I Need Anger Management

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day – I Need Anger Management
Release Date: March 23, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Need Anger Management" of Dr. Laura Call of the Day, Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a listener's struggle with anger management. Maya, the caller, reaches out seeking advice on how to cope with overwhelming anger and a constant state of fight-or-flight response. The discussion delves deep into the roots of anger, possible therapeutic approaches, and practical strategies to regain emotional control.

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Maya's Struggle with Anger

Timestamp: [00:56] – [04:36]

Maya initiates the conversation by expressing her difficulty in managing anger, describing feelings of being "overcome or flooded with anger in an instant." She shares that she is "constantly on edge" and often finds herself in a "fight" mode, even in mundane situations like being in a parking lot.

Notable Quotes:

• Maya: "I have an issue with anger. So often I'm overcome or flooded with anger in an instant." [00:56]
• Maya: "Sometimes I'm even for fight. That's how I feel." [01:49]

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Dr. Laura's Initial Response and Recommendations

Timestamp: [01:44] – [03:31]

Dr. Laura empathizes with Maya's feelings but identifies a deeper issue: Maya does not feel secure in her own skin. She explains that Maya's constant vigilance and readiness to fight stem from a lack of internal safety. Dr. Laura suggests that instead of traditional therapy, Maya might benefit from learning self-defense techniques to build physical and mental security.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "You still don't feel safe in your own skin." [02:10]
• Dr. Laura: "I would send you to Krav Maga." [02:35]

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Deepening the Conversation: Safety and Self-Defense

Timestamp: [03:31] – [05:14]

Maya reveals that she already practices karate for seven years, which prompts Dr. Laura to clarify that she recommends Krav Maga specifically. She emphasizes that Krav Maga is not just a martial art but a self-defense program that can enhance Maya's sense of safety, thereby reducing the need for anger as a defensive mechanism.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "It's an entirely different philosophy and meditation." [05:14]
• Maya: "Well, I did take karate for seven years." [05:11]

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Challenging Therapy and Emphasizing Practical Solutions

Timestamp: [05:16] – [09:48]

Dr. Laura criticizes traditional therapy methods, arguing that continually discussing trauma can exacerbate it by reinforcing negative emotions. Instead, she advocates for actionable strategies like self-defense training and meditation to manage anger. During this segment, an advertisement interrupts, promoting Walmart subscriptions, which is skipped as per instructions.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "The more we talk about trauma, the more traumatized we become." [05:25]
• Dr. Laura: "Find something that settles you down." [06:17]

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Practical Breathing Exercises

Timestamp: [11:56] – [22:01]

Dr. Laura guides Maya through a series of breathing exercises aimed at reducing immediate anger responses. She instructs Maya to count to ten with controlled breathing, encouraging her to focus solely on her breath rather than external stressors. This segment is interspersed with further advertisements, which are omitted to maintain focus on content.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "Count to 10. Stop trying things. Count to 10. Go." [12:04]
• Dr. Laura: "Feel each breath, hear it." [15:30]
• Dr. Laura: "It's your mind that says they're getting tired of it. It's your perspective. It's not reality." [19:04]

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Addressing Misconceptions and Final Advice

Timestamp: [20:10] – [21:39]

Maya expresses understanding of Dr. Laura's advice, acknowledging the need to change her reaction to anger triggers. Dr. Laura reinforces the importance of not revisiting negative emotions and instead focusing on internal peace through techniques like breathing and self-defense training.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "The world is never going to be pure. People are never going to be appropriate." [20:32]
• Maya: "Understood." [21:21]

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Timestamp: [21:39] – [22:38]

Dr. Laura concludes by advising Maya to practice the breathing exercises regularly and avoid discussing her anger issues until their next call. She underscores the significance of adopting new strategies to manage anger effectively and improve overall well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. Laura: "Practice this one through 10 breathing and call me Monday." [21:24]
• Dr. Laura: "Don't talk about anger between now and Monday to anyone." [21:59]

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Key Insights and Strategies

1. Self-Security as a Foundation: Feeling unsafe internally can manifest as external aggression. Building a sense of internal security is crucial for managing anger.

2. Practical Self-Defense: Engaging in self-defense programs like Krav Maga can enhance both physical and mental security, reducing the need for anger as a protective response.

3. Limitations of Talk Therapy: Overemphasis on discussing trauma can reinforce negative emotions. Action-oriented strategies may offer more effective long-term solutions.

4. Breathing Techniques: Controlled breathing exercises can help in immediate anger reduction by shifting focus from external triggers to internal calmness.

5. Changing Perspectives: Recognizing that negative assumptions about others' patience can exacerbate anger, and working to challenge these perceptions is vital.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger offers a candid and practical approach to anger management, emphasizing self-defense training and mindfulness over traditional therapy. Through guided exercises and insightful dialogue, she provides Maya with actionable steps to regain control over her anger and improve her emotional well-being.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content segments from the transcript have been excluded to focus on the substantive conversation between Dr. Laura and Maya.

Transcript

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[Dr. Laura]

For downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111 Maya welcome to the program.

[Maya]

Hello Dr. Allora. Thank you so much for speaking with me.

[Dr. Laura]

Hello, I'm listening.

[Maya]

Can you hear me?

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.

[Maya]

Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. My heart is pounding. So yeah, bear with me. So I have an issue with anger. So so often I'm overcome or flooded with anger in an instant. So I'm working so hard to suppress it and constantly on edge. But I was wondering sometimes I heard your comment to people cognitive behavioral therapy or hypnosis or I was wondering what would be appropriate in my in my case sometimes I'm even for fight. That's how I feel. You know, there's a constant fight or flight states. I feel like so often I'm in constant fight state and almost when I'm in a parking lot looking around, oh, if anybody is going to fight me, going to attack me so I can fight them.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, Maya, woohoo. I do that in parking lots too. And I don't have your problem. It's just smart to be looking around because there are bad people. The problem you have emotionally, I think, I believe, is that you still don't feel safe in your own skin. Let me give you an example of what that means. I think when I was much, much, much, much, much younger, I would respond more likely than now at all with being angry because it's like getting your sword out. So in a parking lot it makes sense. But in your everyday life with people you discern are okay, okay, then you have to trust that you can handle them hurting you. I don't mean physically. If you're concerned all the time about physical hurt. Then you should take martial arts, Krav Maga. Then you can handle yourself. So rather than send you to a psychotherapist, I would send you to Krav Maga. Doesn't matter how old you are when you start, doesn't matter because you will learn mentally to use your body to feel safe. And it's amazing how your body being safer makes your mind less concerned. Which means you don't have to get angry because that's pulling out the sword.

[Maya]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

Because I have a couple of things. If you attack me right now, I can either yell and scream at you, hang up on you, listen to you out, give you a calm response that just goes on and on. I have all these options. You behave as though you only have one option. I'd like you to have more options. Sometimes you should get angry. I get angry if it's appropriate. Oh, yeah. Yes, yeah. I get angry when it's appropriate. Otherwise I have all these other ways of handling it. So my recommendation is you take Krav Maga. K R A V as in vegetable maga. M A G A. It's a self defense program. There are no belts, no GIs. It's real self defense. Okay. I suggest you take that so you can feel safer.

[Maya]

I feel perfectly safe. I welcome a fight. I'm looking for a fight. That's what my problem is.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. I guess I didn't express myself well enough and I apologize for that.

[Maya]

Pardon me?

[Dr. Laura]

It'll make you psychologically and emotionally feel safer. The reason you yell and scream is you don't feel safe. You think you're going to be hurt and you attack.

[Maya]

Well, I don't kill and scream. I just suppress it.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

My suggestion is you take Krav Maga. I think you'll be amazed how in three weeks you don't get as angry.

[Maya]

I did take karate for seven years.

[Dr. Laura]

Not karate, Krav Maga.

[Maya]

Okay. When I worked with therapists, they said I needed. They want to work on trauma, so. Okay. All right. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

That's a lot of sitting in one place for a very long time.

[Maya]

What? What do you mean?

[Dr. Laura]

Well, what do we do with trauma? Talk about it. The interesting thing is the more we talk about trauma, the more traumatized we become because we're emphasizing that part of our psyche. So once you've talked about it, you have clarity as to what it is and there's no need to keep going over it and over it and over it. What you need to do is find something that settles you down. Listen, I know you're busy. You've got a lot on your plate. We all do. That's why Walmart subscriptions are such a game changer. They make it easy for you to get your groceries and essentials without the hassle of running around. Walmart subscriptions can help you stay stocked on the things you use most like paper towels, avocados, pet food, baby supplies, vitamins, candles, your favorite snacks. You know the essentials you can't live without. Plus, Walmart Fresh groceries are backed by a 100% free freshness guarantee. Walmart subscriptions are easy to use. Just choose the date and time for your go to items to be delivered on repeat right to your door. Of course, life is full of unexpected surprises. So if a last minute meeting or trip to the doctor comes up, simply edit your delivery schedule. Change the frequency of your subscriptions, skip or cancel anytime. Walmart's subscriptions are all about helping make your busy life a bit easier. Stay stocked with Walmart subscriptions. Welcome to your Walmart.

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[Maya]

Okay. Okay. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura]

If you want to keep talking about trauma, that earns some therapist a lot of money to go over it and make it more negative.

[Maya]

Okay, Understood.

[Dr. Laura]

I also think you need to meditate.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

You think I'm full of crap, right?

[Maya]

No, not at all. Just even do some kind of work that also puts me in a fight and. Yeah. And I feel alive when I feel.

[Dr. Laura]

Nothing puts you in a fight. You join a fight, you create a fight. Nothing puts you in a fight. See how you look at it.

[Maya]

Maybe I joined a fight. Yeah, maybe I joined fight or create fights. Okay. Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, if you feel more secure about being able to survive these fights, you won't join them.

[Maya]

Understood? Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

It's a terrible way to go through life with your fists.

[Maya]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Dr. Laura]

It's really too hard. I mean, I'm sure it's going to cut down your lifespan. I'm not kidding. How much adrenaline and cortisol do you think your body can tolerate?

[Maya]

That's why I was wondering how I could calm down. Okay. So I did take martial arts. I'm very strong. I exercise in a gym. I can fight.

[Dr. Laura]

I was very clear several times. Times. Not martial arts, Krav Maga. It's an entirely different philosophy and meditation.

[Maya]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Which is? Yeah. I think you at 51 have your habits a little epoxied into place. That's how you respond to me.

[Maya]

I'm trying to be agreeable.

[Dr. Laura]

Count to 10. Stop trying things. Count to 10. Go.

[Maya]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[Dr. Laura]

Do it again. This time, take a full breath in between each one. That's good. That was a good breath.

[Maya]

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

[Dr. Laura]

What was the difference in experience between the first one and the second one?

[Maya]

What's the question?

[Dr. Laura]

What's your different experience? Counting the first time and Counting this last time, how was the experience different?

[Maya]

I was focused on following the directions and not keep you waiting too long because my had to speed it up a little bit. Because when I breathe normally, I breathe very slowly because I'm a runner. It will take forever to wait at my regular pace for 10 breaths for me to do them. So I didn't want to keep you waiting too long. So just.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, we're going to do it again now. And what I need you to do here is not to focus on me. I can read a book while you're doing this and be just fine. Okay?

[Maya]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

Not to worry. I could take a nap. I'm fine. But I learned something more about you, which is important. It's how it looks. So right now, it's just all about you. I want you, when you inhale and exhale before the next, I want you to really focus on the breath. Feel the breath, see the breath in your mind's eye. I'm fine. I'm not judging you. I'm not impatient. I'm fine. So I want you to do it again. I'm not surprised you told me what you told me because the sound of your voice never changed. It was still tense. This time I'd like you to. Right, well, we're practicing something else right now. Is that okay? Would you be willing to do this again?

[Maya]

Of course.

[Dr. Laura]

Don't say of course. You could say no, please. If it's no, say no. Not going to judge you.

[Maya]

I'm going to do it.

[Dr. Laura]

Why?

[Maya]

Because I need to get it fixed. That's torture to live like this.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Because you'd like to feel better?

[Maya]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Good. I want you to feel and focus on each breath. I will know if you're focusing and you're not. And I yearn for you to focus because it will bring some peace to you. Not because I want you to do what I'm telling you to do. I want you to experience peace for a change. So let's count. This time, you're going to do it with your eyes closed. And each breath you take before you say the next number, you're going to feel it, hear it. I mean, I was doing the breaths with you and I can hear my breath. I couldn't hear yours. So I want you to hear your breath each time.

[Maya]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. 19, 10.

[Dr. Laura]

How was that?

[Maya]

Thank you for your patience.

[Dr. Laura]

How was that?

[Maya]

Slower. But yeah, I appreciated your patience. I mean, it's get so nervous that people get mad at me if I'm doing That I'm doing something wrong.

[Dr. Laura]

It's your mind that says they're getting tired of it. It's your perspective. It's not reality. You're making an assumption. You made the assumption with me. You make the assumption that everybody is not going to be patient with you, and that's just not true. Number two, if somebody misbehaves and shows impatience and is rude, screw them. I'll probably get one piece of mail that says, that was so boring. You went through 1 through 10 three times. I wanted you to go on to another call. And you know what my answer is? Screw him. And I want you to get to that place with me someday.

[Maya]

So don't want to be angry when I see nice families and nice relationships.

[Dr. Laura]

You just lapse back into talking about your anger.

[Maya]

And you stood. Yeah, I get your point.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah, we need to stop constantly revisiting the word.

[Maya]

What if I change the word to upset? I get instantly upset when I see something nice and loving.

[Dr. Laura]

Breathe. The world is never going to be pure. People are never going to be appropriate. It's never going to happen. Just the way life is. You're not going to change the way life is, but you can certainly change how you face it. And for your own emotional and physical sake, gotta face it with more breathing.

[Maya]

Understood.

[Dr. Laura]

So what I'd like you to do is practice this one through 10 breathing and call me Monday. Want to give you plenty of time to practice. Some days you'll be better at it than other days. That's just normal.

[Maya]

Okay, I will do that.

[Dr. Laura]

I'd like you. I'd like you to send you off with this admonition. Don't talk about anger between now and Monday to anyone.

[Maya]

I will do that.

[Dr. Laura]

I look forward to you. I'm going to put you on hold. Let's make an appointment for you to come back Monday at a certain time that's convenient for you. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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