I Want to Move On

Summary

The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I Want to Move On
Date: January 11, 2026
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Leslie

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger counsels a young woman, Leslie, grappling with the decision to go "no contact" with her abusive and manipulative mother. The conversation delves into issues of family trauma, setting personal boundaries, the challenges of moving on from deep emotional pain, and the complicated feelings of guilt and longing that persist—even in the face of necessary estrangement. Dr. Laura guides Leslie toward tools for healing and empowerment, stressing self-acceptance, the limits of guilt, and even the surprising value of voice coaching as a form of self-therapy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Leslie's Decision to Go No Contact

[02:19–02:32]

• Leslie announces she’s chosen to go no contact with her mother, causing family strife.
• Triggering event: Her mother repeatedly lied about her grandmother’s death or imminent death to manipulate Leslie into visiting.

Dr. Laura: (to Leslie)

"Why was it necessary in your mind to go no contact?"
[02:32]

Family Manipulation and Disregard for Boundaries

[03:14–04:37]

• Leslie shares that her family does not respect her autonomy; her mother tries to control decisions despite Leslie being an adult.
• Leslie attempts to articulate her need for independence:

"She doesn't get to tell me what to do anymore because I'm...I am a young woman."
[03:23]

2. Dr. Laura Challenges and Clarifies “Boundaries”

[04:08–04:37]

• Dr. Laura pushes Leslie to clarify what she means by “boundaries,” hinting at wanting concrete examples over generic language.

Dr. Laura:

"What is a boundary other than for cattle? What are you talking about?"
[03:18]

3. Revealing the Extent of the Abuse

[04:37–06:11]

• Leslie reveals a history of severe abuse:
  • Physical violence
  • Court manipulation and false accusations against her father
  • Verbal abuse and humiliation
  • Emotional volatility, undermining Leslie’s self-esteem
• Dr. Laura observes Leslie’s understated delivery and refocuses:

"It's interesting when people tell a story backwards. What does this have to do with boundaries? She was a vicious nutcase. And you don't want any part of it anymore."
[06:11]

4. The Pain of Estrangement and Wanting to “Move On”

[09:25–10:41]

• Leslie expresses confusion and pain: she misses her mother, wears her jewelry, yet recognizes there was never real love or care.
• Leslie struggles to define what “moving on” would look like, lamenting that she can’t stop thinking about her mother.

Notable Quote:

"If I could move on, she would be a memory and I wouldn't have to think about her. But there's nothing that doesn't make me think or miss or want my mom in my life—even though there honestly wasn't anything loving or caring or anything about her."
Leslie [10:09]

Dr. Laura’s Insight:

"You miss not having a mother. That's what you miss. And you're never going to forget her or everything that happened. Never, ever, ever. Moving on does not include not thinking about her ever."
Dr. Laura [10:41–11:01]

5. Addressing Guilt and the Path to Acceptance

[12:28–13:12]

• Leslie admits guilt about her mother’s declining circumstances and potential loneliness.
• Dr. Laura reframes this:

"Part of you moving on is to let her be with whatever she has created."
[12:48]

6. Therapeutic Tools: Voice Coaching as Emotional Healing

[11:01–13:30]

• Dr. Laura proposes voice lessons to help Leslie stop “sounding like a whiny victim,” suggesting that projecting her voice properly can alter her mindset and emotional state.
• Dr. Laura shares her professional experience:

"I've worked with voice coaches who help people who have emotional difficulties. And I've seen how people are uplifted when they change how they project their voice."
[11:02–11:52]

• Leslie enthusiastically accepts the advice, ending the call on a note of actionable hope.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Boundaries and Abuse:

  "She was a vicious nutcase... and it's self defense to stay away from her."
  Dr. Laura [06:11]

• On the permanence of emotional shadow:

  "You're never going to forget it and it's going to have an impact. And moving on means you accept that that was your life. You're probably damaged somewhat from it. However, you're going to make good decisions in spite of the pain. That's how you move on."
  Dr. Laura [11:53]

• On Responsibility and Guilt:

  "Is to let her be with whatever she has created."
  Dr. Laura [12:48]

• Empowerment through Action:

  "See a voice coach...and you can start sounding like a woman who has moved on."
  Dr. Laura [13:12]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Leslie’s Introduction and Family Background: [01:57–04:37]
• Disclosure of Abuse: [04:37–06:11]
• Clarifying Leslie’s Hurt and Desire to Move On: [09:25–10:41]
• Dr. Laura on Acceptance and Moving Forward: [11:01–11:53]
• Discussion of Guilt and Letting Go: [12:28–12:48]
• Voice Coaching as Therapeutic Tool: [11:01–13:30]

---

Episode Takeaways

• Estrangement is sometimes a healthy, self-protective response to abuse.
• The longing after going “no contact” often stems from mourning the motherly love that was never received—not missing the real, abusive person.
• “Moving on” does not mean erasing memory or grief; it means accepting the past and making conscious choices for a better future.
• Accepting the limits of one’s responsibility for a harmful parent is a crucial part of personal healing.
• Physical changes—in this case, voice and posture through coaching—can significantly influence emotional healing and self-perception.

---

Dr. Laura’s advice is direct, sometimes tough, but grounded in compassionate realism: acceptance, self-care, and the pursuit of empowerment—even through unconventional means like voice training. Listeners are left with both a sobering perspective on family trauma and actionable steps toward genuine healing.

Transcript

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[Leslie (Caller)]

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[Leslie (Caller)]

These statements have not been evaluated by the fda.

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[Leslie (Caller)]

Treat, cure or prevent any disease.

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[Dr. Laura]

Welcome to the program.

[Leslie (Caller)]

Hello, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for having me on.

[Dr. Laura]

Why do you sound so like that?

[Leslie (Caller)]

Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe I should sit up a little bit better. Sorry. I was waiting to get on, so.

[Dr. Laura]

Okay. Yeah. Sit up straight. All right. Talk from the diaphragm. How can I help you, Leslie?

[Leslie (Caller)]

Well, I. I guess right now what I'm dealing with is I've decided to make the decision to go no contact with my mom. And she's very unhappy with that.

[Dr. Laura]

And why did you decide? Why was it necessary in your mind to go no contact?

[Leslie (Caller)]

The last straw for me was back in August, my grandmother had passed away. But before she passed away, my mom lied that she had passed away numerous times to get me to come visit her and the family. So she would lie on multiple occasions that my grandmother was dying. This was her last day. The doctors need you to say goodbye. And she's fine. Or she was doing better because I know she had.

[Dr. Laura]

Why did your mother have to resort to a manipulation to get her adorable daughter to visit family?

[Leslie (Caller)]

My family doesn't respect my boundaries. And there's.

[Dr. Laura]

What is a boundary other than for cattle? What are you talking about?

[Leslie (Caller)]

What I mean is, like. How do I put this? Like, I want to live my life. I'm ready to start my life. My mom, even though I'm a young woman, she thinks she can dictate everything that I do. And she doesn't get to tell me what to do anymore because I'm. I'm becoming a young woman, or I am a young woman.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, first of all, if you're. How old are you?

[Leslie (Caller)]

I'm 24.

[Dr. Laura]

You ought to be able to hear an opinion without having to cut her off.

[Leslie (Caller)]

No, I guess that's not really what I mean. She doesn't respect that I want her. Well, then tell me, dad. Or you know what?

[Dr. Laura]

People have opinions that differ. That doesn't mean people have to be cut off. And if she gives her opinion about how you should do your hair, Ma', am, you don't have to do your hair that way. Ultimately, you have control over you. So I still don't understand why she had to manipulate you to get you to visit. You said they don't understand your boundaries. What does that mean? I don't know what that means, actually.

[Leslie (Caller)]

I think I misspoke. What I should have said was, throughout my childhood, she abused me in different ways. And as a young woman, she's not allowing me to grow, even though I'm not living with her. So a combination of the two.

[Dr. Laura]

I'm sorry, you're not saying you were an abused child? You didn't come on with that? That's kind of a surprise. Usually people lead with abuse, don't you think? What do you call abuse? What happened?

[Leslie (Caller)]

My mom would hit us violently. She lied to court, saying that my dad, like, did awful things to us just because she didn't. She wanted to hurt him and she didn't want us in his life. My mom, I'm sure that she has something psychological going on with her. I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose her in any way, but she's very hot and cold to the sense of, like, when I was A teenager. She said, you're lazy. You're this, you're that. You have to go work. I would work hours and hours and hours and then she would call my job repeatedly saying that I'm a whore and that I. That I must not be there. I must be screwing people. Or just always something embarrassing. Even on my graduation for high school, like she made it a scene for herself and she would throw a tantrum that my father would even be allowed to come. When I love my dad, he. I know. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for him because I know a lot of children, they had to fight to have their father want them in their life. And I didn't have to do that. He wanted to be a father all his life. And I'm very grateful.

[Dr. Laura]

Stop for a second. Stop for a second. It's interesting when people tell a story backwards. What does this have to do with boundaries? She was a vicious nutcase. And you don't want any part of it anymore that I can get.

[Leslie (Caller)]

That's pretty much where I'm coming from, I guess.

[Dr. Laura]

Well, she was a vicious. But that's not what you said. You started out and I kept having to beg. So she was a vicious nutcase is what I'm getting from you now. And it's self defense to stay away from her. Okay, so what's the problem? You can't stay away from her. You still want her to be nice, so you keep exposing yourself to her. What is it that you're doing that keeps causing you pain?

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Pit at these kids play gyms? Or is my kid just swimming in a vada? Bacteria catching whatever cootie of the day is breeding in there. A cootie that'll probably take down our whole family.

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[Leslie (Caller)]

I guess I don't know. I guess I guess I'm just I'll like for example, I have some of her jewelry and I'll put it on once in a while when I just miss my mom even though she wasn't like I don't know how to move on with my life because I know she's not the mother that ever needed or even a mother in general, if I'm being honest. And I don't know how to move on with my life because I'm I.

[Dr. Laura]

Don'T know what you mean now by move on with your life. What are you what would you be doing differently if you moved on with your life? Think for a moment. Don't answer too quickly. What would you be doing differently today if you had moved on with your life?

[Leslie (Caller)]

I guess I'm just holding too much hurt and I can't stop thinking about her in my daily life. I can't. I if I could move on, she would be a memory and I wouldn't have to think about her. But there's nothing that doesn't make me think or miss or want my mom in my life. Even though there honestly wasn't anything loving or caring or anything about her. I don't know what it is about her that I miss so much.

[Dr. Laura]

You miss not having a mother. You miss not having a mother. That's what you miss. And you're never going to forget her or everything that happened. Never, ever, ever Ever. Moving on does not include not thinking about her ever.

[Dr. Laura (Sponsor/Host Voice)]

Ever.

[Dr. Laura]

You're always going to be able to think about her till the day you're dead. However, you can get that crying sound out of your voice. I think you need to take a voice lesson. I think part of your problem is that crush down thing you keep doing, which keeps you in a mindset. And I've worked with voice coaches who help people who have emotional difficulties. And I've seen how people are uplifted when they change how they project their voice. The first thing you know, you think it sounds insane and stupid. I'm sure you need to go to a voice coach and learn how to speak properly so you can stop sounding like a whiny victim. And I mean that not as an insult, but as a therapeutic necessity.

[Leslie (Caller)]

Okay. Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And then you need to understand that you're never going to forget it and it's going to have an impact. And moving on means you accept that that was your life. You're probably damaged somewhat from it. However, you're going to make good decisions in spite of the pain. That's how you move on. You don't move on by having no memories of it. And yes, having nothing to do with her would be a very good therapeutic thing for you at this point.

[Leslie (Caller)]

Thank you for saying that. I'm getting. I feel guilty of her getting older and she's going to be alone because she ends up pushing everybody away.

[Dr. Laura (Sponsor/Host Voice)]

Part of you moving on is to let her.

[Dr. Laura]

Is to let her be with whatever she has created.

[Leslie (Caller)]

Wow. Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Thank you so much for saying that. No, I really appreciate it.

[Dr. Laura (Sponsor/Host Voice)]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura]

But see a voice coach, a couple of lessons, couple of practice sessions, and you can start sounding like a woman who has moved on.

[Leslie (Caller)]

I know exactly what I'm doing today. It's going to good. Look for one in my neighborhood. Thank you.

[Dr. Laura (Sponsor/Host Voice)]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura]

And call me back once you've had a few lessons. I bet you'll feel totally different. My number, 1-800-375-2872. With whatever. With whatever is causing you, that feeling in your stomach and chest.

[Dr. Laura (Sponsor/Host Voice)]

Come on. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me, too. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com DrLora and instagram.com DrLauraprogram.

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