I'm a New Mom Contemplating Divorce

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Dr. Laura Podcast

Episode: I'm a New Mom Contemplating Divorce
Host: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Caller: Marissa
Date: January 21, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this emotionally charged episode, Dr. Laura Schlessinger takes a call from Marissa, a new mom facing the painful possibility of divorce after uncovering her husband’s history of alcohol abuse, infidelity, and deception. The conversation explores the complexity of forgiveness, the impact of marital instability on children, and the importance of personal responsibility and growth within the marriage recovery process. Dr. Laura—in her signature direct style—offers clear, no-nonsense advice, challenging Marissa to consider the long-term implications and to invest in healing the marriage for her child’s sake.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marital Crisis and Emotional Turmoil

• Caller's Story: Marissa, nearly 34 and a mother of a seven-month-old, discovered her husband’s alcoholism and repeated infidelity (including with prostitutes and strippers), much of which occurred during IVF, pregnancy, and postpartum.
• She struggles with feelings of betrayal and the challenge of forgiveness, even as her husband has taken accountability, is attending rehab, and is actively engaging in couples counseling.
• Marissa feels trapped between two bad options: staying with a partner she can’t forgive or facing single motherhood and its challenges.

2. The Weight of Past Choices

• Dr. Laura probes Marissa about red flags in the relationship prior to marriage, revealing that Marissa had concerns about his drinking but dismissed them after some periods of his sobriety.
• Marissa blames herself for ignoring these signs, wondering, “Is it my fault then for marrying him? And I put myself in this situation?" (03:51)

3. Guidance on Decision-Making—Not Acting Hastily

• Dr. Laura insists Marissa should not make any big decisions immediately, citing her husband’s current effort and accountability.
  • Dr. Laura: "Well, right now I don't think you should be making any decisions because he's putting in the effort." (04:30)
• Encourages Marissa to withhold judgment until there is sustained evidence of change.

4. The Realities of Divorce, Single Parenting, and Child Safety

• Dr. Laura challenges the “fantasy” of a quick, happy ending by leaving, noting very real risks for single mothers, including predatory partners:
  • Dr. Laura: "Guys look for divorced or single mothers with kids and kiss up to her so they can have sex with the kids. It's... kind of a standard MO." (07:22)
• She stresses the importance of evaluating consequences for her child, and that staying together—if possible—may be better for her child’s well-being.

5. On Forgiveness, Guilt, and Patterns of Enabling

• Dr. Laura distinguishes between forgetting and forgiving, suggesting Marissa focus on practical change rather than emotional idealism.
  • Dr. Laura: "You're never gonna forget. That shouldn't be a criterion." (02:52)
• She emphasizes that berating a spouse attempting to change is counterproductive and urges Marissa to shift from emotional reactions to rational support.
  • Dr. Laura: "If you were changing and I was berating you every day, how would that help you change? And how would that help you maintain the change? Just be rational for a moment, not emotional. Beating him up may make you feel good, but it doesn't get you to any place that's going to help the kid." (08:13)

6. Emphasis on Joint Counseling & Personal Growth

• Strongly recommends marital counseling—with caution to pick a counselor with a history of marital stability.
  • Dr. Laura: "I think you two should go into marital counseling together with someone who doesn't have a history of divorce because counselors who have one or two divorces under their belts tend to have patients who divorce at a higher frequency because it's more of a positive option to them." (09:55)
• Counsel to “see what happens,” take “one thing at a time,” and fight for her family while supporting her husband's recovery efforts.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On regret and self-blame (Marissa):
  "Is it my fault then for marrying him? And I put myself in this situation maybe, or I guess it is. I messed my life up. I don't know."
  — Marissa (03:51)

• On not rushing decisions:
  "Well, right now I don't think you should be making any decisions because he's putting in the effort."
  — Dr. Laura (04:30)

• On the false hope of an easy solution:
  "Your Pollyanna notion that somehow if you get rid of him, you can have just this really lovely conclusion is mistaken."
  — Dr. Laura (07:45)

• On supporting change:
  "If you were changing and I was berating you every day, how would that help you change? And how would that help you maintain the change?"
  — Dr. Laura (08:13)

• On the importance of counseling:
  "I think you two should go into marital counseling together with someone who doesn't have a history of divorce because counselors who have one or two divorces under their belts tend to have patients who divorce at a higher frequency..."
  — Dr. Laura (09:55)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:28] Marissa outlines her situation and struggle
• [03:37] Dr. Laura queries about red flags and prior awareness
• [04:30] Dr. Laura urges against hasty decisions while the husband is making an effort
• [07:07] Marissa asks if she should “wait and see” for a year
• [07:22] Dr. Laura’s stark warning about risks for single mothers
• [08:09] Marissa questions how to stop berating her husband
• [09:55] Dr. Laura emphasizes counseling and taking things one step at a time
• [10:49] Marissa expresses gratitude for the advice

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Tone and Style

Dr. Laura remains forthright, practical, and unapologetically direct, offering tough love and logic to balance her caller’s emotional overwhelm. Marissa is vulnerable, regretful, and desperate for validation and a clear path forward.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers an unflinching look at marital crisis, recovery, and responsibility from both partners. Listeners hear Dr. Laura urge patience, rationality, and structured support for a spouse in recovery, all while prioritizing the child's well-being. The advice is challenging but rooted in a pragmatic optimism: fight for healing, take things one at a time, and make decisions when sustained change—not pain—is the focus.

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Transcript

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day, sponsored by Native Path Collagen, the collagen I take daily to support healthy joints, skin, bones. And go to getnativepath.com drlaura for free shipping and a special bundle deal at a fraction of the retail price. Remember, you can hear my radio program daily on SiriusXM triumph and connect with me 24 [e-mail] Marissa, welcome to the program.

[Caller Marissa]

Hey, thank you for taking my call.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You're welcome. What's happening?

[Caller Marissa]

So I'm going to be 34 at the end of the month. My baby is going to be turning seven months old on tomorrow. I found out at the beginning of December that my husband has apparently is an alcoholic. He slept with prostitutes and strippers. And I found out early on in our marriage. He said he had a drunken makeout with a girl at a bar. And then I found out he was going to strip clubs, I believe when we were engaged four times. And I guess my question is I'm just in a really bad situation. I feel like it's like pick my poison. We did ivf. So he was doing this while I was trying to get pregnant for ivf during when I was pregnant and then postpartum. And I'm worried about my baby. And we do have embryos together and I do see them as life, but I'm really struggling right now because I don't understand how I'm supposed to forgive that. He has showed me all credit card statements Everything. Couples counseling. He's doing the work. He's in rehab, but I just don't see how I can overlook it. And he has taken full accountability.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, you're never gonna forget. That shouldn't be a criterion.

[Caller Marissa]

But I don't know if I could stay and forgive him. But I'm concerned about having a father in the home for my baby. I always dream I know I'm still young enough, like maybe I could meet someone else and have a family. But I'm afraid if I do stay, that my baby, as he grows up, is not gonna see a healthy marriage. But I. I don't. I. I don't know. And then being a single mom, like, schlepping him back and forth every few weeks, like that doesn't sound like a good option either. Like it's not.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

You mentioned all this behavior going all the way back. I mean, you never noticed there were problems? There was weird activities and behaviors. You never noticed anything curious or strange, really.

[Caller Marissa]

So when we dated, I told. I was concerned about the drinking, and he was sober for a very. Like, a while. Was sober. Like, was fine. You know, I would go out and sometimes have a drink or. And I steered away from that. So I guess, is it my. My fault then for marrying him? And I put myself in this situation maybe, or I guess it is. I messed my life up. I don't know. I guess that's the truth. And then I just have to live with the consequences. But I don't know what consequence is better.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, right now I don't think you should be making any decisions because he's putting in the effort.

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[Caller Marissa]

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[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yeah, they do here. Discover is accepted at the places I love to shop.

[Caller Marissa]

Get it with the times.

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[Caller Marissa]

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What's happening?

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[Caller Marissa]

So I just wait and see for a year or so and see if he gets his act together?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

It's much better for your child if you. If it all comes together. Yeah.

[Caller Marissa]

But how do I know if he's going to stay sober? And also, how do you know you're.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

How do you know your kid's not going to turn out to be a serial killer? How do you know that some guys you try to hook up with. Because, you know, guys look for divorced or single mothers with kids and kiss up to her so they can have sex with the kids. It's. It's. It's kind of a standard mo.

[Caller Marissa]

What?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So.

[Caller Marissa]

Really?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Yes, dear. So your Pollyanna notion that somehow if you get rid of him, you can have just this really lovely conclusion is mistaken. So since he's making the effort, I recommend you make the effort with him.

[Caller Marissa]

So I need to stop berating him.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Well, that's not useful. If you were changing and I was berating you every day, how would that help you change? And how would that help you maintain the change? Ma', am, just be rational for a moment, not emotional. Beating him up may make you feel good, but it doesn't get you too. Any place that's going to help the kid.

[Caller Marissa]

Okay? And also, even though he gaslit me early on when I thought I was like, there's no way he would be cheating on me. I'm the love of his life. When there'd be like late nights and I'm up with the baby he would get, I would be like, are you seeing other people? Are you with hooker?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Okay, Marissa, Marissa, before you even got married, you noticed stuff and you just let it go.

[Caller Marissa]

We didn't live together.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

I don't care. I didn't ask you if you shacked up, but if you dated him for more than 20 minutes, there was odd behavior that you passed off on. You know that's true. So here we are, we have a kid. He's making the effort.

[Caller Marissa]

So then at what point, if he becomes better and he's sober and he's this changed man, then what do I do with my embryos? Do I try to have more kids? Or I just am horrible and I, you know what?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Can we do one thing at a time?

[Caller Marissa]

Okay?

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

So one thing at a time.

[Caller Marissa]

See what happens.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

Not sit back. I said make the changes with him. You need to change how you have been also. And I don't mean that you've been berating him. I mean all along, tolerating certain things, being just a. I think you two should go into marital counseling together with someone who doesn't have a history of divorce because counselors who have one or two divorces under their belts tend to have patients who divorce at a higher frequency because it's more of a positive option to them. So be careful in that and fight for your future and your kids future with this man who's making the effort.

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Okay?

[Caller Marissa]

I appreciate your advice. Thank you very much.

[Dr. Laura Schlessinger]

But support him in it if you want the change you need to support it. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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