Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Episode Title: I Want to Leave But I'm Not Ready
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Date: August 28, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers around a caller seeking advice about leaving her alcoholic husband after 27 years of marriage. Dr. Laura provides her signature direct advice, challenging the caller's assumptions about readiness to leave, and redirects her focus toward reclaiming her own happiness and empowerment—regardless of her husband's choices. The discussion is infused with Dr. Laura's emphasis on personal responsibility and pragmatic action over wishful thinking.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Does "Ready to Leave" Actually Mean?

Caller’s Situation:
- Married for 27 years
- Husband has been an alcoholic since 2019
- Caller feels like she's "finally ready to leave"
Dr. Laura’s Probing Questions:
- "What is the process of being ready to leave? What does that include?" (04:08)
- Presses the caller to define what she means by "ready" and what concrete actions she's actually taken
Insight:
- The caller cannot articulate what "being ready" entails beyond emotional exhaustion, indicating lack of actual readiness.

2. The Reality of Alcoholism and Choice

Dr. Laura’s Perspective:
- "Oh, he could get sober. You're absolutely wrong. He doesn't want to. You got it backwards, woman." (04:30)
- Highlights that the husband’s sobriety is possible, but he is making a choice not to pursue it.
Key Message:
- Externalizing the blame ("he can't get sober") is invalid. The real issue is his unwillingness to change.

3. Personal Responsibility vs. Waiting for Change

Dr. Laura Challenges Victimhood:
- Points out the caller is living in “fantasy” waiting for her husband to change.
- "If you're going to wait to make your life better until you're not gutless about leaving, you're going to be too old and then you're just going to be dead because you know you are going to die. I think everybody forgets life is terminal." (06:18)
Suggested Actions:
- Find your own fulfillment: take up hobbies, get a part-time job, gain friends, ride a bike, learn something new.
- Seize agency now, rather than waiting for a spouse to change.

4. The Inefficacy of Empty Statements

Dr. Laura Calls Out Inaction:
- "People who say they know something but don't do it must not really know it." (07:54)
Advice:
- Rather than spending resources (money, time, emotional energy) on a divorce the caller is not fully prepared to pursue, decide to inject new meaning and joy into her life within current circumstances.

5. Detaching Your Wellbeing from His Behavior

Dr. Laura’s Challenge:
- Urges the caller to stop "sobbing" and "complaining and whining and giving him crap about being a drunk." (11:08)
- "Your first responsibility in getting ready for life is to do something with the life you already have and not make it dependent upon somebody else's change." (12:30)
Encouragement:
- The caller can make life better immediately—no need to wait for a hypothetical escape or transformation.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"He can. Doesn't choose to. Alcoholics have to choose to before they enter into the process of getting sober. So he's not choosing to. Correct."
— Dr. Laura (04:32)
"If you're going to wait to make your life better until you're not gutless about leaving, you're going to be too old and then you're just going to be dead because you know you are going to die. I think everybody forgets life is terminal."
— Dr. Laura (06:18)
"People who say they know something but don't do it must not really know it."
— Dr. Laura (07:54)
"I'm not going to allow that to limit me, limit my happiness. I am going to do things now that'll make me feel good and proud and productive and happy even sometimes."
— Dr. Laura (09:50)
"Your first responsibility in getting ready for life is to do something with the life you already have and not make it dependent upon somebody else's change."
— Dr. Laura (12:30)
Caller: "I've never heard that before, so thank you."
— (13:15)

Important Segment Timestamps

03:50 – 05:10: Dr. Laura presses the caller about what being "ready to leave" actually means.
05:30 – 07:20: Discussion on alcoholism as a choice and not a fated outcome—husband’s refusal to get sober.
07:25 – 08:30: Dr. Laura underlines the need for constructive, life-building choices instead of waiting indefinitely.
10:00 – 12:00: Concrete advice on activities and mindset shifts to improve the caller’s life within her current marriage.
12:00 – 13:30: Dr. Laura’s concluding challenge and affirmation of agency, ending with caller’s gratitude.

Tone & Language

Dr. Laura is direct, unsparing, and pragmatic, pushing the caller out of passivity and toward proactive self-improvement.
There’s a mix of tough love and motivational straight talk—reflective of Dr. Laura's long-standing reputation.

Recap & Value

This episode is a classic display of Dr. Laura’s accountability-focused approach. Rather than offering sympathy or immediate validation for the caller’s desire to leave her husband, she demands clarity, challenges passive victimhood, and issues a call to reclaim personal agency—reminding listeners that fulfillment and happiness begin with action, not waiting for someone else to change.

For more episodes or to contact Dr. Laura:

Tune in to SiriusXM Triumph 111, Monday to Friday, 2–5 pm ET
Visit DrLaura.com for resources and community.

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See rxbar.com for details and limitations. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5pm Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. And welcome to the program. Thank you, Dr. Laura. My husband and I have. My husband and I have been married for 27 years and the last since 2019. He has been an alcoholic. And I finally feel like I'm ready to leave. I'm curious. Before you go on. What is the process of being ready to leave? What is that? What does that include? No, what is that? Okay, file a few divorce. What else makes you ready to leave? I. I stopped believing that he can get sober. Oh, he could get sober. You're absolutely wrong. He doesn't want to. You got it backwards, woman. A lot of people get sober. He can. Doesn't choose to. Alcoholics have to choose to before they enter into the process of getting sober. So he's not choosing to. Correct. So what else is entailed in being ready? I don't. I don't know. Well, then how can you say you're ready if you don't even know what that means? Seriously, I just can't. My nerves can't take it anymore. That has nothing to do with getting ready. You said to me that you were ready. You're not. I'm not? Yeah. You're just angry that if the guy loved you, he'd stop drinking and he ain't doing that. Because they don't stop drinking. Because they love their wives, their kids, their mothers. I know I'm living in this fantasy where he will stop drinking, but okay, well, get some hobbies, get a part time job, get more friends, entertain your life in a better way than you're doing as opposed to sitting there sobbing all the time about how this is so miserable within the context of staying married to him. Make your life better, that is in your power. Getting him to stop drinking is not. But getting a part time job, going back to school, doing some arts and crafts, taking courses, getting a bicycle and riding with a group of women, these are all things that make your life better. If you're going to wait to make your life better until you're not gutless about leaving, you're going to be too old and then you're just going to be dead because you know you are going to die. I think everybody forgets life is terminal. So you're wasting life. You've wasted a lot of life already. So I'm pointing out you don't have no, you don't know. Saying that means nothing. People who say they know something but don't do it must not really know it. I understand what you're doing. My advice to you is don't divorce. Save your money, time and effort. Save spending money on an attorney and new apartment and all the misery that's going to happen as you beat each other up over the divorce and just decide right now. I'm married to an alcoholic. However, I'm not going to allow that to limit me, limit my happiness. I am going to do things now that'll make me feel good and proud and productive and happy even sometimes. So I recommend that you damn well do something with your life rather than wait around for him to be sober. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room? The Dr. Laura program is happy to be partnering with our sponsor All Free Clear laundry detergent. My peeps with kids are especially thrilled to use it because it's 100% free of dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear is the number one laundry detergent brand recommended for sensitive skin by pediatricians, dermatologists and allergists. For a clean you can feel good about, all you need is All Free Clear. When work gets crazy, I like to stop by the bar after, have a few cold ones. I don't drink at all until 4 o'. Clock. We limit ourselves to one bottle of wine a night. Excessive drinking has a way of sneaking up on us a few drinks, a few nights a week. 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Adobe Acrobat Studio so brand new. Show me all the things PDFs can do. Do your work with ease and speed. PDF Spaces is all you need. Do hours of research in an instant with key insights. Pick a template with a click. Now your prezo looks super slick. Close that deal. Yeah, you won. Do that. Doing that, did that, Done. Now you can do that. Do that with Acrobat. Now you can do that. Do that with the all new Acrobat. It's time to do your best work with the all new Adobe Acrobat Studio. Boy, that made you quiet. I wonder why? Because it means you have to do something. You're sitting around waiting for him to do something. I'm sitting around. I'm sitting around waiting for you to do something. And I'm trying to tell you the quality of your life is not dependent on him stopping drinking or a divorce. Starting today, you can make your life better. Stop complaining and whining and giving him crap about being a drunk and just make your life better. Spend more time with your friends, your family. Go back to school. Start working out. Make your life better leaving him. You may or may not do that down the line, but your first responsibility in getting ready for life is to do something with the life you already have and not make it dependent upon somebody else's change. I've never heard that before, so thank you. You're welcome. Please take what I've said very seriously. Because in a week from now. Your life could be better. Okay, let's not wait for him. Okay. All right, Ann, I appreciate your call. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent Me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com drlaura and instagram.com drlauraprogram I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I saw you from across a cafe, and you're the Geico Gecko, right? In the flesh. Oh, my goodness. 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