I Need a Reality Check

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – "I Need a Reality Check"

Episode Information:

• Title: I Need a Reality Check
• Host/Author: Dr. Laura Schlessinger & SiriusXM
• Release Date: February 4, 2025

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Introduction

In the February 4, 2025 episode of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, renowned relationship expert Dr. Laura Schlessinger delves into the complexities of marital control and underlying trust issues. This episode, titled "I Need a Reality Check," features a heartfelt conversation between Dr. Laura’s co-host Margaret and a caller seeking guidance on managing controlling behaviors within her long-term marriage.

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Caller’s Relationship Struggles

The episode centers around a caller who has been married for 25 years and is grappling with feelings of sabotaging her marriage through controlling behaviors. She openly discusses her challenges in maintaining control over her husband’s actions, particularly concerning finances and personal decisions.

Caller [00:50]: "Feel like I'm sabotaging or screwing up my marriage. I'm married for 25 years, two kids. Their dad is the man I'm married to... I feel like it's a thought process I have inside of my head of that says what to think about or how."

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Controlling Behaviors and Their Impact

The caller elaborates on her tendency to control her husband through various means, such as using sex and money to influence his behavior. She acknowledges that these actions come from a place of disrespect and expresses frustration over her inability to fully overcome these impulses, despite making some progress over the years.

Caller [02:55]: "I feel that I'm... I recognize that I resist, I guess, being told what to do, even though logically I know my husband is not telling me what to do. I struggle with that. I feel maybe he's controlling me. But then I... that's what I end up doing to him."

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Root Causes: Trust Issues from Childhood

As the conversation unfolds, it becomes evident that the caller’s controlling tendencies are deeply rooted in her childhood experiences. She reveals a tumultuous family environment where trust was compromised due to her parents' frequent fights and emotional unavailability.

Caller [08:44]: "So they fought a lot. My dad would leave a lot, and my mom was emotionally vacant. So you say the word trust, and I think that's exactly what I have an issue with."

Margaret probes further, helping the caller connect her past experiences with her current marital dynamics. This exploration highlights how early life traumas can influence adult relationships and behaviors.

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Guidance and Insights from Dr. Laura

Margaret, acting as the conversational guide, provides insightful advice aimed at helping the caller break free from her controlling patterns. She emphasizes the importance of trust and encourages the caller to leverage the reliability of her husband as a foundation for change.

Margaret [06:58]: "Please don't go. Don't go off. Don't go off on whatever. Stop talking. I just want you to Close your eyes... Picture him standing behind you, your arms out and being willing to fall back, hoping, assuming he will catch you or you're going to get hurt."

Margaret uses a powerful metaphor to illustrate the concept of trust and reliance in a relationship, encouraging the caller to "fall back" into her husband’s support.

Margaret [09:08]: "I gotta tell you how beautiful a feeling is going to be when you can imagine just falling back into his arms, letting him take care of you and that it's going to be all right."

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Steps Towards Improvement

The caller shows a willingness to embrace Margaret’s advice, acknowledging that changing her attitude is crucial to overcoming her controlling behaviors. She recognizes that while she can modify her actions, the underlying mindset needs transformation.

Caller [10:23]: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's an attitude that I needed to change because I can do the behaviors. It's the..."

Margaret continues to reinforce the importance of trust, urging the caller to visualize and feel secure in relying on her husband.

Margaret [10:56]: "So tell me, did you hesitate or did you just throw yourself back?"

Caller [11:04]: "No, I did not hesitate."

Margaret [11:08]: "Because you knew you had a man who would catch you, right? This is not an attitude. You grew up in fear. This is not an attitude. You've been traumatized and you're scared. Understandably."

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Conclusion

The episode concludes on an encouraging note, with Margaret and Dr. Laura expressing confidence that the caller can overcome her fears and build a healthier, more trusting relationship with her husband. The discussion underscores the significance of addressing root causes and fostering open trust to nurture marital harmony.

Caller [12:05]: "Alrighty. I can do that."

Margaret [12:10]: "You're gonna love it."

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Key Takeaways

• Self-Reflection: Understanding and acknowledging controlling behaviors is the first step toward change.
• Trust Building: Drawing upon a partner’s reliability can help in letting go of control.
• Addressing Root Causes: Childhood experiences play a significant role in adult relationship dynamics.
• Visualization Techniques: Imagining positive scenarios can aid in overcoming deep-seated fears.

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Notable Quotes

• Caller [00:50]: "Feel like I'm sabotaging or screwing up my marriage."
• Margaret [06:58]: "The reason women behave... is because you're scared."
• Margaret [09:08]: "Imagine just falling back into his arms, letting him take care of you."
• Caller [10:23]: "It's the... attitude that I needed to change."
• Margaret [12:10]: "You're gonna love it."

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Final Thoughts

"I Need a Reality Check" serves as a compelling exploration of how controlling behaviors can undermine a marriage and highlights the importance of trust and personal growth in fostering a healthy relationship. Dr. Laura Schlessinger, through her co-host Margaret, provides valuable insights and practical advice for listeners facing similar challenges, emphasizing that positive change is achievable with the right mindset and support.

Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Margaret]

Margaret welcome to the program.

[Caller]

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for having me on. I'm looking for a little. A little advice, probably a lot of advice. Feel like I'm sabotaging or screwing up my marriage. I'm married for 25 years, two kids. Their dad is the man I'm married to. And so having issues with controlling my husband with things like. So this has been going on probably from the get go. I would control him with sex. I would control his behavior with just how money is spent, jobs or, or things like that. And we have talked about it numerous times about how it is. Shows disrespect to him. Those are things that I don't want to do. And over the years I have made some improvements with that. But I feel like, just in general, I feel like it's a thought process I have inside of my head of that says what to think about or how. What.

[Margaret]

What thought process in your head, ma'am? The thought process in your head says what to you?

[Caller]

That when he requests me to do something or makes a decision for us, that there's a part of me that's resistant to it. I. So like I said, didn't. I didn't.

[Margaret]

No, no, I don't want to hear what you said. Don't want to hear what you said because I heard it. So you're resisting and tell me the thought process that goes into the resistance.

[Caller]

I feel that I'm. I feel independent. I feel, you know, I feel I, I recognize that I resist, I guess, being told what to do, even though logically I know my husband is not telling me what to do. I struggle with. I struggle with that. I feel maybe he's controlling me. But then I. That's what I end up doing to him.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Margaret]

And how would your life. What would your life have been if you had simply allowed him to make the decisions? Just sit for a moment and think. Would it have been better? Worse? Horrible? Wonderful?

[Caller]

Better? Better? I know that he makes.

[Margaret]

No, no, no, no.

[Caller]

Because.

[Margaret]

No, no, no, no, no. Slow down, slow down, slow down. Because you're not answering with the truth right now. You think you are, but you're not. The reason women behave, or actually anybody behaves like you're behaving is because you're scared. In the 60s and 70s, there was some nonsensical stuff psych types would do. And some of it was interesting, some of it was stupid. But one of the things that I always thought of because I used to see billboard with a picture that represented it, you'd be in a room, a lot of people would be in the room, and you'd choose up couples not to marry or anything, just people. And one person would stand and the other person would stand behind them. And the person in front would have to put their arms out to the side like they're flying and fall backwards and trust that they would be caught. And it was interesting to see the.

[Dr. Laura]

Personality types who went right into just.

[Margaret]

Throwing themselves back and the ones who were very hesitant to trust that somebody would really take care of them. So where did you learn that? Ultimately, it's a dangerous thing to trust?

[Caller]

My parents.

[Margaret]

So tell me about that.

[Caller]

So they fought a lot. My dad would leave a lot, and my mom was emotionally vacant. So you say the word trust, and I think that's exactly what I have an issue with.

[Margaret]

That'S right. Now, what's funny about you is that with that fear in your heart, you married a man you could trust.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Margaret]

What's the point of marrying a man you could trust if you don't take the next step? And that is fall back in his arms?

[Caller]

It would be a big mistake for me to not do that.

[Margaret]

I gotta tell you how beautiful a feeling is going to be when you can imagine just falling back into his arms, letting him take care of you and that it's going to be all right.

[Dr. Laura]

It's going to feel so good.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's an attitude that I needed to change because I can do the behaviors. It's the.

[Margaret]

Please don't go. Don't go off. Don't go off on whatever. Stop talking. I just want you to Close your eyes, unless you're driving and picture what I rec. What I described. Picture him standing behind you, your arms out and being willing to fall back, hoping, assuming he will catch you or you're going to get hurt. I just want you to picture that.

[Caller]

I do.

[Margaret]

So tell me, did you hesitate or did you just throw yourself back?

[Caller]

No, I did not hesitate.

[Margaret]

Because you knew you had a man who would catch you, right? This is not an attitude. You grew up in fear. This is not an attitude. You've been traumatized and you're scared. Understandably. But again, it's ironic that as scared as you were, you picked a good man you could count on. So you did half of it. Picked the right man you could count on. Now you've got to fall back in his arms.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Margaret]

And trust it. And feel good when he catches you.

[Dr. Laura]

Feel good.

[Caller]

Alrighty. I can do that.

[Margaret]

You're gonna love it.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Margaret]

You're very welcome, Margaret. My number. 1-800-375-2872.

[Dr. Laura]

If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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