I Live with Terrible Guilt

Summary

Podcast Title: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode: I Live with Terrible Guilt

Release Date: April 20, 2025

Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction to the Caller

At [00:35], Dr. Laura welcomes Vicki to the program. Vicki introduces herself as a 65-year-old woman who has never been married and shares a tumultuous history that has impacted her ability to form healthy, intimate relationships. She recounts a traumatic experience from her youth where she was molested by a teacher in high school and the subsequent complexities she faced in coping with that event.

Vicki’s Story and Struggles

Vicki delves deeper into her past, explaining how she reported the molestation but later confessed to lying about it to the principals. This admission has left her grappling with unresolved guilt and confusion over her actions. Moving forward, she describes her efforts to rebuild her life, including an affair with a married man that lasted several years, ultimately leading her to relocate across the country to escape that relationship. Despite these efforts, Vicki admits that she has never been able to establish meaningful, healthy relationships with men. She expresses a profound sense of hopelessness, stating, “I know at this point, as I’ve heard you speak, that that probably will never happen” ([05:28]).

Dr. Laura’s Initial Response to Guilt

Dr. Laura responds empathetically but firmly, asserting that Vicki's guilt will always be part of her due to its significance in her life. “Sorry. It’ll always be in your mind because you made it an important part of your life when you had a relationship with him while he was married. So you made it a significant part of your life. You’re not going to be able to erase that” ([02:33]). She emphasizes that acknowledging the past is crucial, but dwelling on it can hinder personal growth.

Addressing Self-Punishment and Progress

Vicki shares her ongoing struggle with guilt, feeling she has not only wronged herself but potentially others. Dr. Laura challenges her by stating, “Only good people feel guilt. That’s the oddest damn thing. Crappy people have no guilt” ([06:47]), reinforcing that her remorse signifies her inherent goodness despite past mistakes. She further advises Vicki to recognize her efforts to change, noting, “You stopped it. You moved away to help control yourself, and you have remorse. Time to go on to the next phase of your life” ([07:32]). Dr. Laura draws a parallel to Vicki's experiences as a teacher who did not punish students for making progress, urging her to adopt the same leniency towards herself.

Practical Strategies for Moving Forward

When Vicki inquires if overcoming her guilt is a mental switch, Dr. Laura provides a practical metaphor: “It’s like if I put one thing on the table and I move it over so I can put something else in that spot” ([08:26]). She advises Vicki to consciously shift her focus from past mistakes to present achievements and future possibilities. This involves actively engaging in social activities to become more accessible, as Vicki acknowledges, “So part of this is making myself be accessible socially, which I have not done” ([09:10]). Dr. Laura encourages her to step out of her metaphorical cave, affirming, “You got to stop being in a cave. You’re not evil. Come on” ([09:22]).

Vicki's Reflection and Additional Insights

Vicki contemplates using her personal experiences to help others facing similar situations. However, Dr. Laura dismisses this notion, stating, “No, don’t start that nonsense. No, no” ([10:27]), reiterating the importance of Vicki focusing on improving her own life. She emphasizes, “Just get on and make your life prettier” ([10:30]), steering Vicki back to prioritizing her healing and growth.

Conclusion and Final Encouragement

As the conversation concludes, Vicki expresses gratitude for Dr. Laura's guidance, acknowledging the clarity and motivation it has provided her. She remarks, “Well, thank you. I appreciate that” ([10:43]) and adds, “I can do that” ([10:42]), indicating a newfound sense of empowerment to move forward. Dr. Laura reinforces her support, to which Vicki responds with a heartfelt, “Amen” ([11:10]).

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Vicki: “I know at this point, as I’ve heard you speak, that that probably will never happen.” ([05:28])
• Dr. Laura: “Only good people feel guilt. That’s the oddest damn thing. Crappy people have no guilt.” ([06:47])
• Dr. Laura: “It’s like if I put one thing on the table and I move it over so I can put something else in that spot.” ([08:26])
• Dr. Laura: “You got to stop being in a cave. You’re not evil. Come on.” ([09:22])
• Vicki: “I can do that.” ([10:42])
• Vicki: “Amen.” ([11:10])

Key Takeaways

1. Acknowledgment of Guilt: Dr. Laura emphasizes that feeling guilt is a sign of inherent goodness and accountability, contrasting it with the absence of remorse in less ethical individuals.

2. Acceptance and Letting Go: While recognizing that past events can't be erased, Dr. Laura encourages Vicki to accept her past actions, acknowledge her growth, and shift focus towards building a healthier future.

3. Self-Forgiveness: Drawing parallels from Vicki's professional life, Dr. Laura advises her to treat herself with the same leniency and understanding she afforded her students, fostering self-forgiveness.

4. Active Engagement: Encouraging Vicki to become more socially active, Dr. Laura highlights the importance of stepping out of isolation to form new, healthy relationships.

5. Personal Growth Over External Validation: Dr. Laura discourages using personal trauma as a tool for helping others, urging instead a focus on personal healing and improvement.

6. Empowerment: The conversation concludes with Vicki feeling empowered and capable of making positive changes in her life, underscoring the effectiveness of Dr. Laura's guidance.

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This episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day provides a profound exploration of guilt, personal responsibility, and the journey towards self-forgiveness. Vicki's heartfelt narrative, combined with Dr. Laura's steadfast advice, offers listeners valuable insights into overcoming past regrets and embracing a future filled with personal growth and healthier relationships.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Vicki welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Thank you Laura for the opportunity to talk with you. I appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura]

Welcome. How can I help?

[Caller]

I well, I was listening to your program on Friday and heard an interesting call and it resonated with me. I'm 65 years old. I have never been married. When I was young in high school, I was basically molested by a teacher and I reported it and then later went back and told the principals that I had lied about it. And to this day I don't know why I did that. But then fast forward, went away to college, graduated college, came back to my hometown, reconnected with this individual, had an affair that lasted probably four or five years. He was married and eventually I decided that the best thing for me to do was move. So I moved across country and never talked to him since. But the point is that I've never been able to really establish healthy, intimate relationships with men through my entire life. And I know at this point, as I've heard you speak, that that probably will never happen. But I would like to have some clarity as to, you know, how I can I can truly put this event past me and not have it in my mind and can't do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Sorry. It's always be in your mind because you made it an important part of your life when you had a relationship with him while he was married. So you made it a significant part of your life. You're not going to be able to erase that.

[Caller]

True, true.

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[Caller]

Really?

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[Caller]

I guess. I mean, I've listened to you enough to know that, you know, you just. You just move on. I mean, you just leave the past in the past. You moved on. I guess the other issue for me is I feel horribly guilty for what I did. And you know, I never. I didn't. I didn't actually destroy his family because they never knew, but at the same time, I knew. And you know, living with that is. Has been somewhat challenging. And I was hoping that maybe you might be able to, you know, shed some light and give me your feedback, because it's always for good and valuable and just to share your thoughts with me.

[Dr. Laura]

Only good people feel guilt. That's the oddest damn thing. Crappy people have no guilt. So, frankly, I establish now that you're basically a good person. You did something very wrong, but you took control in a situation that you didn't have control of when you were younger, and now you had power and control, and that was your solution to the first part of the story with him. And then after a while, you realized this is meaningless, and you went out of it. Now, I don't know. You were a teacher. Did you ever punish a kid for progress?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, then, no. Keep that philosophy going. We can't punish you. You're making progress. We can't change the past. But when we see what you've done since then, you stopped it. You moved away to help control yourself, and you have remorse. Time to go on to the next phase of your life. You should not, as you didn't when you were a teacher, you never punished when a student made progress, do the same to yourself.

[Caller]

That's great advice. That's great advice. Is it just a mental thing for me to do that. Is it like a switch that you mentally turn off?

[Dr. Laura]

It's. It's like if I put one thing on the table and I move it over so I can put something else in that spot. That's what you do. So when it comes to mind, you push it over and you say, that was then, this is now. I would never do it now. I have changed, and I have become a much better human being. And so now I'm going to think about the fact that I've made a lot of progress in my life. So maybe now I can risk going to a dance, a singles dance of people my age, a ski club, a bicycle club, pickleball club. That's what you do.

[Caller]

I see. Okay. So part of this is making myself be accessible socially, which I have not done. So that. That's. That's good advice.

[Dr. Laura]

You got to stop being in a cave. You're not evil. Come on.

[Caller]

Well, thank you for that. No, I. I don't. I don't see myself that way. And you know, that way. Well, I believe.

[Dr. Laura]

And I thought if I thought you were that way, I would have told you, and we probably wouldn't be talking anymore. So give it a rest. Stop beating yourself up. That's it. Wait.

[Caller]

I had a thought and now it went away. Oh, I know. So this is second part of this, if I may ask you. I also think that sometimes our stories you know, the events that have happened in our lives can also be instruments to be used to help other people with the same kind of situations that they're going through.

[Dr. Laura]

No, don't start that nonsense. No, no.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

No, no. Just get on and make your life prettier.

[Caller]

I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

That's it.

[Caller]

I can do that.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Well, thank you. I appreciate that.

[Dr. Laura]

Excellent.

[Caller]

Very much. Very much.

[Dr. Laura]

Excellent. Good.

[Caller]

Sweetie, it's something I thought about calling. I am going to do just that. It's something I thought about calling you a long time ago, and I didn't. And then I heard that call on Friday and I said, you know, I'm. I'm gonna respond with my. My situation and see what Dr. Lohr thinks. So I'm glad you did. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm glad you did.

[Caller]

Amen.

[Dr. Laura]

My 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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Okay, we've got Katie's project, Dan's bake sale. Emma has a test tomorrow. Sweetie, I'm out of my blood pressure meds.

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[Caller]

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