Caller Amy]

Right?

[Fidelity/Fandango/Pillsbury Ad Voice]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So don't do anything for their sake. Do it to be a better person inside your own skin and to not have complaints in 10 years of these 10 years, we can't go back and fix any of that. None of it is fixable. But from this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.

[Caller Amy]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So I'd like you to make the best out of your life from this moment on, whether they come back or not.

[Caller Amy]

I will. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

And you only deserve something if you worked hard for it. And I hear that you're working hard for it now. So now you deserve the happiness. So don't forget that. My number 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura or and instagram.com drlauraprogram.

[Walmart Ad Narrator]

Tis the season of gifting and holes to deck and the who's in Whoville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a who yelled, Walmart's the place to start. And D2 added headphones, phones, TVs and games to their carts. With Walmart, their shopping was done in a flurry. They cried out, who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry. Shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart applied.