The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Haven't Been a Good Mom

Release Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Amy

Episode Overview

This episode centers around Amy, a mother who reflects on her life’s decisions, particularly concerning her parenting and personal choices. Amy opens up about her regrets, especially regarding how her actions—multiple marriages, struggles with alcoholism, and decisions about her children’s upbringing—have affected her relationships with her kids. She seeks Dr. Laura’s guidance on how to become a better person and potentially heal familial fractures.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Amy’s Story: A Chronology of Regret and Reflection

• Early Motherhood and Marriages

  • Amy had her first child at 17, married young, and quickly divorced her first husband due to his severe drug addiction ([01:47]).
  • She married a second time to provide her son with a strong father figure, not for romantic reasons.
  • Amy and her second husband had three children; one daughter is developmentally disabled with cerebral palsy.

• Major Life Decisions & Consequences

  • Amy describes her decision to leave her second husband as selfish and regrets sending her disabled daughter to a facility ([01:47-07:40]).
  • She admits this decision led to a broken family dynamic for her younger children, something she promised herself she would avoid.
  • She acknowledges turning to alcohol to cope with guilt, stating:

    “I’ve gone the rest of my time becoming an alcoholic because I couldn’t handle the horrible decisions that I made…” – Amy ([01:47])

• Subsequent Relationships & Estrangement

  • Amy briefly addresses a third whirlwind marriage to another alcoholic, which ended quickly due to violence ([07:40]).
  • She notes that her youngest child has not spoken to her in six years, and after divorcing her second husband, her parents also cut off contact with her for seven years.

• Self-Reflection & the Search for Redemption

  • Amy has attended church and therapy in recent years, doing what she describes as “trying to fix myself” ([09:50]).
  • She struggles with guilt, worrying she “was not a good mom,” and desperately wants to make things right with her children.

Dr. Laura’s Guidance: Directness and Reality

• Hard Truths About Repairing Relationships

  • Dr. Laura tells Amy that sometimes the damage—especially during formative years—is irreversible:

    “You may not be able to heal any of these relationships. It's quite possible they're done deals because at the most formative time in their lives, there was just chaos.”
    — Dr. Laura ([11:45])

  • She emphasizes that there’s no magic activity or gesture Amy can perform to prove she's changed.

• Prioritizing Personal Growth Over Performative Change

  • Dr. Laura urges Amy to work on herself—not to win back her children or their approval, but to become “a better person inside your own skin” ([12:50]).
  • Notable advice:

    “Don’t do anything for their sake. Do it to be a better person... From this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
    — Dr. Laura ([12:50])

• Acceptance and Moving Forward

  • Dr. Laura encourages Amy to lead her best life from this point forward, regardless of whether her children ever reinitiate contact.
  • She recognizes Amy’s current efforts, reassuring her:

    “And you only deserve something if you worked hard for it. And I hear that you're working hard for it now. So now you deserve the happiness.”
    — Dr. Laura ([13:38])

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Caller’s Emotional Confession

  “I look back on my life and I thought I was such a good mom...But now that I’m clearheaded, I look back and I think...I was not a good mom. I did not put them first.”
  — Amy ([07:40])

• Dr. Laura’s Direct Realism

  “None of it is fixable. But from this point on till the day you die, quality can be much better.”
  — Dr. Laura ([12:50])

Notable Timestamps

• 01:29 – Amy introduces herself and begins her story
• 05:07 – Dr. Laura interjects about Amy’s four marriages
• 07:40 – Amy details her third marriage and deeper regrets
• 09:03 – Amy discusses estrangement from parents and children
• 11:18 – Dr. Laura questions Amy’s goals for the call
• 11:45 – Dr. Laura delivers core advice about family rupture
• 12:50 – Dr. Laura clarifies why Amy should change and how to move forward
• 13:38 – Encouragement on deserving happiness

Tone & Style

Dr. Laura remains characteristically direct and unsentimental, offering tough love and practical advice, while Amy is emotional, remorseful, and searching for both understanding and actionable steps.

Summary

This emotionally charged episode highlights the profound long-term impact of a parent’s decisions and the reality that not all bonds can be repaired. Dr. Laura advises focusing on living well and authentically in the present, rather than chasing the validation or forgiveness of estranged loved ones. The message, delivered with empathy but clear-eyed realism, is one of self-responsibility, acceptance, and hope for personal growth regardless of external reconciliation.