I Shielded My Kids from the Truth

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day Episode: I Shielded My Kids from the Truth
Release Date: May 21, 2025
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Platform: SiriusXM Triumph 111

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Shielded My Kids from the Truth," Dr. Laura Schlessinger addresses a heartfelt call from Tabitha, a 60-year-old woman navigating the tumultuous waters of divorce after a 36-year marriage marked by verbal and emotional abuse. This episode delves deep into the complexities of familial relationships, personal accountability, and the challenging path to self-liberation.

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Caller Background: Tabitha's Struggle

At [01:21], Tabitha reaches out to Dr. Laura seeking guidance after leaving her emotionally abusive marriage the previous July. She shares her fears about proceeding with the divorce, primarily due to the potential backlash from her two adult children and a daughter. Despite being in counseling herself and her husband, Tabitha feels isolated as her children and grandchildren express reluctance to maintain a relationship with her. They believe her husband has changed thanks to counseling and suggest she reconcile, leaving Tabitha conflicted about her next steps.

Tabitha's Key Points:

• Length of Marriage: 36 years
• Reason for Separation: Verbal and emotional abuse
• Current Situation: Seeking divorce, in counseling
• Family Dynamics: Children and grandchildren side with her husband, suspecting his newfound changes

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Dr. Laura’s Initial Response

Dr. Laura responds empathetically yet firmly, emphasizing personal responsibility in making life decisions. At [02:18], she challenges Tabitha by stating, "What are you going to do? Can't ask anybody else for this answer," underscoring that the resolution lies within Tabitha herself.

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Unveiling the Hidden Abuse

Tabitha reveals that her children were largely unaware of the depth of her husband's abusive behavior. She explains that during severe episodes, her husband would remove the children from the room, isolating Tabitha and subjecting her to intense verbal assaults. This concealment created a facade of a harmonious household, preventing her children from witnessing the true nature of their father's behavior.

Key Insights:

• Hidden Suffering: Children rarely witnessed severe abuse
• Facade Maintenance: Tabitha prioritized a "happy home" image over exposing the abuse
• Children’s Perspective: Grew up believing in the apparent harmony of the family

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Dr. Laura’s Critical Examination

Dr. Laura critically examines why Tabitha's children refuse to believe her account of the abuse. At [06:12], she introduces the concept of "sin" and the moral implications her children might be grappling with, saying, "They're pulling the Bible thing of he has to fool around first. Get out. Get out. Get out." She stresses the finite nature of life, urging Tabitha to consider how she wants to spend her remaining time.

Notable Quote:

"Between this moment with me here and burying you is all the time you have left on this earth. How do you want to spend it? Being abused and gaslighted? I mean, he's an evil man. Evil E V I L. He's an evil man." — Dr. Laura [06:12]

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Confronting the Facade and Seeking Truth

Dr. Laura confronts Tabitha about the facade she maintained, which has led to her children's disbelief and lack of support. She bluntly identifies her husband as "an evil man" and accuses Tabitha of allowing herself to be "gaslighted." Dr. Laura highlights the irony that Tabitha, in trying to protect her children by hiding the abuse, has inadvertently alienated herself from them.

Key Points:

• Facade Consequences: Prevented children from seeing the truth
• Personal Accountability: Tabitha's decision to hide abuse led to loss of credibility
• Emotional Toll: Strained relationships with children and grandchildren

Notable Quote:

"No. I ate shit from your dad for all these years to protect you. And the irony is, now you're protecting him. Well, I got news for you. Go protect him. I'm going to go have a happy life." — Dr. Laura [07:08]

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Dr. Laura’s Directive for Liberation

Urging Tabitha to reclaim her life, Dr. Laura advises her to confront her children with the truth directly. She suggests a confrontational approach, where Tabitha should communicate her husband's abusive nature unequivocally, even if it means severing ties temporarily. Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of Tabitha prioritizing her own happiness and mental well-being over maintaining a strained and untrusting relationship with her children.

Actionable Advice:

• Direct Confrontation: Speak candidly to each child about the abuse
• Emotional Detachment: Protect herself from further emotional harm
• Personal Happiness: Prioritize her well-being and move forward with her life

Notable Quote:

"Go to their homes. You can stand outside, don't even come in the door and just say, want you to hear something. He's an abusive, evil son of a bitch. And I pretended all these years so you'd have a happy home growing up." — Dr. Laura [09:31]

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Conclusion: Embracing Truth and Moving Forward

In wrapping up the conversation, Dr. Laura encourages Tabitha to fully embrace the truth of her experiences and use it as a foundation to build a happier, healthier life. She underscores the importance of authenticity in relationships and the necessity of sometimes painful but truthful confrontations to heal and move forward.

Final Takeaways:

• Authenticity Over Facade: Embracing the truth leads to genuine relationships
• Self-Liberation: Moving past the fear of judgment to seek personal happiness
• Healing Process: Utilizing therapy and personal courage to overcome past traumas

Notable Quote:

"But the part of you creating the happy life so you hid what he did. You know, it's funny. You tried to do something good, it bit you in the ass, and look what happens." — Dr. Laura [08:08]

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Key Lessons from the Episode

1. The Cost of Protecting Others: Tabitha's attempt to shield her children from her husband's abuse inadvertently led to a breakdown in trust and communication, highlighting the delicate balance between protecting loved ones and maintaining honesty.

2. Personal Responsibility: Dr. Laura emphasizes the importance of taking charge of one's life decisions, especially when facing abusive relationships, underscoring that external affirmations are secondary to personal conviction and well-being.

3. Confronting the Past for Future Healing: To truly heal and move forward, it is sometimes necessary to confront difficult truths and embrace uncomfortable conversations, even if it means facing initial resistance from loved ones.

4. The Role of Therapy: Both Tabitha and her husband are in counseling, but Dr. Laura suggests that therapy alone isn't sufficient if one party continues to abuse and the other remains silent, emphasizing the need for actionable steps beyond counseling.

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Conclusion

In this compelling episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a no-nonsense, ethically grounded perspective on dealing with familial abuse and the consequences of masking painful truths to maintain appearances. Through Tabitha's heartfelt story and Dr. Laura's candid advice, listeners gain valuable insights into the importance of authenticity, personal accountability, and the courage to seek happiness despite societal and familial pressures.

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Transcript

[Dr. Laura]

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[Tabitha]

Thank you for taking my call. I really appreciate it. I have been in. I'm a 60 year old female. I've been in a 36 year marriage. I left last July. It was very verbally and emotionally abusive. I am in counseling and we my husband, I have also in counseling too. I would like to go forward with the divorce. I just can't see hopping back into that fire again and getting burned. But my two adult children and my daughter with our grandchildren says they don't want a relationship with me. That he has changed since he's been in counseling which he just started going after I left and that I should go back. Otherwise there's no relationship there and I'm torn on what to do.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay, so what are you going to do? Can't ask anybody else for this answer.

[Tabitha]

Yeah, everybody says my counselor says so what? They will eventually come around and I will eventually be able to see my kids and grandkids. But they're all taking his side because they haven't seen the verbal or abuse, you know, because they were always in another room. I've always valued your opinion and I.

[Dr. Laura]

Wait, I don't quite understand. They never saw him be nasty, snotty or annoying. They never saw that ever. Occasionally in 20, 30 years of their lives, really.

[Tabitha]

Occasionally, they did but the really deep stuff, the really severe stuff, he would escort them out of the room and into their bedrooms and then just tear me apart. He was one person to them and to the outside, but he was totally different to me.

[Dr. Laura]

And what you're saying to me now, have you said to your kids yes or no? Nothing more than yes or no?

[Tabitha]

Yes. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

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[Tabitha]

They don't care.

[Dr. Laura]

And what do you think motivates? How many of these kids do you have? Two. Did you say two?

[Tabitha]

I have two. A two adults? Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

Why do two of your children not care about your welfare? Do you think?

[Tabitha]

Well, they have this perfect world where their parents are together. They don't want need to sin by divorcing him.

[Dr. Laura]

Sin came into this. They're pulling the Bible thing of he has to fool around first. Get out. Get out. Get out. Look, lady. Look, lady. Let me tell you something, lady. Between now and dead is all the time you have left on this earth. Think of it that way. Between this moment with me here and burying you is all the time you have left on this earth. How do you want to spend it? Being abused and gaslighted? I mean, he's an evil man. Evil E V I L. He's an evil man. You've been gaslighted. And you were so anxious to look like you had a happy home, you allowed it for all of these years. So you're right. Your kids don't believe you. I don't think they don't care. They absolutely don't believe you. Because you created the perfect home. You lied, tolerated, and good deeds do get punished. So between now and dead, I think you ought to listen to your therapist.

[Tabitha]

Okay? Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

And if you ever talk to either one of your kids again, say, you know what? I tried to make this a happy home so you'd grow up happy, happy, happy. So I tolerated his evil abuse all these years so I would appear to have a happy, happy, happy home for you. I did a stupid thing, in a way, because now you think I'm making it up. No. I ate shit from your dad for all these years. Use the words ate shit all these years to protect you. And the irony is, now you're protecting him. Well, I got news for you. Go protect him. I'm going to go have a happy life. No crying, no recriminations. Lay them out. I'm with your therapist. Finally I can say to somebody who's in therapy, I think your therapist is right.

[Tabitha]

Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura]

But the part of you creating the happy life so you hid what he did. You know, it's funny. You tried to do something good, it bit you in the ass, and look what happens.

[Tabitha]

Yeah.

[Dr. Laura]

Yeah. Well, that's why I want you to lay them out. I'd like you to do it in person. Go to their homes. You can stand outside, don't even come in the door and just say, want you to hear something. He's an abusive, evil son of a bitch. And I pretended all these years so you'd have a happy home growing up. And this is my reward. Goodbye. And go out. Then say it to the next one. Then go take a vacation. Go to Bora Bora.

[Tabitha]

Okay, I think I'll do that.

[Dr. Laura]

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