If a Bird Lands on Your Head...

Summary

Podcast Summary: "If a Bird Lands on Your Head..." Dr. Laura Call of the Day Release Date: April 3, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "If a Bird Lands on Your Head," Dr. Laura Schlessinger engages in a profound discussion with a caller grappling with the concept of forgiveness. Throughout the conversation, Dr. Laura offers her characteristic no-nonsense advice, emphasizing personal responsibility and accountability. The dialogue delves deep into the psychological aspects of forgiveness, emotional pain, and the importance of moving forward without dwelling on past hurts.

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Caller’s Struggle with Forgiveness

Initial Inquiry At [01:19], the caller initiates the conversation by expressing confusion about the concept of forgiveness:

• Caller: "I have forgiven. Or I say I have forgiven Forgiveness."

Defining Forgiveness Dr. Laura seeks clarity on the caller’s understanding of forgiveness:

• Dr. Laura: "When you say forgiveness as a verb or noun, I need you to tell me what that means to you." [01:32]

The caller attempts to define forgiveness as letting go of pain and anger:

• Caller: "Forgiveness. What does it mean to me? Yeah, actually it would mean forgiving all of the pain." [02:37]

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Dr. Laura’s Perspective on Forgiveness

Challenging the Concept Dr. Laura challenges the traditional notion of forgiveness, suggesting that it’s often misunderstood and misapplied:

• Dr. Laura: "You can't define something. You can't define a word by using the word." [02:28]
• Dr. Laura: "Instead of forgiveness, why don't we just say, I'm just going to let it go. I'll never get justice." [03:07]

Emphasizing Personal Choice She emphasizes that holding onto past hurts is a personal choice rather than a necessity:

• Dr. Laura: "It's a choice. I choose not to, okay? Because if they hurt me, if somebody hurt me 10 years ago and I'm still sitting here going over it and over it and over it, then I am hurting me now." [09:42]

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Techniques to Overcome Emotional Pain

Dismissing Negative Thoughts Dr. Laura introduces the metaphor of a bird landing on one’s head to illustrate how thoughts can be dismissed:

• Dr. Laura: "If a bird lands on your head, a bird is on your head. For the rest of your life, you will remember that on that day a bird landed on your head." [04:35]
• Dr. Laura: "You can dismiss thoughts. You do that all the time." [04:48]

Avoiding Dwelling on the Past She advises against allowing past hurts to interfere with one’s present and future:

• Dr. Laura: "Don't make time for that." [11:11]
• Dr. Laura: "We can't go back and fix them. We can't make it not have happened. All you're doing is prolonging the pain." [11:28]

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Rejecting the Need for Therapy

Critique of Traditional Therapy Dr. Laura expresses skepticism towards conventional therapy approaches:

• Dr. Laura: "Do you think people have hurt my heart?... Do you think I spend Any time. Talking about this or going over it?" [08:36]
• Dr. Laura: "I'll never get the apologies, etc. So just screw them. Screw it." [04:22]

Encouraging Self-Reliance She advocates for self-reliance in overcoming emotional distress:

• Dr. Laura: "It's not a disease. It's a choice." [09:18]
• Dr. Laura: "Don't waste life. Don't waste life. We don't have a lot of it." [14:26]

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Concluding Insights

Responsibility for One’s Own Happiness Dr. Laura underscores the importance of taking responsibility for one’s own happiness and not allowing others' actions to dictate one's emotional state:

• Dr. Laura: "You're the one beating yourself up. What the hell is the point of that?" [11:08]
• Dr. Laura: "Don't waste it." [14:22]

Rejection of Conventional Forgiveness She dismisses the conventional notion of forgiveness as ineffective and unnecessary:

• Dr. Laura: "Don't give me this, oh, I just want to forgive everybody. You know. Gag me with a spoon." [12:04]
• Dr. Laura: "This phony crap of forgiveness hasn't worked, because it's nonsensical." [13:47]

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Notable Quotes

• Dr. Laura: "You don't need anybody else to do that. You can just say, screw them all. I'm letting it go and watching a cartoon." [03:07]
• Dr. Laura: "Don't make time for that." [11:11]
• Dr. Laura: "Don't waste life. Don't waste life. We don't have a lot of it." [14:26]
• Dr. Laura: "You're the one beating yourself up. What the hell is the point of that?" [11:08]

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger provides a candid and assertive perspective on forgiveness, challenging conventional wisdom and encouraging listeners to take control of their emotional well-being. She emphasizes personal responsibility, the importance of dismissing negative thoughts, and the futility of dwelling on past hurts. By rejecting traditional therapeutic approaches and advocating for self-reliance, Dr. Laura empowers her audience to move forward and live life without the burden of unresolved emotional pain.

For more insightful discussions and advice, visit DrLaura.com and consider becoming a Family member.

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Transcript

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[Caller]

Yes, ma'am, very good to speak with you. I just have a question about forgiveness. I have forgiven. Or I say I have forgiven Forgiveness.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I'm sorry. Before we go on, it's often helpful to me to know what people are talking about. So when you say forgiveness as a verb or noun, I need you to tell me what that means to you.

[Caller]

Goodness.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Well, if I say I'm ignoring people, you know what? That when I'm in their presence, I do not acknowledge their presence. I turn around, I walk away. If they send me a text or an email, I don't answer it. I block it. So. So now you know what I mean by ignore. So I need to know what you mean by forgive.

[Caller]

Just forgiving them for everything that they've done to me.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

You can't define something. You can't define a word by using the word.

[Caller]

Forgiveness. What does it mean to me? Yeah, actually it would mean forgiving all of the pain.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Ma'am, did I just say you can't use the word forgive to define forgive?

[Caller]

Oh, I would not feel the pain and the anger that I have in my heart.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Oh, well, you don't need anybody else to do that. You can just say, screw them all. I'm letting it go and watching a cartoon.

[Caller]

I say I forgive them.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

No, no, no. Can we not use the word forgive because people get confused with that. Of course you're not going to forget unless you get dementia. You want to get dementia so you can forget.

[Caller]

So it's not normal to forget. I mean, to not forget.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Honey, if you have dementia, you will forget most everything short of dementia. We don't forget things that were important or upsetting, etc. We don't forget it.

[Caller]

Okay, so I can.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

But you can say things like I don't. You can say things. You can say things like, I don't give a shit, I don't care about them anymore. I'm not going to stew over this. It's not worth it to me. The hell with them. So instead of forgiveness, why don't we just say, I'm just going to let it go. I'll never get justice.

[Caller]

How do you learn?

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I'll never get the Laura, I'll never get the apologies, etc. So just screw them. Screw it.

[Caller]

How do you get it out of your heart?

[Dr. Laura Berman]

You don't. But you don't spend any time on it. You're not listening. You don't spend time on it. If a bird lands on your head, a bird lands on your head. Be quiet and listen. If a bird lands on your head, a bird is on your head. For the rest of your life, you will remember that on that day a bird landed on your head. And it's even a fun story if you permit the bird to make a nest that you've done. So a thought can come into your head about somebody or something and you just say, eff it. And then the bird is not making a nest. But your brain cannot not remember. But you can dismiss thoughts. You do that all the time. Like when you go, you know, I should go to the grocery and get peanuts. And then you don't bother. And then it occurs to you, yeah, shit, I don't care about the peanuts. So we do that all the time. We dismiss things all the time. So you can dismiss it. Listen, I know you're busy. You've got a lot on your plate. We all do. That's why Walmart subscriptions are such a game changer. They make it easy for you to get your groceries and essentials without the hassle of running around. Walmart subscriptions can help you stay stocked on the things you use most, like paper towels, avocados, pet food, baby supplies, vitamins, candles, your favorite snacks. You know, the essentials you can't live without. Plus, Walmart fresh groceries are backed by a 100% freshness guarantee. Walmart subscriptions are easy to use. Just choose the date and time for your Go to items to be delivered on repeat right to your door. Of course, life is full of unexpected surprises. So if a last minute meeting or trip to the doctor comes up, simply edit your delivery schedule. Change the frequency of your subscriptions, Skip or cancel anytime. Walmart's subscriptions are all about helping make your busy life a bit easier. Stay stocked with Walmart subscriptions. Welcome to your Walmart.

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[Dr. Laura Berman]

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[Caller]

Okay. And is it normal to still feel pain in your heart?

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Yes.

[Caller]

30 years old.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

But if you let the pain. Shh. But if you let the pain build a nest, then you need psychotherapy, because that's not normal. That's not normal.

[Caller]

Okay. And yes, I do believe I need therapy.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Let me ask you something. Now you're going to go into therapy and spend thousands of dollars and millions of years going over the same crap every week? I'm sorry I made that comment because that'd be a waste of your time. Let me explain. Let me ask you a question. I've been on the face of this earth 78 years. Do you think people have hurt my heart?

[Caller]

Oh, yes.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

You'Re right.

[Caller]

Everybody's hurt.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

A significant number of people over my 78 years have hurt my heart. Next question. Do you think all of those people apologized and made it okay?

[Caller]

No, they didn't.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Good. Do you think I got justice in most of those circumstances?

[Caller]

No.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Do you believe I spend Any time. Talking about this or going over it?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

No, I don't.

[Caller]

Okay, I do.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Well, that's a choice. It's not a disease. It's a choice. I choose not to, okay? Because if they hurt me, if somebody hurt me 10 years ago and I'm still sitting here going over it and over it and over it, then I am hurting me now. They're long gone.

[Caller]

You're right. I'm hurting myself by thinking about things. Trigger things for me to think about that make things come back.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Oh, don't give me. I'm sick of trigger things. I'm sick of that. God, it's the newest. No, it's not new. It's a couple of years old, but people are still using it. Oh, that triggered me. Like I have no choice. I got triggered. That's bullshit.

[Caller]

I do have a choice. I do have a choice.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Let me remind myself of one thing in particular. Good. I got it in my head. Terrible assault on me emotionally. Okay, okay. Now it's out of my head. Now I'm talking to you. I got better things to do than go over that.

[Caller]

I sure do.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I remember it till the day I die. Am I gonna let it interfere with the pace of my life? Hell, no. It's a choice. And if you have a boring life, then maybe the only entertainment you allow yourself is. Is to whine over past hurts.

[Caller]

Okay. Makes sense.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I'm not bored. I don't have time for that. Don't make time for that.

[Caller]

So just keep my brain busy so it doesn't think about things.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Yeah, there's no point in thinking about those. We can't go back and fix them. We can't make it not have happened. All you're doing is prolonging the pain. They're not doing it to you anymore. They're long gone, out of your life, or maybe even dead. You're the one beating yourself up. What the hell is the point of that? How old are you? 72. How many years do you think you have to live? Do you want to waste them on this? Hell, no.

[Caller]

No. And I'm a very young 72.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Good.

[Caller]

You're right. I'm causing.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Well, then don't waste that either. Yes.

[Caller]

Pardon me?

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Yes. And there are people I would like to get vengeance on. I don't think about that anymore either.

[Caller]

No, I don't think about that.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

No.

[Caller]

I'm just hoping that I forgive them in my heart.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Please don't use the word oh, I just wasted 12 minutes of my life on you. You went right back I hope I forgive them in my heart. Yeah, well, I mean, I just.

[Caller]

I do. I said I forgive them.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I.

[Caller]

But I'm the one that.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

I hope you're happy. Just sprinkling forgiveness everywhere. I hope you're happy with that. If it works for you. Yay. I think it's nonsense.

[Caller]

Okay, so I'm causing myself pain, and it's my responsibility to forget about it.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Forget about it. Very New York. Forget about it.

[Caller]

Okie dokie.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

And even forget about all the stuff with your heart. Forget about that, too. Just forget about that. They hurt my heart. Yeah, I'm sure they did. So what? It's over. They don't care. They're not thinking of you. Everybody who has hurt you is not giving you a moment's thought right now.

[Caller]

Three.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Not a moment. Not one of them is thinking of you. Not one.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

You're the one keeping it going.

[Caller]

I am.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Okay. Okay.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

That's why this phony crap of forgiveness hasn't worked, because it's nonsensical. You have to, on an intellectual level, realize that happened. It was terrible, and it's over, and you're not dead. As long as you're not dead, you have opportunity to enjoy life. Don't waste it going backwards over bad memories. That's a waste. So if you're that bored, do something else.

[Caller]

It is a waste. Yes, I agree.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

Don't waste life. Don't waste life. We don't have a lot of it. You and I are on the last edge. Don't waste it.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

All right. Don't piss me off and waste life. That's it.

[Caller]

Thank you so much.

[Dr. Laura Berman]

You're very welcome. Don't waste life, folks. And don't give me this, oh, I just want to forgive everybody. You know. Gag me with a spoon. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course. I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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